


A New Family

by Angelwithwingsoffire



Series: Peace in Austin [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Buck and TK are Friends, Canon Related, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Except not too happy family rn, Firehouse 118 Family (9-1-1), Firehouse 126 Family, M/M, PTSD, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Recovery, Slow Build, canon adjacent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 124,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23608636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelwithwingsoffire/pseuds/Angelwithwingsoffire
Summary: After the lawsuit, Buck wanted to go back to work, back to his family, and put everything behind him. He knew things wouldn't be the same, but he did want them to be good. But they weren't. He wasn't welcome, he wasn't happy, and he didn't want to stay. So when an old friend gives him the chance at a new family, he takes it. Will his old family realize they fucked up?
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), TK Strand & Evan "Buck" Buckley
Series: Peace in Austin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836733
Comments: 1005
Kudos: 2651





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this is based a little on a dream and a little on the fact that I wish they'd dealt more with that post-lawsuit bullshit they pulled on Buck.  
> I decided my two favorite characters are best friends, deal with it.
> 
> Also there's no Beta here so hopefully it's not horrid!

_949…950…951…952…953…_

Buck was snapped out of his count of the tiles in the loft by the sound of the garage doors opening and the beep of the firetruck backing up. Before anyone could see him laying down, he got up and raced downstairs.

The truck parked, the team immediately hoping down.

“Get everything from breakfast cleaned up, Buckley?” Bobby asked when he saw Buck.

Buck nodded. “Yea Cap, it’s all cleaned up and put away.”

“Great.” Bobby grinned. “Just in time for me to start lunch.”

Buck held back a sigh, his hands itching already at the thought of another hour in the soap.

“Don’t forget to roll the hose correctly this time.” Bobby added. “We had a little trouble getting it out on the last fire call.”

“Yes Cap.” Buck nodded, keeping his eyes down as he went to the truck to get started. If he went quickly, he may get some of Bobby’s lunch before the others claim the leftovers.

He didn’t look up as the door to the truck opened again, regretting it as soon as Eddie jumped down and Buck ran right into him.

“Watch it Buckley.” Eddie growled.

“Sorry.” Buck said quickly. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“You never do.” Eddie snapped. “Maybe if you paid more attention to your surroundings Cap would let you out of this place again. Oh wait, no he won’t.”

Buck clenched his jaw to prevent himself from replying. It would only make things worse.

“You just can’t do anything right.” Eddie sighed, looking Buck up and down. “No wonder he saw you as an easy target.”

Buck knew he was talking about his lawyer. The guy who convinced him to ruin everything in his life in one fell swoop.

“Ugh.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “You’re useless. Just get to work.”

With that, Eddie shoved past him, slamming his weight plus his turnout into Buck’s shoulder.

Buck didn’t move, letting the pain rush through him. He knew Eddie hated him now, but it still hurt seeing that hatred in his former best friend’s eyes. He didn’t mean to destroy everything. He wished more than anything he could go back and change it.

Once Eddie was gone, Buck took a deep breath, letting it out slowly to calm himself before he got to work. The last call was a car accident, so he needed to check the tools, make sure they weren’t damaged, clean them, and put everything back in its place for the next call. Usually it would be a team effort, but ever since Buck came back, he hasn’t been allowed on calls so they see no problem making him pull his weight like this.

As he got to work, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever get the chance to go on a call again. He wanted to help people, that’s why he joined the LAFD in the first place. But here, here all he was doing was cleaning up after his team. When Buck filed the lawsuit, he never thought this is how he’d end up. He saw only two options: he was either welcomed back to the firehouse, or he was left out in the cold forever. The risk seemed valid. But he didn’t see this one coming. He’s back at the firehouse. Back at work, back doing the only thing that gives his life meaning, back with his family. But just because he’s back with the people he called family, doesn’t mean they think so anymore. And Buck is starting to realize how shitty it is to be surrounded by the people you love and completely ignored.

“Buckley!”

Buck snapped out of his self-wallowing at the sound of Bobby’s voice. He hates hearing his name like that. It’s never Buck anymore, only Buckley.

“Yes Cap?” Buck called back.

“Would you mind restocking the ambulance from the last medical call.” Bobby phrased it as a question, but Buck knew he didn’t get the option of saying no. “Wouldn’t want us to run out of something on a call and get sued.”

Buck sighed, hearing the rest of the team laugh in the loft. He hasn’t felt welcome up there since he came back. He could see them now, lounged on the couches laughing at what an idiot Buck is, thinking they’d forgive him. He didn’t know getting his job back would cost him his family. To him, they were so connected that he couldn’t have one without the other. Now, his team has proven that he was wrong.

He couldn’t keep wallowing though, so he finished rolling the house from the last call before moving to the ambulance to see what needed to be restocked. He knew if he didn’t get it done, the teasing was only going to get worse. It was bad enough when he did all the things they ‘asked’ him to do, but it got even worse when he failed something.

As he was taking inventory, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Considering the team was all there, and even if they weren’t none of them had messaged him in weeks, and Maddie was at work, it could only be one person.

Buck smiled as he opened the message, laughing when he saw the ring in the photo.

_From: Ty-Dye_

_‘Think he’ll say yes?’_

_To: Ty-Dye_

_‘I think he’d be an idiot not to’_

Buck heard foot steps outside the ambulance, so he quickly shoved his phone away and got busy so he wouldn’t get yelled at for slacking off.

“We used ten gauze packs, a set of twelve leads, and an IV set.”

Buck let out a breath quick, happy to hear Hen’s voice. “Thanks Hen.”

“You know I don’t support this, right?” Hen asked.

Buck turned to look at her, smiling gently. “Yea, and you know I don’t want you fighting for me. You don’t need this too.”

“I’ve gone through it before.” Hen reminded him. “I’d do it again for you.”

“I don’t want you to.” Buck insisted. “I want them to forgive me of my own merit, not yours.”

Hen sighed, knowing she wouldn’t change his mind. “Fine. But I still have your back.”

“I know.” Buck assured her. “Thanks for letting me know what to grab.”

“Anytime Buckaroo.”

Buck smiled at her as she left, but once she was gone the smile slid form his face. Everyone he knew was happy. Hen had Karen, Bobby had Athena, Eddie and Christopher were everything to each other, and Chimney had Maddie now. And now Ty was proposing to his boyfriend, who would be an idiot to turn him down, and Buck was still alone. Surrounded by his family and still completely alone. Buck was starting to wish he had never heard the name Chase Mackey.

***

Buck sighed, rolling out of bed yet again with an ache in his heart and his leg. He reached out a hand to grab his phone, turning his alarm off and checking his messages. For once, he actually did expect a message in the morning, but there was nothing.

He pulled open his last text conversation, staring at the last message.

_From: Ty-Dye_

_Wish me luck!_

_To: Ty-Dye_

_Don’t forget to text me how it goes!_

It had been a week and Buck still hadn’t heard back. It was worrying. Unlike everyone else right now, Ty still cared about him. He didn’t think even getting engaged would disrupt that, but it had been a week with nothing. He could only hope that they’d been so busy celebrating that Ty was too exhausted to text him back. Buck had a bad feeling about this, but there was nothing he could do from here. He needed to go to work. He had a long 48 hour shift in front of him, but then he has two days off to recuperate before having to go back to the station again.

His morning routine wasn’t nearly as extensive as it was before. He’d buzzed his hair off two weeks ago so he didn’t have to take care of it. His sister hadn’t even cared, just commenting that it looked nice in the short moment they had when she came to visit Chimney at the station. He took a fast shower, shaved off his stubble even though he knew he wouldn’t be going on a call, and forced his body to accept a bagel as breakfast before leaving for the station.

As soon as he arrived, he quickly went to the locker room and changed. He timed his arrival perfectly these days that he was the only one in there. As he was leaving, he ran into Eddie and Chimney.

“Still coming to work then.” Eddie sighed. “Maybe one day you’ll do us all a favor and just stop.”

Chimney laughed as the two of them shoved past him into the locker room.

Buck took a deep breath, heading upstairs for the shift meeting where he would no doubt be assigned cleaning duty as had become the usual.

“Buckley.” Bobby nodded, seeing him come up the stairs.

“Captain.” Buck nodded back, knowing that’s all the hello he’d get.

“You’re on cleaning duty.” Bobby told him. “And last shift ordered from that Mexican place down on 14th street, so make sure you deal with that first.”

Buck held back a sigh, knowing he’d only get shit for ‘not being grateful’ if he expressed any discontent. “No problem.”

“God those bathrooms _stink_.” Chimney announced, coming up the stairs. “You better deal with that quick Buckley, before it grows a sentience.”

“Maybe it can join the force and take Buckley’s place.” Eddie laughed at Chimney’s side.

Buck bit his cheek, turning back to Bobby. “Permission to miss line-up to start cleaning?”

“Granted.” Bobby sighed. “Not like you’ll be on any calls anyway.”

Buck knew that would be the case, but it still felt like a knife in the heart to hear his captain say it so nonchalantly. He didn’t dare say anything, lest he start crying again, so he just turned and went back downstairs to start cleaning. At least this was one thing he’d gotten good at lately.

Buck got lost in the routine he’d established in the last month. He cleaned the bathrooms first, hearing the alarm go off as he was starting, and hearing them come back as he was finishing. He got a few remarks about his speed, it not being good enough, as the team went in to rinse the soot and sweat of the call off. He’d need to wipe down the showers again when they were done. They didn’t bother trying to not make a mess with him around to clean them up.

In the meantime, Buck got to work wiping down the truck and getting it for the next call. It was a fire call, so he had to re-roll the hose, check the levels in all the turnout tanks, and clean down the inside of the truck from the soot. He was barely finished before the alarm was ringing again. Buck sighed, if this kept up, it was going to be a long shift. If he can’t ahead of the work, he’s gonna end up missing something and they’ll have a great time yelling at him for it.

“Hey Buck, you need help with that?” Hen asked, coming up beside him. They were hidden from the locker rooms by the truck but as soon as the crew went to the loft they’d see Hen by him. It wouldn’t be good for her.

“It’s okay Hen.” Buck smiled. “You’ve got to be hungry after the call. Go get some food.”

“Buck, I want to help.” Hen insisted. “I hate this all and this is literally the least I can do.”

“But if they-”

“If they ask why I’m helping you, I’ll just say I don’t trust you to do it right and they’ll laugh it off and forget all about it.” Hen sighed. “Just let me help, okay? You look exhausted.”

Buck sighed. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” Hen smiled.

Buck smiled, happy to know at least one person still considers him family. He ducked his head though and got back to work as he heard Eddie and Chimney coming out of the locker room.

“You still coming over once we get off shift?” Eddie was asking.

“Hell yea.” Chimney laughed. “There is no way I am missing your Abuela’s empanadas. And thanks again for inviting Maddie and I.”

“No problem.” Eddie was grinning, Buck could hear it in his voice. “You guys are family, that means you get to share in the empanada night ecstasy.”

Their voices faded as they went up to the loft, and Buck could feel Hen’s eyes on his back. She knew Abuela’s empanada night was the highlight of his month, two months ago when he was still invited.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“Don’t be.” Buck sighed. “I did this to myself.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. I caused all of this.”

“If you would just tell them-”

“They wouldn’t believe me.” Buck scoffed. “They wouldn’t even listen to me long enough for me to explain.”

“If you would let me talk to them for you.”

“And get more shit about not fighting my own battles? Or more shit about whining? About not sucking it up and dealing with it?” Buck asked. “No thanks. I’ll live. They’ll get bored of it eventually and then maybe I can fix it.”

“You shouldn’t have to be the one fixing it.” Hen sighed.

“Doesn’t change the facts.” Buck reminded her.

Hen sighed. “I’m sorry, you know that right?”

“I know.” Buck nodded. “It’s not your fault.”

“Not yours either.”

Buck rolled his eyes, knowing it was futile to argue anymore.

“I’m almost done over here.” Hen added. “Why don’t you get a break in before they give you more of their work to do?”

“I can’t.” Buck told her. “If I take a break this early into a long shift, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Hen made a noise, obviously upset by that, but before she could say anything, Bobby was shouting down from the loft.

“Hen! Get up here, we need to debrief that call!”

Hen sighed. “He knows we don’t need to do that immediately.”

“Just go.” Buck whispered, keeping his head down.

Hen sighed again, but headed for the stairs.

Buck took a deep breath, packing all his feelings back up into a box and sealing it shut. He couldn’t think about how he felt anymore. He just needed to get his work done.

***

The shift kept going, much the same as it began. Buck barely got a break, getting a job when the team got a call, finishing it just in time for them to get back, clean and restock the trucks, and then have it happen all over again. Finally, deep into the night, Buck was finally able to finish the last job before another alarm went off, and he got to find an empty bunk room and get some sleep. He made sure the door was locked before he threw himself onto the bed. He made that mistake once and woke up with his shoes tied together, marker on his face, and a to do list tucked in his shows.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, plugging it in before checking for any messages. There was still nothing from Ty and the bad feeling in Buck’s chest was only getting worse. Something was going on and he was terrified.

***

It was a rare shift where they got a solid six hours of sleep, but they managed it, Buck waking to the next alarm at seven. He sighed, knowing the time would mean he’d need to have breakfast made when they got back.

Sure enough, as Buck pushed his shoes on and ran out of the bunk rooms, he ran into Bobby.

“It’s an easy call.” Bobby told him. “We won’t be long. I’m sure you can make breakfast for everyone while we’re gone?”

Buck nodded. “Yes Cap. Any requests?”

“Just don’t burn it.” Bobby told him, running for the truck.

Buck sighed, watching his team leave without him. Five weeks back and it still hurt watching them leave. He went to the kitchen, know he should get a start on things so things were ready when the team got back. He didn’t want to deal with shit about being slow this early in the morning.

Bobby was right, the call was fast, and Buck was barely finished with the first round of breakfast before the trucks were coming back.

“Ah look at this!” Chimney cheered as the team came upstairs. “Finally, a job you can manage?”

Buck only gave a tight smile, serving up the food quickly.

“Not as good as Bobby, but it’ll do.” One of the other guys laughed, taking a plate. “Good job, Buckley.”

Buck nodded in return, not daring to say anything lest the team yell at him for bragging.

“Not bad.” Bobby nodded, taking his plate and moving to the table. “Don’t forget to clean the pans right away.”

“Yes Cap.”

Eddie didn’t say anything, just gave a vicious grin as he took the last plate of food.

“Better make another round before you do those dishes.” Bobby told him. “These guys are gonna be hungry.”

“Yes Cap.” Buck nodded, holding back a sigh. He’d hoped to get to eat something before having to make more food, but maybe he’ll get to eat from the next round of food.

Breakfast was a raucous affair, at least at the tables. In the kitchen, it was just Buck, by himself. He didn’t dare speak up, or even look at people too long lest he get accused of eavesdropping. Again.

Soon enough, another call came, and everyone was running off, leaving their dishes behind for Buck to clean up. It was almost a relief to watch them leave because at least when they were gone, he didn’t have to watch them be a family without him.

Buck set aside food for himself before packing up the leftovers and starting the dishes.

“Well hey there Buckaroo!”

Buck jumped at the voice, spinning around with a soapy pot in hand to find Athena at the top of the stairs.

“I heard the call, didn’t expect anyone to be her.” Athena told him, walking over. “Bobby still leaving you behind?”

“Uh yea.” Buck smiled nervously. “Someone’s gotta do the dishes ya know.”

Athena laughed. “He’s still so worried about you getting hurt, I’m shocked he hasn’t wrapped you up in bubble wrap.”

“Yea I don’t know.” Buck tried to laugh. He didn’t know how much Athena knew about what was happening at the firehouse, but he knew she didn’t know everything.

“Well I just wanted to drop this off.” She said, holding up an envelope. “Will you make sure Bobby gets this?”

“Of course. If you set it on the table, I’ll make sure he sees it.”

“Thanks Buckaroo.” Athena grinned. “I’ll see you around, okay? I’ve missed you coming to the house. You need to visit again, I have no idea how to with May’s science homework anymore and she’s been stressed about a test coming up.”

“Uh, yea, tell her to text me. She has my number.”

“Thanks Buck.” Athena smiled. “I should get going if I want to make it to the station in time for my shift.”

“See you.” Buck waved, going back to the dishes as she left. At least one person still liked seeing him in the firehouse.

***

The day seemed calmer than the last, the alarm only going off for simple calls, but that was only making people nervous. Everyone knew a calm day didn’t stay calm for long. The team was taking it out on Buck, making him do every little job they could. Hen tried to help him, but he wasn’t letting her do much. It was a relief when another call came in for a fire. The team would be leaving for a while and Buck might get a moment to just sit and breathe without them glaring at him.

Buck got to work on the last jobs he had, wanting them to be done so he could lay down before the team got back and no doubt made another mess for him to pick up. The loft was a mess, there were dishes in the sink, and he needed to wash the pans Bobby had used to make lunch. Maybe the call will last long enough that they’ll just order pizza and he’ll get away without dinner dishes.

He started with the dishes, getting the washed and set out to dry before moving on to the rest of the mess. It was going to take a while, but he was going to get it all done.

He was just picking up the last of the trash when he felt his phone start buzzing. He dropped the trash in his hands immediately, scrambling to pull it from his pocket. On seeing the caller ID, he immediately picked up.

“Ty?!” He exclaimed. “What happened to you?”

“Hey Ev.” Ty sighed. “A lots happened, and you aren’t going to be happy with me.”

“Ty, what happened?” Buck said slowly, moving to sit down.

“Well. I told you I was proposing to Alex.”

“Yea?”

“He’s been sleeping with his spin instructor.”

“That fucker.” Buck spat.

“Yea.” Ty sighed. “That’s not the part you won’t like.”

Buck was silent for a moment, thinking about what could be worse. “Ty. You didn’t?”

“I did.”

“Ty.”

“I know. I fucked up Ev. Big time.”

“What happened?”

“I didn’t show up at work and Dad came looking. He found me on the floor with the bottle in my hand.”

“God.” Buck groaned, thumping his head against the back of the couch. “Fuck, what’s gonna happen now?”

“Well it’s sort of already happened.” Ty told him. “That’s why I’m finally calling.”

“What?”

“Dad got offered a position. A really great one.”

“Okaaay?”

“You know that explosion in Austin?”

“The one that killed the whole crew? Yea, I saw it on the news.”

“They want Dad to rebuild the house like he did for the 252. He wasn’t going to take it, but then he decided it was a good chance for us to get out of the city.”

“Meaning to get you out of the city.”

“Probably.”

“What’s this got to do with me though?”

“Well, you’ve told me everything going on at your house right now and I talked to Dad about it.”

“Ty I told you-”

“I didn’t tell him any specifics don’t worry.” Ty cut him off. “Just that you weren’t the happiest there anymore. He said if you want a transfer here, he can have you in Austin immediately.”

“I can’t leave.” Buck sighed. “They might hate me, but they’re still my family.”

“Dad told the Austin chief the same thing the first time he asked.” Ty told him. “So, you get the same deal, think about it. If you change your mind, the job’s yours.”

“I’m not going to change my mind.” Buck warned him. “I’ve gotten through this much, I’ll live through more.”

“Ev. Please? At least think about it? Dad’s redoing the whole house, he has the go ahead to have anyone he wants, and you know you’d be happy here.”

“I was happy here too.” Buck sighed.

“I know.” Ty whispered. “Just, think about it?”

“Fine.” Buck gave in. “I’ll think about it. When’s the house going up?”

“As soon as construction gets done. But like I said, Dad has the go ahead to get you down here as soon as you say yes.”

“I’ll consider it. But no guarantees.”

“I know.” Ty laughed. “You’re more stubborn than me.”

“I’m on shift, so I gotta go, but you better expect a call tomorrow for me to yell at you for not fucking texting me to at least let me know you were alive.”

“I know that was shitty of me and I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I just-I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I wouldn’t have made you. But I sure will now.”

Ty laughed. “Call me tomorrow and you can ask me anything. Okay?”

“Absolutely.”

Buck hung up, letting out a deep breath in relief. Ty was alive. He was obviously struggling and in a rough place, but he was alive. And even better, he hadn’t intended to ghost Buck, just didn’t want to talk about his pains. Buck could understand that.

It was easier to get back to his feet and get the cleaning done knowing that his last support system was okay. The bad feeling in his chest was finally starting to unravel and he could breathe a little easier.

He finished cleaning almost an hour later, yawning as he put the mop away. Maybe he’d lay down for a bit before the team comes back.

He threw himself down on the couch, sighing as it conformed to him. He loved the new couches the LAFD had bought for them, even if he didn’t get many chances to lay on them anymore.

He didn’t intend to fall asleep, just wanting to take some time to relax while he could, but the next thing he knew his eyes were snapping open to the sound of the trucks backing into the house.

He jumped to his feet, not wanting to get caught laying down. He watched them from the railing as they all got out, yawning and stretching as they stripped out of their dirty turnout gear.

“Buckley!” Bobby shouted. “Come help get this back in order!”

Buck sighed, knowing by ‘help’ Bobby meant ‘do it for us’ but he didn’t have another choice. He went downstairs quickly, hiding his sleepiness as he got to work. Looking back on it later, he’d probably blame his sleepiness for what happened.

Buck was grabbing the hose down from the truck, needing to stretch it out so he could re-roll it, and didn’t look behind him before backing up and swinging the heavy hose out. And instead of it falling to the floor, it smacked right into Eddie, almost knocking him over.

“What the fuck?” Eddie snarled, stumbling aside and grabbing his side. “You trying to take me out too?”

“I’m sorry!” Buck exclaimed.

“You’re sorry?” Eddie growled. “Your bullshit has already put us down one member and now you’re throwing shit around trying to take me out of work too? Not all of us can just throw together a lawsuit to keep our bills paid!”

“I-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Eddie spat. “Stay the fuck away from me.”

“Eddie.” Hen jumped in. “He said he was sorry.”

“I don’t give a shit what he has to say.” Eddie snapped at her.

“He didn’t mean to hit you.” Hen pushed. “Let it go.”

“Like he just expected us to let everything else go? Fuck no. He isn’t family anymore, he doesn’t get forgiveness.”

Buck felt that sentence hit him like a knife to the chest, stabbing the breath from his body.

Eddie just growled again and stalked away.

“Buck-” Hen started.

“Don’t.” Buck gasped. “Just go.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, moving past him.

Buck took a deep, steadying breath. He’d thought everything Eddie had said, but hearing it out load made it a thousand times worse.

Buck moved slowly, getting everything put back but not rushing any of it. He didn’t want to finish now. While he was working, he had something to focus on. Without it, he wouldn’t be able to stop the pain.

By the time he was done, the rest of the team had showered and headed to the bunk rooms, ready to get some sleep. Buck didn’t head for the bunks though. There were six more hours on shift and then he could leave. If he tried to sleep now, he was only going to get swallowed by the pain. Instead, he headed back up to the loft. He knows they won’t thank him for it, but if he spends the last hours of shift cleaning, maybe they won’t hate him as much in the morning.

***

He was wrong. Morning rolled around and Eddie seemed to be even more pissed than he was the night before. He wouldn’t stop glaring, swearing in Spanish under his breath not caring that Buck knew every word he said, and running into Buck with as much force as he could every time they passed each other. Buck didn’t have to look to know a bruise was forming on his shoulder.

By the time the end of shift rolled around, Buck was sore, tired, and ready to go to bed.

“Here.” Hen whispered, coming up as soon as the others vanished into the locker room. She handed him a tube of cream. “Karen swears by this stuff for soreness.”

“Thanks Hen.” Buck smiled. “You’re a good friend.”

“You don’t deserve this.”

“I don’t think they care.” Buck scoffed. “Not anymore at least.”

“It’ll be okay.” Hen assured him. “Someday.”

“I hope so.” He sighed. “You should go change before they come back out.”

“I’ll text you this weekend. Denny misses you.”

Buck smiled. “I miss him too.”

Hen grinned, heading for her locker room.

Buck watched, silently, as everyone else from the shift came out of the locker rooms. They were all laughing, grinning, and slapping each other on the back as they headed for their cars, happy with the shift they had. The next shift was here, laughing and grinning as they settled in for their time here. And Buck was sitting in the middle of it all. Alone and sore.

Buck sighed, finally getting to his feet and heading for the locker room once he was sure the rest were gone. He didn’t want to deal with them.

Buck changed out quickly, wanting to leave as quickly as he could. When he was ready, he grabbed his keys and hurried out, wanting to get gone.

“Buckley!”

Buck hid a cringe at the sound of Bobby’s voice.

“Yea Cap?” Buck asked, turning to face Bobby’s office.

“Don’t forget to send your PT reports in next week so we can prove to the Chief that you’re healthy?”

“I won’t Cap.” Buck assured.

“Good.”

Buck waited a moment before taking that as his dismissal, hurrying for his car.

As he drove home, he kept glancing at his phone in the cupholder. With the ache in his shoulder, and pain in his heart, he couldn’t help but consider other options. This didn’t have to be his life.

On impulse, he reached out and grabbed his phone, dialing the recent number.

“Evan?” Ty’s voice came through the car speakers. “You okay?”

“Hey Ty.” Buck sighed, holding back tears. “How soon can you get me a plane ticket?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck leaves LA, and the family he had, with hopes for what's to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write in very strong bursts so to those of you asking for an update schedule uuuuuuh there isn't one? I'll update at least once a week but probably in no determinable pattern. But if you're wondering, comments do make the writing go faster ;)

Twelve hours later, Buck still hadn’t gotten a nap, but he was feeling better. There were three suitcases by the door, packed with his most important belongings. Everything else he owned was packed into boxes, stacked in the main area of the loft for the movers to pick up in the morning. He’d talked to his landlord, paid the last month of his rent and broken the lease. He was lucky she loved him, having heard about what he did during the tsunami, actions that saved her niece on the pier.

At first, he’d been scared to put in the transfer information, not wanting to talk to Bobby, but Ty had fixed that for him. His dad bypassed Bobby completely, going right to the Chief to get Buck’s paperwork done. He was taken off the roster at the 118 and he was slated to start at Austin FD’s 126 in two days, once he was able to move in. For once, everything was falling into place for him. He had a plane taking off tomorrow, and a family waiting with open arms for him at the other end.

For tonight, he was just going to finally get some solid sleep. He was exhausted when he left the firehouse and hadn’t had a break since he’d decided to start packing. He’d ended up crying over the phone with Ty as he finally cracked under the pressure. He’d gone to his dad and Buck had ended up on speaker with Ty and Owen as they’d figured out all the logistics of getting him to Austin as soon as possible. Owen finally learned everything that was happening in LA and if he’d been in the state, Buck had no doubt Bobby would have an angry visitor tonight. He’d called the Austin Deputy Chief, letting him know that he was bringing Buck onto the 126 team immediately. Buck wasn’t even in Austin yet and they already felt like a family.

Buck had just one more thing he needed to do before he could go to bed. He didn’t want to just up and leave without saying goodbye to the few people that did care. But he also knew if he talked to them now, they’d try to convince him to stay. So instead, he was going to write them all a letter. He’d drop them in the mailbox on his way out tomorrow morning and by the time they noticed he was gone or got the letters, he’d already be in Austin.

First, he wanted to write a letter for Hen, making sure she knew it wasn’t her fault that he was leaving. She’d done her best to make life easier for him, but he hated pity and he didn’t want her burning bridges for him.

Second, he wanted to write one to Athena. He knew she was going to blame herself for not noticing what was happening, but it wasn’t her fault. He hid it from her, always smiling when she saw him so she wouldn’t worry. She had enough to worry about without adding his problems to the mix too. He was going to write one for May and Harry as well, telling them that they were still his family and that they were always welcome to email him. He told them he was changing his number, but he didn’t give them the new one. He didn’t trust Bobby not to take it from them to try and convince him it was all a misunderstanding.

He wrote a letter to his sister then too, fully explaining everything. He cried again, describing how what happened felt so much like their lives in Pennsylvania. He just couldn’t stay here, not when the people he considered family didn’t give him the same consideration. He knew she would be upset, would probably try calling him to scream at him for it all, but she would forgive him eventually. She would blame herself, he knew that, but he tried to reassure her that he didn’t blame her because he didn’t want her to know. She didn’t know much about what was happening because he hadn’t told her. She was so happy with Chimney, happier than she’d ever been with Doug, and he didn’t want to ruin that for her. He knew she would listen, she would take his side and probably try to kill the team, but in doing so she would lose them as family too. She’d lost family once, he wasn’t going to take another from her. He signed his letter off with all the love he could give her. She would be okay. It would be hard for a bit, but she would be okay in the end. He knew that she, more than anyone, would understanding having to leave everyone behind.

When he was done with his sister’s letter, he wanted to do nothing more than collapse into bed, but there was one more letter he needed to write. He would never forgive himself if he didn’t say goodbye to Christopher. The boy had become of the most important people in his life faster than he ever would have expected. He’d just lost his mom, nearly lost Buck, and Buck didn’t want to hurt him more by leaving. Eddie had made it clear that Christopher missed him during the lawsuit, using it as one more barb when he wanted to hurt Buck, and this was only going to make Eddie mad at him again. But Buck hoped that with this letter, Christopher may be able to forgive him. He didn’t tell Christopher what was happening, he wasn’t going to turn the boy against his father. Instead, he just explained that he was given an opportunity somewhere else, and him leaving did not meant that he didn’t love Christopher.

He then wrote a note to Abuela, explaining what the letter to Christopher was for. He told her he’d miss her, and Christopher, and told her that if she needed anything, she should call him. He also told her that he was changing his number, gave her the new one, and asked her not to give it to anyone but Christopher and May. She told him once that she considered him another grandson. He just hoped that still held after he left. Both letters went into the same envelope, addressed to Abuela’s house so there was a better chance of Christopher actually getting to read his letter.

By the time he was done, he was even more emotionally exhausted than he was before, deciding to just go to bed. He had a long day of travel ahead of him and he was excited to get started.

***

The next morning, Buck woke to the sound of his alarm, yawning for a long moment. He reached for the lamp that normally sat at his bedside, confused for a moment when he couldn’t find it before he remembered everything that happened the day before. His lamp wasn’t there because it was in a box labeled “Bedroom” downstairs, ready for the movers to pick up and drive to Texas. All his moving fees were being paid for by the AFD, so he didn’t feel bad about the long distance.

He rolled out of bed, getting dressed in the last set of clothes he hadn’t packed, comfortable and soft for a day of airports. Once the movers arrived and his things were removed, he’d be heading to the airport. His car was being shipped as part of the rest of his belongings so he wouldn’t have to worry about it. Just getting himself and his suitcases out of here.

Before he could believe it, the movers were knocking at the door, coming in with smiles on their faces, ready to work.

“So, moving to Austin huh?” One of the guys asked as he picked up a box.

“Yep.” Buck smiled. “Got offered a new job and decided it was time for a fresh start.”

“Ah yea, makes sense.” The guy nodded. “Everything going on in this city right now, I’ve definitely thought about moving my family out too.”

“It’s harder with a family though.” One of the other guys cut in. “Your kids don’t want to leave their friends, everything they know.”

“I know.” The first sighed. “And Sean would kill me if I even suggested leaving the place he calls home.”

“I think if it’s home, stay forever.” Buck told him with a small smile. “Once it stops being home, then its time to go.”

“Wise words.” He nodded. “Wise beyond your years mate.”

Buck smiled. “You’re welcome.”

The men laughed, getting back to work with a happy mood. Buck enjoyed watching them work, seeing them be happy with their job and who they were working with. It was refreshing to be treated like a normal person, even by people he had never met.

It didn’t take long for them to have everything loaded up into their truck.

“Alright, is that everything?”

“I think so.” Buck smiled, looking around his empty apartment. “Thank you for your work.”

“No problem! You even had everything packed up when we got, you’re the best customer we’ve had in a while.”

“Do people normally not pack?”

“They pack most things but they don’t think about things like lamps, taking apart bookshelves, things that make our jobs easier, you know?”

“Oh I understand that.” Buck laughed. “I’m a firefighter. People think about meeting us outside a house to lead us in but not about moving the shoes in the doorway so we can actually get the stretcher in.”

The men laughed. “Well, we’ll make sure all this gets to Austin in one piece, don’t you worry about it.”

“Three days, right?”

“Yup. Three days and it’ll be at the address you’ve given us.”

“Thank you.” Buck smiled, shaking their hands.

“Enjoy your travels!”

Buck watched them drive off with his life in their truck, sighing before turning back to his front door. He didn’t have long before he needed to be at the airport. LAX security always sucks and he’s sure its going to be as bad as ever. He pulled out his phone, ordered an Uber, and sat on the floor of what was his living room. This wasn’t his home anymore. Everything that made it home was on it’s way to Texas, and he was going to be following it soon enough.

***

An hour later, Buck was frustrated, but through LAX security. Now he just had to wait for his departure time. He sat alone in the terminal, watching people go by as he listened to music. There were families, happy ones and obviously exhausted ones. There were business men dressed nicely and young people obviously dressed for comfort over appearance. LAX was a melting pot, all different kinds of people just trying to get to where they want to go. Some people are heading towards home, anxious to be back with the people they love, some people are running from a home that doesn’t feel right any more, wanting to leave it all behind, and some people are just trying to see the world. It’s almost relaxing to know that no matter what happens, he still won’t be the weirdest person here.

He jumped a little when his phone started buzzing, but he smiled when he looked at the screen before answering.

“Hey Ty.”

“Hey Ev, Dad and I wanted to check in. You made it to the airport fine?”

“Yup.” Buck smiled. “My bags are checked and I’m just waiting for my flight.”

“And the movers came and got everything this morning?”

“Everything that matters. They said three days and it’ll be there.”

“And you are still okay with moving in with Dad and I, right?”

“Ty, you two are basically the only family I have right now. I’m honored your dad opened his doors for me.”

“I mean he didn’t really have any other choice, after the shit those assholes pulled on you.”

“You know I don’t want you shit talking them.”

“I know.” Ty sighed. “I just hate that they did this to you.”

“It’s not their fault.”

“I swear to god, if you try to blame yourself for what happened one more goddamn time I will make you walk home from the airport.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me, Buckley.”

“Well if that’s how it’s going to be, Strand, I’ll just call your dad. You know he gave me his number and told me to call him if I needed anything.”

“Now that’s just playing dirty.”

“Never said I played clean.”

Buck smiled at the laughter echoing through the phone. It was good to hear after finding out how bad things were just a week ago.

“Text me when your flight boards, okay?” Ty asked. “And I’ll be there when you land.”

“You got it.” Buck promised. “And Ty?”

“Yea?”

“Thank you. For everything.”

“That’s what family is for.”

Buck smiled as he hung up the phone. It felt good to be called family by someone again, even if it’s not the people he had hoped it would be.

He turned his music back on, hoping that it would distract him from any last-minute sadness about leaving LA. He was leaving behind everyone that had mattered for the last few years, everyone that he had considered his friends, his family, his future. He wished that he didn’t have to, but it hurt too much to be around them anymore and this was a great opportunity for a fresh start somewhere without any black marks on his record.

It was getting closer and closer to his departure time and Buck was starting to think he may get out of LA without crying again. However, Buck has always had a mean streak towards himself and didn’t stop himself when he got the impulse to start looking through his old photos. He started at the beginning, when he first joined the 118. There were photos from his first day, dressed in his uniform for the first time and grinning into the mirror, proud to have made it as a firefighter. He kept scrolling, watching as the team started appearing more and more as they became a family. They went out to bars, hung out at each other’s houses, and took care of each other. Soon enough, he’d reached the point in his life when Eddie appeared and his chest only tightened.

He’d hated Eddie at first, not because he was a bad guy, but because everyone had seemed to like him right away and Buck still felt like he had to work for it. Eddie fit right in, having opinions on calls, helping with dishes, and becoming a brother in the house. And yet, Buck still couldn’t hate him for it. He was jealous and angry at himself for being so. It was only after the night with the grenade that Buck had started to lighten up. Let himself accept Eddie into their lives.

Soon enough, photos with Eddie became photos with Eddie and Christopher, the boy grinning at him from the screen of the phone. Christopher was one of the best things to ever happen in Buck’s life, and it hurt like hell to know he was leaving that behind.

Before he could get too deep in his wallowing, the gate opened and they started boarding for his flight, so he scrambled to join the lines. He got through easily, finding his seat and settling in before pulling his phone out again. It didn’t take much scrolling at all to get to the bottom, where there were barely any recent photos so all Buck could do was stare at the photos from that day on the pier.

Christopher’s face was smiling out at him, grinning and happy to be with Buck. That was the last day anyone seemed happy to spend time with him. There were dozens of photos, all happy and bright, but it only made Buck feel worse. He was never going to get to see Christopher smile like that again. He’d ruined that when he listened to Mackey. It was no wonder Eddie hated him, when he took his son right into the path of a tsunami.

“Are you okay dearie?”

Buck jumped at the sound of another voice, looking up to see an older woman smiling at him. “Uh, wha-what?”

“You’re crying dear.” She said softly as she took the other seat in Buck’s row. “Are you okay?”

“Ah, shit.” Buck swore, quickly wiping the tears away before realizing he just swore in front of someone’s grandmother. “Ah, I mean, sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t you even worry.” The lady laughed. “My sons have said much worse around me.”

Buck smiled, glancing back down at his phone.

“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong?” She asked gently. “I understand if you don’t want to talk.”

“Ah no, it’s fine.” Buck sighed. “I’m just looking at some photos of my friend’s son. I’m moving to Austin and I’m going to miss him.”

“Your friend or his son?”

“Both.” Buck admitted. “I’m going to miss them both.”

“Well I’m sure you can stay in touch. My sons and I have started using the computer to talk over video.”

Buck chuckled. “Yea, I don’t think that will happen for us.”

“Well why not?”

“I took his son to the pier, the day the tsunami hit.” Buck admitted, ducking his head. “He doesn’t really seem to want me around anymore.”

“The tsunami?” She asked. “You mean he blames you for a natural disaster you had no way of predicting or stopping?”

“I let his son go when the wave hit. I lost him.”

“And judging by the way you talk, you didn’t stop looking for him till you find him too.” She admonished. “Now stop with all that crazy talk and have a cookie. My daughter swears by this recipe for all sorts of heartache.”

Buck smiled, taking a cookie from her offered Tupperware. “Thank you.”

“Don’t you go thanking me.” She scolded him. “You just call me Nana Sue and we’ll get along just fine on this flight.”

Buck smiled, having a feeling that she was right.

***

By the time they landed in Austin, Buck and Nana Sue had become good friends. She’d even given Buck her number, told him she lived in Austin, and he should call her any time he felt like he needed a grandmother’s love. In her words, she had plenty of love and food to adopt as many grandchildren as she wanted. Apparently one of her grandsons was on the Austin police force, so she was well aware how much being a first responder took. She made him promise to call if there was ever a bad day.

Buck got off the plane smiling instead of crying, like he thought he would be, enjoying the happiness Austin was already providing for him. He got through exit security quickly, heading for the baggage claim.

When he got there, he found his plane’s carousel and looked around, trying to find a familiar face.

“Evan!”

Buck swung around at the sound of his name, grinning to see Ty in front of him. He jogged towards him, quickly pulling his friend into a tight hug.

“I’ve missed you.” Buck admitted softly.

“New York wasn’t the same without you.” Ty agreed.

“Think Austin is ready for us?” Buck asked.

“Not at all.” Ty laughed. “Come on, let’s get your bags and get out of here.”

They managed to get Buck’s things without much difficulty, the Austin airport being much calmer than LAX, and they were headed out to the car.

“I gotta call Dad and let him know I got you.” Ty said, helping Buck get the luggage in the car. “He’s at the firehouse, supervising some of the construction, but he wanted to know you got here safely.”

“He worries a lot, doesn’t he?”

“Yea. Especially with what just happened and all.”

“Do you want to talk about that?”

“Do you want to talk about everything in LA?”

“Not really.”

“Hm. Shocking.” Ty said with a smirk, getting into the car.

Buck laughed, getting in as well. “You’re a menace.”

“Usually.” Ty just laughed, starting the car before using the Bluetooth to call his dad.

“Hey there kiddo.” Owen’s voice came through the speaker. “You get Buck picked up?”

“Right here.” Buck called.

“Happy and annoying as usually!” Ty cut in.

“TK,” Owen scolded. “Give him some time to settle before you start insulting him. He’s had a rough week.”

“Haven’t we all.” Buck laughed.

“Alright well I’m glad to hear you made it down here safely, Buck. Don’t let TK tease you, there’s food in the fridge if you need a snack, and of course drinks as well, and I’ll be home soon with some pizza to welcome you down.”

“Thanks Mr. Strand.” Buck smiled, grateful at the welcome.

“We’ll see you later Dad.”

“Be safe boys.”

Ty smiled as he hung up. “Ready to go?”

“Yup.” Buck smiled. “So going by TK again?”

Ty sighed. “Alex called me Ty.”

“Ah.” Buck nodded. “Well alright then, _TK_ , take me home?”

“You make that sound so sultry and yet, I still wouldn’t fuck you.”

Buck made an affronted sound, getting TK to laugh.

“Take me home you asshole.” Buck ordered.

“Aye-aye.” TK mocked a salute before throwing the car into reverse. “Onwards!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My draft of this is already over 10k and we haven't even gotten to the recovery stage yet soooooo settle in?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck meets the rest of his future family and his past one starts to realize what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written a bit more like the first episode of Lonestar, seeing what I think of it. Thoughts?
> 
> Also, answering the common question about Nana Sue: I will neither confirm nor deny any speculations about her....but know that she is definitely not a throwaway character;)

“Morning Buck.” Owen smiled as Buck stumbled into the kitchen the next morning. “Sleep well?”

“Mr. Strand.” Buck sighed. “I’m not sure I have ever slept better than on that mattress. And that includes when I was on a morphine drip.”

Owen laughed. “If there’s one thing I won’t stand for in a bed, it’s bad lumbar support.”

“I hope the beds at the station are going to be that comfortable, otherwise I might just have to move this bed there.”

“Oh no.” TK came in. “Dad’s decking the whole station out with the best. He doesn’t believe in being uncomfortable at work.”

“In my experience, people work better when they feel appreciated.” Owen told them. “And I was hired to remake the 126 into the best house I can.”

“You don’t need to worry about being uncomfortable here.” TK grinned at Buck. “Dad doesn’t believe in it.”

“If there is ever anything wrong, I want you to tell me.” Owen told him. “And I mean anything. It doesn’t matter if it’s at work, here at the house, or anywhere else. I am here for you any time you need me.”

Buck smiled, ducking his head with a blush. “Thanks Mr. Strand.”

“Son, call me Owen, Dad, Pops, Cap, or anything else but please don’t call me Mr. Strand.” Owen begged. “You’re family now, you’re allowed to act like it.”

Buck laughed, happy to be welcomed so openly.

***

“Morning.” Chimney yawned, coming up to the loft. “What’s the day looking like?”

“It seems about average” Bobby told him, looking up from his newspaper. “And there’s nothing going on in the area that we need to keep an eye on so hopefully we can get some grocery shopping in for a nice dinner.”

“Has anyone seen Buck?” Eddie asked, coming upstairs. “His locker’s empty.”

“Empty?” Bobby asked, looking confused.

“Yea his gear’s gone.” Eddie told him. “Did something happen with his leg?”

“I haven’t heard anything.” Bobby told them, looking worried.

“I’m looking for Captain Nash?”

The team turned to find a young guy standing at the top of the stairs.

“That’d be me.” Bobby stepped forward.

“Ah, great. Good to meet you Captain, I’m Andrew Walsh, your temporary replacement until you can fill the empty slot on your team.”

“Empty slot?” Hen asked, coming up to join the rest of the team. “Bobby, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” Bobby admitted. “Who sent you?”

“I got a call from the Chief two days ago.” Walsh told him. “He told me to report here, at this time, for my first shift.”

“I need to go make a call.” Bobby turned away, heading quickly to his office.

***

“This place looks amazing.” Buck was in awe, looking around the 126.

“It’s been going really well.” Owen agreed. “We’re really getting this space opened up, making it feel like the home we’re all going to treat it as.”

“It’s going to be so open once those walls are completely gone.” Buck sighed. “We always talked about opening up the gym at the 118.”

“Gyms should never be closed off.” Owen told him. “Keeping all that sweat and smell in one room is just awful for the skin.”

Buck laughed. “You know, I think this is the healthiest my skin has ever been and I’ve only been here one day.”

“Stick with me kid, you got a lot to learn.”

“It’s going to be awesome.” TK interrupted with a grin. “But that’s not why we’re here today.”

“Ah yes.” Owen agreed. “Ready to meet some potential teammates?”

“Oh, hell yea.” Buck grinned. “Let’s do this.”

***

“Apparently, Walsh is taking Buck’s spot on the team.” Bobby announced, coming back into the loft.

“Buck’s gone?” Hen asked, shooting to her feet. “Why? What happened?”

“I-I’m not sure.” Bobby said slowly. “The Chief wouldn’t say much, just that we were going to be getting a permanent replacement soon and until then Walsh is on loan from one of the other houses.”

“Where is he?” Eddie asked, looking worried. “Where’s Buck? Another house?”

“I don’t know.” Bobby shook his head. “The Chief wouldn’t tell me, just that he wasn’t working here anymore.”

“This is bullshit.” Hen spat before stalking off.

“I’m gonna call him.” Chimney decided, pulling out his phone. He quickly pulled up Buck’s contact information, putting it on speaker as he started the call.

_“The number you are trying to reach is out of service. Please dial a different number.”_

They all stared down at his phone.

“He-he left us.” Eddie gasped, staring down at the phone. “He-he’s gone.”

“Breathe Eddie.” Chimney ordered, moving to Eddie’s side quickly. “Panicking now isn’t going to do any good.”

“Wh-what happened?” Eddie demanded. “What happened to him?!”

“I don’t know.” Bobby said again. “But we need to find out.”

***

“Are you sure about her?” TK asked, looking over the paper in his hand. “She seems kinda crazy.”

“You say that likes it a bad thing.” Owen laughs.

“I mean she is gonna be competition for best looking in the station.” Buck sighed.

“You say that like you had a chance at the title.” TK teased.

“You boys do know you didn’t walk out of earshot, right?”

They turned, looking at the woman still at their table.

“Of course, we know.” Buck said immediately, all three of them laughing. “Ms. FireFox.”

The woman laughed. “Nine million likes.”

They rejoined her at the table, settling in again.

“I’m more concerned about the eleven reprimands you’ve racked up.” Owen admitted.

“I was taught growing up that if you’re going to do something, be the best.” She shrugged.

“Insubordination, reckless behavior…” Owen listed, looking them over.

“I’m allergic to poor leadership.” Marjan laughed.

“…Insubordination, insubordination…”

“All from men who didn’t like that I was better than them.” She sighed. “Most of my crew chiefs haven’t liked it much when I’m better than them.”

“Hm.” Owen hummed. “So, what would you think about moving down here to Austin?”

“I’m gonna be honest, I only came down here to check out south by southwest.” Marjan admitted. “Things have really changed for me in Miami since that video went viral. For the first time, I genuinely feel respected.”

Buck cut in, leaning into the conversation. “Marjan, can you look me in the eye and tell me that your department isn’t using you as a prop?”

Marjan looked at him for a long moment, glancing between Buck and Owen. “How do I know you’re not just looking for a prop of your own to show everyone how woke you are?”

“You got hashtag FireFox, right?” Buck asked.

“Yea.” Marjan nodded.

“You heard of the hashtag LAFDDisasterBoy?”

“Yea that guy who got crushed by the truck and worked back to the job just to get taken out again in that tsunami.” Marjan nodded. “He’s the only one that rivals me in hits.”

“Well it’s good to meet my competition.” Buck grinned.

Marjan looked confused for a moment before her eyes widened. “You?”

“You aren’t a prop here.” Owen told her. “I’m not offering you a job because you’re a Muslim or because you’re a woman. I’m offering it to you because you’re a kickass firefighter.”

***

“Maddie!” Chimney exclaimed, jumping to his feet as she ran into the firehouse.

“Chimney?” She shouted, looking concerned. “Why the hell did you call me, tell me there was an emergency, and then hang up?”

“I needed you to get here as soon as possible.” He told her, hurrying to meet her at the stairs. “Something’s happened to Buck.”

“Buck?” Maddie asked, looking concerned. “What happened?”

“We aren’t entirely sure.” Chimney admitted. “But Buck didn’t show up to work this morning and we can’t get ahold of him. His number isn’t working and we’re starting to get scared.”

“Was he supposed to work today?” Maddie asked.

“Yea, a 24 hour shift.”

“Hm.” She hummed, scrambling for her bag.

“Maddie?”

“I got a text from Buck yesterday, but I didn’t think anything of it at the time.”

She quickly found her phone, unlocking it, and pulling up her message chain with her brother.

_From: Buck_

_Hey Mads, don’t worry about me, okay? I love you_

“That doesn’t sound like he meant to see you anytime soon.” Chimney said slowly.

“No. No, it doesn’t.” Maddie agreed, looking up at him with tears in her eyes.

***

“Are you sure you have the right Mateo Chavez?” The boy asked, squirming in his seat.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Buck asked, leaning forward.

“I-I haven’t graduated the academy.”

“And yet you’ve set multiple AFD records.” Owen pointed out.

“Field stuff is easy.” Mateo shrugged.

Buck snorted. “That’s where skill matters.”

“I still have to pass the written exam.” Mateo ducked his head, embarrassed. “But I uh, I flunked it.”

“Four times.” Owen reminded him. “Why did you keep going back?”

“Because this is what I was born to do.” Mateo declared, sitting up straighter. “This is what I’m meant to do.”

“When you were here with your boss last week, you were cleaning his car.”

“Yes sir.” Mateo nodded.

“You wiped down the inside of the door handles.” Owen leaned forward, interested in the answer. “Why? Nobody would know if it was clean or not.”

“I would.” Mateo told him. “I don’t believe in doing something halfway.”

“So what do you think your problem is at the Academy?” Owen asked.

“My teachers all said I’m a little slow.”

The three other men looked at each other for a long moment before turning back to Mateo.

“I don’t know what your teachers told you,” Buck spoke up. “But you’re not stupid.”

“I’m not?” Mateo asked, looking nervous.

“No.” Buck told him. “Definitely not.”

“You’re thorough.” TK told him. “And relentless.”

“And exactly the kind of man we want on the 126.” Owen finished.

***

“Tell them what you told me.” Chimney asked, waving Maddie forward.

“Buck texted me yesterday.” She said, looking around at her brother’s teammates. “I didn’t think anything of it because he’s always telling me not to worry about him. But now, now that he’s gone, I think he meant it as goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” Bobby asked, his voice cracking.

“It sounds like it, doesn’t it?” Maddie asked.

“You people did this.” Hen growled, speaking for the first time in a while. “You ran him out of this family.”

“We didn’t-” Chimney tried to defend.

“Yes you did!” Hen screamed, standing up. “You treated him like trash! Ever since the lawsuit you have all had your heads up your own asses sniffing the shit you’ve been shoveling and I am sick of it! He hated it here! We were his family, the only friends he had, and you were punishing him for something that wasn’t his fault!” She swung around on Bobby. “It was yours!”

“I was only doing what I thought was right.” Bobby told her, getting defensive in the face of her anger.

“Oh bullshit.” Hen told him. “You were doing what you wanted. You’re the Captain, Bobby. You’re supposed to be the role model and instead of leading us well, you led this team into insulting the most loyal member we had.”

“It’s my fault.” Eddie spoke up, his voice as broken as he looked. “I did this.”

“You didn’t do it alone, but you definitely had a hand in it.” Hen agreed, her voice cold. “You were his best friend, Eddie.”

“I-I know.” Eddie sighed, looking down at his hands. “Something’s not right with me, I’ve just been _so angry,_ and I-I took it out on him.”

Hen didn’t say anything, knowing she couldn’t make him feel worse than he already was. She did have one more thing to say to Bobby though. She looked him eye, feeling nothing but anger at her captain. “Bobby?”

“Yea?” He asked, looking up at her.

“You’re lucky I haven’t told Athena yet. You better tell her before I do, or it’s only going to be worse for you.”

Hen smiled, a little vindictively, as Bobby’s face went pale.

***

“So,” Owen asked, watching the video on the phone in front of him. “How’d you know he was the arsonist? And that he had a gun?”

“Got lucky.” Paul shrugged.

“Lucky my ass.” TK scoffed.

“You have a stack of lifesaving commendations.” Owen reminded him. “That tells me you have a gift for threat assessment. Would you say that has anything to do with being trans?”

Paul took a deep breath, nodding. “Growing up the way I did, there was a lot of folks who wanted to hurt me. So, I guess I learned how to figure out who they were before they figured out who I was.”

“Well your observation skills would certainly be an asset. How would you feel about relocating to Austin?” Owen asked.

Paul sighed. “Thanks Cap, but I transitioned on the job in Chicago and that was hard enough. I don’t want to even imagine what things will be like down here.” He started to get to his feet, but didn’t get far before Buck spoke up.

“You know, somewhere in this town right now there is a kid who is just like you were.” Buck spoke softly, instantly having Paul’s attention. “Scared. Hopeless. Feeling alone. You have the chance to show them that it’s okay to be who you are.”

“What would you know about what it’s like growing up like I did?” Paul asked.

Buck smiled sadly. “You aren’t the only one who had a shitty life before finding yourself as a firefighter.”

Paul looked thoughtful for a moment before turning back to the table and sitting down. “I’m listening.”

***

“How am I going to tell Christopher?” Eddie asked softly, looking over at Bosko, who was sitting at his dining room table. “How am I going to explain to my son that the man he looks up to more than anyone else is gone? And not gone like his mother, taken away from him in an accident. Gone because I hurt him. Because I drove him away. Fuck, the last thing I said to him was telling him he wasn’t family.”

“You need to get help.” Bosko told him, taking another swig of her beer. “I took you to that fight club to get the anger out, not to let it grow.”

“I know.” Eddie sighed, dropping his forehead onto the table. “I just- Once I started I couldn’t stop. The feeling of my fists slamming into their bodies.”

“It was supposed to be an outlet, so you didn’t become that kind of monster in your normal life.” Lena pushed.

“I know!” Eddie growled. “You don’t have to keep reminding me that I fucked up.”

“Really?” She asked. “Cuz I’m pretty sure that’s why you called me to come to your house on my night off. So that I could drink your beer and tell you that you’re an idiot.”

Eddie groaned, thumping his head on the table. “I know.”

“You need to get help Eddie. I know you don’t want to talk, but it might be time to start.”

“I’ll call the VA tomorrow.” Eddie promised. “I never did after coming home, maybe it’s time to start dealing with my messes instead of making them worse.”

Lena nodded. “Don’t let your son become one more victim, Diaz.”

“I won’t.” Eddie vowed. “And I’m going to become the man Buck thought I was.”

“Good. And Eddie, I know you’re mad at yourself, but you need to get it together.” Bosko sighed. “Your son needs you and you still have a job to do. The people of this city expect us to be at our best when they call us.”

***

“So, how’d that talk with Ryder go?” TK asked as they sat around the dinner table that night.

Owen sighed. “It didn’t really go at all.”

“What happened?” Buck asked.

“I think he has PTSD.”

“From the explosion?”

Owen nodded. “We saw it a lot in New York after 9/11. The guys who made it out. None of us were the same.”

“It’s the same now in LA after the tsunami.” Buck agreed. “The whole 136 has three therapists that are just dedicated to them after they lost members on the pier.”

“And you.” TK pointed out. “Don’t try to deny it Buck.”

Buck sighed, smirking a little. “With you? I wouldn’t dare deny it.”

“I’ve already set you up with a therapist down here, right?” Owen asked.

Buck nodded. “Yea I have my first appointment in a few days, the day before the 126 opens up again.”

“I still can’t believe you never saw anyone after the explosion.” TK spat, obviously angry.

“I saw someone for the three hours they required but…” Buck sighed. “It wasn’t going to work out.”

“You’re going until you’re doing better.” Owen warned him. “I don’t care if you’re never back to the Buck you were when you met my son, but you’re not okay right now and I need you.”

“I know.” Buck agreed. “Down here, with you two behind me, I may actually be able to talk about some of that stuff again.”

“I’ve got your back.” TK grinned. “Don’t you worry about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a lot of fun writing this, y'alls comments are really inspiring me to keep going. I didn't expect this to get so many responses when I put the first chapter up, so thank you all. It's been a long time since I've written a big fic like this, so y'alls support means everything to me. I can't wait to share what I've got in store for y'all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't left the house in eight days, so enjoy chapter four.

“Morning!” Owen trilled, bouncing into the kitchen.

“I forgot how much of a morning person you are.” Buck groaned into his cup of coffee.

“It’s worse on shifts with him.” TK sighed, coming in. “That amount of pep when the alarm goes off at five am? I never wanted to kill him more.”

Buck chuckled, taking another swig of his coffee. “He’s gonna have to watch his back if that happens here.”

“Yea you never were a morning person.” TK laughed, remembering their past.

“I don’t want to hear it mister.” Buck told him. “You weren’t any better.”

“Yea but I never threw my alarm clock across the room.”

“I plead the fifth on that one.”

“Come on you two.” Owen laughed. “Let’s get to the station. The 126 is officially active in one hour and I for one don’t want to miss it.”

“Woo!” Buck cheered, toasting his coffee cup. “I’m still going to need more coffee though, Cap.”

“We’ll pick you some up on the way.” TK promised. “Let’s go.”

The three of them headed for the car, laughing and smiling, excited about the day.

By the time they got to the station, Buck was officially awake and ready to start the day.

“You two get changed.” Owen told them, nodding towards the locker rooms. “I’m going to go ahead and call dispatch, make sure they know we’re ready for calls.”

“Sounds good.” TK agreed.

“Yea wouldn’t be much fun if we didn’t get any calls.” Buck laughed.

The two guys went in, quickly getting changed and ready for their day. As they walked out, they ran into the rest of the team.

“Well look at that.” Marjan exclaimed. “DisasterBoy wearing his new number!”

Buck just laughed. “Morning Foxy.”

“You two are gonna be a handful, aren’t you?” TK asked, looking between them.

The two of them just grinned.

“That’s a yes.” Paul told him.

TK groaned. “I should have expected that.”

***

Hen’s hands were shaking, looking at the envelope she held. She knew that handwriting and even without a return address, she knew who it was from. She knew she had to open it, but she didn’t know what she was going to find inside.

She took a deep, shaky breath before solidifying her will. For Buck. She ripped open the envelope, pulling out the letter within.

 _‘Hey Hen,’_ It started.

_‘I know you aren’t going to be happy to get this letter. But I hope you can forgive me. I wanted to say goodbye in person, I did, but I knew you’d try to stop me.. I’ve been offered another job, in another place, and I’m taking it. By the time you get this, I’ll already be gone. I can’t be at the 118 anymore. It’s killing me to work with them. I know they blame me for the lawsuit, and I’ve been blaming myself too, but I need to stop. I need to accept the past and move forward. I still love you. Fuck, I still love them. I probably always will. But I need to go. Bobby can’t be my captain anymore if he’s going to base his decisions on personal feelings. And I know the others were mad, and I am sorry about it, but I can’t change what happened._

_My number isn’t going to work anymore. I’m changing it. I’m not going to give you the new number. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I don’t trust the others not to go through your phone to find it. I can’t talk to them. Not now. Maybe in a few months, once I’m doing better. I don’t blame you for anything that happened to me. I know you’re going to blame yourself, but please don’t. I didn’t want you to lose your family too. I love you Hen. You were always like another sister to me._

_Love, Evan Buckley’_

Hen pressed a hand to her mouth, tears streaming down her face. Buck really did leave them. He was in so much pain, hurt by his own family, that he left them all.

She reached for her phone, fumbling with it as she dialed a familiar number.

“Hen?” She heard as the call got answered.

“Athena?” She cried. “I think we need to talk.”

***

“ETA for the EMS?” Owen asked, hoping out of the truck.

“On their way Cap.” Buck told him.

“Alright, until they get here, TK you’re in charge of the patient.”

TK nodded, pushing forward.

“Let us through!” Owen shouted, getting to the crowd. “Marjan, ask the family about any allergies we need to know about. Mateo get these people back so we have room to work.”

“You mean so we have room to work.” A new voice said.

Owen turned, seeing the EMS team there.

“This scene belongs to me.” The woman grinned.

“Did you miss the part where they made me captain of the 126?” Owen asked.

“Michelle Blake, Paramedic Captain.” She introduced herself. “This scene is medical, so I’m the one in charge.”

“Whoo since when does EMS tell Fire what time it is?” Owen asked.

“You didn’t read the Travis County manual, did you?” Michelle laughed.

“I’m more of a visual learner?” Owen defended.

“In Texas, EMS calls the shots at a medical emergency.” Buck cut in. “There aren’t as many firefighters trained for it so it makes it less likely for the wrong call to get made.”

Michelle smiled, looking at him. “That’s correct, reason and all.”

Buck shrugged. “I like to read before bed.”

Michelle laughed, turning back to their patient in front of them. “I like the way you work.”

***

Athena took another drink of her coffee. Staring at the envelope before her. She knew that handwriting, she had a feeling what would be inside, and she didn’t know if she was ready for it. But, she sighed, she didn’t get to where she was in life by being ready for things that happened. So, she took a deep breath, calmed herself, and opened the letter.

_‘Hey Athena,_

_I know you aren’t going to exactly be happy about getting this, but I figured you’d be more mad if you didn’t. Please don’t try to find me. I know you probably could, but I don’t want you to. I needed to leave Athena. I couldn’t stay at the 118 anymore. I know you probably don’t understand everything, because I didn’t tell you the truth about what was happening, but I’m not happy here anymore. The 118 was my family, the only family I had in this city, and they don’t feel like family anymore. Talk to Hen, if you want details. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows a lot more than I let you see. Don’t blame yourself, please. I’m good at hiding when things are wrong. Comes with the experience of my childhood. And try not to kill Bobby. I don’t approve of what he did, but I don’t want to be the reason he loses another family._

_Tell Harry and May that I still love them. I may be leaving, but they’re still my family, just like you are. I’m changing my number, so they won’t be able to call me, but my email is still the same. I’ve set it up to block most emails, but I’ll let theirs through. I can’t give them my new number. I don’t trust Bobby not to take it from them._

_And Athena? I know we didn’t get along when we first met, but I love you. You became like a mom to me, and I will never forget everything you did for me. You were always one of my greatest supports. And I’m sorry I had to do this. I hope one day you can forgive me._

_Love, Evan Buckley’_

Athena cried, putting the letter down and holding her head in her hands. Buck was right. She didn’t know what was wrong, but he was wrong that she hadn’t noticed. She knew Buck hadn’t been on calls in a while, noticing that he was missing when she ended up at the same scenes as the 118. Bobby always told her it was because it was his turn to stay back, but it seemed like it was always Buck’s turn. She was going to be having a talk with her husband, but she had someone else to talk to first.

She grabbed her phone, but before she could call anyone, it started ringing. She picked it up quickly.

“Hen?”

“Athena?” She heard. “I think we need to talk.”

“I agree.” Athena told her. “I was just about to call you. Did you get a letter from Buck too?”

“Yea.” Hen’s voice cracked. “I just read it.”

“Come to the house.” Athena told her. “I have a lot of questions and I think you’re the only one that give me any answers.”

***

“You know,” Buck sighed. “Rain wasn’t something we had to worry about in LA. I miss that.”

“You’ll get used to it.” TK laughed. “You did before!”

“Let’s go!” Owen ordered, throwing his door open as they arrived at the scene.

“Captain Strand!” A cop exclaimed, running up. “I’m Officer Reyes, Austin PD, good to meet you.”

“You too.” Owen nodded. “What do we got?”

“Single vehicle accident.” He said. “It looks like she hydroplaned, hit the light pole, and rolled the vehicle. It’s just the driver inside, Allison Parker. The doors are too smashed to get her out.”

Owen nodded. “Let’s get to work.”

They worked together seamlessly. Within five minutes they had the windshield off, Marjan slipping in to check on Allison while the rest got to work on the roof of the car. It didn’t take long before they were pulling her out, carefully delivering her to the EMTs.

“Scene’s all yours.” Owen grinned at Michelle.

Michelle smiled, turning to her patient. She pulled out smelling salts, needing the woman awake again.

“My baby!” Allison shouted. “Is my baby okay?”

“We’re going to take you to the hospital so they can check on you and your baby.” Michelle assured her.

“What about my other baby?” Allison asked. “This baby and my other baby. My ten month old, Henry, he was in his car seat in the back!”

Hearing this, the team looked at each other.

“Marjan?” Owen asked.

“There’s attachments for a baby seat, but no baby seat.” Marjan told him.

“Alright let’s split up and find this baby!” Owen ordered. “Let’s assume the seat got thrown when this thing rolled, split up on each side of the embankment.”

“Hey Cap?” Buck called from where he was standing with Paul. “Over here!”

“The SUV was already rolling when it hit the pole.” Paul explained. “She hydroplaned into the guardrail first and started rolling from there.”

“The doors had to get thrown open with a lot of force.” Buck added. “Look.”

The team turned, following the beam of Buck’s flashlight to see a carseat in the treetops.

“Oh my god.” Marjan gasped.

“Get the truck!” Owen ordered.

The team jumped into movement again. Before long, they had the truck pulled up and the ladder going up.

“Buck.” Owen called. “I want you to go up.”

“Me?” Buck asked. “Cap, are you sure I can?”

“You’re an amazing firefighter.” Owen told him. “I trust you.”

Buck took a deep breath, nodding. “Okay Cap.”

“You got it.” TK told him with a smile.

Buck smiled back, happy to have the support. “Let’s do it.”

“And hey,” TK added. “At least it stopped raining.”

Buck laughed, relaxing as TK knew he would, before heading for the ladder.

Everyone watched as Buck carefully climbed up. The ladder couldn’t get right up to the baby, so Buck had to leave it, climbing on the tree branches themselves, to get to the carseat.

“I see him!” Buck called down. “I don’t see any injuries. Going to try to get him loose!”

TK watched, knowing that if this went wrong Buck was never going to forgive himself for it. They couldn’t see through the trees, just listening and waiting as Buck tried to get the baby seat out. They all gasped in horror though, as the tree branch the seat was on snapped, sending it tumbling to the ground.

“HENRY!” Allison screamed.

“I got him!” Buck called from the leaves, reappearing at the top of the ladder with a bundle in his arms. “I got him! He’s alright.”

The team cheered, clapping and hollering for their team member. TK glanced at his dad, seeing Owen smiling smugly.

“You knew he’d be able to do it.”

“I did.” Owen nodded. “But he didn’t.”

“Manipulative.” TK smirked.

“For his own good?” Owen asked. “Always.”

They both watched as Buck climbed down from the ladder truck, hurrying over to the baby’s mother.

“I think this would be yours?” Buck asked with a smile, helping get Henry situated against his mother.

“Thank you.” She cried. “Bless you. Bless all y’all.”

TK smiled proudly, seeing the happiness in Buck’s posture as he watched the woman get wheeled away. Buck turned to them, a grin on his face. TK grinned back, nodding at Buck’s happiness.

Buck did a small dance, obviously enjoying the thrill of a successful call, before following the rest of the team back towards the trucks.

“He’s an impressive guy.”

TK turned, seeing the officer who had been on scene when they arrived standing beside him. TK grinned. “He’s my brother.”

***

Maddie stared down at the letter before her, the words swimming in the tears in her eyes.

_‘Hey Maddie,_

_Please don’t be mad, I wanted to say goodbye, but I knew you would try to stop me. I’m gonna text you tomorrow when I leave, but I wanted to say a lot more than would fit in a goodbye text._

_Don’t be mad at Chimney. Please. He loves you so much, more than Doug ever did, and I don’t want either of you to lose that. I know you love him, so please find it in your heart to forgive him. I was never mad at him, he never started anything._

_Talk to Hen, she’ll tell you what you want to know, but I’ll give you a start. I’m not happy at the 118. Not anymore. I started that lawsuit to prove to them that I would do anything to get back to them. To get back to the job, to my family, to what I love. Instead, it ruined everything. Mackey told me that they would give me my job back to avoid going to court. He didn’t tell me he was going to destroy my relationships in the process. I regret what I did, I always will, but I can’t change it now. I apologized, and I thought I was forgiven, but I don’t think I was._

_The 118 isn’t a home for me anymore. Or well, it’s a bit too much like home was with Mom and Dad. I haven’t gone on a call since the explosion. With the embolism and then the tsunami I didn’t have the chance, but even being back now, Bobby hasn’t let me go with them. I’ve been on cleaning duty ever single shift. And Bobby won’t let me take shifts that he isn’t the chief of, so I can’t even work with someone else that will take me out. I know why he’s done it. He’s scared. He’s scared of losing me. And I understand that. But he has been letting his personal opinions and feelings affect our professional relationship and honestly Maddie? I’m kinda over it._

_Eddie hasn’t been much better. I know he’s upset with me. I know I scared him with the embolism and I know he’s still upset about the tsunami, even though he says he isn’t. I’ve tried to be the man he wants me to me. I’ve tried to be better. But I can’t keep doing it. I can’t keep letting him hurt me._

_I got a job offer, and I’m taking it. It’s not in California, it’s in Texas. I’m not going to tell you anything more because I don’t want to put you in a position where you feel like you have to lie to Chimney. That’s the same reason I’m not going to give you my new number. I love you Maddie, but I don’t think you need me. You have Chimney, let him love you and you’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. Don’t blame yourself, I didn’t let you see how bad it was. Don’t worry about me, I’m stronger than I was when you left._

_Love, your brother’_

Maddie took another drink of the wine in her hand, crying as she reread the letter for the fifth time. Her brother was gone and he didn’t even feel safe enough to tell her where he was going. She was going to end the 118.

She grabbed her phone, angrily dialing.

“Maddie?” Hen’s voice came through the phone. “Did you get a letter from Buck today too?”

“Yea.” Maddie told her. “He said you’d tell me what happened.”

“I will.” Hen agreed. “Come to Athena’s, I was just about to tell her too.”

“I’ll be there soon.” Maddie agreed. “And Hen?”

“Yea?”

“Thanks for being his friend.”

***

“We’re trending as hashtag “The Dream Team” with over two million views already.” Mateo told them, waving his phone out with the video of their call on it.

“No phones at the table.” Owen scolded, coming back with the pitcher he’d gone to get. “Here’s to the future of the 126.” He said, raising a glass. “And to the memory of the old.”

“Cheers.” Everyone said, clinking their glasses.

“You good?” Buck asked, seeing TK’s melancholy.

“I’m good.” TK nodded.

“Somehow I don’t believe you.” Owen said, leaning in to join the quiet conversation. “Do I need to be worried?”

“I’m fine.” TK insisted. “I’m drinking mineral water.”

“Yea in a bar surrounded by alcohol.” Buck pointed out.

“How’d your meeting go today?” Owen asked.

“Actually, pretty good.” TK smiled. “They’re way hipper here than in New York. I kinda really liked it.”

Buck grinned. “God bless Texas.”

TK and Owen laughed.

“Thanks for this.” TK said, turning back to his dad. “Taking the job, bringing us all here.”

“Yea.” Buck agreed, getting the serious moment. “Thanks for taking a chance on us.”

“I think we’re gonna be just okay.” TK told his dad, knowing Owen had been worried.

Owen smiled, looking at the boys. “I love you both.”

“Love you too.” TK sighed, pressing his head into his dad’s shoulder.

“Thanks for being family.” Buck agreed.

“Alright y’all!” The announcer announced. “Who’s ready for some good ole Texas line dancing!”

“Enough of these heavy emotions!” TK declared. “Let’s have a good time!”

“Care to dance?” Michelle asked, coming up beside Owen.

“You don’t want to see me line dance.” Owen told her.

“Oh, are you shy?” She asked with a laugh. “I thought you weren’t scared of anything.”

Buck and TK laughed, looking at each other. They knew where this was going.

“Ah now I see why you invited us all down here.” Owen nodded. “I see you. Trying to assert your dominance.”

“I just think a man should earn his spurs.” Michelle smirked.

Owen laughed. “Well let’s see how I do then.” He waved her ahead of him, heading out onto the dance floor.

“That’s going to be interesting.” Buck laughed, seeing TK roll his eyes.

“He’s so bad at flirting.” TK groaned. “It’s going to be awful.”

The two of them sat back with their drinks as the rest of the team followed their captains onto the dance floor, getting into the Texas spirit with gusto.

“Hey.”

They both turned, seeing the officer from the call, but he only had eyes for TK.

“Hey.” Tk answered, glancing at him.

“Wanna dance?”

TK bit his lip, glancing at Buck.

“Don’t let me stop you.” Buck laughed.

“Yea.” TK nodded. “I would.”

Buck kept laughing, watching as TK followed the admittedly very handsome police officer out onto the dance floor. Buck would have joined them, but with the call earlier his leg wasn’t feeling 100% and Owen had already told him not to push himself too hard. Instead, he drank his beer, laughed, and watched his new family try to learn how to line dance. He was happy, for the first time since the embolism, he was with a team that loved him as much as he loved them and he felt safe and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do y'all feel about the back and forth between Austin and LA? 
> 
> Sidenote: I love seeing y'alls predictions and stuff so Imma just let ya know I've already written over 20k and we aint even close to happy yet...we got a long way to ride.


	5. Chapter 5

“Where’s Cap?” Buck asked, running into TK coming around the back of the truck.

“Ryder came back.” He told him. “He’s in the meeting room.”

“You think he’s going to take him in?” Marjan asked, moving to the next part of their inventory.

“Dad’s got a soft spot for people who need help.” TK sighed. “It’s why he’s good at the job.”

“I can’t say I’m upset about it.” Buck grinned, gesturing down at his leg.

“Hey.” Marjan whispered, nodding her head.

The three of them turned, seeing Judd come out of their dining room. He looked shaken up, obviously upset about whatever happened.

“He okay?” Marjan whispered.

“No.” Buck told her. “He lost his family.”

The watched in silence as Judd walked down the wall, stopping to look up at the memorial for the members of the 126 who died in the explosion. He stared at their faces, and the trio watched his face shatter.

In a moment, Judd was on the ground, crying into his arm.

“Go.” Buck told the others. “Go start dinner or something. And tell Cap to stay in there for a moment.”

TK nodded, knowing that Buck could handle it. He quickly waved away everyone else, leaving Buck alone to approach Judd.

Buck sat down on the floor next to Judd, looking up at the memorial. “That memorial is one of the first things Cap finished here.” He told him. “I was the first to get hired and even before this place had all the walls it needed or even running water in some of the showers, they’ve been watching over us.”

Judd shook his head, holding back tears as he raised his head. “They were my brothers.”

Buck nodded slowly. “You saw the trash, didn’t you? With the dead flowers we threw out? Thought we had forgottten those who came before us?”

Judd laughed. “Something like that.”

“We haven’t.” Buck promised. “We see their faces every day, when we walk in this station. They watch over us every single time we take that truck out. They sacrificed themselves doing this job, with that number on their sleeves. And that makes them part of our family, even if we never had the opportunity to meet them. They will never be forgotten. And we share your grief.”

“What would you know about grief?” Judd spat.

“Just under a year ago, I was sitting in the front seat of the LA 118 truck when a bomb went off. It was inside the truck, and it flipped us. Most of my team was thrown clear by the blast, but I wasn’t.” Buck reached down, pulling his pant leg from his boot and lifting it to show the scars wrapping around. “I was pinned under the truck for thirty minutes while my captain negotiated with the bomber. I don’t remember a whole lot, just the pain and the burning. I didn’t know it, but that was the end of my time there.”

Judd glanced at him. “What-what happened?”

“I fought for a month and a half, pushing myself to every limit and beyond, to get back on my feet and back to work. I broke a record passing the tests. And then I got a pulmonary embolism. And then I was caught in a tsunami. And then, when I finally got better again, my captain kept me out of commission because he didn’t think I was ready. I lost my entire family all because of that explosion. And they may not be dead and gone like your brothers, but I know a fair bit about grief.”

“Cap wants me to go to therapy.” Judd admitted. “Says I have PTSD.”

“Is that really such a bad thing?” Buck asked. “I didn’t want to admit it either, after everything that happened, I thought it would mean admitting weakness. That I would never be ready for work.”

“Judd,” Owen’s voice interrupted, causing them both to look up. “The monster’s coming out of you either way. Believe me, it’s better to deal with it.”

“Excuse me.” A woman’s voice called. “Is this a bad time?”

They all jumped to their feet, turning to find a woman and her daughter in the driveway.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey.” Judd grinned, hurrying over to hug her. “How are you?”

“We’re doing alright.” The woman smiled.

Judd smiled. “Good. Owen, Buck, this is Colleen and this is Mabel. Chuck Parkland’s wife and daughter.”

“It’s good to meet you.” Owen said, reaching to shake her hand. “An absolute honor.”

“We saw you save a baby on the news, so we brought y’all cookies.” Mabel grinned up at them.

“Oooooh those are my favorite kind of visits.” Buck grinned, kneeling down to Mabel’s height. “Did you help make them?”

Mabel nodded.

“Well I am going to have on right now then.” Buck laughed, taking a huge bite of one, groaning in pleasure. “Oh that is delicious you are my new favorite baker.”

“The secret is Daddy’s lard.” Mabel told him.

Colleen laughed, seeing Owen’s face. “Premium Parkland Lard, passed down generation to generation.”

“Well you keep that special ingredient coming and I’m sure we’ll be more than happy to eat your results.” Buck told Mabel.

“Chuck always said anyone in the 126 was like family.” Colleen smiled. “So, welcome to the family. All of you.”

***

“I want to know what happened. And I want to know now.” Athena ordered, looking around her living room.

“Buck left.” Bobby told her. “I told you that.”

“Oh I am well aware that Buck left.” Athena snapped at him. “I want to know how you managed to run the most loyal boy I have ever had the fortune to meet out of this city.”

“We didn’t try to hurt him.” Chimney protested.

“But you did.” Hen snapped.

“I asked you to watch his back when he went back to work.” Maddie added, staring at her boyfriend. “And you promised me that you were taking care of him.”

“I thought I was.” Bobby told her. “I didn’t think he was ready to be on calls again, so I kept him off.”

“Don’t try to turn this on Buck.” Hen warned. “I already told them about all the things I saw at the station, and I know I didn’t see it all.”

“You told that boy he wasn’t good enough to be on that truck.” Athena glared at Bobby. “After he spent months fighting to get back to it. I was under the impression that you had talked to him after he stormed out of our dinner that night, but come to find out you never addressed it!”

“I was-”

“I don’t care what you were trying to do.” Athena snarled. “You lied to me. You told me everything was okay and it obviously wasn’t.”

“I watched you hurt him every single shift and the only reason I never punched any of you was because Buck _begged_ me not to.” Hen told them. “He didn’t want to tear our family apart anymore. He blamed himself for what was happening, but I don’t. I blame you.”

Bobby hung his head, obviously shamed.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us.” Maddie snapped, looking around the room. “He is my _brother_. The only family I have left. And you are so selfish that he was scared to even _talk_ to me. He wouldn’t even tell me how much he was hurting because he didn’t want to take a family from me, but you turned around and ran him out of the state!”

“We didn’t mean to.” Bobby spoke quietly.

“I don’t give a damn what you meant to do.” Maddie told him, voice cold. “My brother has gone through more in his years than any of you. And he never, _not once_ ¸ put himself before one of you. He gave _everything_ he had to you. And you treated him worse than our parents did.”

“Maddie, isn’t that a little harsh?” Chimney tried to cut in.

“No!” She shouted. “At least they never pretended to love us. We knew as soon as we were old enough to understand what was happening that we weren’t going to get any love or affection from them. We had each other and that was it. They never pretended to care about us, about how we felt, about our safety. They just wanted to use us as props in their perfect suburban life and so long as we played our parts well, we didn’t get hurt. He did everything you asked him to do and you still treated him like dirt!”

“She’s right.” Hen agreed, looking at her teammates. “And you all know she’s right. Bobby, you put him on cleaning duty every single shift and it didn’t matter how hard he worked, it was never enough. There was always something else for him to clean. Something to keep him from getting back on that truck.”

“My brother turned down millions of dollars to get back in that uniform.” Maddie glared at them, tears in her eyes. “He didn’t want money. He didn’t want fame. He just wanted to do what he loves, with the people that he loved.”

“I know that I was wrong!” Bobby exploded. “I know! Is that what you want me to say? That I know it was wrong of me to not talk to him when I blocked him from coming back. I know it was wrong when I wouldn’t let him go on calls. I was scared! I’d almost lost him twice, I couldn’t do it again!”

“Did you think that keeping him from what he loved was going to save him?” Athena demanded. “You know how that feels.”

“You almost lost Chimney too.” Hen reminded him. “We all did, when we pulled up at that call and he had a piece of rebar through his brain. We were all scared that we were never going to see him again, but as soon as the doctors had him cleared for duty, we threw him a fucking welcome back party and he was back in the truck. He wasn’t on light duty at _all_.

“And I know you know about me.” Eddie whispered, looking up from his hands in tears. “I almost killed a man, Bobby. And in that moment, I wanted to. I wanted to punch the life out of his body and watch him _die_ at my hand. I know Bosko told you what she saw in me. And yet you never even took me off the truck.”

“I-I couldn’t-” Bobby defended.

“You couldn’t what?” Maddie asked. “Couldn’t lose another firefighter? Lose another active duty?”

“I couldn’t lose another son!”

“Newsflash.” She glared at him. “My brother isn’t your son. He may call you Pops and tease you like you are, but he is not your kid. He is your crew member, and he deserved just as much respect as the others.”

They all sat in silence for a moment, tears in their eyes.

“I’m going to therapy.” Eddie announced quietly. “I know it won’t make it up for what I said to Buck, but if I ever get the chance, I want him to know I can change.”

“You shattered him.” Maddie told him.

“I know.” Eddie nodded, crying again. “And I’m going to get treatment.”

Maddie nodded, seeing the grief in Eddie’s face. He knew what he’d done. She looked back at Bobby. “And you say you didn’t want to lose my brother? Didn’t want to watch him get injured again? Well, now you’ve lost him, his love, and his trust entirely.” Maddie told him. “So how does that feel?”

***

Buck sat on top of the truck, looking around at his new family in awe. Everyone was working, cleaning the truck, rerolling the hoses, wiping things down to get ready for the next call. Everyone was pitching in. They all had their own roll, their own job, their own responsibility. The first time it had happened, he’d almost gone into shock, forgetting how easy things can be when everyone works together.

“You alright there?” TK asked quietly, getting Buck’s attention.

Buck smiled, looking up at him. “Yea I’m good. Just, taking it in I guess?”

“The smell of Judd’s BO and Mateo’s body spray?”

“Oi!” Judd shouted, getting laughs from the others.

Buck shook his head, laughing. “The feeling of family.”

The others sobered up a little, looking at each other.

“Buck, we aren’t going to ask.” Marjan told him. “But if you ever want to tell us why you seem astonished at this crew being family, you just let us know.”

Buck smiled. “Thanks guys.”

“Seriously.” TK added as everyone got back to work. “You have to remember that we aren’t like them. You don’t have to take everything on your shoulders.”

Buck opened his mouth to answer, he but was cut off by the sound of Owen’s car pulling up outside the station.

“Morning everyone!” Owen cheered, grinning at them all.

“That’s quite the spring in your step there Cap.” TK laughed.

“Did you get laid or something?” Buck added.

“I’m just feeling a bit more at home in Austin.” Owen grinned, taking his sunglasses off. “I found an organic market, a vitamin shop that sells the fish oil supplements I like, and even a core power yoga student within walking distance. This place is just like New York, just with less trash in the streets.”

“You cut yourself or something too?” Paul asked.

“Oh that’s the other thing!” Owen exclaimed. “I found a dermatologist that follows the same hair protocols as my guy in New York.”

“You have hair protocols?” Judd asked. “That’s it, I’m getting a transfer.”

“You laugh but I’m convinced it’s the only reason I haven’t lost my hair.”

“I think you just have an irrational fear of losing your hair.” Buck told him.

“Hey, I won’t hate on anyone using science to level up.” Paul declared, giving Owen a fist bump.

“Ah dammit Paul when you put it like that, I feel bad.” Buck groaned.

Paul laughed. “You’re welcome.”

Buck was going to say something, but got cut off by the alarm.

“Let’s ride!” Owen shouted, sending everyone to their posts.

“You good?” TK asked Buck again.

Buck grinned. “Never been better brother.’

***

Isabel didn’t get a lot of mail, mostly junk mail that got sent to out everyone in the neighborhood and some letters from pen pals and relatives. This meant she only checked her mail every couple of days, usually when she went out with her grandson or he daughter. Pepa knew that, always getting the mail on days she took Isabel to the store.

“I’ll get the mail Mama.”

“Gracis mija.” Isabel smiled.

“Ah you have a letter.” Pepa announced, following her inside. “It’s addressed to you and Christopher?”

“That’s odd.” Isabel agreed, reaching to take the letter. “There’s-”

“Sweet tea in the fridge, yes Mama, I know.”

Isabel opened the envelope, pulling two letters out of it. One had Christopher’s name written on the outside, and the other was labeled ‘Abuela’ so she unfolded it.

_‘Hola Abuela,_

_I hope I can still call you that, after everything that has happened. I know Eddie has been mad at me, so I haven’t seen you in a while, but I hope you don’t mind me sending this. I’m leaving LA. I got a job offer in Austin and I can’t stay here. I haven’t told anyone in the team, not even Eddie. I know Christopher’s going to be sad, so I wanted to write him a letter to know that I’m sorry and that I still love him. I didn’t trust that Eddie would actually give it to him, so I’m hoping that you’ll give it to him, whenever you see him._

_Eddie’s going to be mad at me. I know that. But I couldn’t stay here anymore. I don’t matter at the firehouse anymore, so I’m not sticking around to keep getting beat down. You and Chris are family to me, regardless of what happens. I’m changing my number so the rest of the team can’t call me, try to convince me to come back. But I don’t want Chris to feel abandoned, so if he asks for it, my new numbers at the bottom of this. I can’t stop you, but please don’t give it to Eddie. Or anyone but Chris and Athena’s daughter May. I trust them not to share it either._

_Thank you for welcoming me into your family. I only wish I could have stayed longer._

_Love, Evan Buckley’_

“Pepa!” Isabel called.

“Sí, Mama?”

“Call Edmundo. I have some questions for him.”

“That sounds pretty serious.” Pepa asked an unspoken question, coming back into the living room.

“That nice young man, Buck?”

“I remember him.” Pepa nodded. “Excellent friend to Eddie.”

“Well it seems our Edmundo has forgotten what family means and ran him out of the state.”

Pepa arched an eyebrow. “I’ll offer to take care of Christopher for him then?”

“I think that would be best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you guys think? Slowly trying to work through everyone's issues! Also because someone asked, I haven't decided yet if Owen has cancer in this fic or not, what do you think?  
> Seemingly completely unrelated question: Favorite foods at a potluck?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are amazing and I love reading your comments. Your support means everything to me.

TK knew he was cutting it close, running into the station just five minutes before the start of shift. He was just hoping and praying he could get changed before Buck saw him. He ran to the locker room, sneaking past the people already in the kitchen. He got in, breathing heavily, relieved that he made it. Quickly, he pulled his shirt off again, grabbing his uniform.

“Mooooorning.”

“Fuck.” TK swore, turning around.

“Yea looks like you sure did.” Buck grinned, leaning against the lockers behind TK.

“Don’t.” TK groaned. “Please.”

“See I wouldn’t, but I know you would if this was switched soooo…”

“At least let me change first?” TK begged.

“I guess.” Buck shrugged. “Probably best to hide that hickey before your dad sees you.”

TK looked down, panicked, to try to see the mark.

“On your collarbone.” Buck told him. “Once your shirt’s on, you’ll be fine.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” Buck smirked. “So, was it the cop?”

TK groaned. “I thought you said you were waiting till I was dressed.”

“For the teasing.” Buck agreed. “But not the questions.”

“Why are you like this?”

“That’s not an answer. I know he’s your type.”

“Yes. Okay?” TK told him, knowing it wouldn’t stop if he didn’t. “It was the cop. His name is Carlos just FYI.”

“Was _Carlos_ any good?”

TK bit his lip, ducking his head into his locker under the guise of continuing to change.

“Oooooooooh.” Buck laughed. “That’s a yes.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that good.” TK admitted, blushing.

“Daaamn. Lucky.”

“I’m sure he’s got a cousin.”

Buck snorted. “I’m sure he does, but I’m not looking for a one-night thing.”

“Who said it’s only happening one night?” TK smirked, tying up his boots.

Buck laughed. “Seriously brother?”

TK shrugged. “He was damn good.”

“Are you developing feelings?”

“I hope not.” TK scoffed. “After New York, I don’t think I’ll be ready for anything like that for a while yet.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Still the same old TK I’ve always known.”

“Well you’re definitely not the same old Buck.” TK told him. “But this is a good look on you.”

“Thanks.” Buck smiled, blushing a little himself. “It took a lot.”

TK smiled. “Yea, you mentioned Abby.”

“She made me a better person.” Buck agreed. “I wish I could tell her thank you.”

“She’ll come back.”

“Yea, except I changed my number and moved halfway across the country so now she has no way to get in touch.”

“That’s a fair point.”

“I don’t care.” Buck shrugged. “I’d rather talk about _Officer Reyes_.”

“Oh god please don’t be like this around my dad.”

“I think your dad already knows plenty about both of our sex lives to need to hear anymore.”

“Ugh.” TK gagged. “Why’d you have to remind me of that?”

“Because I think of it every morning I roll out of bed and see him in the kitchen?”

“You’re the worst.” TK groaned.

“Welcome to my hell.” Buck laughed.

“It’s going to be awkward walking out there now, with that in my mind.”

Buck grinned, “You’ll get over it.”

“I am never going to forgive you for reminding me of that night.”

Buck just laughed, enjoying that he could still make TK blush, snapping to business though as the alarm went off.

“I want details later.” Buck told TK as they ran for the trucks.

“Not if you’re going to tease me about them.”

“No promises.” Buck grinned.

“Enough you two.” Owen sighed from the front seat as the trucks pulled out. “We’ve got a job to do.”

“What’s the deal, Cap?” Buck asked.

“Reports of a fire with smoke everywhere.” Owen answered. “We’ll know more once we get there, dispatch says the caller was a little hysterical.”

***

“Abuela!”

“Ah mi nieto.” Isabel smiled, leaning down to hug Christopher as he came through the door.

“Gracias Abuela.” Eddie sighed. “I really appreciate you taking him.”

“Nonsense.” Isabel waved it away. “Christopher and I are going to have a good time together. Go to work and we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Gracias.” Eddie repeated, kissing her on the cheek. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Isabel smiled, watching her grandson leave.

Once he was gone, she turned to Christopher, who had already made himself comfortable on her couch.

“Now then,” she smiled as she got to her feet. “What would you like to do today?”

Christopher was silent, looking down at his hands.

“Nieto?” She asked again.

“Abuela, what’s wrong with Daddy?”

Isabel stopped, staring at the boy. “Why would you think something is wrong Christopher?”

“Daddy cries.” Christopher told her. “At night when he thinks I’m asleep. Sometimes when we’re watching movies and he thinks I won’t notice.”

“Has he said anything about it?”

“No.” Christopher shook his head. “But he’s always sad now. No matter what I do, I can see he’s sad.”

“Your papa is going through a lot right now, nieto.” Abuela sighed, moving to sit down next to him. “It’s not because of you-”

“It’s Bucky.” Christopher interrupted her. “I know it is.”

Isabel stared at the boy, amazed at much he noticed. “Why do you think that?”

“He’s always sad, but it gets worse when I ask about Bucky.” Christopher told him. “I had a nightmare last week and wanted Bucky, but Dad said he couldn’t call him. Dad never said no before the tsunami. Is it my fault? Is Bucky and Dad fighting because of me?”

“Oh nieto.” Isabel sighed, reaching to pull Christopher into a hug. “No, cariño it’s not your fault. There’s a lot happening right now but it is not your fault. Your papa isn’t perfect, just like anyone else, and he’s made a mistake. Your Bucky isn’t mad at you, he still loves you.”

“You promise?”

“I do.” Isabel agreed. “In fact, I have a letter from him for you telling you just that. Would you like to read it?”

“Can I?” Christopher asked, nervously.

“Sí.” Isabel smiled. “Let me go get it.”

Christopher grinned, bouncing excitedly as Isabel got up, going to get the other letter from the mantel.

“Now remember, your papa and your Bucky are fighting right now, so we can’t tell him about this letter okay?”

“You want me to lie to Daddy?”

“No, I don’t. If he asks, you can tell him, but if he doesn’t, we aren’t going to tell him, okay?”

“Okay Abuela.” Christopher smiled.

“Bien. Here you go.”

Christopher took the letter, quickly opening it.

_‘Hey Christopher,_

_I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you any of this in person, but I hope you can forgive me. I know you’ve missed me, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I did something I regret, and your dad couldn’t call me, so I didn’t know just how much you needed me. Your dad tried to tell me, but I thought with your dad and Abuela, that you didn’t need me. I’m sorry that I was wrong. I didn’t listen. And I’m extra sorry I couldn’t see you before I left._

_A lot has happened recently, and I wish I didn’t have to leave you, but I do. I’ve been given an amazing chance, a knew job in Texas with people I’ve known for many years. I didn’t tell anyone I was leave because I didn’t want them to be sad, but I don’t want you to think that I left because of you. I love you Christopher. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m going to miss you. If you ever want to talk to me, Abuela has my new number. Don’t tell your dad about this, please._

_I love you, please don’t ever forget that._

  * _Your Bucky’_



Christopher looked up, tears in his eyes. “He’s really not mad at me. Because I wasn’t strong enough?”

“He’s not mad.” Isabel assured him.

Christopher grinned. “Can we go to aquarium Abuela? Bucky was going to take me before the tsunami, and I think I’m finally ready to face the water.”

Isabel grinned. “Then let’s go to aquarium.”

***

The trucks pulled up, the crew piling out immediately, ready to get to work, but they couldn’t see a fire.

“Oh, bless your hearts for getting here so quick!”

The turned to see a lady running up to them. She quickly shook Judd’s hand, continuing to smile and laugh before shaking TK’s hand as well. Then she by-passed Marjan, running right up to Owen.

“Oh well the good lord sure took his sweet time with you, didn’t he?”

“Ma’am, you called in about a fire?” Owen asked.

“It’s right over here.” She said, taking Owen’s arm to lead him. “You know these people do not respect our countries laws I guess I can’t expect them to respect our city’s laws either. Oh, it’s right over here.”

“These people?” Marjan whispered, looking at Buck.

Buck raised an eyebrow, answering with a shrug.

The woman led them into her backyard, pointing to the yard of the house behind hers. “See! Right there! I told you they’re putting the whole darn community at risk!”

“What is that?” TK asked. “Septic?”

“Septic ain’t never smelled so good.” Judd said, crossing the fence line.

“That’s barbacoa.” Buck laughed, joining Judd in uncovering the pit.

“What the hell is barbacoa?” Owen asked, opening his jacket now that the danger was obviously gone.

“It’s a steak you cook underground.” Buck explained. “Nice and slow and delicious.”

“Ooooh smell that.” Judd grinned, wafting the scent from the pit up at himself.

“You cook meat in the dirt here?” Owen looked confused and concerned.

“Yea it’s a thing Mr. Open-Minded.” Judd told him.

“No offense meant.” Owen said quickly.

“Best damn meat.” Buck agreed.

“Oh, hell no Ellen!” A man shouted, coming up from the house. “Who’d you call this time you crazy lady?”

“Whoa whoa whoa.” Judd said, holding up a hand to stop the man’s advance.

“You better call the police.” Ellen told them. “That man is unstable!”

“I’m unstable?!” He exclaimed. “You’re the one unstable!”

“Whoa whoa I think we have a misunderstanding here.” Owen jumped in.

“Oh no I don’t misunderstand anything.” The man said. “She may look like a sweet old lady but she’s an evil racist.”

“Who you calling old?” Ellen exclaimed.

“Really?” He scoffed. “That’s the part you take offense to!”

“I am not a racist. My gardener is Spanish!”

“She called the cops on us last weekend during my daughter’s tenth birthday party.” The man sighed.

“They were waving around a bat!” Ellen defended.

“At a piñata you twisted vieja!”

“I called the police and I’m going to keep calling until somebody does something!”

“Well you don’t have to keep calling anymore.” Owen assured her. “Because I’m making a citizen’s arrest.”

“Oh good.” Ellen smiled.

“Put your hands behind your back.” Owen ordered with a smile.

“What?! ME!”

“TK grab the cuffs?”

“We don’t have any cuffs, Cap.” TK shrugged.

“Oh, I’m sure we have some zipties.” Buck cut in with a grin.

“Ya know, I think I saw something in the toolbox doing inventory.” Marjan added.

Owen nodded. “That’ll do, Chavez?”

“On it.” Mateo jogged off.

“Wait now hold on. I’m an American citizen!” Ellen protested.

“Which is why you should know making a nuisance 911 call is against the law.” Buck informed her.

Owen laughed. “Paul, why don’t you call APD and let them know we’re on the way down.”

“You got it.” Paul nodded.

Ellen gasped, clutching her chest as she fell down. “My heart, oh…”

TK jumped forward. “Cap we can’t take her to jail if she’s having a heart attack.”

“I know.” Owen agreed. “Marjan, check her BP.”

“On it.” Marjan sighed, obviously not happy about it.

“Maybe some mouth to mouth?” Owen suggested.

“Oh god!” Ellen gasped. “No! Not her!”

“So maybe you aren’t having a heart attack?” Marjan asked.

“Oh no. I am! I definitely am!” Ellen protested, looking up at Owen. “Can’t you do it?”

“Not certified.” Owen shrugged.

“Oh, well how about him?” Ellen asked, turning to TK.

“Sure ma’am, but you should know that I am a homosexual.” TK informed her, hiding a smirk.

“Oh.” Ellen gasped, turning away to look at where Judd and Buck were standing.

“Oh no.” Judd told her right away.

“You don’t want me kissing you.” Buck laughed. “Trust me.”

Ellen thought for a moment before pointing at Paul. “He can do it!” She swung around to look at her neighbors. “I told you I am not a racist!”

Paul sighed, handing his gear to Judd, who was laughing at him. He stepped up and knelt down in front of Ellen.

She grabbed his hands, whispering quickly. “You’re not a homosexual are you?”

“Oh no ma’am.” Paul assured her.

“Oh good.” Ellen sighed, smiling.

“But I am trans though.” Paul added.

The smile fell of Ellen’s face and she slowly turned to Owen, raising her wrists. “Take me to jail.”

The grew laughed, watching in amusement as Owen smiled, helped the woman to her feet, and led her away.

“Thank you.” The neighbor said, coming forward once she was gone. “Seriously, thank you.”

“It’s no problem.” Judd told him.

“Yea I’m just sorry we opened your pit.” Buck told him. “Smells delicious though.”

“Well it’s actually almost done so don’t feel bad.” A woman said from behind them, looking down into the pit. “Where’s your station, I’ll have one of the grandkids bring you some later.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that ma’am.” Paul assured her.

“The look on her face was more than enough of a reward.”

“I will have none of that.” The grandmother said, glaring at them all. “You will be getting some of this barbacoa and that’s that.”

“Don’t fight her.” Buck told the rest of the crew. “Trust me, that’ll be some of the best meat you’ll ever find.”

“You listen to your friend.” The woman told them. “Now go take care of people and we will take care of you later.”

The team didn’t protest again, exchanging handshakes with more members of the family before heading to join Owen at the truck.

“So, how do you know so much about barbacoa, city boy?” Marjan teased as they got back in.

“I spent some time in South America and Mexico in my wild years.”

“Kid, you’re too young to talk about ‘wild years’ like they’re ancient history.” Judd told him.

Buck laughed. “It feels like a lifetime ago.”

“Well of course it does.” TK grinned. “That life is over and now you’ve got an even better one with us.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Buck agreed. “And god is it good.”

***

“Ah there he is!” Eddie said, coming out of the house to find Christopher and Abuela in the backyard.

“Dad!” Christopher exclaimed, turning to run over.

“Hey there buddy.” Eddie grinned, kneeling down to pull his son into his arms. “I missed you.”

“Miss you too.” Christopher sighed, hugging his dad tight.

“Christopher, why don’t you go in and help Tía with lunch?” Isabel suggested, coming to the porch as well. “I want to talk to your dad for a moment.”

“Abuela?” Eddie asked, watching Chris go inside.

“We need to talk, mijo.” Isabel sighed. “I haven’t asked a lot of questions about what you’ve been going through lately, but I think it’s time we talk.”

“I-I-” Eddie sighed, sitting down on the steps. “You’re right.”

“Why don’t you start by telling me why I got a letter mailed to my house from that Buck of yours, apologizing for hurting you and running away from Christopher?”

Eddie stared at her. “What?”

“It was delivered a few days ago.” Isabel told him, settling into her chair. “I want to know why he told me you were mad at him. I want to know why he apologized for hurting Christopher when I know that Buck would give everything to make Chris happy.”

“He…he sent a letter?”

“Sí.” Isabel nodded. “To Christopher. Sent a note along for me to give it to him and not you.”

Eddie ducked his head, wiping tears from his eyes. “I messed up Abuela. I really messed up this time.”

“Tell me.” Isabel told him.

“I never went to therapy when I came home. I told you and Mama that I was fine, that I was getting help and there was nothing wrong, but the truth is I was scared.” Eddie admitted. “I was terrified that being weak would mean I would lose Chris and I _couldn’t_. I couldn’t lose him, not after everything else. And then we moved here, tried to get a new start, and it was good. Oh, Abuela it was _good_. He was so happy and I was happy and I think I’ve ruined it.”

“What happened?” Isabel pushed.

“After the tsunami, Buck sued Bobby and the department because Bobby was keeping him on the bench on purpose. The job is all Buck’s ever had, so he fought tooth and nail to get back to it. And I said some horrible things to him, because I was angry, and then when he came back to work, I only got worse. I started street fighting.”

“Mijo!”

“I know Abuela.” Eddie cringed. “It was stupid. Another firefighter took me to a fight night, thinking it would help me deal with my anger in a healthy fashion like she does, but I let it get out of control. I almost killed someone, Abuela.”

“Edmundo…”

“Don’t.” Eddie shook his head. “Please don’t. I know you’re disappointed, that’s why I didn’t tell you before. But once I started fighting, I couldn’t stop. The adrenaline, the rush of the fight, it made everything else disappear. I didn’t have to think about my other problems once I was in that ring. And then it moved outside the ring.”

“Edmundo, you didn’t-”

“No, I didn’t beat Buck up.” Eddie jumped in. “But honestly that might have been better than what I did do. I pushed him away at every opportunity, ordered him around, and treated him like probies at boot camp. The last thing I said to him was that he wasn’t family anymore, and I have to live with that now.”

“The first step to healing is knowing when something is wrong and accepting it.” Isabel told him.

“I know.” Eddie nodded. “I have a therapist now. His name’s Frank and he’s helping me work through all of this. He says I have PTSD from being overseas and because I wasn’t dealing with it like I should have, work made it worse.”

“That is not an excuse to treat him badly.”

“I know, Abuela.” Eddie cried. “I know. I know I messed up and I know it’s my fault. Buck was the second-best thing that ever happened to me, only Chris could beat him, and I _ran him out of the state_. That’s on me.” He looked up at her, tears running down his face. “I would give anything to go back and stop me from telling him he wasn’t family.”

“You were scared to lose him, like you lost those boys over there.” Isabel smiled sadly.

Eddie nodded. “I didn’t realize how much I needed him until he wasn’t there, and it hurt so much I lashed out at him when he tried to come back. Frank’s making me deal with things, making me face the nightmares that kept me up at night.”

“Edmundo, you are my grandson and I will always be on your side.” Isabel told him. “But you need to face what you did, you know that right?”

“I know.” Eddie sighed. “Buck changed his number, which is a pretty obvious sign that he doesn’t want to talk to us anymore, so I won’t try. I know his email still works, Athena said May has been asking him for homework help still, but I’m not going to send anything to him. I will respect the distance that he wanted. I have to hope that he’ll forgive me someday, even though I know I don’t deserve it. I’m working with Frank, dealing with my past in a healthy manner instead of with my fists.”

“I believe in you, Edmundo.” Isabel said with a smile.

Eddie looked at her, a sad smile on his face. “I just want to be the man he thought I was. I want to earn what he gave me.”

“You will be. I know you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are y'all feeling?


	7. Chapter 7

“Abuela?” Christopher asked, looking up at Isabel.

“Sí nieto?”

“Can I call my Bucky?”

Isabel paused for a moment. “Of course nieto, but what brought this on?”

“I-I had a nightmare.” Chris admitted. “I didn’t tell Dad because it makes him sad.”

“Was the nightmare about Buck?” Isabel guessed.

Chris nodded.

“Well of course we can call him.” Isabel smiled. “Let’s go inside and sit down and then we can give him a call.”

Christopher grinned, getting to his feet with a new energy.

Isabel smiled fondly, watching her grandson. She had noticed he was sad when he was dropped off at her house, and she was glad he’d been willing to say something. Christopher was such a strong kid, facing the world with a smile, but she was proud that he wasn’t afraid to need help sometimes. Unlike his father, who had to be pushed to breaking before he’d accept any help.

“Abuela can we call him now?” Chris asked as Isabel followed him into her living room. He’d made himself comfortable on the couch.

“Sí nieto.” Isabel assured. “While you talk to him, I’ll get some lunch put together, okay?”

“Okay Abuela.” Chris grinned, wriggling with excitement.

Isabel smiled, starting the call before setting the phone down, on speaker, on the table.

She heard it ring for a short moment before the click of the call came through.

“Hello?”

“BUCKY!” Chris exclaimed.

“Christopher?” Buck asked, she could hear the smile in his voice.

“Hi Bucky!”

“Hey Chris.” Buck sighed happily. “It’s good to hear your voice, buddy.”

“I miss you.” Chris told him. “I had a nightmare last night.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Chris shook his head, before remembering Buck couldn’t see him. “No. I just miss you.”

“I’m sorry.” Buck told him. “Chris I’m so sorry I left.”

“Abuela says you had to leave though.”

“Yea I did. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye.”

“It’s okay.” Chris assured him. “Abuela said you didn’t have time.”

“Can you forgive me for not taking you to the aquarium like I promised?”

“Abuela took me!” Chris told him. “We saw the tiger sharks.”

“That sounds awesome. Did Abuela take pictures?”

“Yep. Do you want to see them?”

“I would love to.” Buck told him, completely truthfully. “I want to know anything you want to tell me. Just because I left doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“I know Bucky.” Chris laughed. “I got your letter.”

“Good.” Isabel heard the relief and sadness in Buck’s voice. The boy obviously loved her grandson. “I’m glad you got it.”

“But you didn’t send Daddy a letter?”

“Oh. No, no I didn’t.” Buck agreed. Isabel could hear him trying to explain that. “I didn’t know if your Dad would want one.”

“He misses you.” Chris declared. “He thinks I don’t notice.”

“Ah.” Buck sighed. “Well-”

Isabel would never find out what Buck was going to say, as the alarm went off at the other end of the phone.

“Chris, I have to go on a call.” Buck told him. “Will you be okay?”

Chris smiled down at the phone. “We’ll be okay kid.”

Buck laughed. “I love you Chris.”

“Love you too Bucky.”

Isabel moved forward as Buck ended the call. “Do you feel better now nieto?”

Christopher nodded. “Gracias Abuela.”

“Anything for you.”

***

“You good?” TK asked, watching Buck get off the phone and take a deep breath.

“Yea.” Buck nodded.

“Nope that word and that sound don’t match.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “That was Christopher.”

“Ah.”

“Yea.” Buck smiled. “I’m fine, let’s ride.”

They ran for the trucks, hoisting themselves up and getting comfortable as it rolled out of the station.

“What’s the call, Cap?” Paul asked as they headed out of the city proper.

“There’s a kid stuck in a grain silo.” Owen answered. “Dispatch says he’s up to his chest and having trouble breathing.”

“How the hell does a kid end up getting stuck in a grain silo fifty feet above the ground?” TK scoffed.

“It’s called walking the grain.” Judd answered. “People go up into the silo and they stomp around on the corn because it’s a cheap way to dislodge it from the drain.”

“Sounds like you’ve run a few of these Judd.” Owen noticed.

“Yup. We lose a few people a year to them down here. You get that much grain together and it’s like quicksand.”

“So, if he’s already up to his chest how long do we have to get him out?”

“Ten minutes at the most.” Judd told him. “It depends on the air pocket but you also can’t pull him out too fast or you’ll just rip him in half.”

“But? Its corn?” TK asked, confused.

“Yea it’s corn it weighs 1200 pounds per cubic yard. It’s like having four refrigerators stacked on top of every part of your body.”

“Yea its just corn and a tsunami is just water.” Buck spoke up, looking overwhelmed.

TK reached over and put a hand on his knee. “You good?”

“Good.” Buck nodded. “Just- The call earlier.”

“Alright here’s the deal then,” Owen spoke up again. “When we get there, Judd runs the call. You do what he says, when he says it.”

“Copy that.” The team answered.

They pulled up to the farm, seeing the caller waving frantically for their attention.

“Alright let’s raise the aerial.” Owen ordered. “Everyone with high angle training goes up.”

The team jumped to work, putting their harnesses on as Owen went to reassure the caller.

Before long they were up the ladder, standing at the top ready to go.

“Alrigth here’s what we’re going to do.” Judd shouted over the wind. “Once we get in there, you’re gonna put your platform down. You stay put! One false step can cause an air pocket. Nobody’s feet touches the corn.”

“Stick with me y’all and we’ll be okay.” Judd told them.

“Copy that.” They all answered, getting to work.

They worked in tandem, getting everyone in and surrounding the kid.

“How you doing, Derek?” Buck checked in on the kid.

“Been better.” The kid was gasping.

“We’re gonna get you out of there.” Judd assured him. “Raise your hand for me? Okay this horse collar is hooked to the aerial ladder. It’s gonna keep you up here with us while we work.”

“Panels coming in.” Paul called.

Judd nodded, turning to grab the first and continued explaining it to Derek. “We’re going to put these around you to form a seal so we can suck out the corn and relieve the pressure. Just try to relax and stay calm and we’ll get you out.”

They pushed the metal panels into the corn around Derek, working as the team they were meant to be.

“Ready?” Judd asked as the last panel slid into place.

“Sealed.” Paul answered.

“Alright we’re going to drop this in next to you, Derek.” Judd told him, bringing the suction rig in. “It’s going to suck the corn out from around you. Just keep your head up and keep breathing.”

“He’s starting to go again let’s do this.” Buck pointed out, watching the horse collar they had around him stretching as Derek sank.

“Drill.” Judd asked, reaching over to Paul. He took the drill, hooking it up to the rig. “Ready?”

“Ready.” The team answered.

Judd started the drill up, the team cheering as it started sucking the corn up from around Derek.

“We’re gonna get you Derek.” Buck assured the kid, who still looked scared.

“How are we looking?” Judd asked.

“Good on this side.” Paul answered.

“Good over here.” TK nodded.

Marjan leaned over to check the seals on her side, just as her line snapped. She stepped sideways, trying to balance herself, and stepped off her platform, right into Buck.

Both of them stumbled back, off the platforms, instantly sinking into the corn.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Judd shouted.

“My line snapped!” Marjan called.

“Hold on!” Judd told them. “Do not struggle!”

The entire silo fell silent, everyone staring at the two teammates, arm in arm, knee-deep in the corn. For a moment it seemed okay, and they sank suddenly to their waists.

“Air pocket! Everyone get to the wall!” Judd ordered, waving everyone away.

“What are we supposed to do?” Buck called. “We’re sinking!”

“Judd!” Marjan shouted. “Please!”

“Grab my hand!” TK called, trying to reach for them.

“TK don’t!” Judd grabbed the younger firefighter back. “You’ll only send them under!”

“They’re going under anyways!” TK protested. “I can save them!”

“Stay there!” Buck ordered him, staring at his friend. “See you at the bottom.”

Before any of them could say something else, the two were gone, buried in the corn.

***

_This was Buck’s biggest fear. Being back under the water. He had a hold of Christopher this time, but his grip was slipping. He tried to hold on, tried to scream as the boy slipped from his grasp, but it was all just silent in the darkness. He couldn’t breathe, there was nothing._

_The water started moving faster, tumbling Buck head over hells, throwing him around before coming to a step. Buck sat there, trying to catch his breathe. Christopher. He needed to find Christopher._

“Buck?”

_Buck heard his name, feeling a hand on his shoulder, and swung around, throwing a fist out. He didn’t need help. Chris needed help! Why did no one care that Chris was gone?!_

“Ev?”

 _Buck stopped. There was only one person who still called him that. He wasn’t in LA though. He was in…in_ Austin.

“Ty?” Buck gasped, looking up. He held back tears, seeing his best friend holding the side of his face. “Oh god did I-?”

“I’m okay.” TK assured him quickly. “I should have realized that would have been hard on you and not touched you so fast.”

“I’m sorry.” Buck told him, grabbing his arm.

“It’s okay.” TK smiled. “And don’t worry, nobody noticed with what else was happening.”

Buck looked where TK was glancing, seeing Marjan backed against the silo, Owen holding a jacket over her, and Paul and Judd standing guard.

“Her hijab came off.” TK whispered, answering Buck’s unasked question. “Her hair was far more interesting than your panic attack.”

Buck stared for a moment before noticing the fabric in the corn next to him. It was Marjan’s hijab. He grabbed it, getting to his feet quickly and hurrying over to her. He closed his eyes as he approached, trusting Paul and Judd to watch out for him if he was headed head-first into the silo, and held the fabric out to her under Owen’s turnout coat. “Here Marj.”

“Thank you.” Marjan whispered, shaking it out quickly before trying to cover herself without removing the coat TK was still holding over her head. When she was finished, she pushed his hands aside, heading immediately for the truck. Nobody said anything about the tears in her eyes.

“Let’s go.” Owen sighed. “We’re done here.”

***

“How are you doing?” Athena asked, taking the cup of tea Maddie offered.

The eldest Buckley sighed, staring down into her own cup. “I don’t know.”

“It’s okay to be not okay.” Hen assured her, reaching over to pat her hand.

“I know.” Maddie nodded. “I just-I keep thinking that I could have helped him. If he’d just talked to me, I could have helped.”

“You can’t blame yourself.” Athena told her.

“Can’t I?” Maddie asked. “I’ve gone through this. It was a different kind, but it was abuse from someone I loved nonetheless. I should have noticed.”

“He didn’t want you to notice.” Athena reminded her. “None of us realized just how good he is at hiding what’s going on in that head of his.”

“He’s my brother. I should have remembered.”

“Remembered?” Athena asked.

Maddie took a deep breath, centering herself. “I don’t how much he’s told you guys about our childhood.”

“Next to nothing.” Hen told her. “All we know is he’s from Pennsylvania and doesn’t talk to his parents much anymore.”

“I’m not surprised.” Maddie sighed. “Buck never liked talking about Mom and Dad.”

“I’m guessing you two didn’t have the kind of childhood our children have.” Athena guessed.

“That would be an understatement.” Maddie laughed. “They didn’t really want kids. We were just another prop in their picture-perfect lives. Mom struggled after my birth, and if I had been a son, I don’t think Buck would have been conceived. Dad demanded a son though, and so a son was born. But we weren’t loved by them. In between appearances in public, it was better if we could convince them that we didn’t exist in the house.”

Athena spoke up softly. “Did they-?”

“Hit us?” Maddie jumped in. “Yea. Buck more than me. He was the son, so he was supposed to be tough and strong and have no emotion. Just like our father. Mom kept him away from me most of the time, citing weak female build as a reason not to hit me as hard. But if Buck didn’t have to appear at a function with him anytime soon, Dad wouldn’t hesitate.”

“He never told us.” Hen sighed, holding back tears.

“He doesn’t like to remember.” Maddie told her. “But you can see why what the team did hurt him so much. Growing up the people who were supposed to love him destroyed him. But he’s still loving and caring and gives his heart out so easily. And it keeps getting him in trouble.”

“If I ever meet your parents, I’m arresting them.” Athena declared. “And I don’t care if the statute of limitations is up, I’ll find something to pin on them.”

“You won’t. They don’t leave the town anymore. They have power there.”

“And if I see Buck, I’m giving him a hug and telling him not to scare me like this ever again.” Hen added.

Maddie smiled. “He’d like that.”

***

“Well that was shit.” Marjan declared, sitting at the foot of Buck’s bunk.

Buck laughed. “That might be an understatement.”

Marjan smiled, looking down at her hands. “Mateo doesn’t understand why I’m upset.”

“Did you try explaining?”

“Yep,” Marjan nodded. “He told me I shouldn’t be ashamed because my hair’s so pretty.”

“Fucking probies.” Buck scoffed.

“Someone got it on video.”

“Oh shit.” Buck swore, seeing the bigger problem now.

“Yea.”

“How many views?”

“It’s already at 300 thousand.”

“Fuck.”

“He captioned it ‘Damn #FireFox got some locks under that cap’.” Marjan told him.

“Want me to find him and make him pay?” Buck asked.

Marjan laughed. “That won’t stop it now.”

“No but it might make you feel better.”

“Violence isn’t always the answer DisasterBoy.”

Buck shrugged. “Seemed to work for me in the past.”

“Except when someone tried to ask about that night.” Marjan pointed out.

The smile fell off Buck’s face, remembering the first time he got recognized in public by a reporter. She was just starting out and thought it’d be a great idea to ask him how it felt to be crushed under a firetruck. Last he’d heard, she’d given up on the reporter dream after he broke a table in front of her.

“Sorry.” Marjan sighed. “I shouldn’t have-”

“It’s okay.” Buck assured her, moving to sit next to her. “But I’m serious. We’re got your back.”

“And we’ve got yours.” Marjan told him. “Don’t think I didn’t notice the tears in your eyes while I was hiding my own.”

Buck ducked his head. “Yea. Sinking like that…wasn’t the best memories.”

“I’m sorry for knocking you in.”

“Don’t be.” Buck told her. “Accidents happen and I was going to have to face it someday.”

“Still allowed to be sorry I made it today.”

Buck shrugged. “TK will make me talk about it after our shift. I’ll probably cry, probably throw something, probably cry some more, and then sleep like a baby having nightmares. It happens though and I’m not mad at you. How about you?”

Marjan shrugged. “It’s not so much a trauma for me as it is just deeply unsettling. The idea that 300 thousand people have seen my hair makes me want to shave it all off and burn it. It’s…it’s not comfortable. And Probie said I should be used to going viral but it’s usually for something I did well and not the reveal of such an intimate part of myself.”

“I understand.” Buck nodded, putting an arm around her. “And I support you. And you are allowed to be upset. Just because my response would be considered ‘worse’ by most people doesn’t mean I will get mad if you’re upset today.”

Marjan looked at him, tears in her eyes. “Thank you.”

Buck smiled. “That’s what family is for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post as much this week but I just finished the first draft of Chapter 9 and y'all are gonna hate me. I look forward to it!


	8. Chapter 8

By the time shift was over, everyone was exhausted. Owen drove them all home, the three of them all splitting up to their rooms to clean up.

Buck finished showering, taking time to himself after to wash his face and put on the moisturizer Owen had given him. It was working pretty well and honestly Buck was loving the way he felt. He didn’t bother redoing his hair, just wanting to be comfortable in his new home.

As he was finishing, there was a knock at his door.

“One sec!” He called back.

“It’s me Ev.” TK’s voice came through. “I don’t care if you’re dressed or not, I just wanna talk.”

“That’s fair.” Buck answered.

The door opened, TK coming in and throwing himself on Buck’s bed.

“That’s an interesting approach to a conversation.” Buck laughed.

“Shut up and put pants on and come hold me.” TK ordered, face down in the bedding.

Buck chuckled. “Okay then.”

TK laid there while Buck dropped his towel, grabbing the sweatpants he’d laid out before and pulling them on. As soon as he was dressed, he dropped down on the bed next to TK.

“What’s up?” Buck asked, admittedly concerned.

“I need you to convince me not to go out tonight.” TK told him, moving his head to Buck’s chest.

“Why?” Buck asked. “You usually love going out to have a good time.”

“Except I don’t want to have a good time.”

“Ty, you’re not considering-”

“No, I’m not thinking about finding something to take.” TK assured him. “At least no more than any other day after a long shift.”

“Then what are you craving?”

“Violence.” TK admitted quietly.

Buck startled. “I’m sorry what?”

“Everything is grey and empty and I can’t feel anything except withdrawl and pain. And I can’t solve either one of them but if I went to a bar and found somebody to just, you know, smack me around a bit…”

“That’s not going to solve anything.”

“But it’ll at least let me feel something.”

“Tyler.” Buck snapped. “That won’t solve anything.”

TK groaned, flipping over onto his back next to Buck. “I know.”

“Then why?”

“The cop.”

“Carlos?”

“Yea.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing and it fucking sucks.” TK groaned.

“More words, Ty.” Buck sighed. “You gotta use more words.”

“I told you he made me dinner?” TK asked.

“Yea the day you first hooked up with him, right?”

“I thought he was calling me for another round of fun, and then I got there and jumped right in only for him to push me off of him and show me this full dinner he’d spent all this time preparing. And I made him feel shit about it!” TK exclaimed.

“Slow down Ty.” Buck whispered, reaching over to put a hand on TK’s shoulder. “What happened?”

“He made this whole meal and offered me wine, which I couldn’t accept, and then started talking about the food and everything and I-I told him I wasn’t interested in a relationship.”

“That seems like a normal conversation so far…” Buck told him.

“He got upset. He said it was a meal, not a marriage proposal.”

“Ahhh there’s the awkward.”

“I got up and left.” TK took a deep breath. “And I know it upset him because at none of the calls today could he even look in eyes.”

“Okay.” Buck sighed. “How does this tie with your craving, Ty?”

“When I was with him…” TK bit his lip. “I felt something. For the first time since Alex left me alone at that table in the restaurant, I _felt something_. And it felt so fucking good. But he won’t even look at me now and the feeling is gone and somehow the whole is even bigger than it was before.”

Buck gripped TK’s shoulder tighter, pulling the younger man against him. TK threw an arm around Buck, sighing into Buck’s shoulder.

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened in New York.” Buck told him. “You can’t be upset that you got upset when he unknowingly sent you back there. And you can’t blame him for being upset with you either because he doesn’t know. Right?”

TK nodded. “I haven’t told him anything.”

“Well maybe you should.”

TK bit his lip again, taking a deep breath as he thought about it. “Maybe I will.”

Buck laughed. “And maybe don’t go out just to get punched.”

“I can’t say I still don’t want to.” TK admitted.

“Yea but you have me right here and I’m sure there’s something I can punch you over.”

That succeed in making TK laugh, diffusing the last of the stress from his body. He settled into Buck’s side more comfortably.

“So, you wanna talk about that call today?” TK asked.

“Nope.” Buck told him.

“Not about the panic attack?”

“Nope.”

“Or the fact that you thought Marjan was Chris?”

“Nope. Wait, how did you-?”

“You kept looking at her the entire truck ride back and then didn’t take your eyes off her if you were in the same room for the rest of the day.” TK told him. “And I know you well enough to know why.”

“I still don’t want to talk about it.”

“You know you need to.”

“I will talk to the therapist about it.” Buck suggested.

“Buck you and the therapist haven’t even made it to the truck explosion part of your life. You really think you’re going to get to this?”

Buck sighed. “I-I just wish I was able to forget.”

“Don’t we all.”

“How do you keep going?” Buck asked. “Every single day, knowing you could make it all go away with just a couple pills? And you even know what it feels like, to not worry anymore.”

“I don’t know.” TK admitted. “Mostly, I think about my dad. He found me when I OD’d in New York. He was the one to bring me back to life. I don’t want to do that to him again. I can suffer through my pain and withdrawl if it means that he doesn’t have to suffer too.”

Buck held TK a little tighter. “Talk to me if it gets bad?”

“Only if you promise the same.”

“Deal.”

***

“How’s it going?” Chimney asked, settling onto the couch in the loft at the station.

“Athena won’t talk to me until I get my head on straight.” Bobby admitted. “She says she still loves me, but she’s upset that I didn’t get my head out of my ass sooner.”

“Maddie’s the same way.” Chimney sighed. “Except she’s pissed that I didn’t stop you from hurting her brother.”

“It wasn’t your responsibility to stop me.” Bobby assured him. “It was my responsibility to notice that I was crossing a line. You all just followed command.”

“Maddie doesn’t care how you feel, she blames me.”

“They should just blame me.” Eddie sighed, his voice rough. “I’m the one that took it too far.”

“We all did.” Bobby told him.

“You never ran your shoulder into him hard enough to bruise because you knew he was still on blood thinners and you wanted to see him wince from the pain so you could assure yourself that he was weak and didn’t deserve to be here even though he’d never been anything but supportive of you and your son.” Eddie shot back. “I know I fucked up. Frank has been more than clear about getting that into my head. I fucked up big time.”

“We all did.” Bobby repeated. “We all messed up and it’s a wonder he stayed as long as he did.”

“We still don’t know where he went?” Chimney asked.

“I have no idea.” Bobby answered. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them knows something. They supported him through everything, and he would still be loyal to them even as we hurt him.”

“We just have to prove that we can change.” Chimney nodded. “And maybe they’ll forgive us and let us try to earn his forgiveness too.”

“I don’t deserve it.” Eddie sighed. “Not yet at least. Not until I get my anger under control.”

“I believe in you.” Bobby smiled at him.

“I don’t.” Eddie admitted.

Before the other two could say anything, the alarm was going off and they were headed for the trucks.

***

“How are you doing?” Buck asked, leaning against the post Marjan was at. “And don’t lie to me because I’ve been watching you.”

“Everything’s fine.” Marjan sighed.

“Liar.” Paul told her. “You look like you’re working up an ulcer. Biting your lip, rubbing the back of your neck, classic self-soothing gestures. Very unusual for you.”

“You’re kinda creepy sometimes, you know that?”

“I just see what I see.” Paul shrugged.

“Seriously though, what’s wrong?” Buck prodded.

Marjan sighed. “I got slut shamed at the mosque.”

“For the hijab malfunction?” Paul asked.

“Not just that. I’ve been told to find a new place to worship because apparently I am ‘too proud’ to be with them.”

“Are you?” Buck asked her. “Proud I mean.”

“Of course.” Marjan told him. “I’m good at my job, so yea I’m proud. But I’m weirdly ashamed at the same time.”

“I feel that.” Buck scoffed.

“Me too.” Paul agreed.

“I-Is it weird that I keep thinking it’s going to just fall off again?” Marjan asked. “Even though it’s never done that before.”

“No its not weird.” Buck assured her. “You’re anxious. It’s okay.”

“I just feel like I shouldn’t be.” She admitted. “Like, I know in my heart it was an anomaly. I tie it the same way, the same security, and the same faith that it won’t unravel. But even when I jumped off a bridge to save people, my hijab stayed on. So why did it happen today? And what’s to stop it from happening again?”

“You can’t keep thinking like that.” Paul told her. “That just ruins you.”

“He’s right.” Buck nodded. “It happened, you’ll live through it, and we’ll both pray that we never get another silo call again.”

Marjan laughed. “I guess.”

“Besides,” Buck added. “You know we have your back.”

“I know.” She smiled. “And thank you for that.”

Buck grinned, bumping shoulders with her.

“Now real talk.” She said.

“Oh here we go.” Paul laughed.

“Hit me.” Buck gestured.

“What’s up with TK and the cop?” She smirked, looking across the bar.

Buck laughed, looking over as well at the two of them, shooting darts together. He could tell that they were flirting, TK had the same smile on that Buck was very familiar with, watching Carlos throw. “There’s something growing there, but I think TK is scared. I had to convince him to say yes when Carlos asked him out tonight.”

“Is that why we all got invites out as well?” Paul asked.

“Yup.” Buck grinned. “Couldn’t let him down.”

As if hearing their thoughts, TK jogged over, grinning.

“Speak of the devil and he shall come.” Buck sighed, getting Marjan to laugh.

“Ha ha you’re very funny.” TK rolled his eyes. “I just wanted to thank you.”

“Having fun then?”

“He is _very_ hot.” TK agreed.

The other three laughed, enjoying the grin on TK’s face.

“You stay safe over there or I’m gonna have to come fight him.” Buck warned. “And you feel free to tell him that.”

“He’s packing.” TK grinned.

“Ah yes, TK’s biggest weakness.” Buck sighed. “A confident man packing heat. I’ll still beat him up though.”

“I’ll let him know.” TK laughed, heading to the bar for another mineral water.

“You’re a damn good friend Buckley.” Marjan told him.

Buck smiled. “I try to be.”

The two of them kept talking as the bar moved around them, Buck kept an eye on TK to make sure he was doing okay. He didn’t think to keep an eye on Owen though, at the bar with Michelle and apparently getting quite drunk. Before long, Owen was stumbling over to them, grabbing onto Buck’s arm.

“You need to take me home before I make a mistake.” Owen told her.

“Owen? You okay?”

“Buck.” Owen begged. “Please.”

“Yea, yea of course.” Buck assured him. “Let me just make sure TK knows we’re leaving. Marjan, Paul, watch him?”

“You got it.” Paul promised.

Buck ran over to TK and Carlos, letting TK know quick that he had to take Owen home. Carlos immediately offered to drop TK off at home when they left, freeing Buck to take Owen in their shared ride. He then went back, getting Owen and getting him out to the car.

“What mistake are you trying to make?” Buck asked, once they were on the way.

“Michelle told me about her sister.” Owen sighed. “She disappeared three years ago and the boyfriend won’t talk to Michelle because she blamed him at first and I want nothing more in this moment than to go to his house, punch him in the face, and force him to cooperate.”

“Yea definitely a bad idea.” Buck agreed. “But why ask me instead of TK?”

Owen sighed, thumping his head back against the seat. “Because he looked happy with that cop. I don’t think he realized that I noticed, but I did. The looks on calls, the smiles, the attention tonight. That cop could make TK so happy if he let him.”

“He could also break him again.” Buck reminded him.

“Yea. But it’ll be one more support when I die.”

“I’m sorry _when_ you die?” Buck repeated.

“Shit.” Owen swore. “I didn’t want to tell you.”

“Owen.” Buck demanded pulling the car over. “What’s going on? We’re family right? Talk to me.”

“I have cancer.” Owen admitted, closing his eyes and dropping his head into his hands. “Stage one. It’s in my lungs. From the towers.”

“Fuck.” Buck sighed. “Why hasn’t TK said anything to me about it?”

Owen didn’t say anything, but wouldn’t look Buck in the eyes.

“You haven’t told him.” Buck realized. “Owen, what the hell? You need to tell him!”

“I can’t.” Owen cried. “I can’t tell him because he’s already gone through enough.”

“He will be more upset if you don’t talk to him about it soon.” Buck told him. “You know he hated that about Alex. That he never actually opened up to TK.”

“I know.” Owen sighed. “I just-I don’t know how.”

“Well, you might want to figure that out.” Buck told him. “Because I won’t keep this from him for long and he should hear it from you, not me.”

“Alright.” Owen agreed. “Can we go home now?”

“Are you going to promise me to tell him?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes, I will take you home and get you some Gatorade or something. You shouldn’t be drinking on chemo anyways and you know it. But you need to tell him. And the rest of the team.”

“I will.” Owen promised again. “You’re right. He deserves to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone think they know what's coming? I'll hopefully be posting Chapter 9 tomorrow!
> 
> Also I have this story planned out through Chapter 15 and there's still things I need to do so hope you're here for the long haul!


	9. Chapter 9

_“We have a severe weather alert in Austin today…”_ The weatherman was saying on the television.

“Oh boy it’s gonna be a long shift today.” TK sighed.

“That is why we are kicking things of with Paul’s world-famous spicy sausage rigatoni.” Paul grinned, stirring the pot in front of him.

“Sausage?” Marjan asked. “Really dude?”

“Chill. It’s turkey.” Paul smiled.

“Wait but how spicy are we talking?” Judd called, putting down placemats. “Cause my Scotch-Irish constitution rejects all things cayan.”

“I like spicy.” Mateo jumped in.

“Yes!” Paul cheered, pointing at the probie.

“Alright well then you can have bathroom duty.” Judd told him.

“Somebody’s on a trip today.” Buck laughed, bringing the plates to the table.

“Is it that obvious?” Judd asked, looking at TK.

Tk shrugged, not saying anything.

“I don’t know.” Judd sighed. “Me and Grace had a little disagreement before work.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Buck asked.

“Hell no.” Judd answered.

Before anyone could say anything else, they all stopped to listen as the storm got worse, the lights flickering a little.

“Hey, go take down the colors.” Judd told Mateo. “We don’t fly them in rough weather.”

“Why me? I got the salad to do.” Mateo protested.

“Cuz you’re the probie.” The rest answered.

“Right.” Mateo sighed. “Alright.”

“I’ll come help you.” Buck told him.

“Thanks brother.” Mateo grinned.

The two of them headed out, grabbing their jackets on the way. Everybody else finished setting the table, making their own plates and settling down. As they were tucking in, Owen finally joined them.

“Immpecable timing Cap,” Judd called. “Want me to make you a plate?”

“Oh no I’m good.” Owen told him.

“Come on Cap, you’re not about to do my rigatoni like that.” Paul protested. “It’s halal, gluten free, nitrate-free, and perfectly balanced because you all are the hardest bunch of people to cook for.”

“It’s okay.” Owen told him, sitting down. “I got a burger on the way in.”

“Wait you eat burgers?” Marjan asked.

“I haven’t seen you eat a burger since Derek Jeter retired.”

“Yea I passed a place and it looked good so I stopped.” Owen shrugged.

“What place?” Paul asked.

“The one over by the…” Owen trailed off, obviously lying.

“Over on Addison.” Judd jumped in. “The place I told you about. King’s Broiler. Grace says it’s the best veggie burger in town. Did you do the whole lettuce bun thing she was talking about?”

“I did.” Owen agreed, looking relieved. “It was delicious.”

“Thanks for the invite.” TK told him. “You know Buck and I love a good burger.”

Owen was saved from defending himself by a bang outside, followed immediately by a call for help.

The team immediately jumped to their feet, running to help their teammate. As they got outside, they saw Mateo hanging from the firehouse banner, the ladder knocked over beneath him, and Buck curled up in a ball on the ground against the door.

“Cap!” Mateo shouted. “The banner came loose in the wind! Something happened to Buck!”

“I got him.” TK called, moving quickly to Buck’s side.

“Alright the rest of you help get him down!” Owen ordered. The team moved around to stand under Mateo, arms out to catch him. “Probie! Let go!”

Mateo, trusting his teammates, dropped his grip, sliding down and into their waiting hands. They set him down on the ground and Owen leaned in.

“You good?” He asked.

Mateo nodded.

“First time I’ve ever saved a firefighter at a fire station.” Paul shouted over the wind.

“Welcome to Texas!” Judd called back.

“You get the colors down Probie?” Marjan asked.

Mateo opened his coat to show the two flags tucked inside. “Right here!”

They started laughing, but stopped as they heard Buck’s shout from the door. They turned seeing TK holding his friend up as Buck stared into the distance. They turned to look as well, jaws dropping at what they saw.

“Are those-?” Mateo asked.

“Tornadoes!” Owen confirmed. “Judd! What’s the Texas protocol?”

“Protocol is DefCon One!” Judd answered. “We keep our asses save so we can save everybody else later!”

“You heard the man! Everybody inside!” Owen ordered.

The team followed the Captain inside, TK and Buck bringing up the rear as TK got Buck to stop staring at the coming storm.

“Come on Buck we’re going to the bunks.” TK told him, pulling him towards the sleeping quarters.

Buck followed along blindly, obviously not entirely present with them. The team watched the pair of them go.

“He going to be okay?” Mateo asked.

“TK will help him.” Owen assured him. “What triggered him?”

“I got startled by a flash of lightning and knocked the ladder over.” Mateo sighed. “I think the crash sent him somewhere else.”

“It’s not your fault.” Marjan smiled sadly. “Storms are a rough one for a lot of people. We’ll give them some time to themselves and then we can all go show support, yea?”

The rest of the team nodded, going back to their dinners with less gusto than before.

Meanwhile, TK got Buck into the bunk room, sitting him down on the bed.

“Okay.” TK took a deep breath. “First things first, dry clothes. I’m sure being wet isn’t helping right now.”

“I need to help him.” Buck told him, looking up at TK.

“Who do you need to help?” TK asked.

“Christopher.” Buck answered. “He’s scared of the storms now.”

“Christopher is back in LA, Buck.” TK reminded him. “You’re in Austin. Do you want to check the weather in LA to make sure there aren’t any storms?”

Buck thought for a moment before nodding. “Please.”

TK pulled his phone out, pulling up the LA weather easily. “See? Sunny skies all day and a clear night ahead of them.”

Buck took the phone, staring down at the information for a long moment. “He’s safe?”

“Christopher is in no danger from that tornado.” TK agreed. “Now, can we get you out of these wet clothes?”

Buck didn’t answer, but he did hand the phone back and start taking his shirt off. As he pulled it over his head, TK started to move away from him. He shot a hand out, grabbing TK’s belt with practiced ease, keeping the other near him.

“Buck, I’m not going far.” TK tried to assure him.

“Stay.” Buck choked out.

TK sighed, stepping back towards Buck and pulling him into his arms. Buck settled into TK’s grip with a small sigh, resting his ear over TK’s heart.

“This isn’t going to stop you from catching a cold.” TK reminded him after a moment.

“Then warm me up baby.” Buck shot back.

“Not like that.” TK chuckled. “Let me grab a towel and your change of clothes?”

Buck looked at him for a moment, before letting his arms fall and giving a small nod. TK hurried, going to Buck’s drawers to grab what he needed. Buck stared, watching TK move away from him, grab the things, and return. As soon as he was back in reach, Buck reached out to press a hand to his waist, assuring himself that TK was really there.

“I’m not leaving.” TK whispered to him. “Not unless you tell me to.”

Buck smiled a little, taking the offered towel. He’d always believed in that voice. “Thank you.”

“I’m always going to have your back.” TK reminded him. “But right now, I’d like to take your pants off.”

As TK predicted, that startled a laugh from Buck. “Not the first time you’ve said that to me.”

TK laughed as well, shrugging. “It’s never failed me yet.”

Buck still had a smile on his face as he did as asked, taking his pants off and drying off.

“Is Mateo okay?” Buck asked. “I was supposed to be holding his ladder.”

“He’s fine.” TK assured him. “The others helped him down and I’m pretty sure he’s more worried about you right now than himself.”

Buck sighed, pulling his dry pair of pants on and sitting back down. “I don’t want him to have to worry. I don’t want any of them to have to worry.”

“To bad because I’m pretty sure that was like top on the job qualifications.” TK told him, sitting down as well. “It said ‘Worry about Evan Buckley and Save Lives’ right at number one.”

Buck rolled his eyes, leaning heavily against TK. “I don’t want to be a burden they have to worry about.”

“They don’t worry because you’re a burden.” TK told him. “They worry because you’re family. Family doesn’t ever stop worrying.”

“Until you’re not family anymore…” Buck whispered.

TK groaned, shoving his shoulder up so Buck had to sit up again. Then he grabbed Buck’s face and made him look into his eyes. “Would you stop basing your worth on those idiots? They didn’t recognize you for the amazing person and firefighter that you are, so they don’t get the right to determine your value. You’ve saved my life more times than I care to admit, you’re going to try to tell me I can’t love you?”

“I-I don’t…” Buck sighed. He broke out of TK’s grip and looked back down at his hands. “You’ve saved me just as many times.”

“We are not here to talk about my self-worth issues, we are talking about yours.”

“But you can’t tell me not to base my worth on them when I know you’re doing the same with Alex. And the guys before him.”

“How did this turn into a roast TK session?”

Buck laughed, just a little, but it made TK smile to hear it.

“Look.” TK took a deep breath. “We’ve both been through some shit, together and separately, but we’re still here. You’re still alive, still fighting, and still one of the most important people in the world to me. And I wish you would just talk to me. I know you have nightmares about those assholes in LA. I know you dream about the tsunami, and the firetruck, and the abandonment, but you’ve never actually _talked_ about what happened. Don’t you think it might be time?”

“I’ll talk about my trauma when you talk about Alex.” Buck told him.

TK groaned. “Tough deal.”

“You know you need to.”

“I know.” TK sighed. “But talking about Alex means talking about the OD. And the original addiction. And the pain.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” Buck told him.

“I don’t blame you, if that’s what you keep thinking.” TK informed him. “You were living your life the way you had always wanted to. I wasn’t going to keep you where you didn’t want to be, no matter what I was feeling.”

“I know, but I still feel bad.”

TK scoffed. “Mr. Firehose the Heartbreaker, still guilty about his first victim?”

Buck turned quickly, grabbing TK’s arm. “Is that actually what you think of yourself as? A victim? Mine?”

“No.” TK quickly assured. “Probably bad time for that joke, but I meant it when I said I don’t blame you. I made the choice. You didn’t force me to take those pills.”

Buck took a deep breath, holding back tears. “When your dad called me…I-I was so scared I was going to lose you.”

TK’s eyes welled up too, seeing his best friend start to cry. “I’m sorry. I know I should have talked to you when I realized I had a problem, but I didn’t want to distract from your new life in LA. I didn’t want you to feel like I was just trying to manipulate you into something.”

“I wouldn’t have.” Buck assured him. “I can understand the worry, but I wouldn’t have accused you of that. Just because I left doesn’t mean I stopped loving you.”

TK smiled, pulling Buck into a tight hug. “I never did either.”

“Well this is a sight I haven’t had to deal with in a while.”

The two jumped apart at the sound of Owen’s voice, looking to see him and the rest of the team standing in the door.

“You always have had impeccable timing.” TK groaned.

“Hey at least I’m wearing pants.” Buck shrugged. “It’s been worse.”

“Wait, am I hearing what I think I’m hearing?” Marjan demanded.

“Did you not know they were exes?” Paul asked her. “They’ve been pretty obvious about it.”

“Everything is obvious to you.” Judd reminded him. “Not the rest of us.”

Paul shrugged. “They’re far more comfortable with each other’s bodies, movement and rhythms, to have never shared a bed. Yet there’s no residual heat, meaning that passion has all died down, leaving them as close as they can be without the awkwardness in the way.”

“I’m confused.” Mateo announced, holding a hand up.

“We fucked in college.” Buck told him with a smirk. “I taught him all he knows.”

“Oh, I’ve learned plenty since then.” TK told him.

“I don’t need to hear this.” Owen sighed, making the team laugh.

“I’m gonna second that.” Judd scoffed. “There’s things I don’t need to know y’all.”

“What happened?” Marjan asked. “You two said you hadn’t seen each other in years.”

“I graduated and decided to move to LA to join the best firefighting program in the nation.” Buck told him. “Broke TK’s heart on the way out the door, but we stayed friends, and the distance dealt with anything left over.”

“Who says my heart was broke?” TK defended.

“That would be me.” Owen told him. “I can confirm that part, if you care to remember.”

TK blushed.

“Well,” Marjan laughed. “We were coming to see if you were okay.”

“Thank you.” Buck told her with smile. “I’m okay, I just-I keep remembering.”

“You know my therapist says it’s because we get stuck.” Judd told him, crossing the room to sit with them.

“Stuck?” Owen asked.

“Yea, there’s a fancy word for it but I don’t remember.” Judd shrugged. “But he explained it like when you get out of the car halfway through a song and have it stuck in your head the rest of the day. Our brain can’t complete the thought, so it’s stuck in the cycle.”

Everyone looked at Buck, who looked down at his hands.

“We won’t make you talk.” TK whispered to him.

“I want to.” Buck told him, looking up, a new determination in his eyes. “I want to tell you guys why I moved to Austin.”

However, as it is in the life of a first responder, before he could start his story, the alarm was going off.

“Guess it’s going to have to wait.” Buck scoffed.

“Storm must have blown through.” Owen sighed. “We’re in for a long night.”

“We won’t get much of another break, so after shift?” TK offered.

“I make a mean breakfast scramble.” Paul offered.

Buck smiled. “Deal. Now let’s go do what we do best.”

***

“Why do people have to be dumb this early in the morning?” Chimney groaned, dropping into his seat at the table.

“They just wanted to make sure we were up in time for shift change.” Bobby sighed, sitting down as well. “At least it was a quick call, so we still get to leave soon.”

“Yea complete with the homeowner screaming at us for saving her house but not her breakfast that she lit on fire.” Eddie scoffed.

“We signed up to serve.” Hen reminded them. “That means everyone.”

“We aren’t trying to say we aren’t glad to serve.” Bobby told her.

Hen just shrugged, going to the couch, and turning on the morning news.

“Anything good happen?” Chimney called over to her.

“Tornadoes in Austin.” Hen answered, watching the news report. “Apparently the first responders worked overtime to get everyone taken care of.”

The men walked over, standing around to watch the report.

“And with such an aggressive and destructive storm, most people would expect the city to take its time recovering, but today things are already getting back to normal.” The reporter was saying. “The first responders of the 142 and the 126 reported for their first call immediately after the storm blew through, working to save a woman from her car, stuck two stories off the ground stuck between two buildings.”

The TV cut to a clip of two firefighters, climbing into the windows as the car shifted. They watched as the firefighters worked quickly, smashing the sunroof of the car to drop the woman into the safety pillow below. Then the two of them dropped together, landing on the pillow as it was pulled out from beneath the car, which immediately fell to the ground.

“Daamn.” Chimney called. “That was intense.”

“I’m glad they got out.” Hen agreed.

“This same crew later almost lost one of their own earlier this morning.” The reporter continued. “Reports say the house collapsed with two kids stuck in the bathroom, hiding in the tub.”

It jumped from the reporter to another clip, showing a crew standing together, looking towards a completely destroyed house.

“The firefighter that went in to retrieve the kids was nearly lost as the supports of the airpocket he was in collapsed around him.” The reporter’s voice echoed over, showing the moment the house shifted, members of the team holding others back from running towards the house. The 118 watched, remembering their moment of terror when Buck got crushed by the firetruck. They knew that fear.

“However, never fear everyone, the firefighter came out, with both the children, and everyone was perfectly fine, just a bit dirty.” The reporter said with a smile as the firefighter did indeed crawl out the front door, two kids tucked under his arms. The cameraman zoomed in on the firefighter, breathing heavy as he got tackled by one of his teammates, immediately pulled into a hug.

“Wait.” Eddie gasped, snatching the remote to pause the video. “Is that-?”

“Buck.” Hen finished. “It’s Buck.”

***

As promised, once all the calls were done and they were released from duty, the entire team ended up at Owen’s house, filling the kitchen with laughter and smiles while Paul cooked.

“Wait so you’re telling me you seriously had to have your girl cut your throat open on your first _actual_ date because you forgot how to eat bread?” Judd laughed, making Buck blush.

“I just got so nervous seeing her I took too big of a bite, and then choked, and then decided to just do one better and take a drink of water to get it stuck.” Buck nodded. “It was pretty embarrassing.”

“Yea but that ain’t nothing on some of my dates.” Paul jumped in. “You think you have it rough, pretty boy with the big muscles and packing exactly what they think you’re carrying.”

“Eh they actually underestimate me.” Buck responded with a smirk.

“His nickname in college was Firehose.” TK announced.

“There are some things son, that I don’t want to know.” Owen cringed.

TK and Buck just grinned.

“I cannot believe I never noticed that before.” Marjan groaned. “Now it’s obvious.”

“I think it’s worse now that we know.” Mateo assured her. “They just like seeing Cap blush.”

“It always was one of my favorite activities at college.” Buck agreed. “That and you know, making TK flush too.”

On cue, TK went bright red. “I hate you.”

Buck just laughed.

“Okay enough of that talk while I’m cooking.” Paul declared. “Otherwise I’m not going to have any appetite when we actually eat.”

“Food bribery always works.” Buck nodded quickly. “My lips are sealed.”

“Thank god that hasn’t changed.” Owen sighed in relief.

“I know far to much about you now.” Judd groaned.

“And after this, we’re talking, right?” TK asked, looking at Buck.

The other nodded. “I want you all to know. Everything. I trust you.”

“We’ve got your back, kid.” Judd assured him, clapping him on the back.

“I am not that much younger than you.” Buck protested.

“Too bad.” Judd shrugged. “Would you rather I call you sport?”

“God please don’t.” Buck begged.

Judd shrugged. “Kid it is then.”

The teasing continued, the whole team laughing and enjoying each other’s company, even after such a long and grueling shift. Paul had made a breakfast feast of massive portions, that they all dug into with gusto after not eating much all night. By the time they were done, all of them were happy, sated, and relaxed in their seats.

“God, Paul if you’re going to keep cooking like this, I’m going to have to workout more.” TK groaned, rubbing his stomach.

Paul just laughed.

“Maybe don’t eat three portions and you’ll do better.” Judd suggested.

“Nope.” TK told him. “It just tastes too good.”

“Well I don’t know about you, but it feels like a great time to talk about emotional trauma.” Buck joked. “Care to join me in the parlor for a good cry?”

The team laughed, but all got to their feet to follow into the living room. They piled onto the couches and chairs, sprawling out with full bellies and small smiles. They were all ready to support Buck no matter what he said.

“Okay.” Buck sighed, once they all got comfortable. “So, some of this TK and Cap will know, TK knows a bit more, but not everything. And I hope that none of you judge me for anything I did back there.”

“Brothers don’t judge.” Judd told him.

“We’ve got your back.” Paul assured him.

“In my case literally.” TK grinned from the spot he’d claimed behind Buck on the couch, intending to remain physical support the entire time.

As intended, that got Buck to loosen up a bit and he smiled as he looked around the room again. “I trust you all.” He repeated. “So as TK and I said this morning, we met at college.”

“More than met it sounded like.” Marjan joked.

“Yes, we ended up dating for almost a year.” Buck told them. “I was the one who ended it because I was graduating and moving to LA to join the fire department there and I didn’t want TK to choose between following me a year later or going to his dad’s station like he’d always dreamed. So, I made the choice and broke it off.”

“He talks like I was such a damsel.” TK scoffed. “You took it just as much.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Anyways. Once I moved to LA, I found a place renting with some other people, and joined the academy. I flew through and ended up getting placed at the 118, which immediately felt like home the first day I reported to Captain Bobby Nash. They treated me like a brother, a family I never had growing up because my parents didn’t love my sister and I as their children, it was more of property for them.”

“I’m still going to fight them if I meet them.” TK told him.

“That’s not the story we’re telling right now.” Buck reminded him.

TK shrugged. “Another day then.”

“Trauma meetings sounds great.” Paul laughed. “I’ve got plenty to cover you Judd, don’t worry.”

“I-” Judd tried to protest, then sighed. “That’s fair.”

Buck smiled. “Shall I continue?”

“Please do.” Marjan answered.

“Okay. So, when I moved to LA I wasn’t quite over TK, even though I ended it, so I became a bit of a manwhore.”

“I’m sorry a what?” Marjan laughed.

“I said what I meant.” Buck assured her. “I had just about every hookup app I could get, and met up with girls regularly just to have some fun. I told myself I didn’t care about feelings, that they didn’t matter, and I was just having fun. My team always gave me shit about it, but at the time it just felt like familial teasing. Looking back, it was a bit more than that. I don’t think they had a whole lot of respect for because on calls, my opinion didn’t matter much. I know I was impulsive, especially at first, but it was just because I was excited with the job.”

“Everyone gets that way.” Owen assured him.

“Oh yea.” Judd agreed. “We had some wild ones, but they were always some of the best. Fearless and ready to learn everything.”

“Well it changed a bit after I lost my first.” Buck told them. “It was a rollercoaster, stuck upside down and the bar opened up. His best friend had already fallen and didn’t make it. I got up there and all he had to do was reach his hand out and grab mine, but instead he dropped.”

“Tell them about the therapist.” TK whispered.

Buck bit his lip, taking a deep breath. “The department therapist I was assigned to after that call coerced me into having sex with her in order to get cleared to return to work.”

“WHAT?” The team exclaimed.

“Buck that’s-” Marjan spoke up.

“I know what it is.” Buck told her. “But I couldn’t tell anyone because I was a manwhore, like I said, and I knew they’d blame me for it. So, I didn’t tell anyone, just went back to work.”

“If that ever happens to anyone in this room, I want you to tell me immediately.” Owen declared. “I don’t care who or why, but I _will_ have them removed from work.”

“And I’ll make sure they don’t work again.” Judd added.

“Thanks guys.” Buck smiled, choking up a little. “Well it changed when I started talking on the phone with a 911 dispatcher named Abby. She was older than me, but for the first time I actually felt at peace with someone. We went months talking, never meeting up, and it was probably the healthiest relationship I had in LA. Then she left to find herself after her mom died. And I have never and will never blame her for that. I know more than anyone about leaving your life behind to better yourself.”

“That’s the girl who cut open your throat, right?” Mateo asked.

“Yes.” Buck nodded. “She called the emergency specialist at dispatch and was walked through the procedure on the floor of the restaurant before the ambulance arrived to save my life.”

“You loved her.” Paul noticed.

Buck nodded. “Yea. I still do really, just not in the same way. But when she left, we finally filled the final spot on our team. An army medic named Eddie Diaz.”

“Bastard.” TK muttered.

Buck elbowed him. “Shut up and let them make their own decisions.”

“He’s a fucking bastard I don’t know what you want me to say.” TK shrugged.

“What happened?” Marjan asked.

“He became my best friend.” Buck told her with a smile. “Between him and his son, an adorable kid named Christopher, I was the happiest I’d ever been. And then someone put a bomb on our firetruck and everyone else was thrown clear, but I was pinned underneath the truck for ten minutes before they got the bomber under control and they were able to move it off me.”

“The bystanders helped, didn’t they?” Marjan asked. “I remember the video.”

Buck nodded. “My team and the cops weren’t enough, and they just jumped in to help get me out. It took me three months to heal, retrain, and recertify. I broke fucking records on the tests, proving that I was ready. And then I had a pulmonary embolism on my Captain’s back porch during my congratulations party.”

“Oh shit.” Mateo swore.

“Yea it wasn’t fun.”

“What happened?” Paul asked.

“Clots in my leg from the screws.” Buck told him. “I got put on blood thinners and got right back to work, trying to return to work because they were the only family I had. The only people I knew were the ones in that firehouse, and I didn’t want them to forget about me. I didn’t want to get left behind, so I raised hell to get back. And then, at dinner with my Captain and his wife, he told me that it wasn’t the Chief keeping me from duty, it was him. Bobby had been telling them that I wasn’t ready to return to work, because he was scared.”

“Scared that you’d get hurt on the job?” Judd asked. “We all get hurt.”

“Yep.” Buck grimaced. “And it was just me. One of our teammates had a piece of rebar go through his brain in a car accident and he was back to work as soon as the doctors cleared him, without any hesitation from Bobby. It was just because it was me and I was apparently too immature to take care of myself on the job. So, I made an impulsive decision and sued him for keeping me off duty.”

“You can do that?” Marjan asked. “Why didn’t I do that in Miami?”

“It didn’t go very well, unfortunately.” Buck sighed. “My lawyer told me they’d give me my job back easily, but then he used all the things I told him about my teammates, my family, and drove them away from me. By the time I settled with the department, every single one of them hated me. They blamed me for breaking their trust and telling the lawyer those things. And when I tried to explain what had happened, they turned their backs on me. I was cleared for duty a month ago, but the first call I was able to go on since the explosion almost a year ago was our first shift together here in Austin.”

“What the fuck?” Marjan’s jaw dropped open. “He didn’t let you ride?”

Buck shook his head. “Said he was still worried about me. Despite the fact that I had my screws taken out, had no more clots, and had a full clean bill of health from my doctor, I wasn’t allowed to go on any calls. Ever. I spent every shift on cleaning duty. And nothing but cleaning duty.”

“They treated you like a probie.” Judd growled.

“They treated me worse.” Buck told him. Then he shrugged. “I’ve never been one to buy into the whole hazing thing in the first place, but even probies are allowed to sit with the crew at meals and get on the truck when the alarm goes off. But Bobby made sure I always had something to do at the station for him to give as a reason to stay behind.”

“And nobody said anything?” Paul asked, visibly upset.

“One of the paramedics, Hen, was still good to me.” Buck smiled slightly. “She’d help me with cleaning and things when the others weren’t paying attention, but I wouldn’t let her fight them for me?”

“Why not?” Judd demanded.

“Because she and her wife are trying to have another kid right now and I didn’t want to take her family away from her too. And my sister, who moved to LA a few weeks after Abby left, she was dating the other paramedic, so I didn’t tell her what was happening either.”

“You know Maddie would have raised hell for you.” TK told him.

“And that’s why I didn’t tell her.” Buck agreed. “She was abused by her husband and found such a strong love in Chimney that I wasn’t going to take another family away from her either. So, I suffered in silence as they all kept moving along without me. And when TK called me to offer me the job down here, I realized that my greatest fear had already come true. My family moved on and left me behind. So, I took him up on the offer, moved down here, and honestly? I think that was probably the best decision I’ve ever made because you guys have been amazing.”

“We’ve got your back, unlike those fucking bastards.” TK said proudly.

“Language TK.” Owen sighed.

“I will not watch my language because those guys fucked my best friend up and I’m pissed about it.” TK answered.

“I gotta agree with TK here, Cap.” Judd shrugged. “There’s a time for swearing someone out, and I think this is it.”

“Yea now’s not the time for nice words.” Paul agreed. “If they try anything now, they’re going to have to go through us.”

“May Allah spare them His Mercy.” Marjan muttered.

“I don’t entirely know what that means but I agree.” Mateo added. “Now I know why you’ve always been nice to me.”

Buck smiled, tears slipping out again. “Thanks guys.”

“I mean it when I say that if they reach out to you, I’m going to beat them up.” TK assured him. “And it sounds like they’re all going to help me, so don’t worry about that anymore, okay?”

“You cut all contact with them?” Paul asked.

Buck nodded. “They don’t even know where I moved to. I didn’t tell them anything, just packed up my stuff and left.”

“Well if they come down here, we got you.” Judd nodded. “There’s plenty of large furnaces around here and we are firemen.”

Buck laughed, relaxing into TK’s grip. “Thank you. Seriously. All of you. Thank you.”

“We got your back.” TK whispered into his ear again. “Through everything and anything.”

***

“So, you’re telling me that despite the fact that we know exactly where he is, and even what station he’s at, you aren’t going to let us go down there?” Bobby asked.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Maddie told him, voice cold. “Don’t you dare betray my brother like that again.”

“Betray?” Bobby repeated.

“He left for a reason.” Hen reminded him. “Because of you, not respecting him.”

“I have always respected him.” Bobby told her.

“Right, you just didn’t trust him to know his own limits.” Hen shot back. “Or take care of himself. That’s all.”

“ _None_ of you are going down there.” Athena used her ‘Mom Cop’ voice, making it clear it wasn’t a suggestion.

“I wasn’t planning on it.” Eddie said, knowing her gaze was focused on him. “I know I messed up and I’m not going to hurt him like that again.”

“Are you sure?” Hen asked. “Because I know you were looking how much flights to Austin cost earlier during brunch.”

“I-I-” Eddie sighed. “I just wanted to know.”

“I don’t care how much you miss that boy.” Athena told them all. “You are going to leave him _alone_. Let him be happy.”

“I think Bobby’s just struggling with not being able to apologize to Buck in person.” Chimney said, trying to balance loyalty between his captain and his girlfriend.

“I don’t care.” Maddie told him. “If you even think about flying down there, or driving, I’ll end your career Nash.”

“And I always thought Buck was the protective sibling.” Hen muttered to Athena.

Maddie turned to give them a wicked smile. “Buck didn’t learn it from our parents.”

“I never meant to hurt him.” Bobby said, voice cracking and tears in his eyes.

“Our parents always said that too.” Maddie told him. “That didn’t stop them from leaving scars.”

“Everyone needs to just let him heal.” Athena spoke up again. “Without the memories of the pain that LA caused him.”

“She’s right.” Maddie agreed. “It wasn’t just all of you, although you definitely had a hand in it. This city has been hurting my brother for a long time, and I want him to be happy. If that means giving him space, then you _will_ give him space.”

“And if you need someone to talk to, the department has therapists.” Hen reminded them. “Maybe if we can all help ourselves, we can prove to Buck that we can change.”

“You really think he could forgive us?” Chimney asked.

“If it was me, no.” Maddie told him. “But Buck? He’s always had a soft spot for family, and he’ll forgive a lot if people can prove that they can change.”

***

“How are you feeling?” TK asked, leaning heavily against Buck.

“Like I want to curl up in bed and never move again.” Buck admitted.

TK chuckled. “That’s fair.”

“But I do feel lighter.” Buck added. “Them knowing…I think it was good for me. To say it all out loud and hear people I trust tell me that I wasn’t insane. That I wasn’t in the wrong to leave like that.”

“Did you seriously still think that? I told you to leave a month ago.”

Buck shrugged. “You’re my best friend, you’ve supported a lot of my dumb decisions.”

That startled a laugh out of TK. “You make a fair point there.”

“But I also know I’m not the only one with something to get off their chest…” Buck trailed off.

“I don’t want to talk about him.” TK answered immediately.

“Even knowing how good it feels to get things off your chest?”

“Yes, even knowing that.” TK sighed. “Okay not really.”

“Then talk to me?”

“I-I just don’t know what to say.”

“Well what happened?” Buck asked. “Because I thought that bar date I got you to agree to was supposed to smooth over you storming out of his dinner date and yet I haven’t seen you text him once. And it’s been almost a week. I know you TK, you worry easily. And yet you never called him during the storm.”

TK groaned. “I hate when you’re as observant as Paul.”

Buck shrugged. “He’s right about learning to read people being important.”

TK took a deep breath, rolling away to sprawl across the bed. “I think I fucked up.”

“What happened?”

“He offered to buy me a drink.” TK told him. “It was after you left, so I reacted pretty badly.”

“Ty…”

“I might have yelled at him in the parking lot…” TK admitted quietly.

“The parking lot?”

“Yea I immediately responded by storming out because I forgot that he was my ride home after you’d left early with my dad. And then he followed me outside to remind me of that fact. And I yelled at him.”

“What did you say?”

TK bit his lip, not responding.

“Tyler Kennedy.” Buck prodded. “You didn’t.”

“I might have accused him of trying to get me drunk so he could take me home.” TK admitted quietly.

“Tyler!” Buck exclaimed.

“I don’t know why I even said that!” TK protested. “I was the one who initiated the hooking up to begin with!”

“That is not the way to smooth over storming out of a date.”

“I know.” TK sighed. “He didn’t really say much after that. Just asked if I really believed that he would do something like, and then he left. I had to ask Paul to drive me home.”

“Do you really believe he would do something like that?”

“No!”

“Then maybe you need to apologize.”

“Well, as you so kindly pointed out it’s been almost a week.” TK reminded him. “Not exactly prime forgiveness time anymore.”

“So, what are you going to do? Just ignore him and avoid him on calls?”

“I don’t know what to do.” TK admitted with a sigh. “That’s why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d make me feel guilty. Well, more guilty because that’s definitely already present.”

“Well you may want to consider apologizing Ty.” Buck told him. “Because that guy looks at you like you hung the moon.”

“He makes me feel like I hung the moon…” TK whispered.

“Quite a bit different from Alex, huh?”

“Yes I am aware I fucked up with that one too, okay?”

“I’m not trying to call you out or make you feel bad.”

“I know.” TK assured him. “I just wish I wasn’t hopeless at this.”

“You’re hopeless? I’ve got plenty more experience running from affection.”

TK shrugged. “I suppose.”

“Just think about texting him?”

“Yea I will.”

“Thank you.” Buck told him. “Now go to your own damn bed so I can get some sleep.”

TK laughed. “Kicking me out already? Without even satisfying my needs?”

“I’ll satisfy my urge to punch you in a minute.” Buck warned him.

TK held his hands up, rolling off the bed. “Cranky.”

***

“Eddie, why am I here?” Lena asked, coming into the Diaz living room to see Eddie laying on the floor. “Ah it’s one of these nights. Is Chris with Carla?”

“Yea, she took him for the night and is dropping him off at Abuela’s in the morning.”

“She still refusing to talk to you?”

Eddie nodded. “She’s pissed.”

“Well, you did say she always liked Buck more.” Lena shrugged. “But again, why I am here?”

“Buck’s in Austin.” Eddie groaned. “He’s in Austin, Texas, with a completely different crew, and he looks _happy_ down there.”

“Oh god.” Lena sighed, sitting down on the couch. “What happened?”

“He was on the news this morning.” Eddie told her. “Clips from the tornadoes that hit last night. He was there, with his new crew. And then Chimney looked it up. There’s videos of them on calls. And Buck-he looks _happy_ with them.”

“Don’t you want him to be happy?” Lena asked.

“Of course I want him to be happy!”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Because…” Eddie trailed off.

“Because it’s not here with you?”

Eddie sighed, thumping his head backwards against the floor. “I don’t want that to be the answer.”

“But?”

“But it probably is.” Eddie admitted quietly.

“If you know this, why am I here?”

“Because if you don’t sit with me, I’m going to get on a plane tonight and fly to Austin, Texas.”

“Yea that’s not happening.” Lena told him.

“I know.” Eddie agreed. “We all had brunch at Bobby and Athena’s place after shift. Maddie made it perfectly clear that if we go see him and invade his new space, she will end us.”

“She’s a smart girl.” Lena shrugged.

“I can’t ruin this.” Eddie said, tears on his face. “I can’t hurt him again by betraying this. I’ve accepted that I hurt him, that I ruined the friendship and the trust that he gave me, I took it and I _broke him_. And they’re helping him. They’re making him happy. I can’t ruin something else.”

“What’s the rest of the team doing?”

“Hen went home to Karen after threatening all of us not to go after him.” Eddie answered. “Chimney went with Maddie, hoping to get some sort of calming conversation out of her or something, I didn’t really listen. And Bobby went to church, because if he didn’t, he was going to start drinking again.”

Lena thought for a moment, looking down at him. “Alright, put some shoes on.”

“What?” Eddie asked, sitting up to look at her. “Why?”

“Just put some shoes on and give me a fraction of the trust you have in Buck.”

“Why though?”

Lena sighed. “I’m going to take you somewhere that’s going to help.”

“The way the fighting helped?” Eddie snapped.

“No.” Lena told him. “I know that was a mistake, but I misread the kind of person you are. This place will actually help.”

Eddie stared at her for a moment, seeing her confidence. “Okay.”

Lena smiled, getting to her feet. She didn’t answer anymore of his questions as she got him out of the house and into her car. Eddie looked around as she drove, obviously trying to guess where they were going.

“Now you’re going to judge this, but will you promise me that you’re going to try?” Lena asked, looking over at him as she pulled into the parking lot.

“Why are we at the VA?”

“Promise me, Diaz.” Lena demanded.

Eddie sighed. “I promise to try.”

“Then get out of the car and follow me.” Lena ordered, getting out herself.

Eddie hesitated a moment, looking at the building, before deciding to get out and follow her.

Lena walked inside, obviously knowing where she was going, picking up a nametag, writing her name on it, and slapping it onto her chest. “Label yourself Diaz.” She ordered him before turning and walking into a nearby room.

Eddie stopped, staring down at the table. There was a welcome note next to the labels, and he couldn’t take his eyes off it.

_‘Welcome to the Group,_

_We don’t judge anyone here._

_We have all made mistakes._

_We have all hurt people we love._

_We are here to help you forgive yourself.’_

Eddie stared at the page, having an idea of what he was getting into now. Lena brought him to a support group. A group of veterans. Talking. About their problems and their experiences. About the issues they’ve faced.

“We won’t make you talk.”

Eddie startled, spinning around to see another man behind him. He had cropped hair, a scar down his face, and dog tags hanging around his neck.

“We don’t force people to share.” The man told him. “Not the first night, the second, or any night after that. Being here and just listening is fine.”

Eddie ducked his head, looking down at the ground.

“I’m Eliot.” The guy smiled. “I started this group. Don’t feel pressured, come in when you’re ready.”

Without saying anything else, he moved past Eddie, pulling a nametag out of his pocket, and heading in.

It only took Eddie a moment longer to make his decision. He was going to give this a shot. This is exactly what Frank has always wanted him to do, realize that he isn’t alone. He grabbed the marker, making a nametag and slapping it on. He took a deep breath, steading himself, before he went in.

In the room, there was a circle of chairs, mostly full, but one next to Lena was empty, her feet propped up on it. He walked over, nodding nervously to her as he approached.

“Took you long enough.” She grinned, moving her feet so he could sit down.

“Lena, you know we don’t push people through the door.” Eliot scolded.

Lena sighed. “I know Eliot. I drove him here because he needed to hear you though.”

Eliot smiled, obviously fond of Lena. “Well then I’ll share again tonight. I do have an update to give you all anyways.”

“We’re all ears.” Another man smiled.

“Alright, then let’s begin.” Eliot said, getting to his feet. “Welcome to Group Therapy everyone. For those of you that are regulars, forgive me, for those of you that are new, welcome. My name is Eliot, I started this group. This group is specifically for those of us that have hurt the people that we love. Be that because we have PTSD and woke up from a nightmare and thought they were the enemy, as some of you know I did, or because you feared another lose and pushed them away from you. We do not ever force anyone to speak, but we are always here to listen. My background is dark. I was a Navy Seal for a decade and then retired from the military and ended up as a hired fist. I’ve killed people, people I don’t think deserved it, because I was hired to do it. I ended up finding a family, a team of thieves that new what it was like to be damaged. Now we use our skills to help people. Six months ago, I woke up from a nightmare with my hands around my boyfriend’s throat. Our girlfriend had to hit me with a bat to stop me from killing him. Since then, I have worked to face the things that have happened to me. The trauma that made me hurt them. Last week, I told you all that for the first time in six months, I was able to sleep in their bed without a nightmare. This week, I want to share that I managed two nights in a row without a nightmare.”

Eddie jumped as the others around the circle, obviously the ones that had been there a while, clapped and cheered for Eliot.

“Thank you.” Eliot grinned, holding his hands out in gratitude. “I finally feel like I can be the man they deserve.”

With that, Eliot sat back down, holding his arms out to the group. “Anyone else want to share?”

Another man, with a cane in hand, forced himself to his feet. “Hey y’all. I’m Danny.”

“Dannooooooo!” Another guy cheered.

Danny raised a hand, flipping the other guy off, and continued. “For those that are new, that’s Steve. He’s an idiot but he’s mine. We come to this group together because neither of us has ever been good at communication, so telling other people our problems makes them easier to acknowledge. This week has been a rough one. It’s the anniversary of the time Steve got kidnapped and I went off the rails with worry. I had a nightmare that he was gone and woke up to an empty bed, which didn’t help the situation. I ended up having a panic attack and was pretty far gone from reality before he got back from his night swim.”

At that, Steve also got to his feet. “I forgot that it was going to be a rough week for him. I made a mistake by going out for a swim without making sure he knew where I had gone. I don’t blame myself for my mistake, but I am disappointed because it feels like I failed him.”

“I do not blame him for what happened.” Danny continued. “This is a regular occurrence for him and any other week I probably would have been fine. I reacted badly due to the already present memories of what happened. I forgive him and we will move forward stronger.”

Eddie watched the two of them as they talked, seeing the stress and anxiety physically leave their bodies. Saying their emotions out loud, releasing them into the world, was making them feel calmer and more at peace. Before Eliot could ask for the next speaker, Eddie found himself getting to his feet.

“My name’s Eddie Diaz, I served as an army medic in Iraq, and I took out my fear and anger on my best friend. I love him and I made him scared to talk to me or even be around me. And I hate myself for it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are y'all doing after that? I know it was a long one, but I couldn't find a place that felt right to cut it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first: I am so glad so many of you noticed my cameos. I needed some people with trauma in their lives and I was too lazy to create OC's so I used them because I love them.  
> Second: I am trying to get better at replying to comments, but I'm still really bad at it.   
> Third: I can't believe how massive this fic has gotten it was orginally supposed to be like max 20k and here we are, nearly 40k. Thank you all for the support and the love, it really inspires me to keep working on it. I think this is the fastest I've ever written a massive fic, partly because quarantine but also partly because you guys make it so fun.

“Wait so how did you meet this woman?” TK asked as Buck parked the car on the side of the street.

“She was my seat partner on the flight down here.” Buck told him. “She’s amazing.”

“And now we’re going to her house?”

Buck shrugged. “She made me promise that if I had a bad day, I would call her. And I don’t know about you, but the yesterday was pretty shit. So, I kept my promise and called her, and she basically demanded that I show up at her house today. It’s some sort of party to celebrate no one in the family getting hurt in the storms.”

TK laughed. “That is the most southern thing I’ve heard so far down here.”

“She informed me that I was to bring a tub of sour cream, for my “white tastebuds” I believe, and an appetite. And the attractive friend I told her about so she can meet him.”

“Who?” TK asked.

Buck turned, looking at him for a moment, before raising an eyebrow. “Ty.”

“Oh shit that’s me?!” TK realized.

Buck busted out laughing, slapping the wheel. “Yea it was you. I told her about the friend who helped me find this amazing job so I could move to Texas. Apparently, she decided that if she doesn’t get to meet you, she’s disowning me. And I didn’t know I was even adopted but this is the best family I’ve ever had and if you fuck it up for me I’m disowning you.”

“Yea, I can understand that.” TK agreed.

“Good. Then grab the sour cream and let’s go.”

Buck jumped out of the jeep, a huge grin on his face. TK followed him quickly, not wanting to get left behind. Buck led the way up the walk, knocking on the door.

The door opened to reveal a young woman, looking confused. “Yes?” She asked. “Who are you?”

“I’m Buck, Nana Sue invited me.” Buck answered.

“Oh!” The woman exclaimed. “You’re the white boy she adopted! Yes of course come in, I think she’s in the backyard right now, so you better go say hello.”

“Absolutely.” Buck agreed. “She told me to bring sour cream?”

“Oh, I’ll take that into the kitchen for you.” She smiled. “You just tell her Maria got it from you.”

“Thank you.” Buck smiled. “Backyard is which way?”

“Right through there.” Maria told him, pointing down the hallway. “If anyone asks who you are just tell them Nana adopted you. She does it a fair bit, they won’t ask anything else.”

That got Buck and TK laughing, thanking her again before heading down the hall. They got a couple confused looks from the people they passed, but apparently Nana Sue adopts white boys often enough that no one even bothered to ask who they were.

It didn’t take long to get to the backyard, standing on the back porch and looking out across a field of people, all laughing and smiling.

“Damn you found a massive family.” TK laughed.

“No regrets.” Buck grinned. “Oh! There’s Nana Sue, come on I’ll introduce you.”

Buck pulled TK through the yard, to the table where a laughing woman was sitting, surrounded by small grandchildren.

“Buck!” She exclaimed, seeing him approach and getting to her feet to pull him into a hug. “Oh it is so good to see you, _dulzura_.”

“Gracias.” Buck smiled, gratefully accepting the hug. “And it’s good to see you too.”

“And is this pretty boy behind you that friend you were telling me about?” Nana asked, spotting TK.

“It is.” Buck nodded. “TK, this is Nana Sue. Nana, this is TK, my best friend.”

“You just call me Nana.” She told TK, moving to pull him into a hug too. “Buck told me you’re quite the man, so I would be happy to be your Nana.”

“Well thank you.” TK blushed. “That means a lot.”

Nana Sue smiled at the both of them. “Now, you two feel free to make yourselves at home here. This is a party for family, and you are welcome here. The food is all in the kitchen, the drinks are in the coolers on the porch, and if you stick around, we’ve got a pit of barbacoa going that we’ll be breaking out for dinner.”

“You had me at barbacoa.” Buck assured her.

“Good. Now I do want you to meet someone. I told you about my grandson working for the police, right? You should meet him. He’s around your age and would be a lovely friend for you to have down here.”

“Lead the way.” TK told her.

She reached up to pat him on the cheek. “I love a polite boy.”

Buck laughed as TK blushed, the two of them following her.

“Happy you came now?” Buck asked.

“Yea it’s pretty interesting.” TK laughed.

“Carlito!” Nana called, spotting the person she was looking for across the yard. “ _Ven aquí_!”

“Wait, is that-?” Buck started, spotting the person she was looking out.

“Shit.” TK swore under his breath.

“This is my grandson, Carlos.” Nana Sue introduced.

“Abuela, we’ve met.” Carlos laughed. “I work their region, we run the same calls.”

“Oh really!” Nana exclaimed. “Well then that’s an even better reason for you to be friends. I’ll leave you be. And Carlito don’t forget to get them something to eat.”

“I won’t Abuela.” Carlos promised her with a smile, watching her walk off before turning to the firefighters. “I’m sorry if she made this weird.”

“Actually, I think it’s great.” Buck grinned. “This tensions so thick, I could pry it open with the jaws. So, talking sounds like an excellent idea.”

“Buck…” TK whispered.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Carlos said quickly. “Seriously. I don’t know exactly what I did, but I know I made you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” TK told him. “I-I’m messed up.”

“Yea you said that at the bar.” Carlos nodded. “You know, the last time you talked to me?”

“I just didn’t know what to say.” TK sighed.

“Well, starting with saying you don’t want anything more than my body would have been a good start.”

Buck snorted, causing TK to immediately reach out and smack him. “Now is not the time, Buckley.”

“I think it’s a great time, Strand.” Buck grinned.

“Look, I’m not going to make you talk to me, but would you mind at least listening to me?” Carlos asked. “And like maybe nodding or shaking your head for yes or no questions?”

“I’m not the kind of person you want.” TK told him.

“Can I be the one to decide that?”

TK bit his lip, not answering.

Buck leaned over, whispering in his ear so Carlos couldn’t hear. “You always said you hate the what ifs.”

TK sighed. “Okay.”

Carlos’s face split in a smile. “Really?”

TK nodded. “I’m sure Nana would prefer we get along. But can it be later? I don’t know what smells so good, but I really want to find out.”

Carlos laughed. “That would be Tía’s enchiladas. They are the best you will ever find.”

“Well, I’m going to have to be the judge of that.” Buck told him. “Nana told me to bring my appetite and I did.”

“Follow me.” Carlos told them.

***

Maddie sighed, sitting down at her computer with a cup of coffee. She knew what she needed to do, but she was dreading it.

“You okay over there?” Athena called from the couch.

“I’m fine.” Maddie told her.

“Yea see, I would believe you but now I know what it sounds like when a Buckley says that and is lying to me.”

Maddie smiled, just a little, and looked over at her. “I really am fine, I just am dreading what I need to do.”

“What do you need to do?” Athena asked, getting up to join her at the table.

“I need to email Buck, and warn him that team saw him on the news.”

“Ah.” Athena nodded. “Is this why you asked to come over?”

Maddie nodded. “I can’t email him with Chimney around. It feels…wrong, somehow.”

“I can understand it.” Athena assured her. “He’s one of the people that hurt him, albeit unintentionally on his part, mostly going along with my husband’s lead, but Buck still doesn’t want to hear from him.”

“Exactly. And him being there when I’m writing the email…it feels like I’m betraying Buck’s trust.”

“I understand.” Athena nodded. “May told me she won’t email him when Bobby’s home for a very similar reason. She doesn’t want him to ask her to give Buck a message and then have to choose between them.”

“Do you think he would really do that?”

“Use May to talk to Buck?”

Maddie nodded.

“I don’t think he’d realize what he was doing at first.” Athena sighed. “He is blinded by love with that boy, and it makes him do some stupid things. I’ve already had to tell him off for asking her how Buck’s doing.”

“May’s a strong girl.”

“Yea, but I don’t want her to have to pick between the man she sees as a brother and my husband.”

“You’re a good mom, Athena.” Maddie smiled. “I wish ours would have been more like you.”

Athena shrugged. “I’ve made some mistakes in my time, but I think every parent does. I hope that Bobby is just making up for lost time and will get his head on straight again soon because I can’t keep playing the middleman with them.”

“I know I hurt his feelings when I told him Buck wasn’t his son but…”

“Don’t be sorry about it.” Athena told her. “He needed to realize that he let his emotions affect his professional actions and now he’s paying the price for it.”

“How’s he been? Really?”

Athena sighed. “He’s struggling. He’s started going to church every day again, confessing what he did to the Father every day, trying to atone for his actions. And I made him call his sponsor yesterday, hoping that the support will help him stay out of the bottle.”

“Do you think he will?”

“If he wants to stay in this house, and have a chance at getting to apologize to Buck? He better.”

Maddie laughed. “You strike a hard bargain.”

“I fell in love with a good man. I want that man back at my side.”

“I feel the same way about Chimney.” Maddie admitted. “I know Buck didn’t want me to lose him, that’s why he never told me, but it feels even harder now.”

“That boy just never understood how loved he was.” Athena shook her head.

“He never has been good at understanding that.” Maddie sighed. “And now I have to tell him all of this in a way that makes it clear that none of it is his fault because they chose to start all of this but the catalyst was definitely him leaving so he’s probably going to try and blame himself for it and I don’t want him to.

“Do you want some help writing it?” Athena offered.

“Please?”

“I got you.” Athena smiled. “Let’s do this.”

***

“I don’t think I have ever been this full.” TK sighed, pushing his empty plate away.

“Abuela doesn’t like anyone to be hungry.” Carlos shrugged.

“But how do you stay fit like this?” Buck asked, burping a little. “I feel like I’m going to burst.”

Carlos laughed. “You learn how to make it look like you’re always eating so they don’t try to give you extra food, but you only eat as much as you need.”

“I have so much to learn.” Buck sighed.

“I have no doubt Abuela will invite you to ever gathering from here on out, you’ll have time to practice.”

Buck groaned, already imagining the amount of food. “I’m going to go find something to drink and thank Nana for inviting us again. Maybe you two should talk before we need to leave?”

“That wasn’t subtle.” TK told him.

“Wasn’t trying to be.” Buck smirked, walking away.

“You don’t have to talk to me.” Carlos assured him, speaking softly.

TK sighed. “No, but I want to. Can we go somewhere not surrounded by your family though?”

Carlos nodded. “Follow me. We can go down by the pit, no one will be there now that it’s after dinner.”

The two of them got up, walking in silence back past the tree line. There was still a bench by the now open pit from the watchers, so they sat down together. And then neither of them spoke for a long moment.

Eventually, Carlos sighed loudly and spoke up. “Okay. Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

Carlos took a deep breath. “TK, I’m not trying to be your boyfriend. Or even your friend if you don’t want me to be. But I’m not an idiot.”

“I’m sorry.” TK whispered. “I really am.”

“I don’t doubt that. But I can’t keep playing these games.”

“I know.” TK nodded. “And I’m sorry I keep going crazy on you.”

“I’m a cop.” Carlos reminded him. “I’m used to crazy.”

TK took a deep breath, looking down at his hands and then over at Carlos. “Look. I just went through a really bad breakup in New York. Like nuclear bad. And then I relapsed.”

“With me?” Carlos asked, avoiding eye contact.

“No.”

Carlos heard the pain in TK’s voice, finally looking at him.

TK ducked his head, unable to handle the intensity in Carlos’s eyes. “I mean with substances.”

The tension in Carlos’s shoulders immediately dissipated as he thought back through their interactions. “Which explains your reaction to the champagne. And me offering to buy you a drink. I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot, I should have-”

“Stop.” TK cut him off. “It’s not your fault. My ex…he wasn’t the kindest to me at the end. I proposed to him and he told me he was leaving me for his spin instructor.”

“Shit.” Carlos sighed. “And that explains why you stormed out that first time.”

“Ever since I moved down here, I’ve been struggling.” TK told him. “Everything is grey and flat and I just feel…numb. I’m not sure I know how to be with someone anymore, and I took it out on you.”

“Yea the bar was not your finest moment.”

“You have to know I didn’t mean it.”

“You still said it though.”

“I know.” TK hung his head. “But I mean it when I say that I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know if that’s enough.” Carlos admitted. “What you said…it didn’t feel good.”

“I wanted to apologize the instant I said it.” TK told him. “But I’ve never been good at admitting that I was wrong. And honestly, if I had known that the woman Buck met on the plane down here was your grandmother, I probably wouldn’t have come along tonight no matter how much he begged me to.”

“Abuela enjoyed getting to meet you.” Carlos told him.

TK smiled. “Well, at least I can do one thing right.”

“You save people every day.” Carlos reminded him. “You’re a good firefighter.”

“That’s not hard though.” TK shrugged. “That’s all instinct. Words? Those are tough.”

“So how about this,” Carlos said. “We just try to be friends. See if we can manage that?”

“I think that sounds great.”

Carlos smiled at the agreement. TK blushed and smiled back.

“Promise me something though?” Carlos asked.

“Depends.”

“Don’t avoid me. If I put my foot in my mouth, just tell me. I’m not going to get mad just because your past makes it difficult to open up again. I’ve seen you with Buck. You still have the capacity to care about people.”

“Buck isn’t people.” TK shook his head. “Buck’s the person in my life I’d take a bullet for.”

“That’s called caring.” Carlos informed him. “And I can’t get better at it if you don’t tell me when I mess up.”

TK sighed, finally nodding. “I will try.”

“That’s all I ask.” Carlos smiled. “So is there any other pile I should make sure I don’t step in?”

TK shrugged. “You’ll find soon I’m sure.”

“Well alright then.” Carlos laughed. 

“TY!”

TK turned immediately, hearing the panic in Buck’s voice. “Here Buck!”

“Ty?” Carlos asked.

“He’s the only one who calls me that.” TK warned him.

Buck came through the trees, looking panicked. TK got to his feet, hurrying over to pull Buck into his arms.

“What happened?” TK whispered.

“They found me.” Buck gasped. “We were on the news. My old team. They saw us. Maddie emailed.”

“Fuck.” TK swore. “Okay. Deep breaths. We will work this out.” He looked over his shoulder at Carlos. “We need to leave. Please tell Nana that we’re sorry we had to go so fast.”

Carlos nodded. “Go. I’ll tell her you got a call and needed to go. She’ll understand.”

“Thank you.” TK smiled. “And I’ll text you?”

Carlos grinned. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I'm not ignoring Tarlos, they're just slow burn too.


	11. Chapter 11

Buck took a deep breath, wrapping the blanket together around his shoulder. It had been two hours since he got Maddie’s email, and he wants nothing more than to just curl up in his bed and never move. However, he knows that if he goes to bed without reading the email, he’s only going to have nightmares about what it could mean. He’s finally happy in Austin, but he’s terrified that his luck is going to go as it always has, ending with him getting hurt again. He needs to know what she said.

Bracing himself for the worst, he opens his computer, pulling up his email in easy routine. And there it was, sitting at the top of his inbox. Delaying the pain wouldn’t make it any less, so he clicked on the email.

_Hey Buck,_

_I know this isn’t going to be welcome news, but I wanted you to hear it from me. The team was watching the news yesterday and they did a report on the tornadoes down in Austin. The reporter showed clips of your team saving people. And they saw your face._

_Before you start to panic, none of them are coming to Austin. That’s not what this email is for. Between me, Athena, and Hen, they’re all too terrified to invade your space right now. But I want you to know that they know. And honestly, Buck, they didn’t take it all that well._

_Seeing you happy, with a team that actually treats you like a member of the team and not a maid, I think it’s finally making them realize what they did to you. Bobby started going to church again, and he is getting support from his sponsor. Chimney makes me dinner every night, he actually cooks it too not just ordering in or reheating something Bobby made. He’s not very good at it yet, but I think it’s his way of apologizing. Hen misses you. She says that not even Bobby makes omelets like you do. And Eddie, well he’s having a rough time. He’s going to therapy now, and he apologizes every single time he sees me for what he did to you. I’ve told him I’m not the one he hurt, but he still does it. He’s trying to get help with his anger issues, become a better man. I’m not telling you any of this to make you forgive them, by the way. In fact, I don’t think you should forgive them. Not yet at least. You looked so happy on the news, with that team around you, and I haven’t seen you look like that for a while. You always seemed happy here, but looking back I can see that you were never sure of yourself here. And I want you to be happy. But I also know you won’t ask about them, so I’m not going to make you._

_And Evan, I know you still don’t want to talk to me about what happened here. About what they did. But they’ve talked to me about some of it. Athena, Hen, and I made them talk when we realized you had left. They all admitted to a lot of hurt they’ve caused you. I’m not going to make you talk to me about it, not if you don’t want to talk, but I’m going to remind you that I’m here for you. I know you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want to take them from me, but they hurt my brother. That’s already put a strain on things. Chimney slept on the couch for a week after I found out what he’d said to you, but the nightmares got worse so he’d back next to me. You’re my brother. We’ve been through everything together, and I’m sorry you didn’t think you could talk to me._

_I love you,_

_Maddie_

Buck ducked his head into the blanket, hiding the tears away. He cried with relief, knowing that no one from the 118 was on their way to Austin. He cried with happiness, knowing that Maddie was okay. And he cried with sadness, hearing how much the people he once called family were suffering from his decision. He knew that it wasn’t his fault, he believed Maddie and TK and Owen and his therapist when they told him that. But he was still upset that his decision had hurt them. Honestly, he had thought that they would be sad for a couple days, but that they would get over it. He thought they wouldn’t miss him. He knew Chris and Maddie and Hen would, that’s why he wrote them the letters. But he didn’t think the team would.

After a long moment, Buck picked his head back up, staring at the email in front of him. He had hurt the people he loved, but they had hurt him first. He took a deep breath. He needed to tell Maddie everything.

***

Maddie woke up, still feeling tired. The last few days had been rough ones. She had ended up going to bed early, emotionally exhausted from the day. Her first shift at work had been rough, then she had to deal with the 118 finding out where her brother was, and then had to return to the call center, on far too little sleep for what she had to deal with. Chimney was on call too, which meant she hadn’t slept as soundly as she does when she knows there is someone there with her. She hadn’t even been able to check to see if Buck had responded to her. As soon as she had some coffee and toast, she needed to check that.

She rolled out of bed, stretching with a loud groan, before heading to the kitchen. She turned threw bread in the toaster, started the coffee, and went to turn her laptop on. Once her toast was done and buttered, and she had her coffee in hand, she went to the table to check her email.

Surprisingly, she actually did have a reply from her brother, received not long after she’d crashed into bed. Biting into her toast, she opened it up.

_Mads,_

_Thank you for letting me know that they saw me. I’m not going to lie, I read the first couple of lines of your email and immediately had a panic attack. I know you said not to panic, but I went ahead and did it anyways. But I’m glad you were able to convince them not to come here. Thank you. I really am happy down here and I don’t want them to ruin it. The last three months have been truly amazing. This team has become such a family for me, and in that moment I thought it was all going to be pulled out from under me again._

_I’m sorry that I never told you what was happening. I know you would have supported me, but that’s the reason that I didn’t. Being down here, away from all of them, I’ve realized even more so how much they were hurting me. I’m glad they admitted some of it to you. And I’m glad they’re trying to get better. Thank you for telling me that they are working on things. My biggest fear when I left was that they would just move on and it would just be proof that I didn’t matter to them. I don’t want to dump all of this on you because you’ve gone through so much in your life, but if you want to hear…I think I can tell you now. I had a bad time during the storm and the 126 was there for me, without hesitation. I ended up telling them everything, all the reasons I left LA, and none of them told me I was crazy. So here’s a start?_

_I don’t really know how to talk about what happened, because I never even realized it was happening until the 126 pointed out how bad it was. I don’t know if the team ever respected me before Abby. Looking back, the reason I was so upset when Eddie came to the station was because they welcomed and trusted him immediately. I passed the Academy with some of the highest scores in history and it took them months to listen to me on calls. And after losing that kid on the rollercoaster, I don’t think any of them realized how bad off I was. My therapist forced me to have sex with her in order to get cleared to go back to work and I never told anyone at the 118 because I didn’t think they would care. I hooked up with girls so much that I knew they would have told me it was my fault. And that was really just the beginning. I’m realizing now that a lot of things they said and did weren’t called for. I called them my family, but they didn’t always treat me as theirs. So, I guess don’t worry about me forgiving them yet. I don’t think I’m there yet. I’m sorry that my decision is hurting them, but my therapist down here has worked for too hard for me to take responsible for that. I’m not saying that it’s impossible. But not yet. I’ve been trying to be more honest with myself and I acknowledge that I miss them, some more than others, but there’s still too much pain for that._

_Emailing you about this is hard, but I think it’s helpful. You can ask me anything and I will try to answer the questions you have. I can’t guarantee I’ll do it well, but I will try._

_I love you too,_

_Buck_

Maddie sat there, crying into her coffee. She can’t believe how strong her brother has become, facing so much pain in the world and still being such a good man. Somehow, at some point, her brother had grown into an amazing man and she was astounded by him. And he was finally appreciating himself and acknowledging his own worth.

Taking another drink of her coffee, she set it down to pick up her phone. She couldn’t go back in time and solve any of the problems that are still hurting her brother, but she can help stop them from happening again.

She dialed a newly familiar number, putting the phone up to her ear.

“Maddie? Is everything okay?”

“Hey Athena.” Maddie sighed. “Are you free right now? My brother just told me something and I need to talk to you about it.”

“Yea I’m on the late shift today so I’m free. Want to meet me somewhere or at your house?”

“Can you come here? I don’t think this is a public place conversation.”

“I’m on my way.”

“Thank you.”

***

“Hey TK?” Owen called. “Can I talk to you?”

“Yea of course.” TK said, getting to his feet.

“I’ll be in the kitchen.” Marjan smiled, getting up and leaving as well.

“Let’s head to my office.” Owen said.

“Sounds good.” TK shrugged, following his dad upstairs and into the office. He only started to get concerned when Owen closed the door. “So, what’s up?”

“I need to talk to you about something.” Owen told him. “And I didn’t want to do it on shift, but I got some news this morning that was really great and I want you to know it all.”

“Oookaaay.” TK drawled out. “I’m worried now.”

“Promise me that you’ll let me finish once I start?”

“Yea definitely worried now.”

“TK.” Owen insisted.

“Yea Dad of course.” TK agreed. “What’s wrong?”

“The week we left New York, I went to the doctor’s office to see if they could do anything about my constant cough. And they found the problem.” Owen took a deep breath, pausing for a long moment.

“Dad?” TK prodded.

“I have cancer.” Owen declared. “Stage one lung cancer, most likely from the towers.”

TK stared at his dad. “Are you-are you serious?"

“I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want you to have something else to worry about with the whole move down here.”

“You mean you didn’t tell me because I OD’d and you didn’t trust me not to do it again.” TK snapped.

“That is not why I didn’t tell you.”

“Yes it is!” TK exclaimed, getting to his feet. “Don’t lie to me!”

“TK!”

“Don’t lie to me Dad.” TK repeated, tears in his eyes. “Please.”

Owen took a deep breath, tearing up a little. “TK. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to admit it. Saying it out loud, telling the most important person in my life, that makes it real. And I didn’t want it to be real.”

“You’re leaving.” TK cried. “Just like mom.”

“Tyler.” Owen said firmly. “I am not dying. That is what I found out this morning. I’m part of the first group on a new treatment. It’s targeted to prevent the cancer from spreading. They tried it on animals first, and one of the dogs was just declared clear and in remission. _It’s working_.”

TK stared at his dad, tears in his eyes. “I need a minute.”

Before Owen could say anything else, TK was running out of the room. Owen dropped back down into his chair, head in his hands.

“Looked like that went well.”

Owen looked up to see Judd in the doorway.

“I told you to tell him earlier.”

“I didn’t want to hurt him.” Owen sighed.

“And then you hurt him anyways.” Judd shrugged. “Seems like you should have just bit the bullet.”

Owen groaned. “Well now what am I supposed to do?”

“Give him some time to get used to the idea.” Judd suggested. “I have a feeling I know where he went. I’ll talk to him.”

“Thanks Judd.”

“I’m not doing it for you.” Judd told him. “You’re my captain and I’ll follow you into the fire, but he’s my brother.”

“Still. Thank you.” Owen repeated.

Judd nodded, leaving the office to find TK while Owen thought about his situation.

Most people didn’t know about the best place to be alone in the station, but Judd had showed it to TK when the two of them had finally started getting along. So, making sure Owen or the others weren’t around, Judd knocked open the normally locked door to the roof and made his way up, shutting it carefully behind him.

He made his way up, walking out onto the roof to see TK sitting on the ledge of the air stack.

“You got your dad pretty worried down there, kid.” Judd called, letting TK know he was there.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

Judd nodded, even knowing TK wasn’t looking at him. “Yea. I did.”

TK sighed heavily. “Did everyone?”

“No.” Judd told him, coming to sit next to him. “Just me. He didn’t want anyone else to know.”

“Why? Why keep it from me? From all of us?”

“Now, I don’t know all his reasons for keeping it from you.” Judd admitted. “But I know that he didn’t tell the rest of the team because he wanted them to trust him. Cancer is a big weakness and he convinced them all to move here, to give this place a chance, and to suddenly reveal that he’s been sick since New York, he was scared it would break the team apart before it could begin.”

TK sighed. “I guess that makes sense, but why didn’t he tell _me_? I’m his son.”

“I can’t claim to know everything going on in his head.” Judd reminded him. “However, to me, it seems like your opinion of him means everything. For you to know, he would have to actually acknowledge that he was scared, and you might think less of him.”

“He’s my dad. He’s been my hero since I was old enough to realize what he did at work.”

“And imagine how he would have felt if suddenly you didn’t trust him to do his job like you always have.” Judd pointed out. “And I know that maybe that’s not what would have happened, but I think we both know fear isn’t always accurate.”

TK sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “I just wish he’d told me. Even if he was scared of my reaction, it obviously wasn’t worrying enough because he told me in the middle of a shift.”

“Did he tell you why he told you today?”

“Apparently the new experimental treatment he’s a part of had a success story.”

“Well that’s good news, ain’t it?”

“Only if it helps him too. Experimental treatments aren’t known for their consistency. And the success story wasn’t a human either, it was a dog. So, who knows it if it’s even going to help him.”

“You know there is one thing you could do to help understand more.”

“What?”

“Go with him to the doctor’s office.” Judd suggested. “From the little I’ve been able to get him to tell me, this doctor is genuinely trying to help him, and thinks he has a good chance of it working. Go with him to his next appointment. Take this journey with him.”

TK sighed. “Why did you have to be smart about this? It’s hard to be mad at him when you keep telling me how scared he was to tell me.”

Judd chuckled, looking out across the skyline. “I know how important it is to keep family close. I was lucky that I hadn’t fought with anyone on my crew before we went on that call. But some of their wives? Their siblings? Their parents? Some of them have to live with the fact that the last words they spoke to someone they love were ones of anger. This line of work is dangerous, and sometimes the fear of losing someone is overwhelming. But tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, so don’t lose today just because you’re scared. We’re here for you.”

“Thank you.” TK whispered.

Judd smiled, throwing an arm out around TK’s shoulders. “I got your back, brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's 40k...twice as much as I originally thought this story would be....oops


	12. Chapter 12

“Five bucks someone gives us their number.” Buck called, hopping out of the truck.

“I don’t take bets I’m going to lose.” Judd told him.

Buck laughed. “Jealous?”

“Hell no.” Judd told him. “I’ve already got the prettiest lady in town.”

The team all groaned, used to Judd’s love for Grace but still loving to give him crap over it.

“Focus guys.” Owen told them, leading the way inside.

“Oh wow.” TK whispered, looking around at the chaos.

“I’ve seen worse.” Buck whispered back with a wink.

“Alright, Paul and Marjan, see if you can help with some of these to take some weight off medical.” Owen started ordering. “Probie, go up and check the champagne room. There’s always something hinky up there.”

“Know a lot about that uh?” Buck asked.

“For that, you can help with the shoe in the face over there.” Owen told him with a smirk.

Buck groaned, looking at the woman holding a stiletto in her cheek. “Okay.”

“Judd, go with him.” Owen ordered.

“On it.” Judd nodded.

“TK, with me.” Owen said, turning to the large group around the two ladies that started it all. “Make a hole! Let us through!”

The crowd parted, letting them get close.

“I thought these crowns were supposed to be made out of plastic?” TK asked, looking at the piece embedded in the other woman’s face.

“It’s a tiara, not a crown!” The woman wearing it shouted at him. “And it’s platinum! I don’t do plastic.”

“You are plastic!” The woman below them screamed.

TK sighed. “Okay, let’s all calm down and we’ll get this figured out.”

Outside the group, Paul and Marjan watched, laughing at TK’s face of despair. They fistbumped, splitting up to start helping people. Paul went to a woman with glitter covering her face.

“Hi ma’am, my name’s Paul I’m a firefighter with the 126 can I help you?” He asked.

“That sounds great.” The woman laughed. “I’d open my eyes and greet you but that doesn’t seem like the best idea.”

“Probably not.” Paul agreed, crouching down to look at her eyes, checking for damage. “How did this happen anyways?”

“I tried to break up the fight and some chick blasted me with a glitter hose.” The woman sighed.

“Well lucky you for you, I have extensive glitter removal training.” Paul laughed, opening the gauze and grabbing the eye wash.

“Glad to know this is a popular problem.” She chuckled.

“This is going to be cold.” Paul informed her. “Here we go.” He carefully dumped the wash, clearing the glitter off of her eyes. “Okay, now open in three, two, one.”

She slowly opened her eyes, blinking at the lights above her, before focusing on Paul’s face.

“How do you feel?” Paul asked.

“Pretty lucky.” She smiled.

Paul chuckled. “I think I’m the lucky one here. Getting to help such a pretty lady.”

The woman blushed. “I’m Josie.”

“Paul.”

“Well Paul, thank you. For getting that all out of my eyes. I would’ve hated to miss the sight of this.”

Paul blushed a little. “It was no problem.”

“Still. Thank you.” Josie repeated. “Then you should probably get going. I’m sure there’s more people that needing saving from more than some glitter.”

Paul sighed. “You’re probably right. But none of them will be as pretty.”

Josie laughed. “Now you’re just teasing. Get going.”

Paul smiled, grabbing his things and following his team to the door.

“You know, when I guessed that one of us was getting a number, I thought it’d be TK or I.” Buck said, pulling up next to Paul.

“What? You don’t think the rest of us can pull on a call?” Paul asked. “And anyways, I didn’t get her number.”

“You will.” Buck told him. “Trust me. I’m acquainted with that look she was giving you.”

Paul blushed, ducking his head. “We’ll see.”

Buck laughed. “We will indeed.”

The crew got everything loaded back up, the medics transporting the woman with a tiara in her face and the shoe woman as well, and the rest of the team headed back to the house. They stripped down to basic clothes, getting to work on some maintenance around the station.

An couple hours, TK and Buck were heading to the front of the station, needing to work on the ladder truck, when they saw the glitter girl from their earlier call.

“Hello.” Buck smiled. “Looking for someone?”

“Yea I’m looking for Paul?” She asked, holding up the basket in her hands.

“Strickland!” TK shouted.

“Yo!” They heard back from under the truck.

“You’re got a visitor.” Buck smirked, him and TK walking off.

Paul rolled himself out from under the truck, smiling when he saw Josie. “Hey Josie. What are you doing here?”

“You remembered.” Josie smiled. “I’m impressed.”

“It’s hard to forget a woman after you flush stripper glitter out of her eyes.” Paul told her, getting her to laugh. “They’re beautiful by the way. Your eyes I mean.” He sighed. “Without the stripper glitter in them I mean.” He cringed and finally got himself to stop talking.

“I hope you don’t mind me just popping in like this.” She said. “I just wanted to bring you something to thank you for helping me. And my stupid friends.”

“Stupid friends keep the lights on around here.” Paul shrugged. “We don’t mind them.”

“Well, this is from Coopers. It is the best smoked brisket on the planet.” Josie said, holding the basket out.

“Oooh I will enjoy that.” Paul sighed, taking it.

“And thank you. Again.” Josie repeated.

“Yea no problem. And thank you.” Paul said.

“Right.” Josie smiled, biting her lip a little. “Well let me know what you think of it? I, uh, left my number in the basket so. Text me? Or whatever.”

Paul smiled. “Yea. Yea I-I will.”

Josie ducked her head, hiding a blush and a smile, and turned to leave.

“Yea Paul!” TK called down from the top of the ladder truck. “You stud!”

Paul blushed, shaking his head as he looked up to see TK and Mateo dancing, attempting smooth moves. Buck just sat on the edge of the truck, a grin on his face.

“Told you so.” Buck grinned.

“Shut up.” Paul shouted back.

“Dude you gotta take her out.” Mateo said. “She hand delivered you a brisket. That’s gotta be a solid yes.”

“It’s not the first date that’s hard, it’s the second.” Paul sighed, setting the basket down on the table nearby.

“Why?” Mateo asked, hoping down from the truck. “You’re awesome, funny, ripped, and a firefighter. Ladies love that.”

“It’s because you don’t know how she’ll react when she finds out you’re trans.” Buck guessed, hoping off the truck as well. “Isn’t it?”

“Yea.” Paul nodded. “Usually I meet women online so it’s all right there in the profile. No surprises.”

“So why can’t you just get it out in the open and tell her?” Mateo asked.

“For every one person I tell, I have to assume I’ve actually told three.” Paul told him. “And even in Chicago, it was dangerous for some people to know. And I know this house doesn’t mind, but that doesn’t mean she won’t.”

“Look.” TK cut in, joining them on the ground. “Dating sucks. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, bi, trans, or anything else. It sucks. There’s no way around it.”

“Yea that’s easy for you to saw Mr. Charmed Existence.” Paul told him. “When was the last time you felt stone cold rejection?”

“116 days ago.” TK answered, seeming to automatically reach out a hand to press to Buck’s shoulder at the thought. “When I asked my soulmate to marry me and he left me for his trainer instead.”

Paul stopped, turning to look at him. “That’s rough.”

“Yea, not my best day.” TK sighed.

“Everybody gets kicked in the head.” Buck chimed in. “But that doesn’t mean taking chances isn’t worth it. Take her out. Analyze the risks, and if it feels safe then jump.”

“We’ll be here to catch you if she drops the ball.” TK assured him.

Paul sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

***

“Miss Carla?”

Carla looked up from the dinner she was making, turning to look at Christopher at the table. “What’s up darling?”

“I miss my Buck.”

Carla took a deep breath, turning the stove off quickly to move over to Chris. She sat down next to him, smiling softly. “Do you want to know a secret?”

Chris nodded.

“I miss him too.” Carla admitted.

“Really?”

“Oh yes.” Carla assured him. “You know Buck was the one that introduced your dad to me. Because he thought we would get along really well.”

“You help Daddy with the paperwork.” Christopher said. “And me.”

“I do.” Carla agreed. “Your Daddy had no idea how to do the paperwork when he moved out here.”

“But you’re really good at it.” Chris smiled.

“I like to think so.” Carla nodded. “What do you think?”

“I like the school you found for me.” Chris told her. “It’s really fun.”

“You like it?” Carla asked. “I’m glad.”

Chris nodded. “But I miss my Bucky.”

Carla’s smile fell a little. “I know.”

“Do you think he misses me?”

“Oh, I know he does.” Carla assured him. “Your Buck loves you.”

“But he still left.” Chris said, tears in his eyes. “Just like Mommy.”

Carla bit the inside of her cheek, thinking for a moment how to react to that. “Your mom didn’t choose to leave you Christopher. There was an accident, remember?”

“But she still left.” Chris exclaimed. “And now my Buck left. And Daddy is sad, because he misses my Buck to but he won’t talk to me about it. And what if he leaves me too?”

“Your Dad is not going to leave you.” Carla told him, knowing at least that to be fact. “You know how much he loves you.”

“Bucky said he wasn’t going to leave me either.” Chris cried.

“Oh Christopher.” Carla gasped, pulling the boy into her arms. “Buck didn’t leave you. He left LA, but he is still your Bucky.”

“For now.” Chris cried. “But what happens when he finds a new family? He’s not going to want me anymore.”

“Now what would make you say that?” Carla asked. “He loves you.”

“I heard Daddy talking.” Christopher admitted. “He was on the phone with Uncle Chimney, and he talked about a new family in Texas. But we aren’t there, so we aren’t Bucky’s family anymore.”

“Oh Christopher, that is not what your Daddy meant.” Carla assured him, trying to think of a why to make this better. “Now when you and your Daddy moved here, you left family in El Paso, right?”

Christopher nodded.

“And then you became family with your Dad’s team at work, right?” Carla asked.

Christopher nodded again, sniffling.

“So does that mean you stopped being family with the people you left in El Paso?”

“No!” Christopher immediately defended. “I love Abuelo and Abuela.”

“Well then Buck didn’t stop being your family either.” Carla told him. “Do you want to call him and make sure he remembers that?”

Christopher thought about it for a moment, wiping his tears away. “Can we call him after dinner? I don’t want him to see me crying.”

Carla smiled, holding back her own tears. “I think we can arrange that.”

***

Three days after the stripper call, TK and Buck were lounging in the kitchen, making coffee and a snack, when Paul walked in.

“Hey.” TK smiled. “Coffee?”

“Sure. Thanks.” Paul nodded.

“Espresso?”

“Please.”

“That’s a fun tone.” Buck pointed out.

Paul sighed. “Now I know how you guys feel.”

“You know we’re curious.” TK told him. “Just tell us.”

“We bowled.” Paul answered.

“You bowled.” TK repeated, nodding quickly.

“We bowled!” Paul said again. “I got a 54.”

“Nice!” TK exclaimed.

“TK that’s not a good score.” Buck laughed.

“Yea apparently little kids bowl in the 60’s.” Paul shrugged.

“I don’t know anything about bowling.” TK admitted. “But was it good?”

Paul opened his mouth to respond, but stopped and stood up quickly as he saw Josie walk into the garage door opening.

She smiled and waved at him, gesturing him over.

Paul went immediately, leaving his coffee cup on the counter.

“Thoughts?” TK asked, watching him go.

“Grab the eggs from the fridge.” Buck told him. “He’s going to need a comfort omelet.”

“You think?” TK asked, still moving to do as we was told.

“I know that face a little to well.” Buck sighed. “Don’t let him go hide upstairs when he comes back in.”

TK nodded, handing Buck the things he asked for before grabbing Paul’s abandoned cup and moving to intercept him before he could go upstairs. “Buck’s orders are that you report to the kitchen.”

“I’m not in the mood.” Paul sighed.

“Yea see but I don’t make decisions here.” TK smiled. “Just come sit with us. I won’t make you talk about it. Buck thinks I’m an idiot for forcing you into this all to begin with.”

“You didn’t force me.” Paul told him, letting himself be pulled into the kitchen. “If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have.”

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.” TK sighed. “And I’m still sorry I talked you into taking her out. I didn’t think it would end so badly.”

“It’s not your fault.” Paul insisted. “I knew how bad it could go, and I did it anyways.”

TK bit his lip.

“Oof I can smell the sad.” Judd declared, walking into the kitchen. “Who got dumped? TK?”

“Why did you jump to me that fast?” TK asked.

Judd shrugged. “Cuz the faces you make are fun.”

“It was me.” Paul told him. “That girl, Josie, turns out not as open-minded as she thought she was.”

“Damn.” Judd told him, clapping Paul on the back. “That’s rough.”

“So it seems.” Paul agreed.

“Is that why she was here just now?” He asked. “Saw her walking away.”

“Yea. She wanted to apologize for how she reacted when I told her.” Paul sighed. “It wasn’t a great feeling I gotta say.”

“But she’s not going to try and get over it?” TK asked. “She seemed to really like you.”

“She called me the man of her dreams.” Paul nodded. “But only in her dreams I guess.”

“That’s just dumb.” Judd declared. “Letting someone go because they aren’t exactly what you expected. Grace would have left me years ago if that’s how life worked. People change all the time, but only if they put in the effort.”

“You’ll find someone willing to put in the effort.” TK assured Paul.

“Yea.” Buck agreed quietly, thinking hard about what Judd had said. “Someone will change for you.”

***

Maddie walked into the firehouse, hearing the team up in the loft. She didn’t bother calling up, just headed up the stairs to find them.

“Maddie?” Chimney asked when he noticed her, hurrying over to her. “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong.” Maddie assured him with a smile. “But I do need to talk to the team.”

“You’re always welcome here.” Bobby told her, waving her to the table. “Would you like me to make you a plate?”

“No thanks.” She shook her head. “I won’t be staying long. I just need to give you guys a message. From Buck.”

“Buck?” Eddie repeated, sitting up straighter in his chair.

Maddie nodded. “Now, I can’t say that I entirely approve of his decision. However, I understand that he is an adult and therefore, he is capable of making his own decisions.”

Bobby ducked his head, knowing that barb was meant for him.

“Is he okay?” Hen asked.

“Yea, he’s doing really well.” Maddie smiled. “His new team treats him like family.”

That got the entire team looking guilty.

“What’d he say?” Eddie asked, nervous to hear the answer.

“He doesn’t forgive you yet, so don’t think that’s what this is about.” Maddie told them. “And again, I don’t exactly approve. But he and I made a decision about how to do this, so listen carefully.”

The team was silent, staring at her with rapt attention.

“My brother has decided that he will allow each of you to write him a letter.” Maddie announced. “Because he still considers you family, and he is willing to see if you can actually change. He said something about one of his Austin brothers making a good point the other day, so he wants to give you this chance. However, there are some rules. You will each write one letter, and one letter alone. You will not continue to send him messages after your letter. You will not be sending your letter to him directly. You will give them to me, and I will read them first. I know you all care about him, but we’ve already seen how easily some of you fall into manipulative or aggressive defense mechanisms where my brother is concerned. Buck is doing really well in Austin, and I will not be letting you harm that happiness. If I approve of your letter, I will send it to him. If I don’t, you will not be sending it. Is that understood?”

Bobby and Chimney both nodded, but Eddie was frozen.

“He’s really willing to give us a chance?” Eddie finally whispered.

Maddie nodded. “Buck forgives family for a lot. And that doesn’t mean he’s ever going to forgive you three, but he’s willing to give you the chance to earn that path.”

“We won’t hurt him again.” Chimney assured her.

“You better not.” Maddie warned. “I’m not one to forgive as easily as my brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bit short but don't worry, something's coming.  
> Also! [This post](https://angelwithwingsoffire.tumblr.com/post/617102214342770688/evan-buckley-deserves-to-be-celebrated-and-heres) was really well written and explains all my feelings about last week's episode and puts in really nice words why I started this fic so it feels like something to share with y'all:)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took longer than usual. Chapters 14 and 15 are kicking my ass.

“Hey Buck, can I get some help from you?” Marjan called up to her teammate on top of the truck.

“Yea lemme get down.” Buck called back, clambering over the ladder bars back to the roof access so he could get down. “What’s up?”

“Probie’s got his Academy exam this week.” Marjan told him.

“Yea he was studying like mad the other night.” Buck nodded.

“Well, he’s extremely dyslexic.”

“Ah.” Buck understood. “What do you need from me?”

“I figured that it would be easier for him to listen to the material than trying to read it.”

“Definitely.” Buck agreed.

“But there’s over three hundred pages of material, and I am only one person. Think you can help me out?”

Buck grinned. “I can do you one better. Let’s get this copy of yours split up. The rest of the team’s in the rec room I think.”

“Why would we need-? You’re a genius.” Marjan cut herself off, understanding Buck’s idea. “Let’s do this.”

The two of them split the large copy of the Academy book that Marjan had made up into its different sections. Then, they took the stacks of paper to the rec room where the rest of the team was hanging out. They could hear them arguing as they approached.

“You spun!” Judd was exclaiming.

“I did not spin!” TK defended.

“You spun.” Paul agreed, not looking up from his book.

“He always spins.” Buck whispered to Marjan.

“There’s no spinning.” Judd was declaring. “That’s house rules.”

“Says who?” TK demanded.

“Says anyone who respects the game.” Marjan said, cutting into their conversations. “Besides, you’re calling it so it doesn’t matter.”

Judd and TK didn’t argue, just sighing and throwing themselves onto the couches.

“Now everybody come get one of these.” Marjan ordered.

“What is that?” Judd asked. “The Austin FD Academy Manuel? No! I memorized that chapter and verse when I was 18. I did my time with it.”

“This isn’t for a refresher.” Marjan sighed.

“It’s for Mateo.” Buck told them. “He has his final Academy exam coming up.”

“So,” Marjan added. “Everyone has some reading to do.”

“What are we supposed to do?” Paul asked. “Teach him by osmosis? Besides. I just started this book and it’s getting good.”

TK sighed, understanding what Buck and Marjan wanted. “Probie’s dyslexic. It came up in his interview.”

“This is his last chance to pass the test.” Marjan nodded.

“If he doesn’t, he washes out for good.” Buck added.

Judd and Paul sighed, looking at each other. Paul put down his book, getting to his feet.

“What do you need from us?” Paul asked.

“We need everyone to record themselves reading a section of the book.” Buck told them. “Marjan had the idea but there’s too much for one, or even two, people to get through quickly enough for Mateo.”

“Being able to listen to the information will help him actually learn the information.” Marjan explained.

“Give it to us.” TK said, holding out his hand.

“You get on the job scenarios.” Marjan told TK, handing him a book.

“Paul, you get mathematics.” Buck continued.

“And Judd,” Marjan grinned. “You get Fire Science.”

“No.” Judd groaned. “Why do I have to do the boring chemistry part?”

“Because with that southern drawl, you read the slowest.” She laughed.

“We need these by the end of shift guys.” Buck told them. “Probie doesn’t have long left before his exam, and I for one quite enjoy him running around here.”

“We got it.” Paul nodded. “Don’t worry.”

“Yea.” Judd sighed. “That’s what family is for.”

***

“Did he say what this was about?” Maddie asked, sipping her coffee.

Hen shook her head. “He just asked me after shift yesterday if he could meet with us this morning. Said he wanted our advice on something.”

“I mean it’s fairly obvious what the topic is.” Athena pointed out. “There’s only one thing really going on at the moment that he could need advice on.”

“Let’s just see.” Hen told her, getting to her feet to pour herself another cup of coffee. “Hear him out before we make a judgement. He seemed really nervous.”

Athena sighed, going to say something, but she got cut off by the doorbell.

“I’ll get it.” Hen assured her. “Wouldn’t want you to have to get up.”

Athena laughed, toasting her with her mug.

“Come on in.” Hen said, opening the door for Eddie.

“Thanks.” He said, nervously coming in. “It felt weird coming over without a gift so…” He trailed off, holding the bottle of wine out to Athena.

Athena looked at it for a moment, before smiling and taking it from him. “Thank you, Eddie. Please, feel free to sit down.”

“Oooh yes.” Hen sighed. “That’ll be delicious next wine night.”

“Glad I picked a good one.” Eddie smiled, taking the offered seat. “Or well, glad I listened to the girl working that said it was one of her favorites.”

Maddie chuckled. “Those girls tend to know best.”

“So, what did you need Eddie?” Hen asked, bringing them back to the goals. “I know it wasn’t to give us a bottle of wine.”

Eddie sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “I need your help.”

“So Hen said.” Maddie nodded.

“I don’t know how to write this letter to Buck.” He explained. “I-I need it to be good. I know I need it to be good. I want to apologize, tell him how fucking sorry I am that I said what I said, everything. And I know I don’t deserve his forgiveness, that’s not what this is about. I’m working with Frank, talking about everything I always locked away, and I know I haven’t earned his forgiveness. But I want him to know how sorry I am.”

“That’s very mature of you.” Athena told him.

“I think it sounds good.” Maddie smiled. “What do you have so far?”

Eddie groaned. “That’s the thing. I can’t even get myself to start it because every time I try, I keep remembering the last time I ever talked to him, telling him that he wasn’t family anymore and doesn’t deserve forgiveness. When the entire time, I had already forgiven him but I was terrified of losing him again because I care so _fucking much_ about him it would actually kill me to lose him again.” Eddie cut himself off, tears running down his

“We can’t tell you what to write.” Hen told him. “If we did, it would be nothing more than a letter from us instead of from you.”

“But we can give advice.” Athena assured him.

“Please.” Eddie begged. “I just need to know where to start.”

“Start with that apology.” Hen answered. “Make sure he understands that you are truly sorry for what you did. Take responsibility for it, just like you have with Frank.”

“And tell him what you told us.” Athena added. “That it was never his fault to begin with. That you’re taking the blame for it, because you didn’t understand your own emotions.”

“And Eddie?” Maddie whispered, tearing up a little. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I want you to know his side of it. He’s told me that if you asked, he was okay with me telling you, so I’m going to tell you and let him know that I did, okay?”

Eddie nodded. “Please.”

“He was able to handle it all when it was just Bobby treating him like glass.” Maddie spoke softly. “He knows Bobby saw him as a son, and after losing his kids that was hard. But he told me that the day you started following Bobby’s lead, that’s the day the 118 stopped being family. It just took him a while longer to realize what had happened.”

Eddie gasped, choking on his tears.

“Again, I’m not telling you this to hurt you.” Maddie told him. “I don’t want you to think that. I’m telling you this because out of all three letters he’s expecting, yours is the one that scares him the most.”

“I scare him?” Eddie whispered.

“You were his best friend.” Maddie sighed. “Out of everyone here, you were the one that he depended on the most. You and your son were everything to him. The chance at a future that he had never had before. All he ever talked about when I asked him about the future was watching Christopher grow up and become an amazing man, just like his dad was.”

Eddie cried, dropping his head into his hands.

“It’s okay.” Hen whispered, moving to Eddie’s side. “I’ve got you.”

Eddie leaned into Hen’s embrace, gripping her arm tightly to anchor himself.

“Buck believed in you until the day he left this city.” Maddie told him. “And he still trusts you now not to hurt him again.”

Eddie nodded, looking over at him. “I won’t. Even if he never forgives me.”

Maddie smiled, leaning over to put her hand on his arm. “Then you’re going to write this letter just fine.”

“But you feel free to bring us wine again sometime.” Hen joked, breaking the tension in the room.

“Oh yes.” Athena agreed with a smile. “We do love good wine here.”

Eddie let a small smile spread across his face. “Thank you.” He whispered. “Seriously. Thank you.”

***

The truck pulled up to the call, everyone immediately pouring out, looking across the yard at the two kids sitting on top of the car, a dog barking at them below.

“Holy mother of Kujo.” Marjan gasped. “Is that-?”

“Blood.” Buck nodded.

“Careful everyone.” Owen ordered. “No fast movement.”

The team nodded, following Owen cautiously forward towards the dog and the trapped girls.

“Hi girls, I’m Captain Strand.” Owen called to them. “What’s your name?”

“Gabby, sir!” One girl shouted back.

“Well you are very polite.” Owen smiled. “And you?”

“Sophia!” The other girl yelled. “We were walking home from the bus stop and he started chasing us!”

“Alright well you are being very brave.” Owen assured them. “You sit tight for a minute and we’ll come get you.”

“What do you wanna do?” Paul whispered. “Extend the ladder to try and scoop them from above?”

“If y’all give me ten minutes I can get animal control out here.” Paul offered.

Buck didn’t say anything, just handed TK the axe he was carrying, stepping forward.

“Buck?” Owen asked.

“Sh.” Buck called back. “Give me a second. His hackles aren’t up, his ears are down, and he’s agitated.”

“You think you can calm it?” Owen asked.

Buck shrugged. “Once I distract it, move around and grab those kids. On your call, Cap.”

Owen nodded.

Buck took that as permission, moving forward slowly.

“How does he know so much about dogs?” Mateo whispered to TK.

TK chuckled. “He and my dad love them. And Caesar Milan. It’s their bonding show.”

Buck moved forward, catching the dog’s attention and extended a hand. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He whispered. “Come here sweetheart.”

Within an instant, the dog stopped barking, moving quickly into Buck’s grasp.

“Go.” Owen ordered.

TK and Marjan moved forward quickly, pulling the two girls down from the car while Buck checked the dog over.

“You know you have really big muscles.” Sophia said, looking up at TK.

“He knows.” Marjan laughed.

“Yea but his are bigger.” Gabby pointed out, waving her hand at Buck.

“That’s true.” Sophia nodded.

“Thanks?” TK said. “But let’s get you out of here, okay?”

The girls nodded, letting the two firefighters lead them away.

“Guys.” Buck called. “There’s no injury on him. And none of it’s in his mouth.”

“What?” Owen asked.

Buck knelt close, looking the dog in the eyes. “What happened, buddy?”

The dog turned, looking out across the field, before taking off at a sprint.

“Alright Mateo, stay with those girls.” Owen ordered, watching the dog run. “The rest of you, follow Buck.”

“He wants to show us something?” TK asked.

Buck nodded. “Something bleeding.”

“Looks like we’re doing a Lassie thing.” Paul sighed.

“Guess so.” Judd shrugged. “I just hope it’s not too far.”

They followed the dog as it ran ahead, turned back to make sure they were still following, and led them through the fields.

“Judd!” Owen called, seeing a machine stopped in the field up ahead. “What is that?”

“A swather.” Judd told him. “Basically, a giant lawn mower for the fields.”

“Cap.” Paul said, noticing the blood in the dirt behind the machine.

“Show us.” Buck told the dog as it led the way right up to the swather.

The team turned the corner at the front of the machine, gasping at the sight before them.

“Oh shit.” TK swore.

The farmer who had been driving the machine was pinned under it, the blades in his legs.

“Oh god!” The farmer cried. “Thank god you found me.”

“Ladder 126, we’re going to need the truck and an RA unit at our location ASAP.” Owen called into the radio.

“You need to relax sir.” Paul said, crouching down next to him. “You’re got some impalement and any movement could make it worse, okay?”

The farmer nodded, tears in his eyes.

“Alright, let’s get this ready to get him out of there as soon as EMS arrives.” Owen ordered.

The team nodded, jumping to work. Judd took control of the machine, checking things over, telling Marjan to get gas for it, while Paul and TK kept the man stabilized. They moved around each other easily, following orders and each other’s suggestions, working quickly and carefully. Before long, they were ready and just waiting for EMS.

“EMS, what’s your ETA?” Owen asked into the radio.

“Walking up now.” Michelle shouted back across the field.

“Gas is in and ready.” Marjan told him.

“We’re ready when you are.” Judd called down from the seat.

Michelle nodded, her and her team surrounding the man.

“Alright, just relax.” TK told him. “We’re going to get you out of there.”

“Still don’t know what happened.” The man told them. “The reel just jammed out of nowhere. I got out to try and clear it and she just rolled right over me. Somewhere up there, my wife’s looking down at me, shaking her head. She always warned me about going out in the fields without a buddy.”

“Well, you had one today.” Buck told him, sitting nearby with the dog. He’d had to stop working to hold the dog back when it got upset about them moving the man and hurting him.

“We’re ready when you are.” Michelle announced.

“Alright, 126 listen up.” Owen shouted. “On my count, Judd’s going to raise the header. TK, Paul, and Marjan, you’re going to pull him out of there so we can turn him over to medical. Buck, don’t let that dog go, we don’t know how he’ll react to this.”

“I got him.” Buck smiled, petting the dog.

“Okay, here we go.” Owen called. “One, Two, Three!”

In tandem, Judd pulled the header up, raising it off the man’s legs. The rest of the team pulled him out, carefully getting him out of the way of the swather, laid onto the backboard, and then lifted onto the stretcher.

“Gillian.” Michelle took control immediately. “Start an IV, wide open.”

“If something happens to me, can one of you call my son?” The farmer cried. “Ask him to pick up Peanut?”

Hearing his name, the dog started whining, looking over to where his owner was in pain.

“It’s okay.” Buck whispered, assuring him with sone soft pets. “He’s in the best hands possible. He’s going to be okay.”

The team watched as the EMT’s worked their magic, getting the man stable enough for transport. Before they could wheel him away though, the man turned on the cot, looking over at Peanut.

“Come here boy!” He shouted.

Peanut immediately lunged out of Buck’s arms, running over to lick his friend’s face.

“That is so not sanitary.” Gillian sighed.

“It’s okay.” Michelle told him. “The spirit is just as important as the body.”

“Thank you buddy.” The man cried, reaching up to pet Peanut. “I’d be a goner without you.”

“You got yourself a good dog.” Buck smiled, walking over.

“He’s my best friend. Always has my back.”

“We’ll take care of him until your son can pick him up.” Buck assured him. “He’ll be well pampered in the meantime.”

“Thank you.” The farmer cried, reaching out a hand to Buck. “Thank you.”

Buck smiled. “There as good as family right?”

The man grinned, finally letting the EMT’s wheel him away, leaving Peanut in Buck’s obviously capable hands.

“So, how’d you know?” Paul asked, not used to being the one to miss something.

“How’d I know what?” Buck responded.

“That he was trying to get attention.”

Buck smirked. “A dog barking is one of two things. Defensive and scared, or trying to send a message. He wasn’t injured, obviously hadn’t been in a fight, or escaped from somewhere, so that only left sending a message. That man is his best friend, and he knew he needed other people to come help him. Just a simple Lassie moment.”

“You saw all that through his barking?” Marjan laughed.

Buck shrugged. “Decision making is hard when you’re scared. But when you look through other people’s fear, their feelings become a lot more clear.”

“You’re just a Caesar Milan in the making.” TK told him.

Buck snorted. “I don’t think I’m that good yet.”

“Yet.” TK repeated.

Buck just smirked, leading Peanut and the rest of the team back towards the trucks.

***

“Welcome to Group Therapy everyone. For those of you that are regulars, forgive me, for those of you that are new, welcome. My name is Eliot, I started this group. This group is specifically for those of us that have hurt the people that we love. Be that because we have PTSD and woke up from a nightmare and thought they were the enemy, as some of you know I did, or because you feared another loss and pushed them away from you. We do not ever force anyone to speak, but we are always here to listen.” Eliot smiled and looked around the room. “Would anyone like to begin?”

Immediately, across the circle from Eddie, one of the other regulars shot to his feet. “Hi, my name’s Sam and I tried meditation like people suggested the last time I was here and I was able to sleep for four solid hours without a nightmare for the first time since the explosion.”

Around the circle, people clapped politely, not wanting to startle Sam.

Sam grinned, looking around at everyone. “I just wanted to thank all of you for supporting me and helping me through all of this because _fuck_ I was scared when I came home.”

“We’re always here to help.” Eliot agreed. “How did it feel to sleep again?”

“I woke up feeling the best I had in months.” Sam told him. “I actually think I know what happiness feels like again.”

Eliot smiled, watching Sam plop back into his seat to declare he was done talking. “Thank you for sharing your success with us. Would anyone else like to go?”

Slowly, Eddie raised his hand.

Eliot nodded at him, waving his hand for Eddie to stand. “You have the floor.”

Eddie took a deep breath. “So, most of you know, but for the new people. Hi, my name is Eddie, I was an army medic deployed in combat overseas and now I’m a firefighter for the LAFD. I met my best friend at work, but I never dealt with the trauma in my past and after nearly losing him and my son in the tsunami not too long ago, I didn’t handle it well. I pushed him away, wasn’t there to support him and have his back, and I ended up hurting him so bad that he moved away without telling me, or the rest of our team, and started working for a new firehouse in Texas. Today though, I am not here to hash that all out again. I need advice.”

Eliot, seeing Eddie start to falter, spoke up softly to encourage him. “We’re here to help you Eddie.”

Eddie nodded, biting his lip for a moment before continuing. “He’s letting those of us that hurt him, that made him leave, write him a letter. Something to begin to rebuild a connection. But I have no idea what to write. I asked some of our mutual friends, and they told me to tell him that I was getting help, trying to heal, but I don’t want to make this about me. I told him before he left that he wasn’t family to me anymore, that he didn’t matter. I yelled at him once for making everything about him but really, I was just to self-centered I couldn’t handle him not thinking about me first when he made a decision. And I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to fuck this up.”

Around the circle, Eddie could see people thinking, processing what he said, and then someone spoke up. It was the regular Steve, sitting hand-in-hand with Danny as usual.

“Can I suggest something?” Steve asked.

Eddie nodded, holding back his tears.

“You were a medic, but seeing as you were in combat, I’m guessing you wrote the same ‘just-in-case’ letter that everyone else does?”

Eddie nodded again. “To my son.”

“How did it feel? To write that letter?”

“Heart-wrenching.” Eddie answered. “I enlisted to get money for his medical bills.”

“And knowing as much about you as I do now, you probably apologized in that letter. Didn’t you?”

“Of course.” Eddie agreed. “I would have been abandoning him. He barely even knew me when I got my discharge. I didn’t want him to grow up thinking I just left him.”

“So, write this letter the same.” Steve told him. “Apologize for the things you did, the things that hurt him. Apologize for leaving him behind. For yelling in your last conversation. For making him feel unloved. But let him know why you did it. Pour your heart out. It’s one letter, but what’s the worst that could happen from him knowing? He’s already cut you out once, and you survived.”

“He’s right.” Danny spoke up. “After he was an idiot the first time and I nearly left him, he wrote me a five page letter explaining that he knew what he did was wrong but he did it because he was scared and couldn’t handle it. I still took two months to forgive him and trust that he’d changed, but that letter was a good beginning.”

“And don’t be afraid of being vulnerable.”

Eddie turned to look at the new speaker, one of the regulars, Clay.

“In the military we’re always taught not to show weakness.” Clay continued. “But that doesn’t have to be the case anymore. When someone in your life is so important it hurts to be without them, sometimes you have to take a chance and be vulnerable. They could turn around and stab you in the back for it, but at least you’ll know where you stand. From what you’ve told us, he’s a good man, and he won’t hurt you just because you give him the ability to.”

“My boyfriend always describes it as handing someone the sword, baring your neck, and trusting that they won’t ever use it on you.” Eliot added.

“Exactly.” Clay agreed. “Give him the same level of trust he gave to you. Let yourself open up, and even if it all goes up in flames, at least you won’t have ‘what if’ haunting you.”

Eddie nodded, taking in every word of their advice. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Steve grinned. “And Danny was serious about calling us when he made you that offer. He’s actually quite sad you haven’t taken him up on it.”

“Steve!” Danny hissed, smacking the SEAL’s shoulder. “You weren’t supposed to tell him!”

Steve shrugged. “Eliot says it’s best to be vocal about all your feelings at group.”

That got chuckles around the circle, diffusing any leftover tension as Eddie sat down. Group continued around him, and he listened, making sure he was engaging with others as much as they engaged with him, but in the back of his head he just kept thinking about his letter to Buck. He was going to do it. He _needed_ to do it. And he needed to do exactly what Steve said. Pour out his heart, apologize for everything he did, but make sure Buck knows he doesn’t expect forgiveness yet.


	14. Chapter 14

“Good morning Evan.”

“Doc, how many times do I gotta ask you to call me Buck?” The firefighter groaned, throwing himself down onto the couch.

“As many times as it takes for you to remember that your name does not mean harm.” Dr. James Kautz sighed.

Buck grinned. “Well, we’ll work on that, isn’t that what you always say?”

“I do indeed.” James nodded. “Would you like to talk about why you’re here today?”

The grin fell off of Buck’s face as he sat up, looking serious. “The letters are all here.”

“The letters we agreed you’d have your sister tell your old team to write?” James clarified.

Buck nodded, grabbing his bag to pull out the folder he’d brought along.

“How do you feel going in to this?”

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me, Evan.”

Buck sighed, biting his lip. “I’m terrified, okay? I don’t know what’s going to be in here, but if they were sent to me, then Maddie has already approved them and they aren’t going to be yelling at me.”

“And you’re still determined to read them all today?”

Buck took a deep breath before nodding. “I want to get it over with.”

“Okay.” James accepted. “I assume you know which order you’d like to go in?”

“Chimney first.” Buck told him. “He was the least…open with his dislike of me after it all.”

“Would you like me to read it to you, or do you want to read it outloud, or read it to yourself and then let me read it?”

Buck thought about it for a moment, looking down at the folder in his hand. “Can you read it? I’m not sure I’d be able to keep going if something hurts.”

James nodded. “We can do that. Do you remember your signal that you need a break?”

Buck chuckled. “Still can’t believe we have a safeword, Doc.”

“It helps people feel safe pausing or ending a conversation without any fear of retribution.” James shrugged. “I’ll take the jokes for your comfort.”

“It’s persimmon.” Buck sighed. “Or snapping if I can’t speak.”

“Thank you.” James smiled. He held out a hand towards Buck. “Shall we?”

Buck nodded, handing the folder over. “I printed them out in order that I should read them, so Chimney’s should be on top.”

“Okay. Are you ready?”

Buck took a deep breath, settling backwards against the couch. “Ready.”

“Hey Buck,” James stared.

_“I don’t know how to start this letter, beyond saying I am so sorry. I am sorry I made you think you were less than anyone else at the station. I didn’t even notice when you started pulling away from us, closing yourself off from the pain we just kept dishing out to you. I should have noticed that you were hurting. I should have stopped them._

_When I first joined the 118, I was called the ‘diversity hire’ by everyone. This was before Bobby’s time, and nobody acted like the team was a family. The Captain back then was old school, hated anyone that wasn’t the ‘traditional’ idea of a firefighter. They hung out, had inside jokes, and I was never allowed on calls either. And when Hen came, I tried to help her, to be on her side. We had each other when no one else was there. And when Bobby came, he changed everything and made this house a family. He told you it wasn’t when you first started, but we all knew it was a lie. And after what happened to me, I swore I would never do that to someone else. I never wanted another person, even a probie like I was originally, to feel unwelcome with the team. And then I turned around and did it to you._

_We treated you horribly, made you feel unwelcome, and made you feel unsafe with us. And I never even noticed. Hen saw it. She saw the similarities between her experience at the beginning and what we were doing, but I didn’t. And I’m sorry. Fuck, I am so sorry Buck. I know that isn’t going to magically fix this, trust me I know, but I need you to know that I mean it. Maddie’s been kicking my ass, making me talk about everything that’s happened, with you and before you. I should have had your back, even if that meant going against Bobby. I know why you didn’t say anything, but I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. If you ever need anything, I want you to know that I will be there for you. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me, but I won’t leave you behind again._

_Your friend,_

_Chimney”_

James stopped at the end of the letter, looking up at Buck. “Buck?”

Buck pulled his face out of his hands, tears running down his face. “I’m here Doc.”

“You ready to talk about how you feel or would you like a minute?”

“I’m good.” Buck nodded. “Just-I don’t know. Overwhelmed?”

“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.” James assured him. “This is a lot of emotional stress.”

Buck took a deep, shaky breath. “I knew about his experience when he first started.”

“With the former 118 team?”

Buck nodded. “He doesn’t talk to any of them anymore. Neither does Hen. Even the ones that got along with them well enough once Bobby took over.”

“Okay.” James took note.

“I thought he knew what he was doing.” Buck admitted quietly. “With how they talked to me. Made me clean everything. It’s all everything he had to do. I thought he’d realize how similar it was. Remember how it made him feel. But even then, he was better at it than me.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“He didn’t mind being left behind.” Buck whispered. “He spent the time when they were gone running drills, putting his gear on and taking it off again, training for all the things he wanted to get better at. But he was just starting out. He just got out of academy, he was used to training instead of going on calls.” Buck’s voice broke, tears starting again.

“But you were used to that.” James spoke softly, pushing Buck a little further.

Buck nodded. “I knew what it felt like to save someone’s life. To carry them from a fire and know that because of you, they were going to see their family again. And then Bobby took that all from me. I couldn’t help anyone being stuck on cleaning duty.”

“So, what do you think now, knowing that he didn’t realize?” James asked.

Buck shook his head. “I-I don’t know.”

“It’s okay to not know.” James reminded him.

“That I do know.” Buck laughed a little. “I just-I don’t know. Is it bad that I still don’t think I can forgive him? Even if he didn’t realize? He still didn’t stop it. If Hen was able to see it, and try to help me, then he should have been able to, right?”

James smiled at him. “Remember what I said at the beginning. You are under no obligation to ever forgive any of them if you don’t want to.”

Buck took a deep breath. “Can we take a break before we read Bobby’s?”

“Of course. What would you like to do?”

“Can we work on that puzzle we started in your office last week?”

“Absolutely.” James smiled. “And you may want a snack?”

Buck chuckled, realizing that James was right. “Sounds great.”

***

“Bobby.” Maddie said, opening the door to her apartment.

“Hey Maddie.” Bobby smiled. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” She stepped aside, waving him in. “I assume this is about your letter?”

Bobby nodded, holding out the piece of paper clutched in his hands. “I think I finally managed to say everything I wanted him to know without sounding like an idiot.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t have minded.” Maddie chuckled.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t have.” Bobby agreed. “But I wanted to make sure that I was clear about what I was saying. I don’t want to hurt him again just because I couldn’t be clear with my words.”

“You were pretty clear with them when you told him you didn’t think he was ready.”

Bobby sighed, looking at the floor. “I know. I shouldn’t have done that to him. I should have talked to him about my concerns instead of just making a decision.”

“I’m not gonna argue with you there.” Maddie shrugged, going back to the counter to get her coffee. “That really hurt him, thinking you didn’t believe in him.”

“I know.” Bobby nodded. “And I wrote in there about that, so you’ll see it all. I was scared. I let the line blur between personal and professional life and hurt the person I was trying to keep safe. And even before all of that, I treated him horribly.”

Maddie just hummed, knowing from Athena that he would just keep talking without her input.

“Athena told me what he told you.” Bobby admitted quietly. “About that therapist I sent him to after the roller coaster call. He really thought we wouldn’t believe him?” Bobby asked, looking up at her.

“He called himself a sex addict.” Maddie reminded him. “And he was raised hearing that men are never a victim, no matter what anyone else tells them. With the way you reacted to his many ‘conquests’ he had at that time, he didn’t think you’d side with him against her.”

Bobby choked back tears, covering his face. “I would have done anything for him.”

“But he didn’t think that.” Maddie sighed. “And now that he told me, let me tell Athena, and use his information to start an investigation, it’s really helping him. He told her he’d rather not submit a statement, it being a rough time for him and not wanting to relive the past, but with his tip, she’s able to work.”

“She said she arrested the woman?” Bobby asked. “She wouldn’t say much around the kids, but she did say she got that far.”

Maddie nodded. “Once she started investigating, she found that Buck wasn’t the first and wasn’t the last firefighter to be coerced into having sex with her to get back to duty. She’s been bribing people for almost two years, but only ever one from any house or shift so they never felt comfortable talking about it. Word got around though that she was under investigation and they all started coming forward with their stories. Athena said the case is airtight and the DA is already talking about pushing for the maximum sentence possible because it was our people she went after.”

“That-that’s good.” Bobby said, taking a deep, shaky breath. “Buck must be pleased.”

“He’s just glad it’s all over.” Maddie shrugged. “It’s just one in a line of things that happened to him, so it’s hard for him.”

Bobby sighed. “I want to help him, but I know the only way I can do that is to let him heal. And hope that one day I’ll be able to apologize to him in person.”

Maddie smiled. “I’m glad you’re all working to solve your issues, I just wish it hadn’t been my brother hurt to get you to this point.”

Bobby nodded. “I am too.”

***

“Are you ready to keep going?” James asked, getting settled back in his chair.

Buck nodded, taking a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”

“What’s your signal?”

Buck sighed. “Persimmon or snapping if I can’t speak.”

“I know you think its dumb, but-”

“It’s okay, Doc.” Buck cut him off. “I understand why you have it. It just feels weird, having a safe word with you.”

“Understandable.” James smiled. “Shall we begin?”

Buck took a deep, slow breath, settling back against the couch. “Ready.”

“Buck,” James began, looking down at the letter in his lap.

_“I want to start this letter by saying that I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I know that doesn’t even begin to make up for any of this, but if you only read the beginning of this, I need that to be the thing you know._

_I never realized how much of a son I saw you as until you were gone. I know I brought it up at the beginning, when you were just starting out with us. I told you that it didn’t matter if you called me Pops, I was still your boss and our relationship wasn’t going to affect our business. That was the same conversation where I fired you. But now, after so much has happened, I realize that I didn’t stick to that myself. I let myself see you as a son, a son I never got the chance to raise, and that changed the way I treated you. After the embolism, I was just so scared to lose you. I didn’t realize it at the time, but your sister has been more than enough pressure for me to realize that I pushed to keep you on light duty because I saw you as a son. And I couldn’t stand the thought of losing another son to a fire._

_The day of the explosion was one of the worst days of my life. Seeing you under that truck, knowing that you were in my seat, and I would have the one under the truck if I had been there, it hurt. Frankie even saw it. He saw how much I cared about you and used that to hurt me, pressing that truck into your leg. We never talked about that day, that moment, and I don’t want to set you back or anything when it sounds like you’re finding happiness, but I want to apologize for that. I should have talked to you, and let you talk to me. I wasn’t around as much as I should have been when you were recovering. I should have been there for you, helping you with anything you needed. I should have supported you returning to duty, or just talked to you about my concerns._

_There’s a lot that I should have talked to you about instead of just making decisions without you. When you started the lawsuit, and I got that notice that we couldn’t talk to you or even see you, it felt like you were being wrenched out of my life all over again. And it hurt. I didn’t realize how much that could hurt. And then that lawyer used everything he had to make us hurt, to make us the bad guys. He was just doing his job and we blamed you for it. I blamed you for it. And then, when you got reinstated, I let those emotions affect my treatment of you. I treated you worse than a probie, not letting you go on calls, making you clean everything, I was awful to you. And I don’t blame you for leaving. Looking back on what we did to you, the things I said to you, I can’t believe you want anything to do with us. You’re a better man than all of us, and I am so sorry I ever hurt you. I’d like to say that I want to have you back in our lives, but that forgiveness is more than I can ask for. I hope you’re doing well in Austin. Happiness is all I’ve ever wanted for you._

_Bobby Nash_ ”

James stopped, watching Buck carefully.

“I-” Buck started to say.

“Take your time.” James assured him softly. “Don’t worry.”

“He-he thought of me as a son and that’s why he didn’t let me on calls?”

“That is what it sounds like he is saying.” James nodded.

“Is it bad that I don’t care?” Buck asked. “I’m not his son, and even if I was, that shouldn’t have affected our job? I mean, TK is Owen’s son. And that’s never stopped him from sending TK into a building. He trusts TK to know what he’s doing and make it out.”

James kept nodding, letting Buck talk his emotions out.

“Owen saw TK through his addiction, through his breakdown, through every single thing that has ever gone wrong for him. He helped him when I left TK. And he still trusts him. He’s watched his son go into burning buildings that collapse around him and _he still trusts him_. TK has never had to fight to get Owen to let him on the truck.”

“Focus on Bobby.” James prodded softly, pushing Buck back to the topic at hand.

“He’s talking about the explosion and the embolism like they happened to him.” Buck choked out. “Those were some of the worst days of my life. And he’s talking like they hurt him more than me. I was _alone_ after the explosion. They all carried on in their lives and I was just left behind in the dust. If it wasn’t for Eddie bringing Christopher over when Carla was gone, my sister would have been the only person I saw. Bobby never visited, never invited me for a visit, never seemed to care at all that I got crushed under _our firetruck_. And then I worked my way back up, it took _months_ to get back in shape, to pass those tests, to get cleared for duty, and the embolism stole _everything_ away from me. And he talks like it happened to him. He may have been scared watching it but I was the one spitting up blood!”

“Breathe.” James ordered.

Buck took a deep breath, feeling the tightening in his chest start to loosen. “Am I nuts for still being mad? For not thinking this is enough?”

“No.” James assured him. “You’re not nuts. Not for any of this.”

Buck kept taking deep breaths, trying to choke back his tears. “I-I don’t want to be mad at him. I don’t. He’s right. I called him Pops, saw him as the father figure I never had, but he did the same damn thing my dad did. He only cared when it made him look better.”

“Do you think part of this pain is _because_ you saw him as a father figure?” James prodded. “And then he stopped supporting you when you were hurting, like your father did when you were growing up?”

Buck looked up at James, a sighed deeply. “I hate when you make sense. Did you know that?”

“I’ve been told.” James smiled. “Shall I assume this is one of those moments if you’re bringing it up?”

“I didn’t think about it that way.” Buck admitted. “But I don’t think that makes it hurt any less.”

“It doesn’t have to hurt less.” James told him. “But remember, this isn’t just about facing the past…”

“It’s about understanding how it affects us now.” Buck sighed. “I know.”

“So how do you feel, knowing all of that?”

Buck thought about it for a moment, thumping his head back against the couch. “Athena and Maddie say he’s going to therapy. That he’s trying to change. That he realizes that what he did was wrong, and he never should have let his personal feelings affect work. And I want to forgive him. I do. But I don’t think I’m there yet.”

James smiled, proud of how far Buck had come. “Good. I’m glad you’re able to make that distinction.”

Buck sighed, smiling back. “Well, for another one, I don’t know if I’m ready for the third one.”

“This would be the one from Eddie, correct?”

Buck nodded. “You know why. Please don’t make me say it.”

James chuckled. “Do you want to do it another day?”

“No.” Buck shook his head. “I need to get it all done. I just don’t know if I’m ready to hear what he has to say.”

***

“Goodnight Christopher.” Eddie whispered, testing to see if his son was truly asleep. Hearing no reply, he crept to his feet, inching for the door.

He managed to slip out of the room, finally letting out a sigh of relief as the door shut behind him. He only had to read a story twice tonight, and he’s going to take that win.

It was taking longer and longer every night to convince Christopher to go to sleep. His son was scared that his dad was going to leave him too. After Shannon, and then Eddie keeping Buck from him, and now Buck being gone completely, he was terrified to lose someone else. Eddie couldn’t blame him.

Eddie himself was exhausted, wanting more than anything to just go sink into his own bed and forget the day behind him. But he couldn’t do that. Not yet. He had one more thing he needed to you.

He walked to the kitchen, grabbing himself a notebook, a pen, and a beer. It was probably a bad idea to drink while he did this, but he knew himself well enough to know he was going to need some courage to get through this.

He hesitated for a moment before slipping out the back door. He settled onto the couch Buck had helped him pick out when they started spending more time outside with Christopher and needed somewhere to sit. Chris loved the couch, with its wicker structure and cozy cushions, it was perfect for them. And Buck was the one to have spotted it in the store.

The couch was also the last place Eddie and Buck sat together, talked as friends, and watched Christopher play with his Legos at the table. It was almost four months ago now. Before the embolism almost took Buck from them in front of their eyes. Before the lawsuit made them turn their backs on their friend. Before Eddie screwed everything up by letting his fear control him.

“I wish I could take it all back.” Eddie whispered, looking across the couch to where Buck always sat. The pillows used to conform to him, but they’ve forgotten him now. “I wish I could tell you in person how much you mean to us.”

Eddie sighed, finally tearing his eyes away to look at the notebook on his lap. It was time. He needed to write his letter so he could give it to Maddie tomorrow. He needed to do what Clay suggested. He’s going to hand Buck the sword, bare his heart, and leave the ball in Buck’s court.

Taking a long drink of his beer, Eddie opened the notebook, picked up the pen, and started his letter.

***

“Are you sure you’re ready?” James asked, checking in as he moved to the last letter in the folder.

Buck nodded. “I need to hear it.”

“Okay.” James nodded. “This one is handwritten instead of typed?”

“Yea, Maddie said he gave it to her like that and she didn’t want to ‘take away his emotion’ or something like that.”

“I will attempt to do the same then.” James said. “Ready?”

“Ready.” Buck declared, settling back against the couch for one more letter.

“Buck.” James began.

_“I honestly don’t know if I should even be calling you that anymore. It feels weird to call you by a nickname after all the pain I caused. But I also know you hated it when anyone called you Evan, so I’ll stick to Buck in honor of that. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write this letter. I know Chimney and Bobby are already done, but I just didn’t know where to start. I’m not sure this will be coherent, but I hope it makes sense._

_Buck, I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry I don’t even know how to put it into words. I was an asshole to you, for no reason other than my own fear. Watching that firetruck explode, seeing you pinned under it, hearing you scream when we lifted it off of you…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have nightmares about it. I thought I’d lost another brother, but you’re so much stronger than any of us ever gave you credit for. You pulled through. You got back to duty. And then you did it all over again after that embolism nearly took you out again. I know we yelled at you for not noticing pain in your leg but looking back now I can’t blame you. You were working so hard to get back on duty, I can’t imagine how sore you were some days. And then the tsunami happened._

_I know you blamed yourself for losing Christopher when the wave hit. But I need to make sure you know that I have Never blamed you for that. I have let my son down more times than I can count, but you never have. You saved him that day. You gave him the strength to keep swimming and come back to me. Come back to us. You saved my son, and I still yelled at you for abandoning him when really it was us abandoning you. I should have asked questions when Bobby said you weren’t ready to come back. I should have realized that after working that hard, making it through that much, that you’d be doing anything to get back on the truck. I should have realized it was his decision stopping you, not your doctor. I should have had your back in the lawsuit, not just followed Bobby blindly along._

_I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive me, and honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t. I was truly awful to you these past few months. I let that lawyer get under my skin, with information I know you only told him because you thought it was right, and I let him turn me against you. Not having you around…I didn’t realize how much I depended on you until you weren’t there. I know you blame Bosko for my street fighting, but it was my fault. She told me not to let go of the anger in the ring, but I kept such a tight hold of it, letting it grow and fester and push me deeper and deeper. There was nothing she could have done to stop me once I saw that first night. I had so much anger, just boiling inside of me, and it finally had an outlet and I couldn’t stop it. I was angry at my parents for not supporting me when I came back from deployment and wanted to take care of my son. I was angry at Shannon for leaving us the first time. And furious that she came back into our lives, let Christopher get to know her again, and then turned around and left again. I know the car accident wasn’t her fault, but I don’t think I ever told you that she served me divorce papers just before that. She was going to leave anyway. And I was furious at her for it. And you. God Buck, I was so angry at you and I didn’t even know why. But I’ve figured it out. Well, Frank helped me figure it out. He’s the new therapist for our team, deals with all our shit so we can stop hurting the people we love. He pointed out something I never realized. After Shannon died, you were there for me. For me and Christopher. You had our back through it all. And seeing you with my son, watching you take care of him, teach him, love him, protect him during that tsunami… I fell in love with you, Buck._ ”

“Persimmon.” Buck gasped, reaching out blindly to grab a pillow and clutch it to his chest. “Persimmon. Persimmon. Fuck.”

James put the letter aside, immediately moving to kneel in front of Buck. “Buck, I need you to keep breathing.”

“He-he-he” Buck stuttered.

“Don’t focus on him right now.” James told him. “Right now, you need to focus on breathing. Remember the 4-4-4?”

Buck nodded. “Fucking sucks.”

“Yes but it focuses you.” James smiled. “So let’s go. Four seconds, deep breath in. 1, 2, 3, 4.”

Buck dragged in a deep, shaky breath, keeping with James’s count.

“Good. Now Hold, 2, 3, 4.” James continued. “And out, 2, 3, 4.”

Buck kept breathing, gripping the pillow he had with all his strength. James kept the count going, reaching out to tap the count on Buck’s arm as well. After a few minutes, Buck’s breathing stopped rattling, and he could loosen his grip on the pillow.

“Back with me?” James asked.

Buck nodded. “I’m here.”

“Good.” James sighed. “That was quite the revelation I see.”

“Yea. Yea I never knew.” Buck shook his head. “Never even suspected.”

“He sounds like quite the complex guy.”

“I never felt complex to me.” Buck whispered. “Once we got through our initial meeting, I always knew he had my back.”

“Until it felt like he didn’t.”

Buck nodded, squeezing the pillow. “What if-” Buck cut himself off.

“Buck.” James prodded. “What if what?”

“What if he doesn’t mean it and is just trying to get me to forgive him?” Buck asked quickly, tripping over the words.

“Then he’s not the good man you thought he was.”

Buck groaned, burying his face in the pillow.

“Do you want to finish the letter, or do you want to wait till another day?”

Buck shook his head. “I need to hear it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Doc, please?”

James sighed, but nodded. “Okay. But if you safeword out again, I’m ending it and we’ll return to the letter at a later date.”

“Deal.” Buck nodded.

James returned to his seat, picking up the paper again. Clearing his throat, he began again.

_“I know that’s probably not what you want to hear. Especially now, after everything I’ve said to you. But I needed to say it. Or write it I guess. I don’t know if Maddie’s told you, but I started going to therapy, not only with Frank but I’m now a regular at a group therapy session every week at the VA. It’s a group of people like me. Veterans, people who have seen some shit, and all of us have had trouble processing it. And all of us have ended up hurting the people we care about because of it. I asked them what they thought I should do for this letter, and one of them said to just pour my heart out, hand you the sword, and let you decide our fate. So here I am. Handing you the sword and baring my neck. If you never want to see me again, I won’t blame you. I won’t be mad at you. I won’t ever hate you. The ball’s in your court now._

_(Hopefully still) Your friend,_

_Eddie_

“See Doc?” Buck forced a smile. “I made it.”

“Yes, and the white knuckled grip on my throw pillow makes me absolutely think you’re okay.”

Buck laughed, the sound choked off by the tears in his eyes. “Do you think he means it?”

“Which part?”

“That he doesn’t care if I never want to see him again?”

“It doesn’t say that he won’t care.” James pointed out. “It says he won’t blame you.”

“That just means he doesn’t want me to feel bad.”

“Buck, I have never met Eddie. I only know what you’ve told me and what this letter says. But, if I had to make a guess, I’d say he meant what he said here. This isn’t what you expected when you reached out, but you wanted proof that they were changing, right? You wanted to see if Judd was right, and people could change for the people they care about.”

Buck sighed. “I just-I didn’t think he’d say _that_.”

“Are you upset that he said it? Or are you upset that he said it now, after everything else that has happened?”

Buck stared down at the pillow, watching the way it moved under his hands. “You know the answer to that James.”

“And you know I’m going to make you say it. Outloud. To face it.”

Buck sighed. “No.” He finally admitted. “I’m not upset that he said it. Just, just that it’s now. After…all of it. Makes it feel like an excuse. Like Mom and Dad always said it when we were in public to keep us in line.”

“Do you think he meant it as an excuse?” James prodded.

Buck shook his head. “Eddie, he’s-he’s not like that. He meant what he said. About just…just laying it all out.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“And that’s okay.” James smiled. “That’s what I’m here to help you figure out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was rough but hope you guys enjoyed.  
> Also feel free to scream on tumblr about the season ending with me


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I gotta say two things:  
> 1) Holy fuck y'all the outpouring of support on the last chapter legitimately made me cry. You have no idea how much your comments mean to me. Knowing that some of you apparently reread the entire fic every time I update just to catch all the little things I add in means the world to me.  
> 2) Y'ALL SOMEONE MADE FANART FOR THIS FIC?!!?!?!?!!?! I have no words, this is the biggest compliment I've ever gotten. It's so pretty and amazing I love it.

“Come on!” Mateo exclaimed. “It has to _The Ring 2_ or _Final Destination 2_! Or _The Grudge 3_!”

“Those are some weak ass choices man.” Paul said, shaking his head.

“Are we debating worst sequels of all time?” TK asked, coming around the front of the truck.

“Scariest movies of all time.” Paul told him. “And everyone knows the scariest movies are the ones where the monster is inside you. _The Shining_? Dude was crazy.”

“Or _The Exorsist_?” Judd suggested. “With the demon inside you.”

“ _Rosemary’s Baby._ ” Marjan declared. “Damn devil baby.”

“Interesting choice of topic.” TK shrugged.

“At least its not romcoms again.” Buck called out.

TK spun, looking for his friend and finding him perched on top of the engine. “What? Firehose doesn’t like a good romantic comedy?”

“Not unless I’m the one snagging the girl.” Buck grinned.

“Or guy.” TK added with a wink.

Buck laughed. “If only I could be the one getting romanced. There’s the damn dream.”

“I mean I can romance you for years and never run out of material.” TK offered.

“I’m not getting between that cop and you.” Buck told him, holding his hands up in surrender. “That man actually knows how to shoot me.”

TK shrugged. “Your loss.”

“Don’t I know it.” Buck sighed dramatically, getting the rest of the team to laugh. “Forever the one that got away.”

TK rolled his eyes at his best friend’s antics.

“Okay but come on Probie.” Paul said, going back to the original topic. “You cannot tell me you think those are actually the scariest movie.”

Mateo opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by a dog bark that echoed through the station. The entire team turned to see Owen, walking towards them, with a massive dog on a leash.

“What?” Marjan cooed, hurrying to say hello.

“That is one fine looking animal.” Judd laughed.

“Everyone, come say hello to the newest member of the 126.” Owen grinned. “Buttercup.”

“You mean we get to keep him?” Mateo asked, excited.

“He is adorable.” Marjan grinned.

“I finally outrank someone!” Mateo exclaimed.

Judd laughed. “Oh, you think he’s gonna follow you around and clean up after you?”

Mateo sighed. “Good point.”

“Seriously?” TK sighed. “I begged you for a dog my entire life and you have always said no.”

“We lived in a high-rise apartment.” Owen defended. “Who was going to walk him when we were on duty?”

“What made you pick this guy?” Buck asked, finally appearing from the top of the truck.

“Well,” Owen grinned. “He is my canine counterpart.”

“Yea he’s definitely got that signature look.” Judd smirked.

“He’s also got the exact same type of lung cancer that I have.” Owen told him.

Buck was the only one who noticed the smile fall off TK’s face.

“Oh no.” Marjan cooed, petting the dog.

“Poor guy.” Mateo pouted.

“Oh, toughen up.” Owen laughed. “He’s a fighter, just like me. And besides, it didn’t feel right to me that the first success story of my immunotherapy treatments was living in a kennel at a clinic when I have a perfectly good team willing to love him.”

“You mean he’s healed?” Buck prompted, throwing an arm around TK to hide his best friend’s sag of relief.

“His cancer is still there.” Owen told them. “But the point of this therapy is to stop it’s growth, and his has indeed stopped. He’s still got a journey ahead of him, but they believe he’s got many, many more years before him.”

TK turned out of Buck’s arms, booking it to the sleeping quarters.

“I got it.” Buck sighed, giving Buttercup one last scratch behind the ears before heading off after TK.

“Cap?” Mateo asked, looking at Owen.

Owen sighed. “TK hates to say goodbye.”

Buck followed TK quickly, finding his friend in the bunkroom, laying face down on his bed. Buck didn’t say anything at first, just went over and sat next to his friend, letting TK decide how this was going to go.

The sat in silence for a long time, and Buck politely didn’t mention the sniffling he could hear from the body next to him. TK needed a moment to process everything, and Buck was just there to be support. After a few minutes, TK moved enough to get his arm out from under him, reaching over to grab Buck’s hand, anchoring himself there. They still didn’t speak.

Finally, ten minutes after they came in, TK spoke. “I can’t lose somebody else.” He whispered.

“You heard your dad, he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“But what if that changes?” TK asked, rolling over to look at Buck. “What if it stops working? What if the cancer mutates again, because cancer is very good at that, and the treatments can’t stop it? I don’t want to fall in love with something just to watch it die.”

“I’m not going to die.”

Both boys turned, looking over to see Owen standing in the doorway.

“Sorry for intruding.” Owen sighed. “But I figured this had something to do with me, and I didn’t hear anything outside so I wanted to check on you.”

“Why’d you bring him here, Dad?” TK asked, staring at the ceiling. “Why would you do that? You knew I’d fall in love with him. You knew he was sick. And you knew I’d end up losing him too.”

“This isn’t just about Buttercup.” Owen guessed, walking over to them.

“Of course it’s not just about the damn dog!” TK shouted, sitting up to stare at his dad.

“You haven’t lost me yet.” Owen assured, sitting down across from him.

“Yea, but I could.”

“Yes, you could.” Owen agreed. “You could lose me. To cancer. On a call. I could get hit by a truck just driving to the store. There’s no guarantees in this life. You know that.”

TK sniffled, looking away from his dad, gripping Buck’s hand tighter.

“Buttercup isn’t a symbol of my death.” Owen told him. “It’s a symbol of my hope. His success on these treatments means I have an even greater chance than we thought of dying an old man. But we don’t have a safe job. Every day we face danger, and I always come back to you.”

“It’s okay to love something, even if you know it’s going to hurt you in the end.” Buck whispered. “Loving him can still be the greatest thing you ever did.”

TK looked up at him. “Somehow I don’t think you’re talking about Buttercup anymore.”

Buck shrugged. “I think we both have some choices we need to make.”

***

“So how are things?” Hen asked, looking at Athena. “With everything here?”

Athena sighed. “It’s rough going. The kids were really upset when Buck first left, but they’re getting a lot better. Harry forgave Bobby quickly, seeing him just as upset as they were, but it took May a bit longer.”

“She’s stubborn like her mother.” Hen laughed.

“And you guys call Buck and I stubborn.” Maddie joined in.

Athena rolled her eyes. “She’s a lot more perceptive than most people seem to think. She saw what was happening, she knew why Buck left.”

“Has emailing him helped?” Maddie asked.

“So much.” Athena nodded. “She’s a lot happier since they started emailing regularly.”

“And I assume you’re happy not having to explain her science homework to her.” Hen laughed.

“Absolutely.” Athena declared. “I don’t understand that stuff.”

“Buck always was good at science.” Maddie smiled.

“Yea, they’ve been quickly realizing he was the fire science expert on the team.” Hen agreed. “Eddie’s picked up the slack pretty well though. I’m sure he’s studying to avoid thinking about Buck, but it’s still helpful.”

“How have things been at the station? Beyond the appearance of a team holding together on calls.” Athena asked, taking a drink from the wine in her hand.

Hen sighed. “They’re doing better now, knowing Buck at least doesn’t hate them. They all wish Buck felt good enough about them to respond to their letters, but for now the assurance that he’s okay is going to have to be enough for them.”

“I was honestly worried that they’d get mad again when he decided he wasn’t ready to make any response.” Maddie admitted. “And they way he sounded, I think he was scared of that too. He hasn’t decided yet what to say to them.”

Hen shook her head. “They know Buck’s still hurt from what they did to him. They were just glad to get the chance to apologize. And now, they know they just have to wait. So they’re trying to make things as normal as possible.”

“From what I hear, it sounds like they’re doing their jobs better now.” Maddie added.

“Yea, they’re doing their jobs.” Hen nodded. “Probably better than they’ve ever done them before. They’re all pretty determined to be the best they can be, professionally and personally.”

“Chimney’s started talking about calls again.” Maddie told them. “Which is a big step for him.”

“They’re taking pride in their work again.” Athena smiled. “That’s good. Buck would have been horrified seeing them at the beginning.”

“He really would.” Maddie nodded. “He thought they’d just move on, he didn’t think they’d fall apart.”

“But now they’re finally pulling themselves back together.” Hen smiled. “Pushed only by the desire to be the men Buck thought they were.”

***

“Officer Reyes, what’s happening here?” Owen asked, rolling out of the truck.

“Dementia patient got lost, thought he still lived here, broke in and started making a sandwich.” Carlos started explaining. “The family are locked in the master bedroom, hiding from him, and the wife just told dispatch her husband’s collapsed and not breathing.”

“Possible cardiac event.” Michelle said, joining them. “We don’t have any time to lose.”

“Copy.” Owen nodded. “TK, bring the hammer!”

“ _I’m being told bedroom, southwest corner_.” Dispatch’s voice crackled through the radios.

“Let’s get in there.” Owen ordered.

The team followed him, ready to help as needed, TK up front with the hammer, just in case they needed it.

Owen got to the door first, knocking. “Austin Fire and Rescue!”

“Please help!” A woman’s voice called back. “He’s not breathing!”

“TK.” Owen ordered, waving his son forward.

TK nodded, stepping up. He lined the hammer up, swung it back, and slammed forward, breaking the door open.

As soon as the door opened, three things happened.

  * A gunshot rang out, echoing in the small hallway
  * The wife started screaming, hands flying off her husband’s chest to cover her mouth
  * TK staggered backwards clutching his chest, gasping for air



“Was that a gunshot?” Marjan shouted from the other end of the hallway.

“TK!” Buck screamed, catching his best friend as he fell.

Owen couldn’t even speak, clutching at his son as he lowered him to the floor.

“Gillian, get to the cardiac patient!” Michelle ordered, stepping into command as Owen faltered. “Tim, help me get the bleeding under control! Paul, secure the gun. Marjan, get the IV kit out of my bag. Judd, clear the path between us and the rig. Mateo, help Gillian.”

The team jumped into action, glad to have something to do.

Michelle then turned to her radio, clicking it on and ruining everyone’s night. “Shots fired. I repeat shots fired. Firefighter down. I need another RA unit started in route for the cardiac patient. We will be taking the firefighter direct.”

 _“Copy that.”_ Dispatch’s voice came back. _“Trauma doctors will be standing by. Clear this channel. God speed.”_

Michelle took a deep breath, looking at the two still panicked before her.

“Owen, I need you to get out of my way.”

“He’s my son.” Owen gasped.

“I understand that.” Michelle told him. “But you are not a paramedic and you cannot help him. So, let me do my job and save him.”

Owen hesitated for a moment but pulled away, staring in horror at the blood on his hands.

“Buck, I need you to go too.” Michelle told him.

“I’m trained.”

“Not enough to help me.” Michelle told him bluntly. “I need you to take Owen out of the house. Get him to the ambulance. Wipe yourselves off, I’m sure you won’t be changing till you know he’s okay so don’t let it dry anymore than it already has. Let me do my job.”

Buck looked up at her, staring into her soul it felt like, but nodded firmly and got to his feet. He didn’t say another word as he slung his arm around Owen’s shoulders, leading the distraught Captain from the house.

“Captain Strand!”

Buck looked up to see Carlos coming towards them, looking worried. “What happened? Who-?”

Carlos cut himself off, seeing the look in Buck’s eyes and painted across Owen’s face.

“No.” The cop gasped. “He?”

“It was the kid.” Buck managed to say. “Take it easy on him. Paul secured the weapon. Michelle’s with him.”

Carlos nodded, running into the house.

“I can’t lose him.” Owen finally spoke.

“We won’t.” Buck assured him. “He’s a stubborn ass and dying isn’t in his plans just yet.”

***

Eddie threw the door of his truck closed behind him, sprinting towards the house. He tripped over himself, getting up the porch steps and throwing the door open.

“Christopher!” He shouted.

“Shh!”

Eddie slammed to a stop as Carla appeared from the kitchen. “Carla!”

“I have finally managed to get Christopher laying down and I will not have you waking him up with all that panic in your eyes.” Carla told him. “Come in here and talk with me and then we’ll go see him together.”

Sufficiently scolded, Eddie followed Carla into the kitchen, sitting at the counter. “What happened?”

Carla took a deep breath, letting it out loudly. “He fell at the park. There was a group of kids playing tag and he wanted to play with them. They let him join but when he tried to run from the one who was ‘it’ he fell and tried to catch himself.”

“Fuck.” Eddie swore. “And I wasn’t _fucking_ there. Great way to be a father.”

“He knows it wasn’t your fault.” Carla assured him. “He knows you go off every day to help people.”

“Yea, I was doing such important work directing traffic at a car accident while my son was at the hospital sobbing for me and I wasn’t there.” Eddie growled.

“Well, the break is clean.” Carla told him. “The doctor’s said it should heal just fine, and they even let him get a firetruck red cast. But honestly, the broken arm isn’t your biggest problem here.”

“No, my biggest problem is that my parents were right.” Eddie spat. “I’m a shit excuse for a father.”

“You know I won’t allow that kind of talk in my presence.” Carla scolded him.

“And yet you can’t tell me it’s not true.” Eddie shot back.

Carla sighed. “Eddie, your biggest problem is going to be that you weren’t the only one your son was crying for in that hospital room.”

Eddie looked up at her, obviously confused and concerned. “Do you mean-?”

“Yes.” Carla nodded. “He wanted you and he wanted his Buck.”

“Fuck.” Eddie swore. “I really am a shit father.”

“I think it’s more that Buck is such a good person.” Carla smiled. “We both know how much Christopher has looked up to him ever since you met.”

Eddie sighed. “How the fuck can I tell my son that Buck left because I told him he wasn’t family? That I was part of the reason and even though I am working on things, and making progress even I can’t deny that, I am still not worth Buck’s forgiveness.”

“I think you just need to talk to him.” Carla told him. “He misses you.”

“I miss me too.” Eddie admitted.

Carla smiled. “I wasn’t sure when Buck left if you would ever earn my forgiveness.”

“It is not your forgiveness I am looking for.” Eddie told her calmly.

“And that’s why you’ve earned it.” Carla shrugged. “Now, I know you want to see your son. But what are you going to tell him because I am sure he’s going to ask?”

“I don’t know.” Eddie told her, getting to his feet. “But I need to see him.”

Carla didn’t respond, watching in silence as Eddie left the kitchen, now moving much more calmly towards the bedrooms.

“He’s in your bed.” Carla said, when he stopped at Christopher’s room. “It made him feel safer.”

Eddie didn’t let that thought overwhelm him, heading immediately for his room. He pushed open the door gently, seeing his son curled up in the center of his bed.

“Carla?” Christopher’s voice said softly.

“No _mijo_ , it’s me.” Eddie responded, just as quietly.

Christopher flipped over, grinning at the sight of his father. “Dad!”

“Hey _mijo_.” Eddie smiled, moving to join his son in the bed. “How are you?”

“My arm hurts.” Chris pouted, holding his arm close to his chest.

“I’m sorry buddy.” Eddie told him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

Chris sniffled, looking up at his dad. “Carla said you were helping people.”

“I was. But helping other people is never going to be more important than you.” Eddie whispered.

Chris smiled, snuggling up against his dad. They sat in silence for a long moment before Christopher spoke again.

“Dad?”

“Yes _mijo_?”

“I miss Bucky.”

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. “I miss him too.”

“Can I call him?” Chris asked. “Abuela lets me sometimes.”

“I-I don’t have his number buddy.” Eddie admitted. “When he moved, he only gave it to very special people.”

“Oh.” Chris seemed to think about it for a moment. “Then can Aunt Maddie come over so I can call him? I want to ask him something.”

“What do you want to ask him?”

“I can’t tell you.” Chris smiled. “It’s a secret.”

“Ah.” Eddie nodded. “Well, it’s pretty late, so how about we call Aunt Maddie in the morning?”

“Okay.” Chris sighed. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay.” Chris repeated. “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

“Absolutely.” Eddie told him.

***

After what felt like an eternity, the team found themselves in the waiting room. They’d all gone back to the station, showering TK’s blood from their hands and putting their civilian clothes back on before pouring into the hospital. Buck and Owen were the only ones still in their uniforms, having drove directly there with the second ambulance. The two of them were currently the only ones in TK’s room, having returned to his side once the others had gone through, saying hello, giving support, and giving prayers in Judd and Marjan’s cases.

“The whole team’s still here.” Buck whispered, holding TK’s hand.

“I tried to order them to go home, but Marjan’s out there getting them hyped on caffeine.” Owen joked, cracking a small smile.

“They’re all here to support you.” Buck smiled. “And laugh at your dad calling your mom.”

“That was a fun conversation.” Owen sighed. “She immediately went into full-lawyer mode, you know how she is. Practically deposed the doctor right there on the phone. But, the good news, is she calmed down quite a bit when he told her they were able to reinflate your lung, and get you stabilized.” Owen tried to look hopeful, but it failed as he sighed. “But we won’t know about any brain issues until you wake up.”

“And we know you have some, dating me and all.” Buck tried to joke. “But you better come back to us without anything new.”

Owen managed a small smile, looking across his son’s body. Buck had always been the closest friend TK had, since the day the two of them met. He couldn’t imagine what was going through Buck’s head at a time like this. But he was glad that the other man hadn’t lost his humor yet. There was still hope so long as they could laugh.

Both of them looked up at a small knock on the doorway. They turned to see Carlos standing there, looking scared.

“Officer Reyes.” Owen nodded. “Come on in. Would you like some time with him?”

“I don’t want to impose.” Carlos managed to choke out, voice thick with emotion.

“I think he’d appreciate it.” Owen smiled. He got up and went to the door, clapping Carlos on the shoulder on the way out.

“Come sit.” Buck whispered, seeing the cop still hesitating.

At that, Carlos nodded, moving to sit in Owen’s chair, holding back the tears in his eyes. “Is he-?”

“He’s going to make it.” Buck told him. “The doctors had a rough time with him at first, but then he always did like to be difficult.”

“Yea.” Carlos whispered. “I’m starting to see that.”

“He doesn’t mean to hurt you.” Buck sighed.

“I know.” Carlos nodded. “If he did, I wouldn’t be here.”

Buck smiled, seeing Carlos glance at TK’s arm. “I think he’d like to hold your hand.”

Carlos startled, not used to getting called out, but he only blushed as he reached a tentative hand out to take TK’s.

“I mean if he’s going to hold mine, he may as well hold his new man’s too.” Buck joked.

“Wait, does that mean?”

“Oh shit had he not told you?” Buck swore. “Fuck. Please don’t run from him now.”

“You’re his ex?” Carlos asked.

“Yea. We dated in college. For almost a year.”

“What-what happened?” Carlos wasn’t sure he actually wanted to know, but he was already in enough pain this probably couldn’t get much worse.

“I broke his heart.” Buck stated plainly. He sighed. “I took off right after my graduation, a year before his, and headed out to LA to join their fire department. Left TK behind in the dust. I didn’t want to make choose between following me and following his dad like he’d always dreamed.”

Carlos nodded slowly. “And now?”

“He’s not going to leave you for me, if that’s what you’re scared of.” Buck smiled wryly. “Unfortunately for me, that ship has long since sailed. And he doesn’t have anyone else either, if that’s a concern of your.”

“He’s just-he’s always so secretive.” Carlos sighed. “I never know what to do.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret.” Buck told him, getting Carlos’s full attention again. “TK has two settings. Testing the waters, and diving straight to the bottom. Usually, the second follows the first. With you, he dove part way, got scared, and came back up for air. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to find out what’s at the bottom of the lake, it just means he needs to catch his breath first.”

“You’re saying to give him time, and let him set the pace.”

Buck nodded. “He’s not going anywhere. Not yet at least. He’s just scared that you’ll leave him too.”

“I-I don’t think I could ever leave him.” Carlos admitted softly.

Buck smiled. “When he wakes up, he’s probably going to pull away again. Most people do after a trauma like this. Let him go a little, but don’t let go completely. He’ll just need some time to recover.”

Carlos nodded. “I’ve seen cops recover from gunshots before.”

“Just be there for him.” Buck told him. “And it’ll be okay.”

Without another word, Buck got up and started for the door.

“Where are you going?” Carlos asked.

Buck chuckled. “I’m covered in my best friend’s blood. I’d like to get changed and cleaned up. Besides, I think he’s in perfectly safe hands right now.” Buck turned to the door but then looked back with a smile. “And Carlos? The doctors say he might be able to hear us when we talk. Just so you know.”

Carlos blushed, not responding as Buck swept from the room. He knew the rest of the team could see him, the wall of glass uncovered by the curtains, but he didn’t really care. He didn’t want to hide how much he cared about the man in front of him.

Without letting himself second guess, he reached out, threading the fingers of his left hand in TK’s hair, his right hand sliding up to cradle TK’s upper arm in his hand.

“Why’d you make me love you?” He whispered, watching TK’s breath rise and fall. “It would have been simpler, but despite it all I can’t regret it.”

He didn’t say anything else, just sat there, watching TK breath. Listening to the heart monitor beep. Proof that TK was _alive_.

Carlos didn’t know how much time had passed, but he was startled from his stare by a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Paul standing behind him. Mateo and Marjan were along the side of TK’s bed, watching him breathe as well. They would keep vigil, praying and supporting each other through it all.

None of them needed to speak, the four of them just stood watch, silently waiting for TK to wake up or their teammates to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you guys are wondering, anytime Athena, Hen, and Maddie having a meeting, my outline refers to them as 'AMBS' standing for the "Angry Mama Bear Squad" because thats who they are. 
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully come on Saturday!


	16. Chapter 16

“Is he awake?” Buck asked, pushing into TK’s room.

Owen looked up, shaking his head. “Nothing.”

Buck sighed. “I don’t know whether to be relieved he didn’t wake up without me here or disappointed that he’s still out.”

Owen chuckled. “We just have to be here for him. He’ll do the rest.”

“I know.” Buck sighed, dropping down into his usual chair at TK’s side. “Doesn’t mean I’m not impatient.”

“You know, he’d probably say it’s ironic. Us finally being the ones to wait for him.”

“He always did hate how long it takes us to get ready to go somewhere.” Buck nodded. “Anything change at all today?”

“He’s started moaning a little more.” Owen informed him. “Doc says it might be a sign he’s working his way back out to us. But we won’t know without time.”

Buck sighed.

“How’d the shift go?” Owen asked. “Tough being back?”

“Yea, it’s rough not having him there. I kept turning to make a joke with him, but he wasn’t there. I think Marjan noticed, started sticking more with me so I had someone to talk to at least.” Buck admitted. “But we’re still working well, getting the job done, don’t worry about that.”

“I wasn’t.” Owen smiled. “I trust you guys to keep it going without me.”

“Judd’s a good captain, just as firm but caring as you, but we had to keep reminding him he was in charge.” Buck laughed. “It was pretty funny.”

Owen chuckled. “I heard you went to a baby shower. And a birth.”

Buck threw his head back, laughing. “God you should have seen their faces. It was like none of them had ever delivered a baby before.”

“Most of them probably haven’t.” Owen shrugged. “But you have?”

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “We worked a full moon shift a long while back, before all the shit went down. Ended up at a yoga class for pregnant mothers. We delivered three babies in a row. My first was with the coaching of a doula, also the one in labor.”

“Sounds like a fun night.”

“Oh absolutely.” Buck grinned. “One of them actually named their boy after me. Evan.” Buck’s smile softened, glancing down at his hands. “It was one of those moments that make you realize why you do this job.”

Owen smiled, enjoying the sight of Buck being happy with a memory from LA. “I’m sure TK will be glad he wasn’t there. Labor has always been the one thing he’s feared having to deal with since getting certified.”

“Judd wasn’t much help either.” Buck told him. “Told Paul to get some clean towels and sheets and then just handed control over to Marjan and me. We got her through it pretty quickly. Two months early but that baby wanted _out_.”

“And they’re both doing well?”

“Oh yeah.” Buck nodded. “The RA unit showed not long after we finished, said they both look good but being so early they went ahead and rushed them in just in case.”

“I’m glad.” Owen smiled. “How’s the rest of the crew doing?”

Buck opened his mouth to respond, but snapped it closed when TK moaned between them, rolling shoulders.

“TK?” Owen said, shooting to his feet.

Buck stood up as well, leaning over his friend. “Ty? Ty can you hear us?”

TK’s face scrunched up, eyes squeezing shut before flying open. Buck saw the panic shoot through him. TK scrambled, grabbing at his dad’s hands where they were on his shoulders, heart rate spiking.

“It’s okay.” Buck assured him, reaching out to rub TK’s arm. “We’re right here.”

TK relaxed a little, calming in his family’s presence. “What happened?” He croaked, voice rough from non-use and having the intubation.

“What do you remember?” Owen asked gently, releasing his son’s shoulders.

“I-” TK cut himself off, looking between the two of them. He saw the concern in their eyes and tensed up again, fearing the worst. “Did I-?”

“You didn’t relapse.” Buck assured him, letting TK grab at his hand. “You didn’t take anything. You didn’t break your sobriety.”

TK let out a deep sigh, relaxing again. He accepted the glass of water from his dad, taking small sips to regain his voice. Before they could talk more, the doctor’s swarmed his room, notified by the jump in heart rate that he was awake again. There were ten minutes of chaos, the doctors and nurses checking TK over, making sure he was okay, getting him some medication for the pain, and then they vanished again.

Buck and Owen retook their seats at TK’s sides, smiling at him.

“Thanks.” TK whispered, taking the glass of water Buck held out to him.

“Do you remember what happened?” Owen asked after a moment.

TK closed his eyes, thinking back. “I remember the call. Possible cardiac. We had to break down the door. Then…I just remember pain.”

“Their grandson thought we were the man with a knife.” Buck told him softly. “He grabbed his grandfather’s gun and…well. You were first through the door.”

“He shot me.” TK gasped.

Buck and Owen nodded.

“Oh, that poor kid.” TK sighed. “Does anyone know how he’s holding up?”

“He’s been meeting with APD counseling.” Buck told him.

“And he’s got a strong family.” Owen added. “Goes to a good church.”

“It’s so you to be sitting here after getting shot and worrying about someone else.” Buck laughed.

TK shook his head. “I’ll go home tomorrow. I’ll heal. I don’t even remember it that well. But that kid…he’ll never forget.”

“He’s going to be okay.” Buck assured him. “Carlos has already promised to keep an eye on him.”

“Oh yes.” Owen grinned. “Speaking of the good Officer Reyes, you want to tell me something?” He asked, looking at TK. “He’s been here quite a bit you know.”

TK blushed, slapping Buck’s arm, and then covering his face.

“Sorry.” Buck apologized with a grin.

“He’s a good choice.” Owen told him. “I will give you that. Very nice.”

“Do we have to do this now?” TK begged. “I just got shot.”

“And the doctor said you’re going to be fine.” Owen reminded him. “But you can’t run so this seems like a perfect time.”

TK groaned, glaring at Buck. “You’re the worst best friend.”

Buck shrugged. “I doubt that.”

“We’re just texting.” TK told Owen.

“And FaceTiming.” Buck added. “And hanging out together at Nana’s gatherings.”

“If I don’t hang out with Carlos she’s going to try to set me up with someone else. She does the same thing to you.”

“Ah yes, but I’m so focused on my job I wouldn’t have time for a partner.” Buck laughed.

TK just rolled his eyes.

“Although, I did promise the nice officer and his grandmother that I’d call him if you woke up, so don’t mind me just heading out.”

TK groaned again, slapping Buck’s arm but not stopping him from getting up.

“You know I won’t make you talk about him.” Owen whispered to TK.

“I know.” TK sighed. “I just don’t know what to say about him.”

Their voices cut off as Buck shut the door behind him, heading down to the family room to make his call. The phone rang only a couple times before it was answered.

“Buck?” Carlos asked. “Is TK okay?”

Buck grinned at the worry in Carlos’s voice. “He’s doing great. In fact, he just woke up.”

There was a loud woosh of air, Carlos’s relief audible through the speaker. “He’s awake?”

“He is.” Buck nodded, even though Carlos couldn’t see him. “And the doctor’s say he’s in great shape. The long sleep did wonders for him. He can even leave tomorrow so long as Owen or I take shifts with him at home.”

“ _Gracias Dios._ ” Carlos sighed. “I’m so glad he’s okay.”

“He’s going to be sore for a while, but he’s going to be able to work again. And he’s already worrying about that kid too.”

“You can tell him he’s doing good.” Carlos told him. “As well as can be expected in a situation like this, but hearing that TK is going to be okay will probably do wonders for him.”

“I’ll make sure to tell him.” Buck promised. He glanced back down towards TK’s room. “I should get going. Owen needs to get out of here soon and convincing him to leave now is going to be rough.”

“No problem.” Carlos assured him. “I should be doing reports, and I’m not going to lie and say it won’t be easier knowing he’s okay.”

Buck smiled. “Would you mind calling your Abuela to let her know?” Buck asked. “She wanted to know when he woke up and knowing her, she’s going to immediately start cooking for him.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that.” Carlos laughed. “Don’t bother with groceries for a couple weeks, Abuela will keep all three of you fed well.”

“We appreciate it.” Buck grinned. “Talk to you later.”

“Thank you for letting me know he was awake.” Carlos sounded genuinely grateful and more relaxed than Buck had heard in a while.

“I promised I would.” Buck shrugged.

“Still. Thank you.” Carlos repeated. “I’ll call you later with Abuela’s response.”

“Bye.” Buck smiled, hanging up the phone with a relieved sigh. TK was awake. Everything was going to be okay again. But before he could start back to TK’s room, his phone was ringing again. He frowned at the caller ID, but picked it up quickly.

“Maddie?” He asked. “Is everything okay?”

“Are you busy?” Maddie asked. Buck could hearing crying behind her.

“I mean a little but what’s wrong? You sound worried.”

“Chris wants to talk to you.” Maddie admitted. “He broke his arm yesterday, and it was apparently the last straw on his calm. He threw his Legos at Eddie this morning, screaming that he only wanted to talk to you.”

“Put him on.” Buck responded instantly, turning back to sit in one of the chairs, needing to still his body so he could focus on Chris.

He could hear movement on Maddie’s end of the phone, a door opening as the crying got louder. A moment later, Buck could hear the switch to speaker phone and spoke.

“Chris?” He called. “Chris can you hear me?”

“Bucky?” He heard the tears thick in Chris’s voice.

“Yea it’s me buddy.” Buck responded, tearing up himself. “What’s up buddy?”

“I miss you.” Chris cried. “I want you to come back.”

Buck took a deep, slow breath, steadying himself. “Buddy, you know I can’t come back to LA. I have to help people here.”

“But I miss you!” Chris exclaimed.

“I know.” Buck assured him. “And I miss you too, buddy. I miss you so much. Every day.”

“But not enough to come back?”

“If I could, I’d be on a plane already.” Buck told him. “But I made promises to people here that I would be here and help them. I don’t make promises, remember?”

He heard Chris sniffle, knowing the boy couldn’t argue with that. As long as he’d known Buck, he had never broken a promise he made with the boy. Even through the tsunami, he kept every promise he made.

“Maddie said you hurt your arm.” Buck said, trying to steer the conversation away from his return to LA. “What happened?”

“I fell at the park.” Chris sniffled. “I tried to catch myself, but hurt my arm instead. Carla took me to the doctors.”

“Carla did?” Buck asked. “Was your Dad at work?”

“Yea.” Chris whispered. “Helping people. Both of you left to help people. But what about me!” His voice rose, obviously getting upset again.

Buck thumped his hand into his head. That was the opposite of what he wanted to know.

“I’m sorry buddy.” Buck whispered. “I didn’t want to leave you.”

“Daddy hurt your feelings.” Chris responded. “That’s why you left. Isn’t it?”

Buck bit his lip before speaking. “Where’d you hear that, buddy?”

“Daddy’s friend Lena.” Chris told him. “She yelled at Dad for hurting your feelings after you left. I pretended to be asleep.”

“Ah.” Buck nodded. “You know it’s not nice to listen to other people’s conversations.”

“I don’t care!” Chris told him. “I want you to come back!”

“I can’t, buddy.” Buck repeated again. “I would love to, but I can’t.”

“Well can I visit you?” Chris asked.

Buck’s heart dropped out, immediately imagining Chris fitting into his life in Austin. “I-I don’t know if that’s possible, buddy. You have school and everything.”

“But we have break coming up!” Chris protested. “Why can’t I visit you?”

Buck took a deep breath, thinking things through quickly. “How about this, if you apologize to your dad for listening to his conversations and for throwing things at him this morning, I will talk with Aunt Maddie and Miss Carla to see if it’s even possible. I am not going to tell you it will happen, because I don’t know if it can, but I will see. Okay?”

He heard sniffling through the line, Chris obviously thinking the offer through. After a moment, he got his response. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Buck sighed in relief. “I’ll talk to you later, once I can talk to them. I love you, buddy.”

“I love you too, Bucky.” Chris responded, still sniffling his tears back.

Buck stayed on the phone, listening as Maddie helping Chris get up, getting his crutches so he could go out to the living room and apologize to his dad. Once Chris was gone, he heard Maddie’s voice again.

“What the fuck are you thinking?” She demanded.

Buck chuckled. “Just hear me out, okay?”

***

“I still don’t like this idea.” Maddie said, sitting on the back porch of the Diaz household with Carla at her side. She’d called the other woman before calling Buck, needing help dealing with the distraught Eddie while she dealt with Christopher. Now, the two of them were outside, sitting with the phone on speaker between them while Eddie and Chris were gone, picking up lunch for the four of them.

“I know.” Buck responded. “But can you say it’s a bad idea?”

“You know I can’t.” Maddie sighed.

“Are you sure about this, Buckaroo?” Carla asked. “It’s a lot.”

“I won’t lie to you, the thought terrifies me.” Buck admitted. “But I want to do this. I don’t want to look back on this and wonder about the ‘what if’ here.”

“Once I tell him, there’s no going back on it.” Maddie reminded him. “I just want to make sure that you’re sure.”

“I am.” Maddie could hear the determination in Buck’s voice.

“And you’re sure you don’t need me there?” She asked.

“I’m sure, Maddie.” Buck laughed. “The team at the 126 will have my back, I have no doubt about that. They’re just as protective as you, if you can believe that.”

“You told them?” Carla asked, surprised that Buck opened up to them that fast.

“They’re my family.” Buck told them. “I can’t explain it, they just felt so _right_ when we started. It took a month or so, but yea. I told them everything.”

“I’m proud of you.” Maddie sighed. “Don’t doubt that.”

“I never could.” Buck assured her. “Not with how often you remind me anyways.”

“She’s just looking out for you, Buckaroo.” Carla laughed.

“I know.” Maddie could hear the grin in Buck’s voice. “But I’m sure about this Maddie. I have to see it through. If only to prove to myself that I made the right choice.”

Maddie nodded. “Well, if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that once you’ve made your choice, you’ll stick to it. And you’re an adult now, you have been for a while. I won’t make stop you from making your choices in life, even if it worries me.”

“Thank you.” Buck told her.

“Don’t thank me for human decency.” Maddie scolded with a laugh. “I’ll tell them what you decided, so expect more calls with details.”

“I’m still going to thank you for your support.” Buck told her. “I need to get back to TK, but call me once more details on that end get ironed out.”

“I will.” Maddie promised. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Both of you.” Buck hung up at that, leaving the two women looking at each other in silence.

“I think this will be good for him.” Carla whispered finally. “Closure.”

Maddie sighed. “I know. I just worry about him getting hurt again.”

“We’ll just have to support him and try to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Maddie nodded. In the silence, it was easy to hear a car pull up in front of the house, doors opened and closed, and the echo of Christopher’s crutches reached their ears with ease. “Guess I should go talk to Eddie.”

“I’m right behind you.” Carla smiled.

The two women went inside, meeting the Diaz family in the hall, following them to the table.

“Did you talk to Bucky?” Chris asked as they pulled food from the takeout bags.

“We did.” Maddie told him with a smile.

“And?” Chris demanded.

“Christopher, let them sit down before you interrogate them.” Eddie scolded.

Christopher pouted, obviously not wanting to wait, but he listened, settling in his seat and watching Maddie intently as she sat down and get food.

“So?” He finally said after Maddie took her first bit.

Eddie sighed, obviously knowing it was a losing battle to keep Chris waiting.

“Well.” Maddie started. “The two of us talked with Buck for a while, figuring out what we can do.”

“Is he going to come visit?” Chris demanded. “Or are we visiting him? Is he coming back home?”

“Chris.” Eddie cut his son off.

Chris pouted, but Maddie took the chance to keep talking.

“Buck told you that he can’t come here, remember?”

Chris nodded, still pouting.

“Well.” Maddie continued. “He knows you miss him. So he wants you to visit him during your spring break.”

Christopher cheered, throwing his arms up. “I get to see Buck! Daddy we get to see Bucky!”

“I don’t know if that meant both of us.” Eddie told his son quickly, hiding his own pain.

“Actually.” Maddie looked at him. “It does.”

“What?” Eddie asked, staring at Maddie in shock.

Maddie took a deep breath. “My brother wants you both to visit.”

Eddie gaped at her, not knowing how to respond. “He-he”

“Chris why don’t we go pick out some drawings for you to take to Buck.” Carla asked, quickly getting Christopher out of the room while Eddie continued to stare at Maddie.

“You’re serious?” Eddie finally asked. “He’s letting me go with Chris.”

Maddie nodded. “He doesn’t want Chris to have to fly alone, for one thing. And Carla has her family, and I have my job, and it makes sense for it to be you. But he also thinks that you two need to have a talk. An actual, straight, honest _talk_ about what’s happened. He’s willing to give you this chance, despite the fact that I’m not sure it’s the best idea, but his family down there will have his back and he’s an adult. He gets to make his own choices. Of course, you can always say no and send Christopher by himself.”

“No.” Eddie immediately shook his head. “No, I want to go with him. I want-I want to apologize in person.”

“This is a one-time chance, Eddie.” Maddie told him. “If you mess this up, I doubt he’ll ever give you another.”

“I won’t.” Eddie promised. “Or I guess I’ll try my best, I can’t make any promises.”

“All I ask is that you don’t break him again. He was shattered when he left LA, and his family down there put him back together and helped him through all his pain. Don’t make them do it again.”

Eddie nodded. “I’m going to apologize. For everything. And if he just wants to see Chris, not me, then I’ll do that. I’ll drop Chris off whenever he wants to see him and leave and never say another word to him if that’s what he wants.”

“Good.” Maddie smiled. “Now, after lunch, you should probably put in a time off request and buy some plane tickets before you end up not being able to go at all. Carla said she’ll take Chris for the rest of the day so you can get all that done.”

“Thank you.” Eddie told her, genuinely touched by Maddie’s help. “ _Thank you_.”

“I didn’t do any of it for you. I did it for my brother.”

“I know.” Eddie told her. “I’m still grateful.”

“Just don’t fuck it up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😱 Things are happening!  
> (JK but like actually what do you guys think is gonna happen I love your predictions)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! Also Buttercup's official 126 title is now Sergeant Snuggles, sorry I don't make the rules it's now Canon.

“How are you doing?” Buck asked, flipping the omelet he was finishing out onto a plate.

“I’m fine.” TK immediately responded, catching the plate as Buck slid it to him.

“Yea I don’t buy that.” Buck shook his head. “Talk to me. Please?”

“I’m as fine as you are, stress making omelets because breakfast is the only meal Nana Sue hasn’t sent us food for.”

Buck grimaced. “She’s being supportive in her best way, I just hate not having something to do.”

“She knows.” TK told him. “Once a week’s gone and you go back to work, she’s just going to send a couple things to keep me fed while you and dad are at work.”

“Oh and where did you hear this?”

TK blushed. “Buck.”

“Use your words.” Buck pushed.

“Carlos told me when he dropped off the empanadas.” TK admitted.

Buck laughed. “So, you have _talked_ to him at least.”

“Yea, not about what he wants to talk about though.”

“Why not? What’s stopping you?”

TK groaned. “I just-I don’t even know.”

“More words.” Buck told him. “Start from the base, remember what Doc always says.”

“Talking about the tip of the iceberg won’t do anything, you have to melt it from the base.” TK sighed, tucking into the omelet in front of him. “Yea, I know.”

“Either talk to me or talk to him, but I can see you need someone to talk to.” Buck told him, starting another omelet.

“Oh, like you’re talking about how you invited your ex here so his son can see you?” TK asked, trying to deflect from himself.

“He’s not my ex. We were never anything.” Buck reminded him for what felt like the millionth time.

“There was still something there, don’t try to deny it.” TK shot back.

“I’m not denying anything. But I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

“Well why you decided to invite him here would be a good start.”

“Christopher was sobbing on the phone, begging to visit. I couldn’t say no.”

“You didn’t have to invite Eddie with his son.”

“You’re right. I didn’t.” Buck agreed. “But I think I needed to. I need this all to end, Ty. I need to convince myself I made the right decision leaving LA and coming here. You guys have become my family, and I know you’re going to have my back when he’s here. But I need to know if there’s anything still there.”

“Dad always said you were too curious for your own good.” TK muttered.

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “James said the same thing, but he agreed with me that it’ll be good for me. I can get the closure I didn’t get leaving LA the way I did.”

“You know you would’ve stayed if you tried to say goodbye.”

“Probably.” Buck admitted. “But I know you won’t let me be stupid enough to go back there now, so I see no issue letting him come here and apologize in person. If only to remind myself why I left.”

TK sighed. “So long as it’s not that captain of yours, I’ll play nice.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” Buck sighed. “I’m still mad at him for the letter he wrote.”

“Well, as your best friend I’m reserving the right to be mad about all of it for the rest of my life.” TK told him.

Buck laughed. “I guess I can accept that.”

“You don’t have a choice.” TK grinned.

Buck rolled his eyes, letting the kitchen fall into silence for a moment before speaking again. “Alright, so now that I talked about my not-ex visiting, how are you actually doing?”

“Ugh.” TK groaned. “Can’t we just eat breakfast together in peace?”

“TK. Stop deflecting.” Buck sighed. “If you don’t want to talk about it, you know I won’t make you.”

“I know.” TK let out a deep sigh. “I just don’t know what’s happening. This is the second time this year I’ve almost died, and I can’t seem to get my head on straight. Carlos keeps texting and I never know what I’m supposed to say to him.”

“Well, it’s common after a near death experience to question your life choices.” Buck told him. “After the firetruck, I can’t even begin to tell you how bad I spiraled.”

“But all I’ve ever wanted was to be a firefighter.” TK protested. “Ever since I was a kid, this was the only thing I ever thought about, the only thing I ever envisioned.”

“TK,” Buck bit his lip, glancing over his shoulder. “I never mentioned the job.”

TK looked up from the omelet, staring at Buck.

“Tyler.” Buck said, turning the stove off and quickly moving to TK’s side. “Talk to me.”

“How’d you know you wanted to do this?” TK asked quietly. “You didn’t have a dad like mine there as an example. How’d you realize?”

“Two years before we met, I was at the fairgrounds with some friends.” Buck started. “We stopped to get something to eat, some funnel cakes, churros, the usual fair food. One of my friends was extremely allergic to peanuts, so we made sure to go to a stall that had a sign saying there were no peanuts in any of their food, so it would be safe for him. Well, apparently, one of the workers had brought peanuts in as a snack and ate some before preparing our food. Within two bites, my friend couldn’t breathe.”

“Shit.” TK swore.

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “We all freaked out of course, didn’t know what to do at all. But then this woman ran over, calm as could be. She said she was a paramedic, asked my friend where his Epi-Pen was. We didn’t even know what it was, let alone where it was, but she got it out of his bag and slammed that sucker into his leg. When the ambulance got there just a couple minutes later, she rattled off all sorts of information to them, everything they needed. And we were all just standing there, looking like idiots because we couldn’t even help our friend. That’s when I decided I wanted to help people. I didn’t know how, but I knew I was going to.”

“How’d you end up as a firefighter then?” TK asked.

“You want the honest answer? I thought it’d make me the most attractive.”

TK snorted. “Why am I not surprised?”

Buck shrugged. “Dad told me if I didn’t go to college, he’d disown me. So, I got that degree in kinesiology, and I took off for LA.”

TK sighed.

“You scared?” Buck asked gently.

“I don’t know.” TK admitted. “But I think I’m going to come to the station tomorrow during shift.”

“Finally going to come let Buttercup know you’re still alive?” Buck joked. “You know he still only sleeps on your bed.”

TK smiled. “That will be one good thing. But I want to talk to Dad too.”

“Why don’t you stop by around dinner?” Buck suggested. “Talk with Cap and then have a meal with us. Give Buttercup some attention and talk with the team. Relax a little.”

TK took a deep breath, nodding. “I think you may be right about that.”

***

“So, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

Eddie looked up from the stack of chairs he was making, seeing Danny just staring at him, hands on his hips. “What do you mean?”

“You didn’t say a single word the entire meeting.” Danny pointed out. “You’ve never been silent in a meeting. You always give even a tiny update. But today, you seemed so lost in your head we all may have not even been there. So, what’s bouncing around up there?”

Eddie sighed. “You’re too observant for my health.”

“Preaching to the choir.” Steve sighed, finishing stacking the chairs in his part of the room, leaning against the tower. “I don’t get away with anything.”

“And you’re still alive because I don’t let you do stupid shit Steven.” Danny shot back. “However, Eddie, you are not my husband, so I won’t make you talk about it if you don’t want to. But we are here.”

“Yea, I know.” Eddie nodded. “I just-I don’t even know how to begin to explain.”

“At the base.” Eliot reminded him with a smile.

“Well…” Eddie thought for a moment. “I told you about the letter. And-and what I told him.”

“Finally admitting that you have feelings.” Danny nodded. “You admitted it a lot faster than this lugnut.”

“I take offense to that.” Steve told him.

Danny shrugged.

“Ignore those two.” Eliot told Eddie. “So…you told him you liked him?”

“Yea.” Eddie bit his lip. “Well, he never responded. But he never responded to any of us and his sister said that he won’t respond to one of us and not the others because he doesn’t want to split us up. And he still needs to figure out how he feels about us and any thoughts of us coming back into his life.”

“That sounds encouraging.” Danny grinned.

“Well, then two days ago Christopher broke his arm.”

“Holy shit, is the little dude okay?” Danny immediately asked, worried for a kid he’d never met.

“He’s fine.” Eddie assured the three of them. “He fell at the park and our caretaker had to take him to the hospital. The issue came when he cried not only for me, but for Buck as well.”

“Oh damn.” Eliot whispered.

“Yea.” Eddie grimaced. “So, I had to call his sister and beg her to come over so he could call Buck and talk to him because I don’t have his new number. And then somehow my son convinced him to let the two of us visit him.”

“Wait visit Buck?” Eliot asked.

“He’s actually going to let you visit him?” Danny repeated.

Eddie nodded. “Chris has spring break soon and somehow he has convinced Buck to let us visit. So, we’re flying down and somehow I have to see him face to face and not fuck this up again.”

“That’s rough.” Steve agreed. “But what’s your actual worry here? Messing up? Saying the wrong thing?”

“Yea.” Eddie sighed. “I told you what I said in that letter. I handed him the sword, just like Clay said, and now I have to face him. I have to look him in the eye, knowing he could end me with one sentence, and I’d be powerless.”

“I understand.” Eliot told him. “After what happened with Alec, I couldn’t even look at him without feeling guilty. And I at least knew his feelings when it happened because he’s incapable of hiding his emotions from Parker and me.”

“It’s the same with Danno.” Steve laughed. “I always know when I fucked up.”

“Shitty communication is the reason we spent years not being together, I am not dealing with that anymore.” Danny told him.

Steve rolled his eyes. “See?”

“That’s great, but Buck isn’t like that.” Eddie sighed. “So how-how am I supposed to not fuck this up?”

“By being honest.” Danny told him. “You already started being honest, just keep that going. He knows you love him now, or that you did. But that doesn’t mean he knows that’s still the current feelings you have. You admit how badly you hurt him. Would you really think someone still loved you after hearing the things you said?”

Eddie sighed. “You’re right.”

“He usually is.” Steve pointed out. “Better at emotions than any of us.”

“That doesn’t take much with you army boys.” Danny joked.

“Does he realize you weren’t in the army?” Eliot asked.

“He knows.” Steve sighed. “He’s made the same joke since the day we met. Still thinks it’s funny.”

“Oh, the jokes not funny.” Danny told him. “Your face when I make the joke though? That’s still hilarious.”

“But you’re telling me to just tell him again when I get there?” Eddie asked.

“No. Don’t push it at him.” Danny told him. “Pushing it at him when he doesn’t want it is only going to make him feel awkward or defensive. But if he asks? Then yes. Tell him. And be genuine with him. Don’t lie, don’t deflect, don’t deny the past. You won’t have a chance at moving forward if you don’t accept the past.”

Eddie nodded. “Okay. I’ll try.”

“Don’t worry, you said it’s during Christopher’s spring break?” Danny asked. At Eddie’s nod, he smiled. “Then we got time for you to get unconstipated.”

***

“Well if it isn’t sleeping beauty!” Marjan exclaimed.

“My man!” Paul greeted, holding out a hand for a fist bump.

“Good to see you brother.” Judd grinned from the back of the group.

“Glad to see you haven’t forgotten where the station is.” Buck laughed.

TK smiled. “Thanks guys.”

Mateo, seemingly unable to think of something to say, jumped forward and wrapped TK in a hug. TK groaned in pain, accepting the hug but trying to push Mateo back off of him. Realizing he was hurting TK, Mateo jumped back with a fast apology.

“Son are you sure you should be up?” Owen asked, concerned.

“Yea.” TK nodded. He pointed up to Owen’s office. “Can we talk?”

“Of course.” Owen nodded. “Come on.”

“Come on Buttercup.” TK called, the dog following him happily.

The two of them walked upstairs in silence.

“What are you doing?” Owen asked as they reached his office. “Are you okay? Is everything alright?”

“Yea I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” TK assured him, leading the way into the office.

“TK, I know your everything’s fine voice, and that is not it.” Owen told him, following him in.

TK sighed, kneeling down to put a hand on Buttercup’s head. “I need to ask you a question.”

“Anything.” Owen nodded.

“Why’d you decide to be a firefighter?”

“Why?” Owen repeated. “Well because the Yankees wouldn’t take me and who would want to play for the Mets.”

“Dad, I’m serious.” TK cut in, turning to face him. “Did you always know this is what you wanted to do?”

“No.” Owen told him. “I was going to be a lawyer.”

“Really?” TK smiled, gaining a kiss from Buttercup for his happiness. “How did I not know this?”

“Probably because I dropped out of law school in my second year.” Owen laughed. “Joined the fire academy, married your mom. One lawyer in the house was _plenty_ for us.”

“What changed your mind?” TK asked, moving to sit in front of the desk. Buttercup followed behind him, propping his head on the man’s knee once he settled.

“Well, the summer before I dropped out, I had a job in the East Hamptons as a lifeguard.” Owen smiled.

“For the chicks?” TK asked.

“For the chicks.” Owen nodded. “But mostly I just sat in the tower and got very, very bronze. Never even got in the water. Except for one time.”

TK sat up, intently listening to his dad’s story.

“There was this little girl, probably seven or eight years old.” Owen continued. “She was out with her mother and they went beyond the buoys. Before I even had a chance to blow my whistle, the riptide grabbed them. They both went under, but a moment later the mom came up. Little girl didn’t.” Owen looked up at the ceiling, remembering. “I don’t remember jumping in, I was just _there_ all of a sudden. I got them both back to the beach. Little girl wasn’t breathing, she was turning blue right there on the sand. And then my few hours of training, training I honestly thought I slept through, kicked right in.”

TK smiled, knowing he was the same way in training.

“CPR, mouth to mouth, I did it all.” Owen smiled. “And it worked. I could feel myself breathing life into this tiny, little, fragile body. And when she coughed up seawater and started breathing on her own, it was the most satisfying moment of my entire life. And I knew.” Owen shrugged. “Dropped out of law school three months later.”

“You’re an addict.” TK chuckled. “Just like me. Always chasing the first high.”

“I think it’s more than that.” Owen admitted. “I think being of service, helping people, it’s a way to give my life some meaning.”

“Yea.” TK whispered, looking down at Buttercup. “I can see that.”

Owen cocked his head, seeing the wheels turning in his son’s head.

“All I ever wanted to be was a firefighter.” TK sighed. “For as long as I can remember, I didn’t think about anything else. No backup plan, no second choice, I knew exactly what I wanted. Or, at least, I thought I did.”

The smile fell off Owen’s face, finally seeing where his son was going with this conversation.

“Lately, I’ve been wondering if what I really wanted…was my dad.” TK admitted quietly.

“Oh, TK.” Owen sighed.

“You left when I was seven, and this was the way to bring you back.”

“TK, I didn’t leave.”

“Yes, you did.” TK insisted. “You left us. That firehouse was your family, not us. Not mom and I. You chose them instead.”

“Do-do you want me to apologize for my choices?” Owen asked. “343 firefighters lost their lives on that day. 14 of them were from _my_ house.”

TK sighed. “I-I don’t know what I’m trying to say Dad.”

“Well what you’re saying is you aren’t sure if you want to come back.” Owen guessed.

“I-I don’t know if I _can_ come back.” TK admitted, talking more to Buttercup than his dad. The dog just stared up at him, full of love and life. “I-I don’t know if this is what I really am.”

“That’s not a question I can help you answer.” Owen sighed.

“I know.” TK groaned, holding back tears.

“Well, you’re right about one thing.” Owen told him, getting to his feet. He turned to the window, looking out over the truck house. “The firehouse is my family. And the 126 is my adopted family. But you,” Owen turned to look at TK. “You are my son. And no matter what you decide, I’m going to be right here, supporting you.”

“Thanks, Dad.” TK smiled, finally looking back up at him. “And I’m glad, because I need your help with something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay y'all sorry bout the paragraph but I got some stuff to say. This and the next chapter is more TK based because I think this moment is so important to his character I don't want to lose it, but I want to remind some of you that this is technically a Buck-centric story. This is Buck going to Austin and finding family and happiness and peace. I am not going to show every single interaction between all the other characters or we will never get through this. Please stop sending me hate about not showing enough Tarlos, or Grace, or 118 characters. They exist outside of this and I try to tell you they talk by referencing them, but I just don't have time to show you ever conversation they have outside of what keeps the story moving. We're at 60k, and still have a lot to do. I don't want to fill this with 'fufu' I want to tell you the story I have in my head. I've been deleting comments as they appear, but if it keeps up I'm going to have to turn off anonymous commenting. And I would actually hate that because some of you have been with me since the beginning and I know your names and don't want to take your commenting from you. Please, chill out, let me tell this story and then at the end if you want to criticize me, feel free. 
> 
> To the rest of you, thank you for your love and support I regularly cry reading your comments you all mean the world to me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who commented on the last chapter. Y'alls support means so much to me, and I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story. It's gotten so much bigger than I thought it would when I started, and I love all of y'all going on this ride with me. To answer the question I got a couple times, there's currently 30 chapters in the outline for this, but I'm not sure if that'll be the final count, because I haven't gotten to what I see as the end yet. So it might be longer, and I'm not kidding when I say we've got a rollercoaster left to weather together.   
> Enjoy this and see y'all later!

TK sat at the small table at the juice bar, anxiously rambling and drinking his boba, trying not to think about the conversation he didn’t want to have. He didn’t know how to have.

“Boba gets a bad rep because it has basically no nutritional value, but I think those people just don’t appreciate the fact that it’s fun to drink.” TK declared. “I mean yea, the tapioca is sorta like blobs of snot. But they’re delicious blobs of snot!”

Carlos just sighed, smiling sadly and looking out across the street.

“What?” TK asked.

“TK, you just filibustered a solid six minutes on the topic of boba.” Carlos pointed out. “And before that it was Billie Elish, the Cowboys running game, and how underrated the film _Benjamin Button_ is.”

“Well Brad is magic even as a baby.” TK interjected.

“How long are you going to avoid actually talking to me about it?” Carlos asked.

“About what?”

“About the elephant in this juice bar.” Carlos sighed.

TK took a deep breath. “Us?”

“When I saw you in that hospital bed not-not knowing if you would ever wake up.” Carlos’s voice broke, remembering how pale TK was. “I had all these feelings, _strong_ feelings, which is crazy because I feel like I barely know you. You text me about inconsequential things, talk to me about anything other than us when you see me at Abuela’s, and always duck out when a conversation gets serious. I-I’m just confused.”

TK looked away, unable to face the constant stare Carlos was giving him.

“What are we?” Carlos asked. “Are we even a ‘we’ in the first place?”

“Honestly?” TK asked, glancing up.

“Honesty is all I’ve ever asked for.”

“I don’t know.” TK admitted.

“You don’t know.” Carlos repeated. “Great. Okay.”

“I’m sorry.” TK apologized. “I really am. I just-I’m so confused about who I even am right now. I don’t know if this is the life I want, or if I’m even in the right career, or even in the right state. I need to figure that out that out before I-”

“Before you can figure this out.” Carlos nodded. “I get it.”

TK groaned, rubbing his face. “I’m sorry, I sound like such a narcissitc dick right now.”

“No.” Carlos told him, pulling out his credit card to pay. “You actually sound pretty reasonable.”

“At least let me pay.” TK protested, reaching across for the card reader.

“No.”

“Come on let me get it.”

“No.” Carlos repeated, keeping the card reader out of TK’s grip. “From what you said, you’re about to be unemployed. I can get it.”

TK huffed out a laugh, sitting back. “I feel like you’re bummed.”

“Sorta?” Carlos shrugged. “But if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. Just promise me something?”

“Anything.” TK told him.

“Don’t cut me off again.” Carlos requested. “I’ve actually gotten used to your texts about stupid things happening. It’s good to know you’re still alive seeing as you seem determined to scare the hell out of your family on a regular basis.”

TK laughed, throwing his head back. “Okay.” He nodded. “Deal. And even if I can’t…ya know, return your feelings on the matter, I do enjoy being friends with you.”

“I do too.” Carlos smiled fondly. “Besides, it won’t be the end of the world, right?”

TK smiled, glad that for once he didn’t feel like he’d ruined something good. Before either of them could think of something else to say, the card reader between them sparked, shocking Carlos.

“Whoa.” TK exclaimed. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Carlos nodded, looking around.

Everywhere, the electronics of the city were going haywire. Motorized scooters ran off, one running it’s passenger into a car, lights flashed, power boxes sparked, and people started freaking out. The two first responders jumped into action, running into the street to check on people, trying to figure out what was happening.

“Why are they both green?” Carlos asked, looking up.

“What?” TK looked at him.

“The traffic lights.” Carlos said, pointing at them. “Both ways are green.”

“Oh shit.” TK swore.

Before they could do anything to stop traffic, two vehicles came screaming into the intersection. The dump truck T-boned the bus, flipping it onto its side and throwing it at the nearby fire hydrant. The two of them looked at each other, nodded once, and went to work.

“I need you all to get back on the sidewalk!” Carlos started ordering, keeping the pedestrians out of the way of anything else. He had to stop cars as well, seeing the green light and assuming they can just drive by.

TK ran to the overturned bus.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“We’re all fine.” One of the passengers told him. “But the driver, she’s stuck!”

TK nodded, turning to the bus. “Alright everyone out, let’s go.” He helped people out of the bus, pointing them towards the relative safety of the sidewalk. Once they were all out, he headed in.

“I’m coming!” He called up.

“Did everyone get off okay?” The driver asked.

“Everyone’s fine.” TK assured her, checking what was pining her.

“What in the devil is going on?” She asked.

“What’s your name?” TK asked, checking her pulse quick.

“Ellen.” She told him.

“Great. Ellen, nice to meet you. I’m TK, I’m going to get you out of here, okay?”

Ellen nodded, taking a deep breath. “My back’s wet, it’s not blood is it?”

“No.” TK told her, pulling on the halfwall between the front of the bus and the passengers bent over her. “You took out a fire hydrant when you flipped, it’s spraying through one of the windows.”

“Oh good.”

“Ellen, are you in a lot of pain?” TK asked, thinking through his training.

“A fair amount.” Ellen nodded. “I think both my legs are busted.”

TK stopped pulling on the frame, leaning over to look at her legs. “Can you wiggle your toes for me?” Ellen did as asked, and TK let out a breathe of relief. “Good. I don’t think there’s any spinal damage.”

“Are you a medical student?” Ellen asked.

“I’m a firefighter.” TK told her.

“Well how convenient.” Ellen chuckled.

“Yea it’d be more convenient if I had my equipment.” TK said, tugging on the frame one more time. He knew he wasn’t going to move it without tools. He looked around, trying to find something. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“I’ll be right here.” Ellen nodded.

He ducked out of the bus, looking around for something. Seeing the bumper hanging off the front of the bus, he pulled it off and shouldered it. Then he noticed the gas leak.

“Carlos!” He called to the cop on the other corner, corralling pedestrians. “We got a gas leak here! Keep them back!”

“Got it!” Carlos responded. “Please stay back!”

TK trusted Carlos to keep everyone else safe, so he ducked back into the bus.

“Is that bumper?” Ellen asked, recognizing it.

“Well it’s no Jaws of Life, but it should do the trick.” TK assured her. He notched the bumper under the frame, pulling hard.

“Wait, you’re bleeding.” Ellen noticed.

TK glanced down at his shoulder, seeing the blood. “That’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Ellen protested.

“I got shot.” TK told her.

“Oh. And I thought I was having a bad day.” Ellen chuckled.

“Not today.” TK assured her, grunting as he torqued the bumper. “Last week. One of the stitches must have come loose.”

“You live a wild life.” Ellen laughed.

Finally, the piece of metal shifted, and TK threw the bumper aside. “Making progress! Alright, I need to move you.” He grabbed her legs, wincing as she exclaimed in pain.

Ellen didn’t respond, now to preoccupied with keeping her head above the rising water.

“The water’s rising, we need to get you out of here.” As TK spoke, the situation got worse as the leaking gas on the dashboard ignited.

Ellen screamed, shrinking back, and then again as it hurt her leg.

“Where’s the fire extinguisher?” TK shouted.

Ellen pointed up at the wall.

TK grabbed it, trying to put the fire out, but it was burning to fast. “Fuck.” He swore, throwing the extinguisher down. He immediately went back to tugging on the metal.

“Honey. Honey! Honey look at me!” Ellen shouted, getting TK’s attention.

He knelt down to check on her, and she reached up to put her hand on his face.

“Honey, you have done everything you can.” Ellen sighed, straining to keep her face out of the water. “You need to go.”

“No!” TK exclaimed as she finally went under. “No, no, no, no, no.” He tried to pull her back up, but the water was too high. Instead, he took a deep breath, diving under himself to give her the air. He did it twice more, refusing to give up. The fumes from the fire were starting to make him dizzy, but he refused to leave her.

Suddenly, a hand was on his shoulder, pulling him back. A mask was pushed over his face and he looked up, seeing his dad standing over him. Behind his dad, Buck stood ready, full gear on and the Jaws in hand. He didn’t say anything, knowing TK wouldn’t hear it, but he nodded at his brother, telling him it was time to step back, and they’d take care of the rest. The adrenaline dropped from his body, falling into Owen as he picked his son up, leading him from the bus.

Owen got his son from the wreckage, laying him down gently, far from the fire. He pulled the mask off, letting TK cough out the water he’d swallowed inside. TK looked up, patted his father on the arm, smiling in relief. His family was there, he was safe.

He looked up as Buck and Marjan carried Ellen from the bus, setting her gently on the stretcher EMS had ready for them.

TK shot his feet, pushing his Dad’s hands off when he tried to hold him back. He hurried over, grabbing Ellen’s hand.

Ellen laughed, looking up at TK.

“I told you it was going to be okay.” TK smiled. “See?”

“Thank you.” Ellen gasped out to him. “God bless you.”

TK smiled, stepping back and letting EMS take her away.

“You too.” Owen ordered.

TK turned, throwing his arms around his dad. “Thank you.” He cried. “Thank you. You saved us.”

“I think everybody saved everybody.” Owen told him. He gave him a gentle shove towards the ambulance. “Now go.”

TK didn’t protest, turning to jump up next to Gillian in the back of the truck. Carlos stepped up behind Owen, watching the ambulance close on TK.

“He’s an impressive guy.” Carlos spoke up.

“He’s my son.” Owen smiled.

“And one hell of a firefighter.” Buck added, pulling his mask off as he approached. “Fire’s out Cap.”

Owen nodded, turning back to the scene. His son was safe, and they still had work to do.

***

Eddie sighed, looking at his son sitting at his desk. He was working on a drawing, happily ignorant of the turmoil in Eddie’s head. He’d talked to Carla, Athena, and the guys at the VA, and he knew what he needed to do. But he was dreading it.

“Hey Chris?”

Christopher turned around with a smile. “Dad!”

“Hey _mijo_ can we talk?”

“Sure.” Chris smiled, turning his body towards his dad.

Eddie walked into the room, sitting down on Christopher’s bed. “So, you know that Buck left LA…”

“Because he was sad.” Chris nodded. “I remember. Abuela gave me the letter from him that said he was sorry.”

“Well, if we’re going to go see him, I want to tell you more about why he left.”

“Because he was sad.” Chris repeated. “And his friend wanted him to come to Texas.”

“That was part of it.” Eddie nodded. “But the other part of it is that we weren’t very nice to him at work.”

“What do you mean?” Chris asked.

Eddie took a deep breath. “We were mad at him, for the lawsuit I told you about, and we couldn’t talk to him. You were missing him, and I got mad at him for it. And after he came back to work, we weren’t very nice. I wasn’t very nice. Part of the reason he went to Texas was because he didn’t think we were friends anymore.”

“But you love him?” Chris asked, confused.

Eddie’s breath caught, hearing his son sound so sure. “Yea. But remember how I said adults make mistakes. And people say things they don’t mean.”

“Did you say things you didn’t mean?”

“I did.” Eddie nodded. “And I made Buck sad.”

“Did you apologize?” Chris asked. “You always tell me to apologize.”

“I did.” Eddie chuckled. “But I want you to know about this in case Buck doesn’t want all three of us to be together all the time when we’re visiting him. He might just want to hang out with you, because he’s still your Bucky.”

“But you’re his friend too?”

“Yes, but I hurt him pretty badly before he left. And if he doesn’t want to see me, I’m not going to make him. Remember, we respect people’s boundaries and their decisions about what they want.”

Chris nodded, thinking about it for a moment. “But will you apologize when we see him?”

“Uh, well probably not away if he’s meeting us at the airport like you wanted.” Eddie told him. “But I want to apologize again when we get there.”

Chris cocked his head looking up at his dad. “Bucky will forgive you.”

“Well I hope so too.” Eddie agreed. “But I can’t make him.”

“He will though.” Chris insisted. “If you apologize and mean it, he’ll forgive you. He loves you too.”

Eddie took a deep breath, squashing the knot in his chest. His son was always more observant than anyone else Eddie had ever met, but he wasn’t going to let that statement give him any hope. He knew Buck had cared about him once upon a time, but he didn’t know if they could ever get back to even being friends, let alone Eddie’s dream of more.

“Don’t worry Dad.” Chris smiled. “Everything will be okay. You just have to apologize, and mean it, and everything will be okay.”

Obviously deciding the conversation was done, Chris turned back to his drawing. Eddie sat there in shock for a moment, hearing his Abuela’s voice come out of his son’s body. But Christopher was right, and by extension Abuela was right. All he could do was apologize and hope.

And in the end, if Buck didn’t want to go back to what they were, at least Chris won’t have to choose between his father and his Buck. That’s all Eddie could ask for, his son’s happiness and the hope that something could change.

***

“I need a shower.” Judd declared, hopping out of the truck.

“Hey at least you didn’t get vomited on today.” Marjan reminded him.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Mateo announced, hopping down as well. “Hey look, Aquaman came for a visit!”

“What are you doing here?” Owen asked, walking over to his son. “How’d it go at the hospital?”

“Nothing crazy.” TK assured him. “They just added a couple extra stitches. Said I’ll be fine.”

“You look like you’re about to jump off a cliff.” Owen told him.

TK stood up, putting down the water bottle in his hand. Without answering his dad, he pushed past him, heading for the rest of the team undressing from the call. “Hey guys. I want to talk with you about something.”

The team all turned, instantly giving TK their full attention.

“And please bear with me.” TK told them. “It’s kind of a lot.”

“We got you brother.” Judd nodded, speaking quietly, seeing the seriousness of this moment.

“So I’ve made allusions and jokes and maybe some of you already know but I need to say this.” TK told them. “I’m an addict.”

“TK.” Owen whispered.

“Dad, I need to do this.” TK told him. He turned back to the team. “I took opioids. A lot of them. For a while. And a few months back, in New York, I relapsed. It-it was pretty bad. I OD’d, on the floor of my apartment. And my dad-” TK cut himself off, turning to look at Owen. “My captain.” He turned back to the team. “He found me unconscious. My heart had already stopped.”

He took a moment, looking at the team, who all just looked back, ready to hear what TK wanted to say.

“He did what he does best.” TK continued. “And he saved my life. And then he saved me again by forcing me to come down here. None of this was my choice, none of it, ever. Not even becoming a firefighter. And-and-uh…”

TK’s voice trailed off and Judd spoke up.

“Hey.” He said gently. “Whatever you got to say, you can say it. Right here.”

“We got your back.” Paul added.

“Well that’s my point.” TK nodded. “Today, at that intersection, with that woman. I-I would have given everything I had to save her. And I _did_ give her everything I had. But it wasn’t enough. Until you showed up.” He stopped, looking at his team. “And I knew, in that moment, that not only was she going to be okay, but _I_ was going to be okay.” He smiled, tears in his eyes. “Because this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. And this place, right here, this is where I want to do it.”

The team smiled, tearing up as well at the joy in TK’s face.

“So, I guess what I’m trying to say.” TK smiled. “I-I choose this family. This place, this is where I belong.” He smiled, laughing at the tears as he wiped them away. “So I think that’s all I got?”

The team joined in his laughter, wiping their own tears away.

“Well I think that’s the signal for a group hug.” Buck declared, moving forward.

TK tried to protest, but he didn’t actually pull away as Buck swept him into his arms, holding him still as the rest of the team closed in around them.

“Oh god this is so rank in here.” He protested, gagging. “I’m guessing that’s Judd.”

Judd laughed as the team pulled apart. “Well, that’s what you get showing up at the end of a shift.”

Paul stopped to pull TK into a hug of his own. “I’m proud of you.” He whispered.

“Thanks.” TK smiled.

“Alright everyone hit the showers.” Owen ordered. “I’m proud of every one of you.”

“Don’t you mean every one of y’all?” Marjan asked.

“Well that too.” Owen shrugged, focused on his son again. “Hey, are you sure about this?” He asked quietly as the rest of the team left. “It’s been a traumatic day, you don’t have to be sure right now.”

“I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life.” TK smiled.

Owen grinned, pulling his son into a hug.

“Alright enough monopoly there, Cap.” Buck cut in. “I need to hug my brother.”

Owen laughed, stepping back to let Buck pull TK into a hug.

“If you ever scare me like that again I’m handcuffing you to me.” Buck warned him, burying his face against TK’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” TK told him. “But you know I couldn’t walk away.”

“Fuck I taught you bad habits.” Buck groaned, stepping back.

“Alright well I’ve got some paperwork to finish and then maybe we can-?” Owen cut himself off, looking over to the garage door.

TK and Buck turned to look, seeing Carlos standing there, cleaned up and changed from the scene that morning.

“How many life decisions did you make today?” Buck whispered.

“One step at a time.” TK smiled. “I’ll see you two at home.”

Buck and Owen watched as TK walked over, pulling Carlos into a hug.

“That is one man I might actually approve of.” Owen whispered to Buck, watching the two of them leave, hand in hand.

“Carlos will make TK happy, if TK lets him try.” Buck nodded. “TK’s still scared about trusting someone, so I doubt it’s going to be fast, or easy, but I actually think those two could be happy together.”

Owen smiled, turning to look at Buck. “And you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you going to let yourself be happy at some point?”

Buck sighed. “I suppose we’ll see when they visit, won’t we?”

Owen smirked. “And when are you going to tell the team that the two of them are visiting in a week?”

Buck bit his lip. “In a week?”

“Yea, that’s not gonna happen.” Owen told him.

Buck sighed. “Two days from now. When we all have off and are meeting at the house.”

“I hope you know I’m going to hold you to that.” Owen warned him.

“I’m kinda counting it.” Buck nodded.

Owen smiled, throwing an arm around Buck to pull him in to a hug. “Well then I got your back, son.”


	19. Chapter 19

“So, you gonna tell me why you invited Carlos?” Buck asked, walking into the kitchen.

TK jumped, spinning around at the sink. “You need a fucking bell.”

“Maybe.” Buck shrugged. “But then I wouldn’t be able to scare you.”

“You’re the worst best friend ever.”

“Nope.” Buck grinned. “I’m the best. Now why’s the cute cop here.”

TK sighed. “I invited him, as you already know.”

“Yea, and last I heard you two were staying friends for a bit longer, soooooo…”

“We’re texting, okay?” TK told him. “I told him everything about my whole, uh, identity crisis and he was really good about it. He understands that I need some time before I can commit to him.”

“But you’re thinking about it.” Buck guessed. “Aren’t you?”

TK huffed. “You spend too much time with Paul.”

“Nah, I can only read you.” Buck smiled.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it.” TK admitted. “But I’m not going to let my impulse control me. My impulses have already messed things up with him, yelling at him like I did, and I don’t want to mess it up again.”

“It makes sense.” Buck agreed. “But, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’ll mess it up.”

“Thanks.” TK smiled. “Now if only I could convince myself of that.”

“Well hey, at least he’s not a dick.” Buck grinned. “And he’s the first guy you’ve dated since me that your dad hasn’t hated.”

TK laughed. “That is a very good point. I know I should have trusted him about Alex, but I just got so wrapped up in the moment…”

“I know the feeling.” Buck smiled sadly.

“We’ve both gotten pretty fucked up over the years, haven’t we?” TK sighed.

Buck barked out a laugh. “Yea, I suppose we have. Although I think we’re both winning in different categories.”

“Well we can’t be in the same category or we’ll just keep one-upping each other.” TK told him. “I’ll take the mental side with my addiction shit and you can keep almost ending up dead, sound good?”

“Oh, you weren’t coming for my throne there getting _shot_ at work?” Buck teased him.

“God no.” TK rolled his eyes. “I hate hospitals.”

“Yea, I’m certainly starting to.” Buck agreed. “Think we can both take some time off from them?”

“I’m sure we can try.”

“I guess that’s all we can ask for.” Buck laughed.

“And pray for.” TK nodded. “Now are you going to help me get these drinks back out there before they all come looking or what?”

“I suppose.” Buck groaned, pushing off the doorway. The two of them gathered the sodas and beer requested by the rest of the team, heading back out onto the back porch.

“Ah good, we were just about to send out a search party.” Judd laughed, taking his beer from Buck.

“You don’t trust us?” Buck asked him.

“Not as far as I can throw you.” Judd agreed.

“Be nice.” Grace scolded him.

Judd shrugged.

“Thanks brother.” Paul said, popping his soda open after TK gave it to him.

TK smiled, going to sit next to Carlos on one of the loveseats. The cop had his arm up on the back of the cushion, making TK blush a little, but thankfully no one noticed as everyone focused on Buck, in the chair next to him.

“Are you going to tell us why you’ve gathered us here today?” Marjan asked.

“Are you saying you don’t want to spend your day off with your family?” Buck shot back.

“I’m saying I want time away from you and your bad jokes yea.” She agreed.

“Alright you two.” Owen cut in. “Let’s just get down to business. I’m sure it’ll all make sense in a moment.”

“Thanks Cap.” Buck smiled.

“Oh god, are you dying now too?” Mateo jumped in.

Everyone looked at him.

“What?” Mateo asked. “Cap announced he has cancer, TK got shot, I’d rather know fast if they’re going for the three-peat.”

“He does have a good point.” Judd agreed.

“I’m not dying.” Buck assured them. “I think I’ve got my share of near-death experiences, these two still have some catching up to me.”

“I’d really rather we didn’t.” TK told him.

“I second that.” Carlos sighed.

“Honey, we’re here for you.” Grace told him with a smile. “Regardless of what you have to say.”

Buck took a deep breath, relaxing at Grace’s use of her ‘calm mom voice’ that always helped him relax. “Okay. So, before I start, you have to promise me something.”

“That’s a little concerning.” Marjan told him.

“Just trust him.” TK told her.

“We’ve got your back.” Judd declared. “We ain’t leaving you like your last team did.”

“Well, that’s sorta what this is about.” Buck told him, wincing a little. “I invited Chris to come visit next week.”

“The cute kid you’re always emailing and calling at work?” Paul asked.

“Yea.” Buck smiled. “He has spring break next week and wanted to visit.”

“What aren’t you telling us?” Paul asked, looking suspicious.

“Uhh…” Buck stalled, biting his lip.

“Well Buck, who’s coming with him?” Owen asked, not letting Buck get off the true topic.

Buck sighed. “I told Eddie he could be the one to bring him.”

“You did what now?” Marjan cut in.

“Eddie’s the best friend that told you us about?” Mateo asked. “The one that told you that you weren’t family to him anymore?”

Buck nodded.

“You invited that bastard _here_?” Judd cut in.

“I invited Christopher.” Buck corrected. “And I invited Eddie to come with him.”

“Why?” Marjan asked, wanting to understand. “I thought you were done with him?”

“I can’t be done without closure, and I can’t get that through letters. And honestly, I don’t even know yet if I _want_ to be done.” Buck explained. “But Chris broke his arm last week, and at the hospital with Carla, he was only asking for his dad and me.”

“Is he okay?” Grace asked.

“He’s doing good now.” Buck assured her with a smile. “Eddie got Maddie to come over so Chris could call me. I was at the hospital still with TK, and hearing Chris cry was rough. And he asked if I could visit, I explained to him that I couldn’t, and he asked to come here. I didn’t really see a problem telling him yes.”

“And you decided that rather than have your sister or someone we actually like bring him down, you’re going to have the bastard that tore your heart out do it?” Judd growled.

"Yea." Buck nodded. "I told you guys about the letter he sent me, the…things he said.”

“That he loves you.” TK whispered, making Buck face it.

Buck took a deep breath. “I-I don’t know what to feel about it. My parents always said that when they knew they messed up, but he seemed genuine in it. I-I want to know if I’m making the right decision, and I can’t do that without talking to him again.”

“When are they coming?” Paul asked.

“This weekend.” Buck answered. “They’ll be here for the first part of Christopher’s spring break, and then they’re going back to spend more time with Eddie’s family in LA.”

“You better be planning to share that boy with us while he’s here.” Grace warned him. “You’ve told too many stories about him for you not to introduce us.”

Buck laughed. “He’s actually really excited to meet you guys. I’ve told him about you in our emails, and he wants to meet my family.”

“And you’re not scared?” Judd asked. “No offense kid, but we’ve seen what happens when you remember the things they said to you.”

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.” Buck admitted.

“If he tries anything-” Paul started.

“I know.” Buck smiled. “That’s part of why I told him he could come. I know if anything happens, you guys will have my back. But I think I need this. I talked with Frank, and he thinks that so long as I take it slow, and don’t let him overwhelm me into making decisions I don’t want to keep.”

“But?” Paul asked, hearing it in Buck’s voice.

Buck sighed. “I’m still scared about how it’s going to go.”

“What if we were with you?” Marjan offered. “Don’t we have a day off next week? It’s not the first day they’ll be here, but the first day you could just see Chris.”

“Told you they wouldn’t mind.” TK grinned at Buck.

“What?” Marjan asked.

“I told Buck that you guys would be fine doing that exact thing.” TK explained. “He said he didn’t want to impose on two days off in a row.”

“Honey, you are our family, just like anybody else here.” Grace scolded him immediately. “And if you want to hang out with us and have a nice day with the family so your ex-friend can see how happy we make you and that we have your back, then let’s do it.”

“She’s right.” Judd nodded. “And besides, if we’re there and he tries something it’d be a lot easier for me to kick his ass.”

“Please don’t commit assault if I’m there.” Carlos spoke up, for the first time since Buck had started talking. “As much as I’d love to arrest most of the people at Buck’s old station, I really do hate working on my days off. And I’d hate to put a bad mark on your record, Judd.”

“I appreciate that.” Judd told him. “But if he does something, I’m still gonna lay him out.”

“If he starts something, finish it.” Buck told him. “I don’t think he will, but if it happens, we’ll deal with it. But try to make sure Christopher doesn’t see. I still don’t think he knows about his dad’s anger issues.”

“I’ll try.” Judd promised.

“We aren’t going to let him mess with your head.” Paul promised as well. “We’re on your side in this.”

“He’s right.” Marjan nodded. “You’re ours now.”

“And he’s got another thing coming if he thinks we’re going to let you get hurt.” Judd declared. “I’m not losing anymore brothers.”

“Thanks guys.” Buck smiled. He looked around at his team, his family, the people who have completely accepted him for who he is. “It means a lot.”

***

Eddie grunted as he knelt down, trying to look under the bed for his suitcases. He knew he needed to pull them out so he would remember to actually start packing soon.

“Dad!”

Eddie got up, dusty his knees off before heading to his son’s room. Chris was on the floor, his small bag in front of him as he struggled with the zipper. “Mijo?”

“I need help getting my suitcase closed.” Chris told him.

“Chris, we aren’t leaving for another three days.” Eddie reminded him.

“I knooow.” Chris laughed. “But I want to be ready!”

“Well what if you need stuff in there before we leave?”

“I won’t.” Chris smiled. “It’s just my bag of things I want to show Buck. He’s been gone so long, I got new toys and I want to show him. And I have some gifts for him too!”

Eddie smiled, moving to kneel down across from him. “So you put it all in your backpack?”

“Yep.” Chris nodded. “That way I can put my clothes in my suitcase.”

“Well that’s good planning buddy.” Eddie told him. “But now you can’t get it zipped?”

“It’s still sticky from spilling juice on it at school.” Chris told him.

“Ah. I think I can manage that then.” Eddie joked.

Chris laughed. “You can do anything Daddy.”

Eddie felt his heart tighten, knowing that his son still believes in him, regardless of how many times he’s fucked up just since Christopher was born. He couldn’t speak through the knot in his throat. His son has never doubted his ability to do anything, even when his choices have hurt him, Christopher has never faltered in his faith.

“Dad?” Chris asked.

Eddie shook himself out of his thoughts, reaching forward quick. “Yea buddy, I got it.” He grabbed the bag, squeezing the sides of the zipper together and grabbing the tag. It took a few tries, and a moment of figuring out the correct angle, but then he got it to slide closed. “There!” He exclaimed, presenting the zipped bag back to Christopher.

“Thanks Dad!” Chris grinned, taking the bag. “Do you think Buck will like my gifts?”

“Well I don’t know what they are.” Eddie reminded him. “But I know Buck loves you, so he’s going to love anything you choose to give to him. And I’m sure he needs so decoration in Texas, so I hope there’s some drawings in there?”

Chris nodded, excited. “I made him some at school and Carla and Aunt Maddie helped me with some too! And I made some for you too, but they’re still at Abuela’s house.”

“I’m sure he’s going to love them.” Eddie promised. “And I am always excited to see your art, buddy.”

Chris smiled at his dad, reminding Eddie of all the reasons he’d give up the world for his son. He fought his parents to move to LA, to bring Christopher with him, to stay here after Shannon died, and it was worth it all. The smile on Chris’s face was worth it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little shorter than usual, but...  
> Coming soon on Monday to the internet near you...THE ARRIVAL!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the moment we've waited for!

Buck stared at the counter, trying to focus on his breathing and not on the fact that in an hour, Eddie was going to be in Austin. He knew that it wasn’t a big deal, that his family had his back, but there was still that part of his brain, telling him that this was all going to go wrong.

He was startled from his thoughts by a knock on the front door. He was confused because TK and Owen were at the doctor’s, getting TK checked out and then Owen’s chemo. There shouldn’t be any visitors today, besides the ones he had to go pick up.

Buck opened the door slowly, laughing when he saw who it was. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I knew you’d be freaking out, and that Cap and TK are busy, so I’m gonna be your escort.” Judd grinned, pushing through the door.

“You don’t have to do that.” Buck protested.

“Nah I think I do.” Judd told him. “You may not be good at asking for helping, but I like to think I’m good at knowing when people need it. And boy, you need some support today.”

Buck sighed, knowing that Judd was making good points. “Fine. Just make me one promise?”

Judd gave him a searching look, and then nodded. “Within reason.”

“Don’t threaten him in front of Christopher.” Buck requested.

“Oh absolutely.” Judd immediately agreed. “He’s got nothing to do with his father’s mistakes. I’m not one to blame the apple for the tree’s failings.”

“That’s all I can ask.” Buck smiled. “But you do have good timing.”

“I’m driving.” Judd announced as Buck grabbed his keys.

“I can drive.” Buck protested.

“No because this way you can sit in the back with that kid you love, and his dad can sit up front right within arm’s reach.” Judd explained.

Buck sighed again, knowing Judd was determined once he made his mind up about something. “Alright. Let’s just get going so we aren’t late.”

“You do remember traffic isn’t as bad here as LA, right?” Judd asked.

“Humor me?” Buck begged. “I can’t sit here waiting anymore.”

“Well get in the car then.” Judd said, waving his hand back towards the door. “Have you eaten anything yet or do we need to stop for something on the way?”

“I think I’m gonna vomit anything if I try to eat.” Buck told him, leading the way out of the house.

“That’s a no then.” Judd nodded. “In-and-Out? Make you feel at home?”

Buck laughed, but he didn’t bother trying to argue. “Fine.”

Judd grinned in triumph, pulling himself up into his truck. Buck sighed, getting in with a roll of his eyes, knowing he wasn’t going to win this argument. Neither of them talked on the way, just singing along quietly to the music on the radio. Buck let his thoughts drift, thinking about his old family at the 118 and the happiness he could have had there, knowing that he wouldn’t give the 126 up even for that. Austin had become a home to him, with the team at his back, and Nana Sue always on-call with empanadas, and James keeping him from ignoring the problems, he was actually healing. He felt safe and happy for the first time in so long.

“Alright, what’s on your mind?” Judd finally asked, pulling away from In-and-Out with their food.

“I’m just thinking about the what-ifs.” Buck admitted.

“What if what?”

“What if I had stayed? What if I had worked harder to earn their forgiveness? What if I had never started the lawsuit in the first place?” Buck rattled off.

“Well I’m not one for sappy declarations, but I think that’s all bullshit.” Judd told him. “They turned their backs on you first. It wasn’t any decision you made that started this. I haven’t had the most faith in God, especially recently, but I will say I think he did good bringing you here.”

“Really?” Buck asked. “I thought you hated me at first.”

“I hated all three of you at first.” Judd shrugged. “Cap came in with his new ideas, and it felt like he was erasing what we had. TK looked like he’d never worked a day in his life, getting the job handed to him. And you looked the worst kind of douchebag. But that day I confronted Cap, and saw the memorial flowers thrown away and then saw what he’d put up to honor them…I saw the grief in your eyes. I didn’t know what had happened to you, but I saw the same pain in you that I felt staring up at those pictures. None of us have had an easy time, but being together, we’re actually able to move forward, and heal from it. So, stop thinking about the what-ifs. You can’t change what happened in LA any more than I can change what happened at that farm. We just have to keep going, and trust that this is the right path.”

Buck didn’t speak for a moment, swallowing his emotions as they tried to climb up his throat. "Thought you said you weren’t one for sappy declarations.”

Judd scoffed. “If that’s all you got out of that kid, I pity you.”

Buck laughed. “Thanks Judd. It means a lot.”

“No problem.” Judd smiled.

The two of them spent the rest of the ride to the airport in silence. Judd was right, if he spent too much time thinking about what might have been, he was going to lose track of what is. And with this huge family at his back, he knew he was going to be okay.

“You ready?” Judd asked, finally breaking the silence again as they pulled up to the airport arrival area.

“Not really.” Buck shrugged. “But I’m excited to see Christopher.” With that, he got out of the truck, knowing he’d need to switch seats anyways and wanting to stretch his legs.

“I think we’re all excited to meet the kid that has you grinning that much.” Judd told him. “Between the emails and the pictures from your sister, have you actually gone a day without an update on him?”

“Not really.” Buck admitted with a laugh, leaning against the hood with Judd, facing the doorway. “Abuela’s been a huge help too.”

“Ah yes. Never understood how that idiot got so stupid with an Abuela that wise leading him.”

“Because his mom and dad didn’t listen from what I know.” Buck replied. “They’ve never trusted him to take any responsibility.”

“Well he’s gonna have to take responsibility for this.” Judd warned.

“I know.” Buck chuckled. “And I think he knows too, don’t worry.”

“I ain’t worried.” Judd told him. “I’m excited.”

Buck rolled his eyes, perking up as he heard a familiar voice in the wind.

“Come on Dad! Where’s Buck?”

“He said he’d meet us outside.” A tired voice replied. “We’re almost there.”

Buck grinned as he saw the pair round the corner of the doorway. “Christopher!”

Chris turned his head quick, grinning at the voice and sight of his Buck. “Buck!”

Buck pushed off the truck, taking his characteristically long strides to reach Christopher, kneeling down to pull his buddy into a tight hug. “Hey there buddy.” He whispered, holding Chris close.

“I missed you Buck.” Chris whispered back.

The pair held each other for a long moment before finally pulling apart. Buck gave Chris a huge grin and got back to his feet. “Ready to spend spring break having fun?”

“Yes!” Chris shouted, fist pumping.

“It’s good to see you, Buck.” Eddie smiled. He knew he wasn’t going to get the same reception as his son, not after all the things he said.

Buck looked up at him, making eye contact with Eddie for the first time in months. Emotions flooded through his system, overwhelming him with ease. He felt the same anger and hurt he'd felt the day he accepted TK's offer to join the 126, but he also felt the same loss he had the day he realized the 118 wasn't his family anymore. And underneath it all, was the same love he'd always had, caring about Eddie and Christopher at the base of his being. In the face of it all, he instinctively fell back on his talks with James.

“Hello Eddie.”

Eddie cracked a small smile, happy that at least he earned that.

Buck gave him another nod and looked down at Chris. “Alright, I’m sure you’re exhausted from flying, so how about we get your things in the car, and we’ll take you and your dad to the hotel so you can get some rest and then I’ll come pick you up tomorrow at breakfast and we can spend the day together. My Captain gave me some extra time off so I can hang out with you.”

“That sounds awesome.” Chris responded. “I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” Buck gasped. “Well it just so happens I have a surprise for you as well. Do you want to bring yours tomorrow and we can exchange them?”

“Okay.” Chris agreed. “Is Dad going to come with?”

Buck looked back up at Eddie, and saw the other man panic for a split second before smiling.

“No, buddy,” Eddie spoke softly. “Remember, I said there’s some family in town I was thinking about tracking down. Abuela said there’s cousins here I haven’t seen for years, I’m going to see if I can visit them tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Chris shrugged, accepting it easily.

“I got the bags.” Judd spoke up, stepping forward to pick up half the bags Eddie had set down. “Judd Ryder.” He introduced himself to Eddie, holding out a hand.

“Eddie Diaz.” The man responded, taking the hand. He knew it was coming, but he was still taken aback by the strength of the grip Judd had as he immediately clenched down. Eddie knew he was being warned, told in no uncertain terms that if it wasn’t for his son there, Judd would be giving him the dressing down of the century.

“Thanks Judd.” Buck just smiled, not calling attention to what he knew was going on. “What do you think about sitting in the back with me Chris?” He offered.

Chris grinned, shouting in excitement, as they started towards the truck.

Judd held Eddie back for another moment, forcing the other man to look him in the eye.

“If you hurt him again,” Judd whispered. “I will make sure you feel ten times worse.”

“I believe you.” Eddie nodded.

Judd smiled. “Great, then get in the truck. I’d love to show you and Christopher around Austin. Take the scenic tour to the hotel?”

“Sounds great.” Eddie agreed. “I’m sure Chris would love that.”

***

“You might want to slow down there, hon.” Athena warned, watching Maddie pour her third glass of the night.

“I’m fine.” Maddie told her. “Just…worried, you know?”

“I think we all are.” Hen agreed, taking a sip of her own drink.

“But there’s nothing we can do about it now, he’s already there, and getting drunk won’t help either one of them.” Athena reminded her.

“You just need to take a deep breath and slow down on the wine.” Carla said, laughing at Maddie’s sad face.

“Trust me that’s all I’ve been doing since that plane took off this afternoon.” Maddie groaned. “And Buck has not been forthcoming in his updates.”

“He never is.” Carla laughed.

“I’m just worried about him.” Maddie admitted with a sigh. “I’ve seen him forgive people that didn’t deserve it before. And I know Eddie’s working towards being a better person but…”

“But you’re afraid that he’s going to forgive too quickly.” Hen finished.

“Something like that.” Maddie nodded. “He always forgave Mom and Dad, no matter how much they screamed, or threw things, or hit him in Dad’s case. All they had to do was smile, tell them how much they loved him, and he gave them another chance. And I told you guys what Eddie put in his letter.”

“Why’d you let him send it if you were concerned?” Athena asked.

Maddie sighed. “It’s not inherently manipulative. And I think Buck needed to hear Eddie say it, or read it I guess. He’s very good at convincing himself that nobody cares about him, and it doesn’t excuse anything Eddie did, it makes it worse in some ways, but it’s a step forward for them. I just want him to be happy.”

“I don’t think we have anything to worry about it.” Carla told them. “I mean that team down there, the people at that firehouse, it sounds like they aren’t going to let Buck do anything stupid.”

“I agree.” Athena nodded. “May says he’s always got a story of them on a call, working together and helping each other. They’re going to have his back.”

“We should have had his back.” Hen sighed, shaking her head.

“There’s nothing we can do about that now.” Athena reminded her gently. “And you had his back as much as he would let you.”

“Yea, but I should have fought more.” Hen told her. “I just let him tell me not to do anything about the shit they said.”

“Well I for one, am just glad he found people who won’t let him put himself down.” Carla declared. “Lord knows that boy needs the support.”

Maddie’s phoned buzzed, and she clicked it open, grinning at what she saw.

“Buck send an update?” Athena asked.

Maddie nodded, turning the phone around so the others could see.

“Now that is adorable.” Carla laughed.

One the screen was a photo of Buck and Christopher, grinning at the camera. There were obviously in the bed of a truck, sitting in a beautiful sunset, happy together. Underneath was the caption, _‘Watching the sunset together in the hotel parking lot so he’ll go to bed happy.’_

“That boy.” Athena shook her head.

“Well I guess I can stop worrying about a plane crash.” Maddie laughed.

“Yea now we just have to worry about a train wreck.” Carla told her, raising her own wine glass in a toast.

“You think they’re going to be okay?” Athena asked.

“I believe in them.” Hen nodded. “Look at that smile. Buck was rarely that happy here.”

“You’re right.” Maddie sighed, turning the phone back to look down at her brother’s grin. “And even here, he was only that happy when Christopher was around.”

“Austin’s been good to him.” Carla nodded. “Every message he sends me…I haven’t seen him that happy since Abby.”

The room was silent for a moment, remembering the older woman that Buck had dated.

“Is it bad of me that I’ve never met her and I hate her?” Maddie finally asked. “The only things I know about her is that she used my brother as emotional support while her mother was dying, and once that was done, she just left him in the dust.”

“That’s pretty much what happened from what I saw.” Athena sighed.

Carla nodded. “I refused to ever take sides with those too, but she made a mistake leaving him the way she did.”

“He stayed loyal to her long after she was gone.” Hen shook her head. “Even with us telling him he needed to move on.”

“If she ever comes back, I’m gonna have a sit down with her and ask what the hell she thought she was doing ghosting him like that.” Maddie declared.

“She’s going to have a lot people ready for a sit down.” Athena agreed.

“Ain’t that the truth.” Carla sighed.

“I thought you two were friends?” Maddie asked.

“We were.” Carla agreed. “We spent a lot of time together, sitting on the couch having a glass of wine after she got home from work while Patricia slept. But I watched her and Buck get to know each other. I watched the start of it all, closer than I think anyone else was, and I saw him devote himself to her happiness. And after she left, the first time he ever called me was to come help Eddie out with Christopher. And he was still living in her apartment, exactly as she left it, and he just felt like a ghost, waiting for her. I was happy when he finally let go, because he doesn’t deserve that.”

“Damn right.” Athena agreed. “And I hated the kid when we first met.”

Hen laughed, remembering the beginning. “Oh god you really did.”

“But saving that little girl…” Athena trailed off. “That showed me who he really was.”

“That was also the call he met Abby over the phone.” Carla reminded him. “An important day all around.”

“Well here’s to Buck.” Maddie said, raising her glass. “And our hopes that he finds his happiness, whether that be in Austin or here.”

“To Buck.” The other three responded, toasting their glasses with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! They saw each other!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're off!

Buck pulled into the hotel parking lot, a huge grin on his face. Chris was already standing out front with Eddie, a matching grin on him too.

“Buck!” Chris cheered as Buck pulled up.

“Hey buddy!” Buck laughed, hopping out of the Jeep to go hug Chris. “Did you let your dad sleep at all last night?”

“Barely.” Eddie smiled. He saw Buck’s eyes dart to him, but then he was focused back on Chris. Eddie couldn’t blame him. “Anything he might need is in his backpack.”

“It always is.” Buck answered, not looking at him again. “You ready to have an awesome day?”

“Yes!” Chris grinned, oblivious to the tension between the two adults. He was just happy to be back with his Buck.

Buck let Christopher’s happiness keep him relaxed. “Well then I guess we better going if we’re going to have time for breakfast before we get to the fun stuff.”

Chris laughed. “Breakfast is important Buck.”

“Yea you’re right.” Buck nodded. “Guess we’ll just have to make time, huh?”

Chris smiled, looking back at his dad. “Are you sure you’re not coming with, Dad?”

“Uh no buddy.” Eddie forced a smile. “I’m going to go see if I can find the cousins Abuela was telling us about. And maybe we’ll be able to see them together before we go back.”

“Okay.” Chris sighed, obviously a little disappointed.

“Don’t worry buddy, your dad will hang out with us a different day.” Buck promised. He knew Eddie was looking at him in shock, obviously not expecting that, but Buck just kept his eyes on Chris as the boy smiled.

“Really?”

“Of course.” Buck nodded. “I invited you both down here after all.”

“Yay!” Chris cheered.

“You two should get going.” Eddie spoke up again.

“Your dad’s right.” Buck agreed. “Let’s get you in the car and we can go get some food.”

Eddie stopped himself from stepping forward, knowing that if Chris needs help, Buck is more than capable of helping. He helped Chris all the time in LA, and this wasn’t going to be any different.

It didn’t take long at all before Chris was settled into the seat Buck had purchased just for him.

“I’ll see you tonight, buddy.” Eddie smiled, waving at his son before Buck shut the door. Buck stopped for a moment, looking at him. “You too, Buck.”

“Yea, I’ll bring him back at seven.” Buck nodded. Without anything else, Buck went back around the front of the Jeep, hopping in, and driving away.

“Are you and Dad still fighting?” Chris asked after a moment, noticing the way Buck was trying to secretively wipe his eyes.

“No, we’re not fighting.” Buck told him. “Sometimes we just make each other sad.”

“Hmm.” Chris hummed. Obviously knowing that Buck didn’t want to talk about Eddie, he started asking questions about everything they passed.

Before long, Buck was pulling into a parking lot of a small diner. Once he parked, he twisted around in his seat to look at Chris. “Hey buddy?”

“Yea?” Chris perked up.

“You remember the two people I told you about, the ones that I’m living with?”

“Your family?” Chris asked.

Buck smiled. “Yea, my family. Well I know you said you wanted to meet them, so they’re waiting inside for us.”

“Really?” Chris cheered.

“I take it you’re happy about that.”

Chris nodded, dancing in his seat a little.

“Well let’s not keep them waiting then.” Buck laughed.

Buck hopped out, helping Chris down from the lifted Jeep, and then they went inside.

“Buck!” They heard from the back.

It took them only a moment to walk around the corner, finding TK and Owen at a booth, grinning at them.

“There he is.” Owen smiled.

TK got up, hugging Buck quick and then sliding in next to his dad.

“Chris, this is Owen Strand, my new captain, and this is TK.” Buck introduced. “Strands, this is Christopher.”

“Hi!” Chris waved.

“It’s good to meet you.” Owen smiled.

“Yea, I’m honored to meet the famous Christopher.” TK added.

Chris blushed a little, following Buck into the booth bench.

“Don’t listen to them.” Buck sighed. “They’re menaces.”

“Oh no, I don’t want to talk.” TK protested. “I want to hear Christopher’s stories. I’m sure he can tell me all sorts of things you never would!”

Buck groaned, hitting his palm against his forehead. “I’ve created a monster.”

Next to him, Chris was giggling, happy to see his Buck so happy with these two new firefighters.

“How about first we get some food?” Owen suggested. “It is the most important meal.”

“Ah yes I’ve been told.” Buck nodded.

“Buck forgets about it a lot.” Chris told them.

“Oh yes,” TK nodded. “I have to throw protein bars at his head sometimes.”

Chris laughed.

“Introducing you two was a mistake, wasn’t it?” Buck sighed.

“I think it’s brilliant.” TK grinned. “Chris, you’re my new favorite.”

“Okay.” Chris smiled. “But Buck’s still going to be mine.”

The declaration got both of the Strands laughing and Buck blushing.

“I think that’s pretty fair.” TK finally managed to say through his laughter.

Chris grinned, enjoying being with the two of them.

“Alright I think that’s enough about me.” Buck decided. “TK, why don’t you tell Chris what we’re doing today?”

“Well I don’t know if I should, it is your gift to him after all.” TK smirked.

“My surprise?” Chris asked, turning to look at Buck.

Buck smiled and nodded. “You remember how I promised to take you to the aquarium? After the tsunami and everything?”

Chris nodded. “You don’t have to feel bad about not being there to take me. I know you had to come down and help people. And Abuela took me, so I still got to see the new shark.” Chris had coped with the tsunami in a similar way to Buck. Buck researched every kind of natural disaster, statistics and rare deaths, and Chris fell in love with the ocean. He wanted to know everything there was to know, and Buck felt awful

Buck swallowed a knot in his throat, choking up at how quickly Chris forgives. “Well I thought that I could make it up to you by taking you to the aquarium here.”

“Really?” Chris bounced excitedly.

Buck nodded, smiling at the kid’s excitement. “Aaaaand do you know what they got recently?”

“What?” Chris demanded.

“They added a shark feeding exhibit.” Buck grinned.

Chris’s jaw dropped. “Really?” He whispered.

“Really.” Buck nodded. “And TK and I got us tickets for this afternoon’s feeding session.”

Chris cheered, grinning wide. “Thank you!” He shouted, throwing his body against Buck’s.

Buck laughed, wrapping Chris up in a tight hug. “So a good surprise?”

Chris nodded ethustiastically.

“Well make sure you thank TK too.” Buck told him. “He’s the one that told me about the shark feeding.”

Chris immediately turned, smiling across the table. “Thank you!”

“You’re very welcome.” TK grinned, bowing slightly.

“Well I hope I’m not interrupting?” The waitress asked, appearing with a grin.

“No, just told him about his surprise later.” Buck smiled at her.

“Oh, surprises are always the best.” The waitress nodded. “Well, I’m Angela, can I start you off with anything to drink?”

***

“So how was work last night?” Chimney asked, scooping out some of the sweet and sour chicken.

“Honestly pretty normal.” Maddie told him. “At least as normal as anything ever is at the call center.”

“No one weirdos?”

“Not for me.” Maddie shook her head. “It sounded like Josh had one convinced that aliens were taking over his bathroom.”

“That sounds like a delightful conversation.” Chimney laughed.

Maddie grinned, scooping out her last bit of food from the takeout containers covering the counter. “It went on for thirty minutes before Sue was able to give him the go-ahead to hang up.”

“I’m just glad he didn’t decide to just not deal with it and send us out to him.” Chimney declared, heading to living room.

“I suppose that’s fair.” Maddie nodded, following Chimney. “Sue said she’s filing it for training purposes because Josh handled it so well.”

Chimney laughed, dropping down onto the couch. “I bet he thought that was unnecessary and embarrassing?”

“Got it in one.” Maddie grinned.

Chimney laughed, fist pumping for his win.

“Oh!” Maddie exclaimed, checking her phone. “Buck’s sending me pictures with Christopher!”

Chimney scrambled to turn himself, sliding his shoulder up against Maddie’s to look down at her phone. “That’s adorable.”

Buck was grinning at the camera, sitting in what looked like a diner booth with Chris tucked up under his arm. Maddie scrolled to the second picture, the two of them now posed in front of the sign for the Austin aquarium, grinning at whoever was holding the camera.

“Started the morning off with breakfast and now we’re at the aquarium.” Maddie read the text caption under the pictures. “God they look so happy together.”

“They really do.” Chimney whispered, looking down at the phone.

“I’m so glad he let them visit.” Maddie told him. “Look at that smile on his face, my brother’s actually radiating happiness.”

Another notification popped up on Maddie’s phone, and she unlocked it to find another picture from Buck. It was a selfie again, of him, Chris, and the man Maddie knew to be TK. They were sat in front of one of the tanks, schools of fish swirling around behind them. All three of them looked happy as could be, sitting there together.

“Who’s that?” Chimney asked.

“TK.” Maddie smiled. “One of the best people my brother has ever found in the world. He’s actually the one who offered Buck the job in Austin, his dad’s the captain put in charge of the rebuilding.”

“They look pretty close.” Chimney noticed.

Maddie nodded. “They’ve been close for ages. TK really helped him get through moving away from our parents, when I wasn’t there to help him. I’m not surprised he want Christopher to meet him.”

“They look adorable.” Chimney grinned.

Maddie laughed. “That they do. Buck always said he and TK broke hearts when they went out together.”

“And Eddie’s not there…” Chimney pointed out.

“I’m not surprised.” Maddie shrugged. “Buck mentioned that he wanted to take Chris to the aquarium the first day he as there, make up for not taking him before he left, and I’m sure he wanted some time with Chris before he has to deal with everything with Eddie.”

“Is he ever going to be ready to face it though?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Maddie admitted with a sigh. “I don’t think he has much of a choice though. Eddie flew all the way down there with Chris just to have the hope of talking to Buck. He holds all the power, especially considering Eddie already told Buck straight about his feelings.”

“Buck won’t hurt him on purpose though, would he?”

“I don’t think so.” Maddie assured. “But all of you say you didn’t hurt him on purpose either. So, I guess I’m just worried. I have faith in my brother, he’s a good man and an even better friend. But he always forgives easily and I don’t want him to compromise on his new found happiness just to make Eddie happier.”

“I don’t know, he’s been pretty tough with us. Bobby’s actually pretty upset about it.”

“What?”

“Yea.” Chimney nodded. “He’s pretty torn up about the fact that I hear things through you, and Eddie got an invitation to Austin, and he’s still stuck surviving on scraps.”

Maddie sighed. “He’s going to have to deal with it. Eddie may have been his best friend before the betrayal, but Bobby was like a father to him. A real father instead of the shitty one he grew up with. But Bobby never gave him the same level of respect that he gave to the rest of you. It’s going to take a lot longer for Buck to find forgiveness for that.”

“Do you think he’ll ever be able to?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I think so though.”

“Really?”

“Yea.” Maddie nodded. “Buck’s always had a huge heart and it takes a lot to push him away forever. Bobby needs to realize that being Buck’s father figure isn’t going to make it easier for Buck to forgive him, it’s going to make it harder. He can forgive you and forgive Eddie because you were just his friends. We all know there was something stronger between Buck and Eddie, but in the end, they were still just friends. Bobby became a representation of a better father and then he turned into our dad.” Maddie sighed. “I can’t blame him for being upset.”

“I never thought of it like that.”

“It’s going to be rough going, and Bobby needs to prove to Buck that he isn’t our father.”

“And Eddie has to prove he won’t hurt him again.”

“Yep. And we just have to be there for him through it all.”

***

“Did you have fun today buddy?” Buck asked, looking in the rearview to see Christopher’s sleepy smile as they pulled up in front of the hotel.

“It was awesome Buck.” Chris yawned. “Thank you for taking me.”

“You’re welcome buddy.”

“I mean I should be the grateful one.” TK laughed. “That was one of the best days of my entire life, thanks to you little man.”

Chris laughed. “Even though you got attached to an octopus?”

“Even though I got attached to an octopus.” TK told him, chuckling.

“That was a pretty funny.” Buck agreed.

“Yea but it was funnier when you fell over in front of an entire tour group because you forgot you’re tall.” Chris giggled.

TK laughed, loudly snorting, and slapped his hand on his chest. “Oh god, Buck, I’m sorry but Chris is definitely my favorite now.”

Buck chuckled, and shrugged. “That’s fair. He’s my favorite too.”

“What about you Chris?” TK asked, twisting around in his seat. “Who’s your favorite?”

“Buck.” Christopher stated plainly.

TK gasped, putting a hand to his head like a fainting belle. “I have been betrayed.”

“You’re just jealous.” Buck laughed. “Because Chris made _me_ beautiful artwork and you don’t get any art.”

“You liked my gifts for you?” Chris asked.

“Liked them? I loved them!” Buck exclaimed. “I’m going to go right home and put all your art up on my wall so I can show them off and tease TK about the fact that you definitely love me more than him.”

“At least give me some time!” TK protested.

Chris and Buck laughed, causing TK to pout again.

“Oh, there’s your dad, buddy.” Buck said, seeing Eddie come out of the hotel.

“Dad!” Chris exclaimed.

Buck hopped out, going around to help Chris step down from the Jeep.

“Hey there buddy.” Eddie smiled, crouching down to accept a hug from his son. “How was your day?”

“It was amazing!” Chris exclaimed. “Buck took me to the aquarium! Just like he promised he would before he had to leave to come help people here.”

Eddie swallowed a knot in his throat, knowing that he was a big part of Buck’s inability to make good on his original promise. “Well that does sound like a great day.”

“We had a lot of fun, he’s probably going to crash tonight.” Buck said. He was staying back, not coming near Eddie, but it was to be expected. Eddie’s attention was more drawn to the other man with Buck, sitting in the front seat where Eddie used to ride, his arms on the window sill propping up his head.

“Thanks for wearing him out.” Eddie managed to say.

“It’s never a problem to hang out with my buddy.” Buck told him, giving Eddie a small smile.

“Ask him Buck!” Chris demanded.

Eddie glanced down at Chris, looking back to Buck as he chuckled.

“Ask me what?” Eddie asked.

“Tomorrow is my team’s day off.” Buck told him. “And we like to get together and do something on off days, outside of the hectic life we live. We’re meeting for a lunch picnic tomorrow and seeing as everyone wants to meet Chris, I thought we’d extend an invitation.”

“I’m sure Chris would love it.” Eddie nodded.

“I meant both of you.” Buck cut in quick. “We don’t have as many kids in the team, but the park always has kids at lunch on Sundays and we do have the fire station dog who will be there.”

“Buttercup!” Chris exclaimed. “Dad you have to say yes, I have to meet Buttercup.”

“I guess I’m saying yes then.” Eddie smiled through his fear. Buck’s whole team being there meant that everyone who hated him in Austin were all going to be in one place, watching him. If he messed up there, in any way, there would be no going back. He would never earn the forgiveness he wanted more than anything if he hurt Buck’s family.

Chris, oblivious to his Dad’s turmoil, cheered. “I can’t wait!”

Buck laughed, seeing Eddie’s fear but not drawing attention to it. “I’ll pick you two up at eleven tomorrow, okay?”

“Sounds good.” Eddie agreed.

“Then I’ll see you in the morning, okay Superman?” Buck asked, smiling at Chris.

“Okay!” Chris grinned. He went back to Buck, giving him another hug. “See you tomorrow Buck.”

“See you tomorrow.” Buck whispered back. “I promise.”

Eddie tore his eyes away from his son, looking at the other guy in Buck’s car. He was watching Buck and Chris, with as much love in his eyes as Eddie felt, but he obviously had no fear about expressing it. It tied Eddie’s guts in knots, and he had to tear his gaze away again.

Chris pulled away from Buck, walking back over to his Dad.

“You ready for a movie and bed, Chris?” Eddie asked, trying to get away from the situation in front of him now.

“Yes please.” Chris smiled at his dad. “Thanks for today, Buck.”

“You’re very welcome.” Buck grinned. “And don’t forget to show Dad your new friend.”

“New friend?” Eddie repeated, looking down at Chris.

Chris just laughed, waving bye to Buck.

Buck climbed back into his Jeep and Chris waved as it drove away, music turning back on as it pulled out of the parking lot.

Eddie and Chris turned to go inside. Eddie bit his lip, not wanting to be obvious but wanting to know. “So Chris?”

“Yea?”

“Who was that with you and Buck?”

“That’s TK!” Chris told him with a grin. “He works at the firestation with Buck. He was the one who told Buck about the shark feeding so he came along with us!”

Eddie’s heart dropped. “Well he sounds pretty cool.”

“He is.” Chris grinned. “He’s the one that invited Buck to come help people here, they’ve been together forever!”

Eddie’s heart constricted, making it hard to breathe for a moment. Hopefully Chris just framed it odd…And if not, Eddie might be signing himself up for a lot more hurt than he thought he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you guys think! I'm unused to writing kids, so Chris has been a unique challenge, but I hope I'm doing them all justice!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited picnic!

Buck pulled up the next morning, music playing again, and a grin on his face as he saw Chris and Eddie outside the hotel.

“There’s my favorite Superman!” Buck called, turning the music down.

“Hi Buck!” Chris called back, hurrying to the car.

Eddie carefully helped his son get up into the Jeep, and then got in the front seat next to Buck. “Morning.” He smiled, carefully trying to mend fences but not overstep his boundraries.

Buck smiled back at him, just a small smile, but it made Eddie’s heart soar with hope to see it.

“Morning Diaz family.” Buck said, and then turned to look just at Christopher. “Now Chris, are you ready to meet everybody?”

“Yes!” Chris cheered.

“Are you sure?” Buck asked.

“Yes!” Chris repeated.

“Are you sure you’re sure?”

“Buck!” Chris groaned. “I’m sure! Let’s go!”

Buck laughed, turning back around. “I guess that’s that then.”

He turned the music back on, leaving it low so they could still talk, and started driving.

“So, your team’s unusual for Austin right?” Eddie asked, trying to make conversation.

“Yup.” Buck nodded. “Cap picked us all from applicants around town and across the country. But beyond that, we’re just another crew. Most of us are outsiders, and a lot of people didn’t like it when they thought we were replacing the 126 that died, but now that they’ve seen us, and interacted with us at calls, we get a lot more respect. It’s been good.”

“Tell Dad about the bull!” Chris demanded from the back.

“The bull?” Eddie asked.

Buck laughed. “We got a call at a used car lot for a bull with its head stuck in a car.”

“Did it escape a farm or something?” Eddie was confused.

“Nope!” Buck grinned. “The guy running the place brought the bull in as a promotional thing, something to draw crowds, but then it got scared and went wild. Poor thing was pretty torn up when we got there, but the rancher who brought him in let us know he was going to be fine once the vet saw him.”

“Wow.” Eddie sat back, processing. “And I thought El Paso did stupid things.”

“Some people here are just as dumb as LA.” Buck told him. “But a lot of people are just as amazing.”

“Like the team!” Chris cut in, happily dancing in his seat.

“Like my team.” Buck agreed with a grin. “They’re definitely good people.”

“Sounds like they’re pretty cool.” Eddie said softly, looking down at his hands.

Buck knew it was hurting Eddie, but he’d promised James he wouldn’t downplay his joy in his new family just to make Eddie happy. Instead, he just spoke plainly, not singing their praises on high, but not belittling them either. “They’re amazing.”

“Is Ms. Grace going to be at the picnic?” Chris asked.

“Yes she is.” Buck smiled. “But you can just call her Grace, Christopher. She won’t mind.”

“Okay.” Chris agreed, nodding his head. “How much longer til we get there? I want to see Buttercup.”

“We’re just around the corner.” Buck answered.

Sure enough, as Buck turned the final corner, they could see a park up ahead, a small parking lot in front of it already almost full.

“Looks like the rest of the team beat us.” Buck chuckled. “The only time they’re early for anything is Judd’s barbeque.”

Eddie couldn’t respond over the cheering of Christopher in the backseat. He and Buck both chuckled, smiling at Christopher’s excitement, as Buck parked the car.

“Is that them?” Chris asked, looking across the park at the group of people around a grill.

“That is indeed.” Buck told him with a smile.

“Help me down!” Chris ordered.

“I got you.” Eddie laughed, smiling fondly as he helped Chris down from the Jeep.

“Go say hi Chris.” Buck suggested. “You dad and I will be right behind you.”

Chris nodded, grinning wide, as he started off towards the team.

“Will he be okay?” Eddie asked.

“They’ve seen his pictures enough times to recognize him.” Buck told him. “They may not be parents, but they’ll keep him safe. Help me with this cooler?”

Eddie accepted Buck’s answer, stepping up to help Buck get the cooler down from the Jeep. “Is this all for you?”

Buck laughed. “No, TK and I were responsible for bringing soda, so packed it in earlier before I came to get you. It rolls fine, just lifting it up and down is difficult.”

Eddie caught the mention of TK again, curious about the two of them being assigned something together.

“You coming?” Buck asked, already pulling the cooler away, towards the group of people.

“Right behind you.” Eddie nodded, following behind.

Eddie held back as they approached, watching Buck drop the cooler off next to another, slightly smaller one, and then accepting a tight hug from the man who was with him yesterday, TK. The hugged for a long moment, seeming to have some sort of conversation quickly before pulling apart. Chris was already at a picnic table with two people, laughing at something they said.

“Alright everybody!” Buck called, moving to stand by Christopher. “It’s good to see you all, and that food smells delicious so I won’t distract Judd for long, but introductions are in order. Everyone, this little man is Christopher, the artist behind my new locker decorations, and over there is his father, Eddie. Diazes, this is my team and extended family.” Buck turned around, pointing at each of them as he named them for Chris and Eddie. As he introduced each person, they all gave a smile and a wave in Chris’s direction. “That’s our Captain, Owen Strand, his second in command you’ve already met, Judd Ryder. Judd’s beautiful wife Grace is our favorite member of Austin dispatch. Then we’ve got Marjan, Mateo, and Paul, all members of the team with us. Chris has already met this guy, TK.” Buck laughed, ducking the swing TK sent his way. “These three are the best paramedics in town, Paramedic Captain Michelle, and paramedics Tim and Gillian. And then we have our favorite member of the Austin PD, Carlos.”

Eddie tried not to feel overwhelmed, looking at all the people in front of him. All of whom Buck clearly was comfortable around. And happy. Dios he looked so happy.

From TK’s side, there was a short bark.

“Ah and of course I can’t forget the most important member of the team, Buttercup!”

Chris laughed, climbing carefully down from the table to make his way towards Buttercup, smiling wide. “Hi Buttercup.”

“Well he’s got good taste.” Owen laughed.

“We all know Buttercup’s the most important to greet.” TK laughed. He was then the first to turn and address Eddie. “Are you going to join us or stand there?”

Eddie shook himself, surprised at being spoke to, but nodded. He moved forward, holding out a hand. “Good to actually meet you this time.”

TK laughed, shaking Eddie’s hand. “Yea we were all tired after the full day yesterday, slipped our minds.”

“It’s no problem.” Eddie smiled. “Chris passed out almost as soon as I got him in bed. All he wanted to do was talk about the aquarium.”

“Kids are like that.”

Eddie turned, seeing the man Buck pointed out as his captain approach.

“Owen Strand.” He introduced himself again, holding out a hand. “Call me Owen.”

“Eddie.” He responded, taking the offered handshake.

“It’s good to finally put a name to the stories.” Owen smiled. The comment sounded innocent enough, but Eddie knew what it meant. Everyone here knew what he’d done.

Eddie smiled tightly, trying to hide his discomfort. “It’s good to meet you all as well.”

“You know, I’ve learned a whole lot since moving down here.” Owen told him, keeping a strong grip on Eddie’s hand. “Did you know pigs are carnivores? And they’ll eat anything you want to get rid of, no matter what it is?”

Eddie didn’t know how to respond, knowing that it was a threat and knowing how to respond seemed to be two different things for him.

“Leave him be Cap.” Buck whispered.

Owen sighed lightly. “I’m just making small talk.”

“No, you’re making Judd’s version of small talk.” Buck corrected.

“I’m not going to do anything.” Eddie promised, keeping eye contact with Owen. “I just want the chance to rebuild a bridge so my son can be happy.”

Owen stared him down for one long moment, before smiling, and ending the handshake. “Then we should have no problem.”

With that declaration, Owen walked away, and Buck let out a sigh.

“Sorry about that.” Buck apologized. “But at least now that Cap approves, everyone else should relax.”

Looking around, Eddie saw that Buck was right, everyone looked more at ease.

“I feel like I was just threatened by my prom date’s dad.” Eddie said, standing in shock.

Buck and TK both laughed, making Eddie realize he said that out loud.

“He’s a lot more threatening when you take his son on an actual date.” Buck laughed. “Trust me.”

“He wasn’t that bad.” TK protested.

Buck turned and looked at him, deadpan glaring at him. Obviously, this was an argument they’d had before, and Eddie was a little uncomfortable, unsure of what was happening between them.

“Alright he was pretty mean to you.” TK shrugged. “Whatever.”

Eddie felt his stomach flip. Why would Owen be threatening Buck?

“Dad!”

Eddie turned, thankful to hear his son’s voice.

“Dad come meet Buttercup!” Chris called to him , laughing as the large dog carefully nuzzled against him.

Eddie smiled, moving away from Buck and TK happily, going to meet the dog his son had fallen in love with. He didn’t want to think about what he’d just heard. He didn’t want to think about what it might mean.

As he kneeled down next to Chris and Buttercup, one of the people on Buck’s team came over to join them. Eddie recognized her as the one who waved when Buck said Marjan.

“Do you want to see him do tricks?” She asked Chris.

Chris grinned, nodding happily. “Can I help once you show me?”

“Absolutely.” She grinned. Then she looked at Eddie. “He’s a gentle giant, don’t worry.”

Eddie laughed. “I’d expect nothing less with Buck around.”

Marjan smiled. “They do have plenty of similarities.”

“Can we give him treats now?” Chris asked, interrupting them. Next to him, Buttercup perked up at the t-word, getting Marjan and Eddie to both chuckle.

“I think that’s a great idea.” Eddie nodded. And maybe some joy will distract him from Buck…

***

“Hey Eddie.”

Eddie turned, seeing Buck behind him, looking a little nervous. “Buck?”

“We need to talk.” Buck told him. “Actually talk.”

Eddie nodded. “Yea.” He looked around the group, looking for his son. He didn’t need to see his dad probably start crying.

“Chris is with Grace, TK, and Buttercup.” Buck said, knowing what Eddie was looking for. “They’ll keep him occupied and not paying attention to us. But I will warn you, Judd’s keeping an eye on us the entire time.”

Eddie grimaced, but nodded. “That’s fair. Should we go over there?” Eddie asked, pointing at a nearby picnic table.

“Yea.” Buck agreed, leading the way.

Neither of them spoke as they settled on either side of the table, looking at each other.

“I’m sorry.” Eddie said, breaking the silence.

Buck opened his mouth to respond, but Eddie held up a hand.

“Let me say this?” He begged. “I’ve practiced.”

Buck smiled a little and nodded. “Okay.

Eddie took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry turning my back on you. I was so focused on my issues that I was blind to yours. And I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself for that. When you first started the lawsuit, I was so angry. I know you didn’t mean it to feel the way it did, but it felt like you were turning your back on us, choosing the job over Christopher and I. Talking with my therapist, Frank, and with Maddie, I have seen your side of things. I refused to do it before, because of how I was how angry I was. And that was wrong of me.”

Eddie stopped to take a deep, steadying breath, knowing what he had to talk about next.

“When you started the lawsuit, I hated that I didn’t have you there. I didn’t realize how much I leaned on you until you weren’t there anymore. And after Shannon, telling me she wants a divorce and then her death, it felt like I was just losing one more person that Chris and I depended on. And it was wrong of me to put all of that on you, I know that now.” He took another breath. “I never told you, but I got in a fight with a random guy, that’s why I ended up in jail. And after that, Lena, Bosko the woman who filled in for you when you were on leave, she took me to a street fight.”

“She did what?” Buck broke his silence to demand.

“She thought it would help me.” Eddie explained. “She went once every two weeks, or on special nights after really bad days, and let all her anger out. It kept her calm on the job and she thought I could use that kind of outlet because I didn’t like talking. But instead of letting the anger out, and not holding on, I let it fester and grow. I started letting it out at work, yelling at you, hurting you, telling you that you didn’t matter. And I need you to know that it was never true. You have always been family, I just-I was so _angry_ all the time.” Eddie took a moment, gathering himself, before his final admittance. “The day we found out you left, when you didn’t show up for shift, it shattered me. I went to the ring that night and I-I almost killed a man.” Eddie’s voice broke, clenching his eyes shut at the memory of the guy’s face crumbling under him.

“What happened?” Buck asked, forcing himself to stay calm.

“Lena’s team was the one called to the ring when I called 911.” Eddie told him. “She snuck me out, but her captain saw me and told Bobby that I was there. I told Bobby everything, and he ordered me to get my head on straight. He introduced me to Frank, who specializes in PTSD and Anger Management. He-he’s forced me to talk about a lot of stuff I never wanted to, but I did it because I wasn’t proud of the man I was. I wasn’t a good father to Christopher, and-and I wasn’t a good friend to you. And I will regret hurting you the way I did for the rest of my life, regardless of if I ever earn your forgiveness. Because I want to earn it. I do. I don’t want you to forgive me because you think it’s best for Chris, or because you’re trying to just make everything better, I want to earn it.”

“Selfish of you to assume I would give it before you earned it.” Buck told him, voice flat. “You aren’t the only one who’s had a lot of therapy in the past three months. I know what I’m worth, more than I ever did in LA. And my team now makes sure of that.”

Eddie bowed his head. “We weren’t a good family to you.”

“No, you weren’t.” Buck agreed. He watched Eddie’s face fall and allowed the small part of him that agreed with TK to bask in it for a moment before he continued. “However, that doesn’t mean you can’t become good family.”

Eddie’s head shot up, hope gleaming in his eyes.

“I can’t forgive you.” Buck told him. “Not yet. But I think we can work our way there. Neither of us is blameless in our past. I made the decision to start that lawsuit.” He held up a hand as Eddie tried to argue with him. “Don’t argue with me. I’ve accepted that it was a mistake, one I will always regret, but I do still believe that it should not have been Bobby’s call. The doctors all said I was ready, including the psychologist they made me see. He was the only one who was worried, and instead of talking with me, he made a decision to bench me. Until I came to Austin, I hadn’t been on a call since the day the firetruck exploded. In the end, I was mad at him, not the rest of you. I shouldn’t have let Mackey tear into your lives too.”

“We aren’t mad about any of that.” Eddie told him. “Not anymore. We-Bobby never told us it was his decision. He said that it was the Chief’s decision, that he didn’t have a choice, and you were just upset. I-I should have gone to you, asked for your side, screw what the lawyers wanted.”

Buck smiled. “That’s good to know.”

“So…” Eddie bit his lip. “With all that on the table, what do we do now?”

“Well I don’t think that’s _everything_ on the table.” Buck shrugged.

Eddie panicked. He knew Buck wanted to talk about what he’d said in his letter. Putting it all on the line, not knowing that Buck had already found someone who wasn’t afraid to love him. He couldn’t tear Buck’s life apart again, not like this. “I-I think that’s enough for today though, don’t you?”

“Eddie, I want to-” Buck started.

“Buck please.” Eddie begged. “Not today. Not here.”

Buck sighed. “Fine. But we need to finish this conversation before you leave.”

Eddie swallowed the rock in his throat, nodding.

“For now, let’s try being friends?” Buck offered. “I’m not ready for what we were before the explosion, but maybe how we were at the beginning? Once I stopped being a jackass?”

“I’d like that.” Eddie nodded again, smiling slightly.

“Alright.” Buck sighed. “Let’s go back then, before Judd glares a whole through your head.”

Eddie chuckled at that, happy to end the creeps climbing up his throat.

The two of them got up, walking back to the group with smiles instead of tears like the team feared. Everyone noticed, even the ones pretending not to pay attention, and the feeling of the group lightened immensely. Everyone was happy now that the two of them had made at least some movement in their process of healing.

***

“So, Eddie, you said you had family down here?” Judd asked as they all sat around for lunch round two.

“Yea.” Eddie nodded, smiling as he watched Christopher sneak a treat to Buttercup. “My Abuela’s sister lives her with her whole wing of the family in the area. I haven’t seen most of them since my cousin Maria got married, back when I was in high school.”

“That’s pretty wild that they’re here.” TK laughed.

“I was surprised when Abuela told me too.” Eddie chuckled. “I completely forgot about them over the years. But sure enough, I called the number Abuela gave me and her sister answered. I went to visit her yesterday.”

“When do I get to meet her?” Chris asked, paying attention to the conversation now.

Eddie laughed. “She said she’ll get her family together on Wednesday, before we have to go back on Thursday.”

“Wait Wednesday?” Carlos asked.

“Yea.” Eddie nodded. “Why?”

Carlos laughed, throwing his head back with a grin.

“What’s funny?” TK questioned, poking Carlos in the shoulder.

“Eddie, who’s your abuela?”

“Isabel Diaz.” Eddie answered quickly. “Why?”

“And does her sister share the family name?” Carlos continued questioning.

“Of course not, they married into different families, but now they’re both basically matriarchs from what Abuela said.”

“What’s her name?” Carlos asked.

“Wait you don’t think-” TK started.

“Sh.” Carlos told him. “Eddie, your abuela’s sister? What’s her name?”

“Susannah Reyes.” Eddie answered.

Getting the joke, Carlos, TK, and Buck all laughed.

“What’s funny Bucky?” Chris asked, poking his friend in the shoulder.

“Your bisabuela’s sister is my abuela.” Carlos told him with a grin. “That means you’re my cousin.”

“Really?!” Chris exclaimed.

“Really.” Carlos nodded.

Eddie laughed. “Well it certainly is a small world.”

“Guess so.” Carlos grinned.

“Austin is a fairly small city.” Owen nodded. “Even if you weren’t related to her, I’m sure this Nana Sue would know your family.”

“This ain’t a small anything.” Judd rolled his eyes, obviously restarting an old argument. “You’re just from New York and don’t know how the real world is.”

“I thought everything was supposed to be bigger in Texas.” Owen laughed.

“You two are like children.” Grace sighed. She turned to look at Eddie. “I think it’s great that you found some more family down here.”

“Yea and getting to introduce Chris to them will be great.” Eddie smiled, glancing at Chris.

Christohper was sitting there, frowning slightly.

“What’s wrong buddy?” Eddie asked, concerned.

“I wanted to spend the last night we were here with Buck.” He pouted a little.

“Well buddy, I’ve got good news then.” Buck grinned at Chris. “You don’t have to worry about not seeing me the night before you leave, because I’ll be there too!”

“Really?” Chris asked, perking up with hope on his face.

“Yup.” Buck nodded. “I promise.”

“Yay!” Chris cheered.

“Why are you going to be there?” Eddie asked.

“Nana Sue adopted me on my flight here.” Buck explained with a laugh. “And then I introduced her to TK, and she adopted him too. We’re not allowed to miss a family function anymore.”

“You know she wouldn’t punish you for missing.” Carlos sighed. “Not like the rest of us. She actually _likes_ you.”

Buck grinned. “Yea but showing up means she keeps giving me love empanadas and I would do anything for those things.”

“That’s true those are delightful.” TK agreed. “Getting shot was worth it just to keep getting those.”

“Wait you got shot?” Eddie asked in shock.

TK nodded. “Yup. Forgot you weren’t there when I told Chris. I got shot eleven days ago at a call. A kid thought we were the intruder in his house and grabbed his grandfather’s gun. Shot me when I busted into the locked bedroom so he could help his grandfather, who was having a heart attack. It wasn’t his fault, but it definitely hurt like hell.”

“And scared the living daylights out of us.” Grace scolded him. “I don’t like hearing shots fired and firefighter down at a call my husbands on, thank you very much.”

“I said sorry about not calling you right away, right?” Judd winced.

“Eventually.” Grace told him. “And I understood why it took you so long, I just didn’t like the time between much.”

“Yea, I don’t need to have that panic again.” Paul called over from the other table where the rest of the team was sitting. “And that goes for you too, Buckley.”

“Hey I’ve been good.” Buck protested, raising his hands in surrender. “I haven’t even nearly died.”

“Do I have to remind you of the day we almost drowned in corn?” Marjan asked.

Buck thought for a moment. “Honestly, I’d forgotten about that.”

The team laughed, knowing how much that meant because of how panicked Buck was at the end of that day after sinking in the corn.

“Well how about the mercury poisoning where that lady almost stabbed you to get to her own arm?” Paul added. “Can’t forget that one.”

“Or we always could?” Buck winced.

“Hey cut him some slack, at least he didn’t get nearly knocked out at a car accident.” Judd cut in, looking pointedly at TK.

“I thought teasing was only supposed to be at Probie.” TK groaned.

“Mateo’s done a lot of things, but his record doesn’t include bodily injury yet.” Paul shrugged.

“I hate the yet in there.” Mateo sighed.

“It happens to everyone.” Paul shrugged. “We’ve got your back when it does though.”

“And I thought Austin was going to be quieter than New York.” Owen sighed.

The whole team laughed, enjoying their day out in the sun, surrounded by the people they called family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait is that...happiness?? In my fic? Don't worry guys, this isn't over:)


	23. Chapter 23

“You got everything buddy?” Eddie asked, checking with Christopher one more time.

“Yep!” Chris smiled, pointing at the bag on the ground by him. “Everything is in there.”

“Okay.” Eddie smiled. He looked up as another car pulled into the hotel loop. “I think that’s our ride.”

Chris cheered, getting to his feet.

Eddie grabbed Christopher’s bag for him, he was too excited to remember to actually grab it, and led the way outside.

“Eddie Diaz?” The driver called out the window.

“Ramiro?” Eddie responded.

The driver nodded. “Hop in, the kid’s seat is on the passenger side.”

“Thanks.” Eddie nodded. He helped Chris into the car, getting him secured taking a moment longer than usual with the unfamiliar seat. Once Chris was settled, he got in the front seat by Ramiro.

“So, you just visiting?” Ramiro asked, pulling out of the hotel.

“Yep.” Eddie nodded. “An old friend and a lot of old family live here.”

Ramiro smiled. “Bet it’s nice to see them all again.

Eddie smiled, nodding in agreement. “It’s been…good.”

Ramiro was a good driver, he knew when his fare didn’t want to keep a conversation going. It was obvious that Eddie didn’t want to talk about the reasons he was in Austin, at least not with his kid in the backseat listening. Instead he simply let the car fall into a comfortable silence, salsa music playing through the radio. Soon enough, they pulled up outside the address Buck had given them, and Ramiro parked the car.

“Thanks.” Eddie told him, getting out to help Chris out.

“There’s my favorite Superman.”

They both turned, seeing Buck coming out of the house.

“Buck!” Chris exclaimed. Eddie quickly got him down from the seat, letting him make his way to Buck for a hug.

“Hey there buddy.” Buck grinned, pulling Christopher in for a hug. “How are you doing today?”

“Good!” Chris smiled. “Dad and I spent the day exploring Austin!”

“Well that is always fun.” Buck agreed. He looked up at Eddie. “Hey sorry about not being able to pick him up, shift today was a rough one we only just got home.”

“No problem.” Eddie told him, trying not to focus on the ‘we’ in Buck’s sentence. He tried to stop himself, but he couldn’t help his gaze sliding past Buck, focusing on the door of the house, where TK was standing, leaning against the doorframe. “Chris was too excited to wait anyways.”

“I have another surprise for you.” Chris told Buck with a grin.

“Oh, do you?” Buck asked. “Well, I just so happen to have a surprise for you as well.”

“Really?” Christopher asked, his face lighting up with excitement.

Buck nodded. “You’ll have to make sure you thank TK for helping me with it though. We wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“Of course.” Chris nodded. “What is it?”

“Weeeeeeeeeelll,” Buck drawled out. “I don’t know if I should tell you.”

“Tell me!” Chris exclaimed, bouncing a little.

“Okay.” Buck gave in with a dramatic sigh. “But you have to pretend to be surprised when we go in, okay?”

“Deal.” Chris agreed.

“TK and I made a pillow fort.” Buck told him in a stage whisper.

Chris cheered.

Buck grinned back. “You wanna go see?”

Chris nodded quite aggressively and started towards the house. “Let’s go Buck!”

Buck laughed, smiling a little more freely at Eddie. “Thanks for letting me have him for the night.”

Eddie shrugged, trying to watch Chris reach the porch, getting a hug from TK before going inside. “He loved movie nights with you. I won’t stop him from getting another.”

“Still. Thanks.” Buck insisted. “I’ll call you in the morning. Cap said I should be able to drop him off before heading in for my shift.”

Eddie nodded. “Sounds good.”

With one last smile, Buck picked up Christopher’s bag from where it had been set, and headed towards the house. TK was still waiting at the door, watching the two of them. Once Buck reached him, TK through an arm around Buck’s shoulders and they went inside.

“That’s rough buddy.” Ramiro said, having watched the whole interaction. “I see why you didn’t want to talk about why you were. It’s hard sharing kids like that.”

Eddie sighed, loudly, and turned to look at him. “Ramiro?”

“Yea?”

“I don’t think I want you to drive me to the hotel anymore.” Eddie told him. He knew this was probably going to be a bad idea, but he needed to stop thinking for just a little while.

“Where would you like to go?”

“Do you know any good bars in this town?”

Ramiro laughed. “Get in brother, I’ll show you the night life int his town.”

Eddie smiled, thankful that he wasn’t going to get asked any other questions. He got back in the car, and let Ramiro take him away.

***

“You ready for your surprise?” Buck asked, covering Christopher’s eyes gently.

“Ready!” Chris cheered.

“Three, Two, One!” Buck counted down, throwing his hand aside, revealing the massive pillow fort made in front of the TV.

“Wow!” Christopher gasped. “It’s huge!”

“We used almost every blanket in the house.” TK said proudly, standing behind Buck and Christopher.

“I wanna go see it.” Christopher declared, wiggling in Buck’s arm.

“Alright, you go inspect it.” Buck grinned. He set Chris down carefully, making sure he had his balance before he pulled away completely.

Chris immediately set off with a grin to go look inside the fort.

“That thing really is massive.” TK sighed, bumping his hip into Buck’s.

“It had to be.” Buck told him. “How else was I supposed to fit my massive ego and his cuteness?”

TK laughed.

“Buck!” Chris called from under the fort. “This is amazing!”

“Come on,” TK stepped forward. “Let’s go explain the structure to him.”

Buck chuckled, and the two of them carefully made their way around the room to crawl under with Christopher. The fort really was massive, there was more than enough room for both firefighters and Christopher to sit, heads not even touching the roof.

“This is awesome.” Chris declared, grinning at the men.

“I’m glad you think so.” Buck smiled back. “It took a bit of effort to figure out the balance of everything, but now it’s perfect, don’t you think?”

Chris nodded in agreement. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Buck bowed his head. “Remember what I said outside though?”

“MHmm.” Chris smiled. “Thanks to you too, TK.”

TK blushed a little. “You’re welcome buddy. I hope you both have fun.”

“Are you not staying with us?” Chris asked, confused.

TK shook his head. “I uh, I’m going out with someone tonight.”

“Like a date?” Chris asked. “Dad used to go on those with Mommy.”

“Uh sorta?” TK winced, trying to figure out how to explain it. “We aren’t really dating yet, but this is more like hanging out to see if we could go on a date?”

“Like Dad and Buck used to do?” Chris asked.

At that, both men’s eyes went wide with panic.

“What-what makes you think that buddy?” Buck asked, trying to hide his emotions.

Christopher shrugged. “Aunt Maddie always said you two loved each other and that you’d date someday. But then you moved away, and Dad got sad.” Chris brightened then. “But now we came to visit and it’s all okay again!”

“Well, I don’t know if your dad and I will ever date.” Buck told Christopher honestly.

“That’s okay.” Chris smiled. “So long as you’re both happy, I will be too.”

TK tried to break the tension, chuckling a little. “Well I guess that’s sort of what this is, but this is someone I already went on a date with, and it didn’t go very well.”

“Then why go again?” Christopher asked, curious.

“Because we’ve both changed a lot since then.” TK answered. “And we want to see if it might be time for us to try again, or if we want to wait a while longer.”

“And because you think he’s pretty?” Chris asked.

“What?” TK gaped. “I-What-Why would you think that?” He stammered out.

“You looked at him a lot at the picnic.” Christopher shrugged. “Dad calls them hearteyes. Uncle Chimney makes them at Aunt Maddie all the time.”

Buck snorted, knowing exactly the look Chris was talking about. It wasn’t because Chimney thought Maddie was pretty, or at least not just because she was pretty.

“Um…” TK blushed. “Well yes. I happen to think he’s quite pretty.”

“You have good taste.” Christopher declared. “And it’s smart to get to know someone. Dad says when you know someone, that’s when you can trust them.”

“Thank you.” TK smiled back. “Sometimes I like to think I’m smart, but Buck doesn’t agree.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Well if you were smart you’d realize that it’s almost time for you to get picked up for your not-date and you aren’t even dressed.”

TK looked down at himself, realizing Buck was right. “I’ll come say goodbye before I leave!” He declared, crawling his way out of the fort, leaving the other two behind, laughing at him.

“He’s funny.” Christopher giggled.

“I agree.” Buck nodded. “But I think we can keep him for that.”

Chris grinned, and nodded as well. “Sounds like a plan.”

Buck laughed. “Alright, then what shall we start this movie night with?”

Chris thought for a moment, tapping a finger to his chin. “ _Moana_!”

“ _Moana_?” Buck asked, concerned about the sentient ocean thing.

Christopher nodded. “Abuela watched it with me after we went to the aquarium because it has a nice ocean and good songs.”

Buck smiled. “Well _Moana_ it is then.”

***

Eddie sighed, taking another drink of his beer. He was almost to the bottom of it, meaning he was going to have to look the bartender in the eye again to ask for another. He knew she was judging him, having already had two drinks in the short time he’d been here, but he just wanted to stop thinking. Ramiro had told him this was the place to be, that he’d be able to lose himself in the music and the people and the dancing, but all it’s done is make him sad. Everyone here has somebody to talk to, a friend, a family member, a partner. He’s the only one alone.

Growling at his own anger, he downed the rest of his beer. Setting it back on the counter, he raised his eyes, catching the bartenders eyes.

“Another?” She asked, reaching for the empty bottle.

“Please.” Eddie sighed.

“I’m cutting you off for a bit after this one.” She told him, reaching for another bottle. “You haven’t been here nearly long enough to be drinking these that fast.”

“I’m just having a rough time.” Eddie told her.

She held her hands up. “Trust me buddy, I can see that. I do this for my living. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you get shitfaced in my bar.”

Eddie sighed, but nodded. He knew he shouldn’t get that drunk anyways, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t want to. He smiled at her as she handed him the bottle, taking a swig of it before turning to look out across the rest of the bar. In the middle, people were starting another line dance, grinning and laughing as they threw themselves into the dance. Eddie sighed again, getting to his feet. He’d had Ramiro bring him here because of the line dancing, he may as well get some time on the floor.

He stuck to the edge for the first song, letting his body remember the dancing he hadn’t done since before Christopher was born. The last time he line danced was on base during Basic, his whole group laughing because of how good he was at it. He’d always loved it, connecting with everyone else through the same music and the same moves. It just all made sense.

He let the music move through him, carrying his body in the familiar moves. He couldn’t do the fancy styling he used to do, with two beers in his system and a third in his hand, but he was still having a good time. He lost track of time, but eventually the announcer called for the floor to clear for the group that danced there to show off for a few songs. He let the crowd carry him off, finding a stool to drop down on, breathing heavy. He had a grin on his face, actually enjoying himself now, but then he heard a familiar voice.

“You have got to stop telling me that while we’re throwing darts.”

Eddie turned around, slowly, and saw TK across the bar, with the cop, Carlos, from the picnic the day before. TK had darts in his hand, pointing one threateningly at Carlos.

Carlos was just shrugging, obviously not worried about TK’s threat. “You know you don’t mind, tiger.” Carlos smirked.

Eddie watched as TK rolled his eyes, poking Carlos in the shoulder with the dart. “You better throw or I’m leaving you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Carlos grinned. Despite that, he pushed himself off the stool he’d claimed, taking the darts from TK’s hand. Eddie didn’t fail to notice how it looked, Carlos dragging his hand up TK’s forearm before taking the darts. They were flirting.

Eddie sat up straighter, hand tightening on the neck of his bottle, as he kept watching them. TK wasn’t subtle, looking Carlos up and down as the cop was throwing. His eyes spent more time on Carlos’s butt than on the dart board. Eddie could feel the anger climbing up his throat. This is the guy Buck was with now? Someone who looks so in love with Buck when he’s around, and then turns around and meets up with another guy while Buck is at home with Eddie’s own son.

Eddie kept watching, the anger rising higher and higher in his chest, screaming with fury as TK kept flirting with Carlos. And then, the last straw landed on the camel’s back, and Eddie snapped. TK slipped up behind Carlos as the he finished throwing his darts, wrapping one arm under Carlos’s around the other man’s waist.

“Are you ever going to let me win a match?” TK sighed, looking at the dartboard, where Carlos had scored a double bullseye and two triple twenties.

“Nope.” Carlos laughed.

They both looked relaxed, comfortable, and perfectly fine with the fact that they were once again destroying Buck’s happiness after he’d worked so hard to find it.

He couldn’t keep sitting here, watching this. Buck had already been hurt by his family once, when the 118 betrayed him, and Eddie couldn’t sit here and watch it happen again. But…he also couldn’t do anything about it. If he tried to confront them, he was going to punch one of them. Probably Pretty Boy TK. Buck cared about him so much and he was throwing it all away to be with a cop. Admittedly a cop that was Eddie’s cousin, but just a cop nonetheless.

Making his choice, Eddie staggered to his feet, pushing his way through the crowd to the door. He’d already paid for his drink, he didn’t need to stay here any longer. He couldn’t keep watching and not do anything. But he couldn’t hurt Buck more by starting a fight. Eddie pushed his way outside, swaying a little in the night air. He needed to get back to his hotel…somehow.

“Hey man, you good?”

Eddie turned, a little too sharply, seeing a couple copies of the same man as the world spun. “Yea…I think I’m just drunk.”

“You think?” The man laughed.

Eddie nodded, trying to force his eyes to stay open. “A little? I…I don’t feel so good.”

Before Eddie could say another word, he dropped to his knees, the world spinning.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Eddie could hear the guy saying. “Are you-? Dude?”

Eddie blinked hard, trying to focus back on the man, but the spots in his vision just grew larger, taking over the man’s face. Eddie heard shouting, but he couldn’t understand as he pitched sideways. He felt the gravel of the parking lot on his cheek, and then the world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all this chapter kicked my ass so I hope you enjoy the way I finally got it to go.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also! A few of you were asking, yes I have a tumblr! It's semi-new because I used a separate one in my past fandoms, but this ones going to become a focus for what I'm currently writing. It's the same username I use on here [Angelwithwingsoffire](https://angelwithwingsoffire.tumblr.com/)! Feel free to send asks, prompts, questions, or anything else!

“Are you crying Buck?” Chris asked, looking over at his current adult supervision.

“No.” Buck denied, wiping the tears off his face. “I’m just showing support to the ocean.”

Chris laughed. “It’s okay to be sad, Dad says so.”

Buck smiled. “I’m not sad buddy, I’m just…emotional.”

“It’s a pretty cool ending, isn’t it?” Chris grinned.

“It is.” Buck nodded. “It really is.”

“Dad cried the first time he watched it too.” Christopher assured him.

Buck chuckled. “That does actually make me feel better.”

Chris grinned. “Can we watch another?”

Buck grabbed his phone to check the time, but was stopped by an incoming call. From Carlos. He answered it quickly.

“Carlos? Calling to tell me you’re not bringing TK home tonight?” Buck joked. “I didn’t think you two were moving that fast yet.”

“Buck.” Carlos’s voice was serious, and the joking matter fell out of Buck’s head. “I need you to listen. And if Christopher is near you, do not panic.”

“Carlos, what happened?” Buck said, keeping his voice calm so Chris wouldn’t panic.

“Grace is on her way to your house.” Carlos told him. “As soon as she gets there, I need you to come to the hospital.”

“Why?” Buck asked, forcing himself to stay calm, even as his brain started running through all the possibilities.

“TK and I had to bring Eddie to the hospital.” Carlos said softly. “He ended up at the same line dancing bar we always go to, and something happened. We aren’t entirely sure yet, but I think you should be here.”

Buck took a deep breath, nodding even though Carlos couldn’t see him. “I’ll be there.”

“See you soon.” Carlos whispered softly.

“Something happened.” Chris said. He wasn’t asking, he knew what Buck’s words meant.

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “Something happened.”

“What happened?” Chris asked.

Buck took a deep breath. “Your dad’s hurt.”

“Daddy?” Chris asked, his voice breaking. “Is he-is he okay?”

“He’s going to be fine.” Buck assured him with a soft smile. “You don’t have to worry about him. You know how strong he is. He’ll be just fine.”

“Okay.” Chris nodded, assured by Buck’s words. “But-”

“What buddy?” Buck asked, concerned.

“I don’t want to go the hospital.” Chris admitted quietly. “I-I don’t like them.”

Buck couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. “You don’t have to come with me, buddy. Do you remember Judd from the airport and his wife Grace that you met at the picnic yesterday?”

Chris nodded.

“Well, they’re going to come hang out with you until I can come back.” Buck explained. “That why you can stay here and enjoy this awesome fort and your dad doesn’t have to worry about you. And,” he grinned. “If you ask really nicely, Grace might make her super secret hot chocolate for you?”

“Hot chocolate?” Chris asked, brightening.

Buck chuckled, knowing that would completely sell Grace in Christopher’s eyes. “Grace makes the best hot chocolate, but she won’t tell anyone how she makes it and she only makes it on super special occasions. But, I bet you could convince her this is a special occasion.”

Chris nodded, grinning. “I can do that.”

“I’m sure you can.” Buck smiled back. “And don’t worry about your dad, I’ll call Judd as soon as I know what happened and he’ll talk to you about it.”

Chris shrugged. “I’m not worried. You’ll be with me. He’ll be okay.”

The tears Buck had been holding back threatened hard to pour from his eyes then. Christopher had so much faith in him, and his dad, and their strength together. Buck only wished he could be as sure.

***

Maddie’s phone started buzzing, sitting on the kitchen counter, out of reach of the romantic dinner taking place at the dining table.

“Maddie.” Chimney groaned. “I thought we were leaving our phones on silent tonight.”

“I put it on Do Not Distrub.” Maddie told him, getting up quickly to get her phone. “And you know the only people I have set to go through it are you and Buck.”

Chimney’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. Answer it.”

“I am!” Maddie hissed at him, grabbing and answering her phone. “Buck?”

“Maddie.” She could hear the tremor in his breath as he sighed out her name. “Thank god.”

“Buck what’s wrong?” Maddie demanded. “I can hear the panic in your breathing.”

“Fuck I thought I had it under control.” Buck muttered.

“Buck.” Maddie said firmly.

“Eddie’s in the hospital.” Buck blurted out.

“What?” Maddie asked, jaw dropping in shock. “What happened?”

“He went to a bar, had a few drinks, and ended up passed out in the parking lot.” Buck explained. “I’m sitting in the waiting room with TK and Carlos, waiting until someone can tell us anything more than that. I need to know if he was taking anything. Anything that he wasn’t taking before I left, or stopped taking anything from then.”

“I mean I’m not sure.” Maddie shrugged. “I don’t-” She cut herself off, turning to Chimney. “Howie’s here, can I tell him and ask him?”

“Go for it.” Buck agreed.

“What’s happening?” Chimney asked, also getting to his feet now.

“Is Eddie taking anything new?” She asked. “I know you and Hen know everything the team’s on in case they get hurt on the job.”

“Is Eddie hurt?” Chimney questioned, worried.

“They don’t know yet. He was at a bar and just passed out suddenly.” Maddie told him. “That’s why they need to know about medications.”

“Yea, yea of course.” Chimney nodded, thinking quick. “The only thing new is-”

“Howie!” Maddie prompted as Chimney trailed off.

“You said he was at a bar?” Chimney clarified.

Maddie nodded. “Yea that’s what Buck said. Why?”

“He’s taking anti-depressants.” Chimney whispered.

Maddie stared at him, wide-eyed, understanding what he thought now. She put the phone back up to her face. “Buck?”

“Maddie?” Buck asked, hearing the tremor in Maddie’s voice now.

“Eddie’s taking antidepressants.” Maddie told him, trying to keep her voice steady. “And as far as I know, he hasn’t had a drink since he started them because he doesn’t drink with the team anymore.”

“Fuck.” Buck swore. “Maddie I gotta go.”

“Go.” Maddie nodded. “Call me later.”

There was a small sound of agreement from the other end of the phone, and then Buck hung up. Maddie set the phone down slowly, turning to look at Chimney.

“He’s going to be okay.” Chimney assured, walking over to pull Maddie in for a hug. “They’re both going to be okay.”

“Howie…” Maddie whispered, wrapping her arms around Chimney’s shoulders. “How do you always sound so sure?”

Chimney smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of Maddie’s head. “Because we’ve seen how much those two can make it through. They’re strong. And together, even if they’re mad at each other, they’ll keep each other strong.”

Maddie sighed. “You’re right.”

“I know.” Chimney grinned. “But those two don’t make it that difficult to predict. They’ll have each other’s back, regardless of how Buck feels about Eddie now.”

***

The first thing Eddie was aware of was the ache. It wasn’t pain, in the sharp, local sensation Eddie was used to. This was just an ache, everything in his body, from the hairs on his head down to his toenails, simply _ached_ with a fury unlike anything he’d ever felt. He couldn’t stop the groan that forced it’s way our of him.

“Eddie?” He heard a voice from next to him. “Eddie are you awake?”

Eddie couldn’t get his mouth to form words, so he made do with another groan.

“Eddie?” The voice repeated. “Can you open your eyes?”

Eddie though hard for a moment, trying to remember how to do that. Finally, he managed it, forcing his eyes open, blinking hard at the bright lights over him.

“Here sorry.” The voice spoke again, and then the lights dimmed. “Is that better?”

Eddie nodded, opening his eyes again. He gasped as they slowly focused on the man sitting at his bedside. “Buck.”

“Hey there.” Buck smiled. “You know, you didn’t have to end up in the hospital just to get me to talk to you again.”

Eddie groaned. “Why am I here? What happened?”

“What do you remember?” Buck countered.

Eddie’s face screwed up, as he fought to remember. “I-I was at a bar…line dancing. I-I saw your friends…they were- oh god Buck.”

The tone of Eddie’s sigh got Buck worried. “Eddie, Eddie what happened? What do you remember?”

Eddie shook his head slowly. “I don’t know if you want to know.”

“Eddie. Tell me.” Buck demanded.

“Tell me why I’m in the hospital.” Eddie countered.

Buck sighed. “Did you listen to your doctor at all when he prescribed you antidepressants?”

Eddie was surprised by the question, confused as to how Buck knew about the medications because Christopher didn’t know what the new meds were for, and then realized what Buck was talking about. He wasn’t supposed to drink on them. At all. And instead of remembering that in his anger, he turned back to alcohol, like he always used to when he didn’t want to face his feelings. “Oh shit.”

“Yea oh shit is right.” Buck shot back, obviously upset with him. “You know how dangerous it is to drink, especially that fast, on meds like that.”

“I-”

Buck kept talking, explaining to Eddie exactly how badly the situation was. “TK and Carlos found you in the parking lot of the bar after you passed out surrounded by strangers. The doctors are running more tests, seeing if there was anything else in your system that made it so much worse, but Eddie, you shouldn’t have been drinking in the first place. We’re firefighters, we both know how badly this could have ended.”

“I-I’m sorry.” Eddie stammered out. “I wasn’t thinking-I should have remembered.”

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “But the worst part is the fact that you still have me as your emergency contact, so Carlos then had to call me and tell me that you were at the hospital and I had to come in, leaving your son at my house.”

“Christopher.” Eddie gasped. “Is he-”

“He’s fine.” Buck told him. “Grace and Judd came over to stay with him in our giant fort so that I could come here, and watch you recover from almost killing yourself.”

Eddie let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

Buck sighed, the anger dripping out of him. “You know, it was supposed to always be me ignoring things and getting hurt in the end. I don’t like being on this side of things. Eddie…you almost died tonight. And you damn well know it.”

“I-I don’t have any excuses.” Eddie looked away, not wanting to see Buck’s disappointment. “I just- There was so much happening, I just wanted to stop thinking for a little while. I used to go out and have a couple drinks and line dance before Christopher was born, it-it just seemed right to do it. I didn’t even think about what would happen. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad, so you can stop apologizing and start talking.” Buck sighed. “I’m-I’m frustrated, Eddie. You tell me that you’re getting better, getting help for yourself, and you turn around and do this. You say that you’re sorry for what happened in LA, but you won’t talk to me unless I force the conversation. You tell me-you tell me you love me and then you turn around and will barely speak to me long enough for us to actually talk about it. What the fuck, Eddie?”

Eddie looked away from Buck, ashamed. “I don’t want to ruin what you have here.”

“What does that mean?”

“I-I-” Eddie stopped himself, still trying to stop himself from hurting Buck, even to tell him someone else was betraying him.

“Eddie.” Buck insisted. “Talk to me. Please?”

“TK’s cheating on you.” Eddie blurted. He regretted it as soon as he saw the shock run across Buck’s face.

“Wha-what?” Buck stammered. “What are you talking about?”

“I saw them at the bar.” Eddie admitted, staring down at his blanket so he didn’t have to see Buck’s face. “That’s why I was in the parking lot. I-I couldn’t just sit there and watch them but I knew if I tried to confront them, I would end up hitting one of them. And I didn’t want to hurt you. That’s all I’ve been trying to do this entire visit. I just don’t want to hurt you again. Because I know you love him. And I’ve seen him look at you too. And I-I’m not, I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that. I-I guess I just panicked. It probably didn’t help my situation with the drinking actually…” Eddie trailed off, frowning as he thought about what happened to him.

“Eddie.” Buck looked at him, confused. “You’re not making any sense.”

Eddie took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to talk to you about- about what I said in my letter because once I got here I realized that it didn’t matter how I felt, all I cared about what making sure that you were happy. If I got to be a part of that, even just with Christopher as our connection, then so be it. But I wasn’t going to get between you two.”

“Yea right there that’s when you lose me.” Buck interrupted. “Do you think TK and I are dating?”

“Yes?” Eddie answered slowly, for the first time considering that his first assumption might have been wrong. That thought grew stronger as Buck started laughing.

“Oh god, he’s going to die if I tell him that.” Buck shook his head. “Eddie, TK and I are just friends. I won’t lie to you and say there has never been anything between, because we were together in college. That’s where we met. But I ended it when I moved to LA. We stayed friends, best friends even, and he invited me here when I told him about what was happening to me at the 118.”

“So…TK wasn’t cheating on you?” Eddie asked.

“No.” Buck snorted.

“Oh.”

Buck smiled. “Thank you for trying to stand up for me though?”

“I didn’t stand up to them though.” Eddie frowned.

“Not then and there.” Buck agreed. “Because you knew it’d end up in a fight. That actually makes me feel better about it.”

“Really?” Eddie asked, a little more hopeful.

Buck shrugged. “It’s a sign you actually have changed, at least a little.”

Eddie smiled. “So TK and Carlos then?”

Buck chuckled. “TK has been trying to deal with the trauma of getting out of an abusive relationship while having feelings for Carlos. They talk, and text, and now they’ve decided that once a week, they are going to go on fake dates. There’s no commitment, and no kissing or groping, just getting to know each other.”

“That’s….that’s great.” Eddie stammered.

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “Carlos might actually be the one person who can deal with TK at his highs and his lows. Even I get annoyed sometimes, but Carlos…he just keeps supporting him, not letting his swings hurt them.”

“Like I let mine destroy you.” Eddie whispered.

Buck bit his lip, not knowing how to respond to that.

“You don’t have to try and tell me it wasn’t my fault.” Eddie told him. “We already did that part of this.”

“You’re right.” Buck nodded. “But…we never did talk about your letter.”

“I know.” Eddie sighed. “Can you blame me though? I thought you were in love with a much prettier guy and didn’t really want to get my heartbroken surrounded by your family that kinda hates me.”

That got a chuckle out of Buck. “Yea, I guess I can’t blame you, but I wish you had at least _asked_ me about it.”

“All in good fun? Good stories to tell?” Eddie shrugged, forcing a small smile.

Buck rolled his eyes. “Well, maybe we can actually talk about it before you leave?”

“Not now?” Eddie asked, surprised that Buck wasn’t going to let him down immediately.

“Right now, I think you need to just rest and get out of here so I don’t have to tell Chris why his dad isn’t coming home fast like I promised he would.” Buck told him.

“Right.” Eddie sighed. “I guess that makes sense.” Buck didn’t want to let him down while he was in the hospital because he didn’t want to prevent him from getting better so Christopher didn’t have to worry.

“I’m not saying we won’t talk about this, because we are going to talk about this.” Buck declared, making it clear. “But for now, try to just not die, okay?”

Eddie smiled slightly, and nodded. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry guys, this arc isn't over yet.


	25. Chapter 25

“Hey Buck, how’s your man doing?” Marjan asked, working on cleaning the tools from the truck.

The team heard a groan from beneath the engine, where Buck was doing maintenance, making them all laugh.

“You’re the worst Marwani.” Buck called back, voice muffled.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Marjan grinned.

“That doesn’t change my opinion.” Buck shot back.

“What opinion does Buck have now?” TK asked, coming out of the kitchen area.

“That Marjan’s the worst because she asked him about his ‘man’ again.” Paul answered, rolling his eyes.

“Aaah.” TK nodded. “He’s fine, Marjan.”

“You suck too TK.” Buck called.

“Yea and I seem to remember you enjoyed it once upon a time.” TK smirked.

Judd groaned, loudly, from where he was on top of the ladder truck. “Why do you always gotta remind us of that? I don’t need to think about it.”

TK chuckled. “You’re welcome, Judd.”

“You still haven’t answered, Buck.” Paul pointed out.

There was a loud sigh, and then Buck pushed himself out from under the truck. “He’s fine, okay? No, we haven’t talked about actual emotions. No, I don’t know what’s going to happen next. And yes, they’re still coming to visit today so please don’t make this weird.” With that, Buck pushed himself back under the truck, leaving the team looking at each other, wondering if they’d gone to far.

TK, however, did not have the same thought, grinning. “Well at least I’ll finally be able to thank him for thinking I had enough game to bag you that fast.”

From under the truck came another groan, letting the team know that Buck wasn’t really mad, just annoyed by TK like siblings always are.

“I mean you bagged me the last time, it would have been my turn.” TK continued. “Although, with how sad you were, I don’t know if I would have even wanted you. I had enough of my own problems.”

“Asshole.” Buck called. “I’ve always been your type.”

“Nah I like them spicy now.” TK laughed.

Buck rolled back out from under the truck, glaring at him. “Are you calling me bland?”

“Nope.” TK popped the ‘p’ with a grin. “I’m saying Carlos has game.”

Buck rolled his eyes, pushing himself back under the truck. “Why are you even here TK? You don’t even work for another week.”

“And that, lady and gentlemen, is how you win an argument.” TK declared, bowing at the team.

The team laughed, always enjoying the shenanigans of the best friends.

“That’s certainly some kind of skill.” Paul laughed.

“I’m not sure I want to develop it.” Judd added.

TK grinned, and then turned back to where Buck was under the truck. “And for your information, I’m here to see how Eddie acts knowing that you are in fact not dating me.”

There was just another groan as a sign Buck had heard him.

TK just grinned again, walking away from Buck, over to where Mateo, Paul, and Marjan were working.

“So now that I’ve made Buck regret ever knowing me, how are you three?” He laughed.

“We helped another lady give birth this morning.” Mateo told him. “She thought she was nine months along based on the size of the bump, but we think it was actually seven because there were definitely two babies.”

“She didn’t know there were two?” TK asked.

“She was one of those new age moms.” Marjan explained. “That don’t get anything more than the basic care necessary. The second baby was probably hiding behind the first in any scan she got, and she went by belly size for her calendar.”

“She was quite surprised when we told her there was another baby coming.” Paul chuckled.

TK laughed. “I bet!”

“Although of course Marjan and Buck got the credit for it, we just fetched towels and water.” Mateo shrugged.

“I can’t believe the 126 has delivered two babies in our time here and I wasn’t there for either.” TK sighed.

“I’m sure there will be more someday.” Marjan appeased him, patting his shoulder. “There’s plenty of pregnancy in the world.”

TK sighed dramatically.

“Why do you even want to be there?” Paul asked, curious.

TK shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s always been the one thing I never got to do a run for. And it’s not like I’m ever going to have a wife to help through a birth.”

“I feel you brother.” Paul nodded.

None of them really knew where to go from TK’s sad point, but luckily they were saved by their favorite Superman.

“Buck!”

They all turned, smiles growing on all their faces, to see Christopher and Eddie standing in the garage door.

Buck, hearing Christopher’s voice, pushed himself out from under the truck with a grin. “Christopher! How’s my favorite buddy?” Buck got to his feet, grabbed a rag to wipe his hands, and then initiated his long-legged walk to cross the station, crouching down to pull Chris in for a hug.

“I’m good.” Chris grinned. “You were right you know.”

“About?” Buck asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Miss Grace does make the best hot chocolate.” Christopher grinned.

“You got Grace’s hot chocolate?!” TK shouted. He turned to Judd, glaring up at him. “You told me she only makes it in the winter!”

Judd laughed. “Nah, she makes it any time of year, but only for special occasions. And that kid had her convinced pretty easily.”

TK sighed, disappointed. “I got shot and I didn’t get any.”

“You should ask her.” Christopher told him. “She’s very nice.”

“He has a point.” Buck agreed. “Did you ever ask her to make you her hot chocolate?”

TK pouted. “No.”

“Well that’s that then.” Buck grinned.

“Chris!” Marjan called. “Come hang out with the cool kids!”

Chris laughed, but after a nod from his dad, he took off for them.

Once Chris was distracted, Buck was finally able to turn to Eddie.

“So, how are you?” Buck asked. “And don’t tell me you’re fine if you’re not.”

Eddie smiled and nodded. “I’m okay. A little sore, and a little more tired than usual, but I’m okay.”

Buck looked at him for a moment, judging if Eddie was lying to him or not, but finally nodded. “Alright, but tell one of us if that changes. We do have good paramedics, even if they aren’t Chim and Hen.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I’m not that useless. If they’re part of your team, I trust them. But really Buck, I’m fine.”

Buck was going to continue interrogating him, but then Christopher was calling for them.

“Dad! Buck! Come with us!”

“Where are we going?” Buck asked, crossing the station to join them.

“Christopher wants to see the firehouse.” TK grinned. “He found out Cap renovated the whole place and wants to see it all.”

“Well then I guess we’re taking a tour.” Buck chuckled. “You coming Eddie?”

Eddie smiled, glad to have earned inclusion. “Yea. That sounds great.”

***

“Thanks for coming over.” Isabel smiled, handing her company a cup of coffee. “It’s nice to finally get to actually have a conversation with you. My grandson talks about you as if you’re an angel.”

Carla laughed, taking the cup. “Well, I have to say I’m glad I get to talk with you too without one of those boys interrupting us.”

“They do have a knack for that.” Isabel nodded. “But I can hardly be mad at them for it.”

“That’s true.” Carla agreed with a smile. “Christopher is impossible to stay mad at, especially after Buck taught him about those puppy-dog eyes.”

“Oh no, Eddie had those when he was a baby as well, Christopher was born with his father’s eyes and his looks. Buck just taught him to use it better.”

“And by better you mean better for him.” Carla chuckled.

“Yes, that is always the case with him.” Isabel agreed with a laugh.

“It always seems to be the case with them. All three of them.” Carla pointed out.

“You may have a point there.” Isabel sighed. “I do wish my grandson had thought a bit more when was throwing those eyes of his around when he was young.”

“Did he cause a lot of problems with them?” Carla asked, curious about this Eddie of the past.

Isabel laughed. “Oh trouble followed my grandson everywhere he went.”

“Now that sounds like some stories I want to hear.”

“I’m sure we will have plenty of time to share.” Isabel smiled. “My grandson has come to rely on your help with Christopher. You are part of this family now, whether he realizes it or not.”

Carla smiled. “Thank you. It’s nice to actually hear it. Your grandson is not exactly the best at using his words.”

Isabel sighed. “He never has been. He’s always kept everything bottled up. Growing up, he never wanted to appear weak, or lesser than anyone else. He’s one of the younger ones in his set of cousins and always looked up to the others. But I think he’s finally getting better about it.”

“You mentioned last time he started therapy after Buck left him?”

Isabel nodded. “And he finally admitted to the struggles I’ve seen in his eyes for many years. He never let himself heal after the things he say in the military, just focused all his worth into making sure Christopher was happy. His dedication to his son has always astounded me.”

“He’s raised a good son too.” Carla agreed. “Christopher is one of the most polite kids I’ve ever worked with.”

“My Eddie has a good heart.” Isabel smiled. “And he passed that down to his son as well.”

“Well hopefully he didn’t pass down his propensity for getting in trouble too.” Carla pointed out.

Isabel laughed. “Oh I have been praying since the day Edmundo called me to tell me he was going to be a father that his child wouldn’t inherit that.”

“Christopher does seem to at least think a bit about things before he takes a leap.” Carla shakes her head. “Although speaking of Eddie, have you heard anything else about what’s happening down there?”

Isabel sighed, shaking her head. “Not much more than I mentioned earlier. He started taking anti-depressants recently, prescribed by the therapist he’s been seeing, and apparently he just drank too much too fast and it took him down.”

“Apparently?” Carla repeated. “You don’t sound so sure.”

Isabel took a deep breath. “He called me this morning, letting me know he was released, and everything was fine, but he mentioned that they’re doing some more extensive scans. And I know that could mean nothing, but something in me just doesn’t think so.”

“That maternal instinct?”

“I hope not.” Isabel shrugged. “But I will say the last time I had this bad of a feeling was the day before that tsunami almost took Christopher from us all.”

“And I thought you were going to assure me there was nothing to worry about them.” Carla sighed.

Isabel laughed. “We both know there is nothing easy about my boys.”

“You’re right.” Carla nodded. “They do like to make us worry. Especially when they aren’t nearby for us to smack some sense into.”

“And that goes for Buck as well.” Isabel agreed with a laugh.

“Oh, I was including him in our boys.” Carla grinned. “We both know he is, even moved away from us.”

“There is no distance any of them could move that would move them out of my heart.” Isabel declared. “And there is nothing any of them could face that I would not stand by them to carry them through.”

Carla smiled, nodding along. “I agree. Regardless of what happens between them, those two are going to be part of my family for good.”

“I’m glad Buck met you.” Isabel told her. “You may have been the best thing to come out of his relationship with that woman.”

Carla laughed. “You know, back then, I probably would have defended her. But I think you’re right, he didn’t need the pain she caused him. It made him a lot more defensive with his love. But I think if anything is going to get through his walls, it’s going to be Eddie and Christopher, visiting him in a place he’s obviously so happy and comfortable.”

Isabel nodded. “I agree. Those boys could be happy, if only they would start listening to Christopher and I when we tell them to listen to their hearts instead of their brains.”

Carla laughed, shaking her head. “Oh if only.”

***

“I think he’s out.” TK whispered, sliding into the kitchen and dropping onto one of the stools at the counter.

“He will forever astound me with his enthusiasm.” Eddie sighed, shaking his head.

TK laughed. “I think it’s good for him. And you. Keeps you on your toes right? I always say I kept my dad fit for the job.”

Eddie chuckled. “I suppose that’s fair. I never have to worry about staying active on days off, he more than makes sure I’m up.”

TK looked over, across the room to where Christopher was laid out on the couch. “You know you could take him back and let him nap in a bed, right?”

Eddie shook his head. “He wants to be right here when your team gets back. Even going to the bunk room is too far for him. Ten bucks says he’s jumping on Buck before he’s even fully out of his gear.”

TK smiled. “Buck will enjoy that. Calls like this are always the rough ones.”

Eddie nodded, looking out towards the empty garage. His heart had skipped a few beats when that alarm went off, calling everyone out for a three-alarm fire. Christopher had just smiled, hugged Buck tight, and told him to go save people. But TK and Eddie knew how dangerous a call like that could be.

“He’ll be okay.” TK said, seeing the look on Eddie’s face. “He’s told me about the things that happened on calls like that in LA, but he’s not going to get hurt just because we aren’t there. They have his back, they’ll all come home.”

Eddie ducked his head, embarrassed TK read his thoughts that easily. “I know this team has his back. You guys are better to him than any of us ever were.”

“You were good for him at first.” TK reminded him. “I’m pretty sure you and your son are the only reason he moved on from Abby.”

Eddie frowned at the sound of that name. “I never even met her and I don’t like her.”

That startled a laugh out of TK, and both of them stopped to check that Christopher was still asleep before they continued talking.

“I didn’t like her from the beginning if I’m being honest.” TK admitted quietly.

“Really?” Eddie asked.

TK shrugged. “The age difference just made it feel weird to me. I was proud of him when Buck told me that he’d been talking to the same woman for so long and never even met her, but then when he did meet her…I don’t know. It just felt like she was at such a different part of life that Buck was at a disadvantage with her.”

Eddie nodded. “That’s what it sounded like when the others told me about her, but Buck always talked about her like she was still around, not off exploring Europe.”

“That’s the thing about Buck.” TK sighed. “He always puts other people first. And he’ll care about people long after they stop putting in the same amount of effort.”

“You’re not just talking about now, are you?” Eddie pointed out.

TK smirked. “How observant of you.”

Eddie shook his head. “I never meant to hurt him.”

“I know.” TK cut him off. “But I’m his best friend. Just because he’s starting to move towards forgiveness doesn’t mean I have. I reserve the right to be salty for the rest of my life.”

Eddie chuckled, and nodded. “I suppose that’s fair.”

“Glad we understand each other.”

Eddie smiled. “So, on a different topic, my son tells me that you’re fake dating my cousin?”

Tk groaned, rolling his eyes. “That was definitely Buck’s fault.”

“So you are dating my cousin?” Eddie asked. “Because if so, I feel like I need to claim the family right of threatening.”

“Oh no, that’s already been claimed.” TK told him. “Nana Sue told both of us already that she doesn’t care if we end up together or not, neither of us is allowed to hurt the other again. She’s threatening to withhold empanadas, and there is no way I’m giving those up.”

Eddie laughed. “That’s fair. If she uses the same recipe as mi Abuela, they are very delicious.”

TK nodded. “I had a religious experience the first time I had one.”

“I suppose it’s fair that she has the right then.” Eddie sighed. “I probably wouldn’t be a good candidate either, seeing as I didn’t even recognize him at first.”

“Hey he didn’t recognize you either, so I think it’s fine.” TK reminded him. “Besides, the last time you two saw each other was what? High school?”

“Something like that.” Eddie nodded. “I know I’ve certainly changed since then.”

“Well hey, if I ever manage to get my shit together, maybe we’ll actually be cousins.” TK joked.

Eddie snorted. “You’re just lucky Carlos didn’t get the same stubbornness the rest of us have.”

“Oh no, he got the stubbornness.” TK corrected. “He’s just chosen to use that stubbornness by being annoyingly perfect and not getting scared off by my shit.”

“Buck said you were having a hard time?” Eddie prompted.

“It’s been a rough year.” TK sighed with a nod. “Has Buck told you any of it?”

Eddie shook his head. “Buck and I honestly haven’t talked about much beyond how happy he is here and how badly I fucked up in LA. Which I can’t really blame him for because I know how bad I messed up. But I know we need to talk more before Chris and I leave. I can’t just leave him hanging without any answers. Not again at least.”

TK cocked his head, a small smile on his face.

“What?” Eddie asked.

TK shrugged. “I’m just enjoying that fact that you actually understand you messed up so I don’t have to go through the effort of having to point it out to you.”

Eddie smiled. “I knew I fucked up the day he didn’t show up for a shift and there was a newbie there, putting his gear in Buck’s locker. And then Abuela got the letter Buck sent to her and Christopher. If her sister is anything like her, I’m sure you can imagine the disappointed face I got that day. The worst part was that she didn’t even yell. She just asked me what happened. What I did.”

“I can imagine the look.” TK agreed. “There’s not much denying at that point.”

“No, there really wasn’t.” Eddie sighed. He was silent for a moment, looking over at his son, before speaking again. “And she was the one to calm me down about coming down here too. If it wasn’t for her, I probably would have asked Maddie to bring him.”

“Really?” TK asked. “Even knowing it might be your only chance to see Buck?”

“Especially knowing that.” Eddie admitted. “The day Carla and Maddie told me he was inviting me to bring Chris, instead of asking that I send Chris with someone else, I was so happy at first, and then so terrified of fucking it up. I honestly didn’t think he’d even want to forgive me after the things I said to him.”

TK shook his head. “Buck doesn’t like to hold grudges. So long as someone is willing to change, he’s always willing to give another chance. Out of all of you, it’s your captain that’s going to have to work the hardest to earn Buck’s forgiveness.”

“You think?”

TK nodded. “Definitely. Especially since working with me and my dad now. Your captain used the fact that he saw Buck as a son to stop him from doing the job he loves. The job he was meant to do. But my dad has never stopped me from getting on that truck, no matter how worried he’s been about me.”

“You make a very good point.” Eddie sighed. “I don’t know if Bobby sees that though. I honestly think he just sees that he was trying to protect Buck and forgives himself for any of the pain he caused in that endeavor.”

TK sighed. “Well he’s going to need to change if he wants Buck to forgive him. My brother’s had enough shitty father energy in his life, he doesn’t need any more.”

“Hope I’m not included in that count.” Eddie joked.

TK cracked a smile. “No. Anybody with eyes can see how much you love that kid of yours. Everyone loves him.”

Eddie nodded. “Its hard not to love him. Leaving him on deployment was one of the toughest things I ever did. And no matter what happens, I’m not leaving him again.”

“I hope that also covers worrying him by ending up in the hospital.” TK prompted.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “We both know he wasn’t worried about me last night. Buck told me he was more excited about that hot chocolate than worried about me.”

“The hot chocolate is worth the hype.” TK shrugged.

Eddie laughed, rolling his eyes.

On the counter between them, TK’s phone buzzed. He grabbed it up quickly, smiling at the notification.

“Good news?” Eddie asked.

“The fire’s out.” TK grinned. “They’ll be home as soon as clean-ups done. And there were no injuries, for any house.”

Eddie smiled. “Good. There don’t need to be any other issues right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everybody feeling about where we're going? Thoughts on how everybody is handling what happened?   
> There'll be more emotions next chapter!


	26. Chapter 26

“You ready?” TK asked, noticing Buck’s pause as they got out of the jeep.

“I don’t know.” Buck admitted quietly.

TK turned, heading back towards him immediately. “What’s on your mind?”

“This is Eddie’s actual family.” Buck reminded him. “They share blood.”

“Yea but you know they have your back.” TK pointed out. “Nana made sure of that.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” Buck sighed.

TK nodded, realizing what was happening. “Buck, you aren’t going to push Eddie out of his family just because you two can’t make things work. I know you’re worried about what will happen if you take that last leap and he drops you again, but Buck, this family isn’t going to force a choice between the two of you. You’ve seen what they do for Kristin and Jonathan.”

“Yes, but taking turns coming here is only going to upset Christopher.”

“Who says Chris would only come when Eddie does?” TK pointed out. “You can take care of him at a gathering just as easily as his dad can.”

Buck ducked his head, blushing a little.

“Now,” TK continued. “Are you ready for this? Because if the answer is no, we can leave. We don’t have to go in there. You know Nana isn’t going to be mad about not showing up if you just can’t handle being in there with him.”

Buck sighed, shaking his head. “No. I promised Christopher I’d see them there. I have to at least try for him.”

“Okay.” TK nodded. “But if you get uncomfortable, come find me.”

“Find you?” Buck asked. “You aren’t going to stick to me like glue this time?”

It was then TK’s turn to blush. “I told Carlos I’d see him here.”

Buck laughed. “Well then I guess I better hope I’m okay, so you two can get some time together.”

TK rolled his eyes. “We spend time together.”

“Yea but your last not-date got interrupted by my not-ex passing out in the parking lot.” Buck reminded him with a smirk. “It’s the least I can do.”

“You’re a menace.” TK sighed. “Are you ready or not?”

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “Let’s do this.”

Together, the two of them took a deep breath, centered themselves, and headed for the house. They no longer knocked when they got to Nana’s house, instead just opening the door and going in, knowing they were welcome.

As usual, they immediately went to the backyard, where Nana was holding court, surrounded by her family. As soon as she spotted them, she smiled and waved them over.

“Hello there!” She exclaimed, pulling first Buck and then TK in to give them each a kiss on the cheek. “I wondered when you two were going to get here.”

“You know he’s always gotta do his hair first.” Buck teased.

TK rolled his eyes. “I’m not the one who took an extra nap after shift.”

“That’s enough you two.” Nana scolded. “You know I won’t have any of that at my house.”

“Sorry Nana.” They both sighed.

“Good.” She smiled. “Now, TK, I believe my grandson over there is waiting for attentions, so I will not keep you occupied with an old like me.”

“You are not that old.” TK protested, not realizing at first what Nana had said. “Wait, what?”

Nana laughed, pointing behind TK.

Both firefighters turned, seeing the cop in question leaning against a chair, smiling at them.

“Oh.” TK turned back to Nana. “So you-?”

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do.” Nana told him. “But I do have eyes, you know.”

Tk blushed. Buck laughed at him.

“I’m not sure why you’re laughing young man.” Nana laughed. “You have someone waiting on you as well.”

Buck stopped laughing, following Nana’s gaze to where two familiar people were sitting at a picnic table, eating some food. They hadn’t noticed Buck yet, but he had no doubt they were waiting for him to arrive.

“Now I won’t keep you any longer, but you had both better come say goodbye before you leave.” Nana warned, looking between the two of them.

They both nodded, looking sufficiently warned.

“Then off you go.” Nana waved. “And get some food, you’re both too thin.”

They laughed, walking away.

“Does she realize we could both bench her body weight?” TK asked.

Buck chuckled. “Yes. I think she does. But I’m certainly going to listen and eat.”

“You make a fair point.” TK shrugged.

“Now go get your man.” Buck said, nodding towards Carlos.

“Only if you go get yours and his son.” TK smirked.

Buck rolled his eyes, but turned, walking towards the picnic table. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw TK reach Carlos, pulling the cop into a tight hug. There was a small piece of longing in Buck’s chest, but he stomped it down quickly, heading for the Diaz family.

“Looks like you two started the party without me.” Buck said, sneaking up behind the two of them.

They both jumped, spinning around in their seats.

“Buck!” Christopher exclaimed, throwing himself at Buck, knowing the man would catch him.

“Hey there buddy.” Buck laughed, hugging Christopher tight. “Good to see you looking better.” He said, nodding at Eddie.

“Thanks.” Eddie smiled. “This little gremlin let me sleep well last night.”

“Well he was pretty tired from visiting the station, weren’t you buddy?” Buck asked, settling Chris back down in his seat.

Chris nodded, grinning. “It was a lot of fun!”

“Even though we had to leave for so long?” Buck asked, a little nervous.

Chris nodded again. “You had to go help people. It was okay. And I got to take a nap so the wait wasn’t long at all!”

“That’s fair.” Buck chuckled. “Now what are we eating? What’s good that I need to make sure I get before it runs out?”

“This!” Chris told him, pointing at the guacamole on his plate. “It’s really good.”

“I will make sure to get some.” Buck nodded. “Eddie? Any suggestions?”

Eddie shrugged. “I mean the empanadas but you already knew that.”

“That I did.” Buck smiled. “Alright, I will return with food.”

Saying that, Buck got up, heading for the house. On the way, he got a solid laugh seeing TK and Carlos, the former wearing salsa on his face and the other apologizing profusely. Once Buck had gathered a plate of food, piled high because he knew he’d end up sharing with Christopher, he headed back outside. By then, TK’s face was cleaned off, but now he was bright red, blushing hard at whatever Carlos did. It got another chuckle out of Buck. If TK ever trusts himself again, those two were going to be great together.

“You’re back!” Chris cheered as Buck returned.

“I am.” Buck grinned. “And I brought more of that guacamole for you.”

Chris beamed, excitedly grabbing more chips.

“Don’t eat too fast.” Eddie warned. “We don’t want upset stomachs before all the fun of the party, right Chris?”

Chris nodded, mumbling through his mouthful of food, causing the two men to laugh.

“Nana’s going to start introducing us to people once we finish eating.” Eddie explained. “Apparently we were too thin and she decided eating was more important.”

Buck laughed. “She thinks everyone is too thin.”

“Most abuelas do.” Eddie agreed. 

Buck smiled, looking down at the boy between them. It was moments like this that made him miss what had been in LA. Before the lawsuit. When he didn’t feel like a guest in Christopher’s life. In Eddie’s life. In their family. There was a level of happiness and contentment that came with having your own family. He loved Nana Sue, and the family she’d given him, and the Strands and their support, but he still felt like an outsider in their families sometimes. But with the Diazes, with these two right here, Buck didn’t feel like such an outsider, looking in on a happy family. He let that contentment flood through him, brightening his time left with them as they finished eating.

As soon as they were done, Nana was swooping in with a smile, ready to introduce the Diaz boys to the Reyes family. Buck took a step back then, watching with a smile as Christopher charmed everyone and Eddie looked a little panicked at the sheer number of people in the yard.

“You know you could go in and help him.”

Buck turned, grinning at Carlos as he and TK walked over to join him. “Nah. Nana’s got them.”

“You’re enjoying this too much.” TK told him.

Buck shrugged. “Nana did it to us.”

“That’s true.” TK nodded. “Well so long as Christopher’s enjoying it, right?”

Buck smirked. “Absolutely. But we know Nana wouldn’t keep it going if he wasn’t having fun.”

“That is one thing she is firm on.” Carlos nodded. “Kids have fun here, regardless of how their parents feel about that.”

The three of them watched in silence as Nana Sue finished introducing the Diaz boys to her family, then setting them loose again. Christopher went off to play with some of the other kids, and Eddie followed along, to keep an eye on him. Nana turned, coming towards the three watching.

“I’m going to get more food.” TK said quickly, escaping fast.

“He’s terrified of her.” Carlos said, shaking his head. “For some reason.”

“He’s not terrified.” Buck told him. “Just scared of losing his empanada privileges if he accidently hurts you again.”

“I will never take away empanada privileges.” Nana said, reaching them. “Unless someone really deserves it, but I think at that point they would be having some other problems.”

“If someone messes up that bad, they are going to be dealing with the rest of us as well.” Carlos agreed. “Now please excuse me Abuela, I’m going to go stop TK from freaking out even more.”

Nana laughed, waving her grandson away. Carlos ran off after TK and Nana turned to Buck.

“Now, what about you?” Nana asked.

“What about me?” Buck was confused. “I won’t lose my privileges, I’m not trying to date your grandson.”

“Well certainly not my grandson from the sounds of it.” Nana agreed. “But perhaps someone else?”

Buck blushed. “I-I-”

Nana nodded. “I know. He has actually talked with me a fair bit since he arrived in Austin.”

“Really?” Buck asked, surprised.

“Yes, he came over the first day, while you were with his son.” Nana told him. “I’m sure he told you that.”

“He said he found you, he didn’t really say much else.” Buck shrugged.

“Well he spent a few hours with me the first time, and has visited a couple times since then.” Nana explained. “And _mijo_ , that boy cares a lot about you.”

Buck ducked his head, hiding a small smile.

“Like I told TK, I am not trying to tell you what to do with your life.” Nana reminded him. “In my experience, trying to tell young ones like you what to do only ends in struggles for everyone. However, I am going to tell you that it is okay to be scared.”

“I’m not-”

“You better not be trying to lie to me.” Nana warned.

Buck bit his lip, nodding a little. “Okay. So maybe I am.”

“It is okay to fear the future.” Nana told him. “It is okay to not know if this is going to go well, even though I can see how much you want to just fall.”

Buck sighed. “You’re too observant sometimes.”

Nana laughed. “It comes with age. You’ll get there too some day.”

“Not if my job manages to kill me first.” Buck pointed out.

Nana smacked his shoulder. “None of that. We only speak good things into existence in this house.”

Buck rubbed his arm. “Sorry Nana.”

Nana smiled. “Just make me a promise and all will be forgiven.”

“Whatever you need.” Buck agreed.

“Promise me that you won’t let the past put a chokehold on your future.” Nana told him. “I know what the look in your eyes means, I’ve seen it in grandchildren before. I see it in TK every time he looks at my Carlos. I’m going to make him give me the same promise as you. Don’t let your fear stop you from being happy, you deserve a world of love.”

Buck blushed, not knowing what to say, so he just nodded. “I promise.”

“Good.” Nana smiled fondly. “Now, go be with those two boys you care about, and remember to say goodbye before you leave.” With that, Nana walked away, leaving Buck reeling from all the things she’d told him. Could he actually have a future with Eddie and Christopher in it? A future where he has the family he always wanted? Without the pain of losing it?

***

Maddie grabbed her phone off the counter, answering it quickly. “Buck? You okay?”

“I think I fucked up.” Buck responded.

Maddie sat up straighter, grabbing the remote to turn the TV off and gave her brother her full attention. “What happened?”

“I thought I knew what I felt, that there was something there for Eddie once but that it completely died and left the building when he was being an asshole at work.” Buck told her.

“Yes you mentioned that.” Maddie nodded. “What changed?”

“I-I- Well Nana happened I guess?”

“Go back to the beginning.” Maddie suggested. “Talk it out.”

Buck took a deep breath, blowing it out through the phone. “Okay. So, before the-the explosion, and my injuries, there was something. I never wanted to pay it much attention, because first there was Abby, and then Ali was there, and I didn’t want to betray them.”

“Because you’re a decent human being, despite how horrid dad was.” Maddie agreed.

“Yea.” Buck paused for a moment. “But then after the explosion, he was always there, trying to keep me motivated to heal, dropping Christopher off with me so I wouldn’t just be focused on everything that was wrong in my life. And then the tsunami happened, and I blamed myself, and he still trusted me with his son. At least, he trusted me until I sued Bobby and the department and essentially cut him out of my life completely.”

“Which was not your fault.” Maddie reminded him. “Mackey shouldn’t have-”

“Yes we’ve been over that he was an asshole and because I was suing Bobby he shouldn’t have dragged up all the issues everyone else was having outside of using them as examples of Bobby letting everyone come back to work but me.” Buck cut her off. “But still, I chose to start the lawsuit.”

Maddie sighed, knowing it was a losing battle. “Keep going?”

“And then I got to go back to work, thought everything would be fine, but everyone but Hen followed Bobby’s lead and gave me the coldest shoulder they could, and then I felt abandoned and moved to Austin.” Buck summed up quickly.

“So what changed?” Maddie asked. “You wouldn’t be calling me if something hadn’t changed.”

“Eddie changed.” Buck sighed. “He didn’t start a fight with TK, even when he thought TK was cheating on me. He took the high road, decided to have a conversation about it, and acted like a rational adult. And then today, at this potluck Nana Sue put together for him to meet her section of his family…I-I don’t know.”

“Take a deep breath, and look at how you felt.” Maddie suggested softly, repeating the words Buck’s therapist James used all the time. “Look in and don’t lie to yourself.”

“Everyone was sitting with their families, eating, when TK and I got there.” Buck started slowly. “We said hi to Nana, like we always do, but then she sent TK off to see Carlos and me off to eat with Eddie and Chris, because they were alone at a table. I got food and sat with them, ate with them, and I-I felt happy.”

Maddie waited a moment, to see if Buck would continue without prompting. After taking a deep breath, he did.

“I haven’t felt that kind of happiness before.” Buck admitted. “It was less happiness and more…contented. I felt at peace, sitting with them, surrounded by people I knew cared. And looking back, there was a similar feeling at the picnic with the team. It wasn’t as peaceful because I was still terrified about what was happening with Eddie, and I still am terrified about it, but…it was there.”

“So what do you want to do?” Maddie asked. “You know I support your decisions with my full heart.

“I don’t know.” Buck groaned. “Nana told me not to be scared, to not let fear stop me from trying but…but I don’t know if I can do this again.”

“This?”

“Trusting him with a part of me I can’t live without.” Buck answered with a sigh. “A part I don’t even think I gave Abby, no matter how much I loved her.”

“I know the feeling.” Maddie nodded. “After Doug…”

“How did you find it in yourself to trust Chimney?” Buck asked. “After everything Doug put you through, how could you ever trust someone else?”

Maddie thought for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “I think because I wanted it to be true. Even when we were kids, I wanted someone to love me. Mom and Dad never really did, we know that now, and I wanted that pure love my friends’ parents had. Doug never really loved me, I can acknowledge that now. He loved me the way Dad loved us, as a symbol of his success in life. But Chimney, he was there through it all. He was willing to wait when I wasn’t ready, he faced the nightmares with me without any guarantee of something in return. That’s what made me willing to try and give him something in return. And I went in knowing that if I decided to back out of it, he would let me. Doug never would.”

Maddie could hear Buck take a deep breath, soaking in the information Maddie had given him.

“Can I ask for your opinion?” Buck asked.

“Sure.” Maddie agreed. “I think you should listen to your heart. You wouldn’t be having this level of conflict if there wasn’t a part of you that already knew what it wanted. Try listening to it, but if you don’t want to jump in head-first, don’t.”

“But what do I do instead?” Buck sighed. “You know I’ve always gone head-first into everything.”

“I know.” Maddie chuckled. “But I think you already have the answer in front of you.”

“What?”

“You’ve told me about what TK and Carlos are doing, talking and being honest with each other to see if they could be in a relationship.” Maddie reminded him. “Why not try it? You and Eddie aren’t even in the same state, if something gets awkward, take a break and try again later. You won’t have to see each other on calls before you’re ready.”

Maddie heard Buck let out a huge sigh.

“Maddie.” Buck whispered. “You’re a genius.”

Maddie laughed. “You had the answer in front of you. I just pointed it out.”

***

“You got everything?” Eddie asked, checking with Christopher again, standing in the lobby of the hotel.

Chris nodded. “I got it Dad. Don’t worry.”

Eddie chuckled. “You can’t blame me for worrying. We did almost leave your braces at home coming down here.”

Chris giggled. “Yea, but that was your fault. Not mine.”

Eddie made a sound of offense, gasping dramatically. “Betrayed by my own kid.”

“Do you have everything?” Christopher asked, laughing.

“Yes.” Eddie declared. “We checked three times, right?”

“Right!” Christopher agreed with a grin. “When is Buck getting here?”

“It should be any minute.” Eddie assured him.

As if on cue, they spotted a familiar jeep pulling into the hotel parking lot.

“Buck!” Chris exclaimed.

Eddie could see the grins as Buck and TK hopped out of the Jeep, coming quickly to help with the bags.

“Hey there Superman.” Buck hugged Christopher. “Good morning Eddie.”

Eddie smiled, “Morning Buck.”

Buck smiled back, and then looked back at Chris. “You ready for breakfast?”

Christopher nodded happily. “Hi TK.”

“Hey there buddy.” TK laughed, getting his own hug. “Hope you don’t mind me crashing the party, Buck said food and I had to come with.”

“You’re welcome.” Chris assured him with a smile.

“Well thank God.” TK sighed dramatically.

“Alright you two, let’s get going so we actually have time to eat before these two need to get to the airport.” Buck cut in, rolling his eyes.

“He’s right.” Eddie agreed. “We don’t want to be late.”

Chris sighed, but allowed the adults herd him to the car. He let Buck help him up into the Jeep, but insisted that TK sit in the back with him, meaning Eddie got in the front next to Buck.

“Are we all comfy now?” Buck asked, looking in the rear-view at TK and Chris.

“Let’s go!” Chris cheered.

Buck laughed, but did as told, driving them to the diner they had breakfast at with the Strands when the Diazes first arrived in Austin. Along the way, Chris gave TK a break down of what he was doing when he got back to LA, including spending a whole day at Abuela’s house making tamales and talking about the family Chris got to meet in Austin. Buck and Eddie just listened, laughing at Christopher’s enthusiasm and TK’s willingness to just sit there and listen.

Once they arrived, they all clambered out, laughing and smiling, happy to be there. They ended up tucked into a booth, Chris demanding to sit with Buck now, but with TK across from him so Eddie ended up in the corner, across from Buck. The waitress smiled at all of them, taking their orders and leaving them to their happiness together. If asked about it later, Buck couldn’t begin to tell you what they talked about, but he could tell you exactly how he felt. Happy. Content. Safe. Loved. With the three people that, outside of his sister, meant the most to him in the world. He understood what Maddie and Nana Sue were telling him. This is what it felt like when you were ready to take a leap of faith, and trust that someone else will catch you when you fall.

When they were done eating, Buck decided that the time had come for the conversation he knew Eddie had been dreading. But they were leaving, and with Eddie’s time in the hospital, and then having to see Nana Sue, they had never been able to have the talk Buck knew they needed to have.

“Hey Chris, why don’t you take TK out to the car and show him that surprise you have for him?” Buck suggested. “That way you can see how much he loves it.”

Chris gasped, remembering the gift Buck was talking about. It was in a box in the trunk, meant to be kept safe until Chris was gone, but Buck knew he’d jump on this chance to show it off. “Let’s go!”

TK, understanding what Buck wanted, let Chris grab his arm and tug him out of the diner.

“TK will keep Chris occupied for at least a couple minutes.” Buck said, looking across the table at Eddie.

Eddie looked down at the table. “Is this the part where you make good on that threat and make me talk about feelings?”

“Yep.” Buck nodded. “So please, just talk to me?”

Eddie took a deep breath. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Well, you said some pretty strong things in your letter.” Buck pointed out. “So…did you mean them?”

“Did I mean them?” Eddie repeated. “What do you think, Buck?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.” Buck insisted. “Just because you were disappointed when you thought TK was dating me and angry when you thought he was cheating on me doesn’t tell me what you actually feel.”

“I-I’m pretty sure I love you.” He admitted with a sigh. “And I honestly don’t know how to handle that because I know how much I hurt you. After everything I did, everything I said, I’m just grateful that you haven’t completely cut me out of your life. Even considering Christopher, you didn’t have to include me in your life to include him. But you did. And I-I honestly don’t know if I deserve it, no matter how much I’ve been enjoying it.”

Buck smiled fondly. “You don’t think you deserve forgiveness?”

“I think that you’ll give it to me when you feel I’ve earned it, but I don’t know if _I_ feel like I earn it yet.” Eddie shrugged. “But it’s your right to give it when you want to, because you’re the one I hurt.”

“I don’t know what I want yet.” Buck told him. He watched Eddie’s shoulders fall, and quickly continued. “However, I have never been one to let that stop me.”

Eddie looked up at Buck, surprise clear on his face.

“Nana said something to me at the potluck yesterday, and it got me thinking. She reminded me that it’s okay to fear the future, but I still shouldn’t let the past put a chokehold on the present.” Buck explained. “And Maddie reminded me that happiness isn’t always a guarantee, but if you’re willing to work for it, it can be life’s greatest gifts.”

Eddie didn’t know how to respond, just staring at Buck.

“What I’m trying to say,” Buck continued. “Is that I don’t know how this is going to end. I don’t know what’s going to come next, but I think I’m willing to try. I won’t lie to you Eddie, there was a time when I-I cared a lot about you. And not just in connection to Christopher. You were one of the most important people in my life, and that’s why it hurt so much more when you turned your back on me.”

Eddie opened his mouth to apologize, but Buck cut him off.

“We already did that part of this, remember?”

Eddie laughed. “Yea, I suppose we did.”

“You said you liked the idea of what TK and Carlos were doing.” Buck kept going. “And after you talked with TK at the station, he told me the same thing. So, do you want to try this?”

“Try…talking?” Eddie asked, nervous.

Buck nodded. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper and sliding it across the table. “This is my new number. I have to ask you not to share it with anyone, especially Bobby because I don’t think I’m ready to face him yet. But if you want to work on this, moving forward, then I think this should be our first step. Because, Eddie…” Buck bit his lip, gathering every ounce of courage and strength he had. “I think one day I might be able to-to care about you again. I-I _want_ to care about you again. And I want to listen to my heart, and have faith. I want to try.”

Eddie smiled, taking the piece of paper with a reverent look. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

“Well yes or no would be nice?” Buck joked.

“Absolutely.” Eddie immediately replied. “I-I just can’t believe you’d actually trust me with this. After-after what I said.”

Buck smiled, shrugging slightly. “We've both made mistakes in our lives. We've both done things that hurt the other, but I-I don't want that to affect the future. I've never been good at not charging in head-first. I know it's a risk, but it's a risk I want to take. And this time it’s not a charge, but I’m willing to take this dive.”

Eddie nodded. “I won’t promise not to hurt you, because I’m still an idiot like I always was, but I will promise to try not to be an asshole anymore.”

Buck laughed, grinning. “That sounds like a great first step.”

The two of them sat there for a moment, staring at each other, feeling hopeful for their futures. It wasn’t a clear future, and it wasn’t going to be easy, but both of them were willing to put in the effort and give it a shot. Happiness isn’t always easy, but they weren’t going to risk their chances to find it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I struggled hard with this chapter. It felt like the turning point for these two idiots, and I wanted to make it realistic and not idealistic. I'm still not 100% happy with it, but I like it a lot more than my first draft. What do you guys think about it?
> 
> In addition, I would like to bring to everybody's attention that we have a final chapter count! That's right, I finally found the end in my outline, and have planned the rest of this story. The countdown begins!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some people are struggling to see the feelings between Buck and Eddie, but I believe in forging a friendship before a relationship and so do these boys, so as this fic is tagged, we slow burnin this shit. I'm trying to make them be happy in a healthy way, not just a quick fix way.

“So, are we going to talk about the elephant in the station?” Paul asked, looking around at the team as everyone continued their jobs.

“What elephant?” Marjan asked, cleaning tools.

“The amount of time Buck has spent on his phone in the last week.” Paul said plainly.

From under the truck, there was a strangled groan. “Paul don’t you fucking dare.”

Paul smirked, looking down to where Buck’s legs were sticking out. “Don’t dare what? Don’t dare to point out that I’ve seen you check your phone twenty times since we got here two hours ago? Or don’t dare to point out that I saw your hand grab your phone out of your pocket fifteen minutes ago and you haven’t put it back yet? Or am I not supposed to dare point out that you’ve been smiling more?”

“Hold up are you texting someone under the truck?” Marjan asked. “Although I suppose I don’t have to ask who, do I?”

“No, I’m pretty sure we all know who he’s texting.” Paul smirked.

“Wait but I don’t know who he’s texting.” Mateo protested.

The other three turned and looked at him, disbelief on their faces.

“Probie, really?” TK asked. “No idea?”

Mateo looked between them all, thinking about it hard. “Oh! Eddie!”

The team laughed, hearing Buck’s groan from under the truck again.

“There we go.” Marjan laughed. “We’ll get you there Probie.”

Mateo shrugged. “I forgot about him.”

“Well Buck certainly hasn’t.” TK laughed.

“I hate you Strickland.” Buck declared.

“Damn, harsh words.” Paul sighed. “You’re a changed man Buckley.”

“Don’t worry about him, Paul.” TK laughed, sitting and doing inventory. He was glad to be back in uniform, but he was still on light duty for a bit, making sure his shoulder is completely healed. “He’s just cranky because Eddie’s at work now too and not responding to him as fast.”

Buck rolled out from under the truck, his phone in his hand. “Oh, and you’re not cranky because Carlos is on duty right now and won’t check his messages more than once an hour?”

The team laughed, watching TK blush too.

“At least we have a schedule.” TK protested. “So, we aren’t interrupting our work to talk.”

“Well at least I’m _talking_ to Eddie.” Buck shot back.

“I’m talking to Carlos!”

“Yea a whole one message every hour, real good for actually having a conversation.”

“We are having real conversations!” TK frowned. “We’re just having them when we aren’t on duty, so I don’t have to hide under the truck to respond to him.”

“That’s enough you two.” Judd cut in, coming out from the kitchen area. “I swear to god you two, you’re like children when you’re both in a mood.”

“Well it’s good practice for you then.” Buck smirked, turning his way. “After all, we all know how Grace is doing since spending time with Christopher.”

Judd went immediately red. “That is not-”

“Oh! You’re right!” TK cut him off. “How is Grace doing with that new determination?”

“I mean judging from the way Judd walked in here this morning, the efforts are going well.” Paul added his observations with a smirk.

“Where there’s a will there’s a way.” Buck nodded. “And where there’s a Grace, there’s a pretty satisfied looking Judd following behind her.”

Judd opened his mouth to try and defend himself, but got cut off by the alarm.

“Saved by the bell.” Buck smirked, before running towards the truck.

They all piled in, ready to go, and then, as they pulled out, Mateo spoke up.

“Wait? What are Judd and Grace doing?”

Judd groaned, taking his headphones off. This team was going to be the death of him, but he couldn’t stop the smile at the thought of his wife. He’d face all the teasing in the world if it meant her happiness.

***

“Whatcha doing?” Chimney asked, swinging himself over the back of the couch, crashing down next to Eddie.

Eddie sighed, tucking his phone away. “Nothing.”

“Didn’t look like nothing.” Chimney pointed out. “Looked like texting.”

“Not anymore it doesn’t.”

Chimney looked at Eddie for a moment, taking measure of the situation, before grinning. “He get a call and you’re sad because he’s not responding?”

Eddie’s head snapped towards him, glaring.

“Hey don’t shoot.” Chimney laughed, holding his hands up. “Maddie mentioned how much you two have been talking, it wasn’t that much of a leap. I didn’t see your phone, don’t worry.”

Eddie relaxed a little, looking embarrassed. “Sorry, it’s just he had one request when he gave me his number and you seeing it is just one step closer to me fucking up.”

“Bobby.” Chimney guessed quietly.

Eddie nodded.

Chimney sighed. “Yea. Maddie’s talked about that too. He won’t talk about a lot when he’s on calls with me, but he’s given her permission to talk things out with me if she needs it. And she’s worried about that step in his healing.”

“Can you blame him?” Eddie asked. “You’ve looked back. You’re realized what he did. What we all did following his lead.”

“Yea.” Chimney nodded. “But we can’t force them to reconcile, no matter how much I think Bobby wishes any of us would.”

Eddie sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “Has he said anything about…whatever this is for him?” Eddie asked, gesturing towards his phone.

Chimney shook his head, feeling bad as Eddie deflated. “It’s still new, you have to give him time.”

“I know.” Eddie agreed. “That’s not the part I’m struggling with. I-I just wish I knew how he was doing at his end, you know? So, I could at least know if I was fucking this up or not.”

“You should talk to Hen.” Chimney suggested. “They’ve been talking, not really sure for how long because it started before Buck let us send those letters, so I wasn’t privy to Buck information then, but she might know how he’s doing.”

“You’re a genius.” Eddie grinned, getting to his feet. “Thanks Chim!” He called, heading for the stairs.

“I am a genius, aren’t I?” Chimney grinned, kicking his feet up on the couch for a nap.

Eddie hurried down the stairs, knowing he’d find Hen at the ambulance, it being her turn to do the inventory. Sure enough, she was sitting on the cot, going through supplies.

“Hen?” Eddie asked. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Hen turned, taking in Eddie’s slightly worried appearance, and waved him in. “Sure. Shut the door behind you if you want to.”

Eddie took the offer, closing the ambulance up, sitting on the bench by Hen.

“What’s up?” Hen asked, setting aside her inventory.

“Well Chimney just reminded me that you talk to Buck a fair bit, right?”

Hen nodded. “Yea. He likes to stay up-to-date on Denny, and on the good days he likes hearing about the team’s weird LA calls.”

“Has he talked to you about talking to me?”

“Has he talked to me about talking to you as in I need to have a talk with you or talking through how he feels about talking to you?” Hen asked, needing clarification.

“How he feels.” Eddie clarified.

“A little.” Hen admitted. “But I’m going to have to ask you why before I tell you anything.”

Eddie took a deep breath. “I don’t want tot hurt him again. That’s the last thing I want. And right now we’re just trying to text, updates on life and all that and trying to restart our friendship. His friends down there started a similar thing, weeks ago, and that’s kind of the model we’re working off of. Talking and getting to know each other again, rebuilding the foundation of ‘us’ you know?”

Hen nodded. “Maddie and I have talked about it. I agree that it’s a good idea. Karen and I had to do a similar thing after I hurt her with Eva.”

“Right.” Eddie recollected his thoughts, and then continued. “But the thing is, I don’t know how to be that level of friendship with him anymore. He became such a huge part of my life, here at work and at home, that it feels weird talking to him and being so distant at the same time. I could handle it when we weren’t talking, but now that we are talking, I-I don’t know if I’m doing it right.”

“I can’t tell you if you’re doing it right or not.” Hen told him.

Eddie deflated, disappointed but not surprised.

“However,” Hen continued. “I can tell you that I don’t think you’re fucking it up.”

“Really?” Eddie asked, hope filling him again. “I’m not?”

“I don’t think so.” Hen smiled. “The last few times we’ve talked, he…he’s been happier. And it’s not just happiness. He feels more…relaxed. I can’t tell you if you’re doing it right, because I don’t know what the ‘right’ way would be in this situation. Even his friends that gave him this idea didn’t have the kind of history you two have. You both mattered to the other, more than any of the rest of us. We knew that. And I saw him hurting when you were, quite honestly, being an ass. But now, he’s happier again. He’s been happier, being down in Austin with that new crew, but there’s a new level to it now. He’s not as scared. He’s asked about the team every time we’ve talked since you got back, and before it was maybe every two times if he was doing well.”

Eddie smiled. “So, you don’t think I’m hurting him?”

“No.” Hen shook her head. “I think he’s got enough support down there that if you did hurt him, he’d feel strong enough to tell you.”

Eddie brightened, feeling that same hope run through him that showed up when Buck gave him his new phone number.

Hen chuckled, seeing Eddie sit up a little straighter. “You were really worried about that, weren’t you?”

Eddie blushed. “We didn’t really talk about what this was going to be before we started. Because I don’t think either of us actually knew what we needed. But I’m glad that I’m not making it worse.”

“You should ask him about it.” Hen told him. “Rules, boundaries, things he doesn’t want to talk about yet. But you should also think about what you need, Eddie. This isn’t a one-way street anymore. You’re allowed to ask for things too.”

“I just don’t want to make him uncomfortable.” Eddie whispered.

“I think the Buck we both knew would be pissed to think he made you do, or talk about, something you didn’t want to.” Hen pointed out. “That’s his whole issue with Bobby, that Cap _didn’t_ talk to him before making assumptions. So, talk to him. Be honest. That’s the only way Karen and I moved forward after what I did.”

“But that wasn’t the same…”

“Wasn’t it?” Hen asked. “I betrayed an integral part of our relationship, and didn’t talk to her about it until I was forced to by legal documents showing up at our front door.”

Eddie looked down at his hands, thinking about it. “You really think I should?”

“I think Frank and Buck would be angry at you if you didn’t.” Hen told him plainly.

Eddie smiled. “Thanks Hen.”

Hen chuckled. “No problem. I know it’s rough, having to live between him and Bobby. You can always talk to me.”

“Does he ask you about Buck too?” Eddie asked.

Hen nodded. “He has ever since Buck left. He doesn’t really understand why Buck doesn’t want to talk to him yet, or even allow him to have updates on how he is.”

“He doesn’t think he was wrong.” Eddie shrugged.

“He needs to figure it out soon if he wants any chance at rebuilding any connection with Buck.” Hen sighed. “But until he does, we’ll stay where we are. In the middle. Keeping the peace.”

***

“I’m sorry to call while we’re both on shift, but I really thought we should actually talk instead of texting about this.”

Buck looked out over the city, leaning on the edge of the 126 roof. Ever since Judd showed him and TK this place, he’s loved coming up here to think. “I think you’re right.” He sighed, looking back down at his phone.

“You do?” Eddie’s voice echoed through the phone’s tiny speakers.

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “I’ve come to learn the value of boundaries working with my therapist down here. And it sounds like yours did the same.”

“He did.” Eddie agreed. “So…what are you thinking? Anything you want to put off the table?”

Buck thought for a long moment before speaking. “I don’t want to be pushed into defining my feelings.” He said quietly. “It’s taken James a long time to get me to start actually thinking about how I feel instead of just picking an emotion and sticking to it. I don’t know what this is going to be, if-if we can ever move towards what was once a possibility.”

“I agree.” Eddie said, waiting a moment to ensure Buck was finished. “I don’t want to push you into anything you don’t want. I know I much I hurt you, I don’t want to do it again.”

“Thanks.” Buck whispered.

“Can I also add something?” Eddie asked.

“Absolutely.” Buck agreed immediately. “This goes both ways.”

He could hear a small, happy sigh from Eddie before his voice returned. “If I ever do or say anything that hurts you or makes you feel uncomfortable, will you tell me?” Eddie asked. “And if you don’t want to bring it up with me, have someone else tell me I messed up? I-I’ve spent a lot of the last week praying that I wasn’t messing this up again. If we can agree to say if something bothers us, it might help me relax a little?”

Buck smiled fondly. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“Really?” Buck could hear the surprise in Eddie’s voice.

“Yea.” Buck nodded. “We got so close to fast the first time we became friends, finding those lines for us now is going to be difficult. We’re bound to mess up sometime.”

He could hear a sigh of relief from Eddie’s end of the phone. “Thanks Buck.”

“Don’t be afraid to ask for things, please.” Buck whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore than you want to hurt me. I want this to be good for both of us, regardless of where it ends up.”

“I think that sounds great.” Eddie said. Buck could hear his smile. However, before they could say anything else, Buck heard the echo of the station alarm echo through Eddie’s phone.

“Fuck.” Eddie swore. “I gotta go.”

“It’s okay.” Buck assured him. “I know the job. Go save people.”

“Bye Buck.”

“Bye Eddie.”

Buck hung up the phone, sighing as he stared down at the screen. His lock screen was a simple, normal photo of a sunrise over the building he was standing on. It was the sunrise after the first night shift he worked at the 126. It was a beautiful sight, and a representation of all the hope this place gave when he moved down here. It was the new beginning he’d so desperately needed. With the support here, he actually felt comfortable exploring the possibilities with the 118, including the possibility with Eddie.

“Hey kid.”

Buck jumped, tensing up at the voice, but relaxing when he saw Judd. “Hey.”

“What’s on your mind?” Judd asked, joining Buck at the roof’s edge.

“How do you know there’s something on my mind?” Buck shot back.

“Kid. You’re on the roof.” Judd pointed out. “Something is on your mind.”

“I was on the phone with Eddie.” Buck admitted with a sigh.

“How’d that go?” Judd asked. “You’re not crying, so I hope well?”

Buck thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Actually, yea. It went well. We talked about where we want this to go. Trying to be friends, and reforming the connection we had before the explosion took everything from me. And then maybe, seeing if this feeling in my chest is actually worth the possibility of pain.”

“You think there could be more?”

Buck bit his lip, but nodded. “It terrifies me, but yea. I think so.”

“Love is terrifying sometimes. “Judd agreed. “Trust me, I married a terrifying woman.”

“I’ll tell Grace you said that.” Buck laughed.

“She knows.” Judd assured him.

“Yea, I’m surprised.” Buck shrugged.

“So what are you going to do now?” Judd asked.

“I’m going to go eat dinner with the team, and hope for the best in life.” Buck smiled. “For the new hope that this place was for all of us.”

Judd smiled, knowing exactly the hope that Buck was talking about. “Then we better get going before those other monsters eat it all.”

Buck laughed, following Judd back downstairs, into the chaos of their team.

In the common space, Paul was in control of the kitchen, Marjan and TK were playing foosball, Mateo was watching and cheering Marjan on, and Owen was setting the table, rolling his eyes at the kids’ shenanigans.

“Buck!” TK shouted, seeing his friend. “Come be my cheerleader so Marjan will stop cheating!”

“I am not cheating! You’re the one spinning!” Marjan protested.

“No spinning.” Paul called from the kitchen, cutting off TK’s arguments immediately. “House rules.”

“I’m not cheering for you if you’re cheating.” Buck said, walking over to him.

“I am not cheating!” TK exclaimed.

“Judd.” Paul sighed, looking at the second in command. “The food’s ready if you could gather them. I’m tired of yelling over _that_ chaos.”

“Alright you lot, leaving the game alone and come sit down.” Judd ordered.

The younger members of the team, laughing, stopped their roughhousing and came to the table.

“Practicing your dad voice on us?” TK asked. “You should work on it, still not as good as Cap’s.”

“That’s enough TK.” Owen warned, taking his seat at the head of the table. “Judd’s still your coworker.”

“Yea but if he can put up with me, his kid’ll be fine.” TK grinned.

“He has a point.” Buck agreed. “He’s quite a challenging one.”

“I’m aware.” Owen sighed.

“I don’t want or need any extra practice.” Judd told him. “You do not need to help.”

“Of course I don’t _need_ to.” TK grinned. “But I’m such a generous person, I will anyways.”

Judd groaned.

“Alright enough.” Owen ordered. “Paul made food, the least you could do is respect the dinner table.”

“Yea, respect the dinner table.” Paul grinned, smacking TK’s shoulder.

“Ow bro.” TK pouted, rubbing his shoulder. “I got shot, remember?”

“In your other shoulder!” Paul exclaimed.

“Children.” Marjan sighed, nudging Buck with her elbow.

Buck laughed. “You know we’re just as bad.”

Marjan shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about I’m a lady.”

“If you’re a lady, I’m straight.” TK jumped in.

Everyone around the table couldn’t hold back a laugh at that, even Marjan gave an offended laugh.

“You know, Cap, I don’t know what you were thinking when you made this team.” Paul chuckled.

“I was thinking that I’d get the best firefighters I could find, regardless of who they were under the suit, and take this station to the top of the game.” Owen explained. Everyone around the table preened a little bit, until he continued. “Instead I apparently ended up hiring the most chaotic firefighters I could find, with no filters or common sense.”

The team all made noises, offended by the assumptions, but laughing because they knew it was true. They all settled in, grabbing food and filling their plates, grinning and bumping elbows as they went for it.

As they started eating, there were moans of happiness, making Paul smiling, as the team enjoyed their food. They joked and laughed, passing food around and enjoying each other’s presence. This was the family all of them needed when the 126 started, and they found it, and happiness, within each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO in case no one noticed, FoxAlicia made another piece of art for this fic and y'all let me tell ya I cried knowing someone actually liked this enough to make art for it.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about not updating Friday or Saturday, I had a migraine the size of Texas start on Thursday and it didn't shut up till yesterday afternoon. I'm also struggling with my muse, as I always do at this point in a long fic, because I know what I want to happen but not how I want it to happen and nothing seems right. 
> 
> Work's rough this week, so I have no idea when the next updates are going to be, but I am trying to do updates on my tumblr if anyone is over there.

TK groaned, throwing himself down onto the couch. Buck glanced over at him, laughing under his breath, and then going back to his phone.

TK groaned again, louder, and Buck didn’t glance up at all.

“You aren’t going to ask me what’s wrong?” TK finally asked.

“I’ve learned over the years that you’ll tell me regardless of if I ask or not so long as it’s actually important.” Buck told him, still not looking up from his phone.

“Would you stop texting your lover boy for two minutes and pay attention to me?” TK sighed.

“I’m texting Carla actually.” Buck smirked.

TK groaned, sitting up to look at him. “You do this just to fuck with me, don’t you?”

“I mean yea usually.” Buck agreed.

“You’re horrid.”

“You’re not wrong.” Buck shrugged. He finally sat up, turning in the armchair to look at TK. “So what did you need?”

“Has Dad talked to you at all about what’s going on with his…with the tumor?” TK still couldn’t bring himself to say the ‘C’-word sometimes.

Buck shook his head, sighing. “No. I don’t think he’s talked to anyone about it since he updated us two weeks ago.”

“What if he isn’t telling us because it’s gotten worse again?” TK worried his lip between his teeth. “He said it was getting better when he brought Buttercup, that Buttercup’s remission was good news for him and all that, but-but what if it’s coming back? All he said before I got shot was that his doctor’s were planning another status scan and that everything seemed to be going well.”

“TK you need to take a deep breath.” Buck interrupted him, seeing his friend start to panic. He got up, moving to the couch and pressing a hand into TK’s back. “Breathe for a moment and relax.”

“How can I relax when my dad might be dying and refuses to tell me?”

Buck sighed. “Ty, your dad’s not dying. He’s sick, yes, he finally admitted it to us and to the team, but he’s getting help. The treatment sent Buttercup into remission, it could do the same for your dad.”

“But what if it doesn’t?”

“Then he deal with it.” Buck answered plainly. “They caught it at stage one, people live for years with stage one cancer, without getting treatment. Cap’s getting treatment though, and even if it doesn’t cure him, it will give him more years. You and I both know the job is more imminently dangerous than cancer.” 

“Yea, but with you around to take the near-death experiences he’ll be fine.” TK joked.

Buck snorted. “Great, good to know why you keep me around.”

“What if the job makes the cancer worse though?” TK whispered. “He got it from the towers, from doing his job, what if going on calls with us is making it worse faster than anticipated?”

“That’s why he has the status scans.” Buck reminded him gently. “That’s not just for the treatment data, it’s to keep up to date on how he’s doing as well. You and I both got to meet that doctor and we agreed that she actually seems genuinely invested in keeping her patients alive, right?”

“Well yea if they die her treatment’s not going to get approved.” TK scoffed.

Buck chuckled. “That’s a very good point, but even better for Cap then, right? She’ll keep him safe, stop him from doing something stupid, like hiding symptoms.”

“I guess.” TK sighed. “I just- He hid it for so long, how do I know he’s not going to keep hiding things from us?”

“We don’t know.” Buck told him. “But we have to trust him. We’ve both gone to his visits with the doctor. We’ve been to the treatment center, seen his scans, there’s nothing we can do but support him and pray.”

TK groaned, throwing himself backwards against the back of the couch. “I hate this. I hate not knowing what’s happening.”

“You could ask him?” Buck suggested. “He did promise not to lie to you about it.”

“There’s enough going on right now, I don’t need him worrying about me too.”

“Pretty sure he always worries about you, but okay.”

TK side-eyed Buck. “Not helpful.”

Buck shrugged. “I mean it’s pretty understandable right now. We’re both a mess.”

“Yea but at least I’m a hot one.” TK joked.

Buck took a second, processing what TK had said, and then snorted. “Yea absolutely.”

TK laughed, relaxing a little. “We are both pretty messed up though, you’re right.”

“I think we’re just both unlucky.” Buck corrected. “At least you and Carlos are on the same page with what you want though. I don’t even know what _I_ want let alone what Eddie wants.”

“I’m pretty sure we both know what Eddie wants, but not what he’s going to do.” TK pointed out.

“I don’t know.” Buck sighed. “We set our boundaries and all that a last week, and things have been going alright, but I still don’t know if this is going to work.”

“What’s got you worried?” TK asked.

“What if he’s just like my dad?” Buck whispered. “Apologizing to make me forgive him, telling me how he feels to make me feel guilty, manipulating me into going back to him just so he can do it all over again.”

“Do you actually think he’s like your dad?” TK questioned. “Your dad was an asshole Buck. The one time I met him, I was genuinely scared of him. And that was just five minutes the one time he dropped you off at school after winter break. He didn’t care about anyone but himself.”

“I know that.” Buck agreed. “But Eddie, you didn’t see him back then. The anger in him. What if- what if it’s not actually gone? What if he’s just gotten better at hiding it?”

“If he was just hiding it, do you think he would have been able to stop himself from punching me out in the bar?” TK asked. “You know how affected he would have been by the beers he had. Do you actually think if he wasn’t changing at least a little bit that he would have been able to walk away instead of confronting me?”

Buck sighed. “Probably not.”

“I’m not saying don’t be scared.” TK told him. “Fuck I know how much Carlos cares about me, and I’m terrified about it, but you gotta take Nana Sue’s advice here. That woman is smarter than any of us will ever be. See what happens. Besides, you’re hundreds of miles away from each other, if it doesn’t work out you’ll be okay.”

“That’s part of why I’m scared actually.” Buck admitted quietly.

“What is?”

“What happens next.” Buck took a deep breath. “I don’t know what he actually wants. He’s told me he- well he told me his feelings in that letter and repeated them when they were visiting, but we’re almost fourteen hundred miles away from each other. Even if this does work out, how the fuck is it going to last?”

“Long distance relationships can work.” TK pointed out.

“I don’t want that.” Buck shook his head. “After Abby left me like she did, even with all the promises to come back and stay in touch, I don’t think I can do that again. And I won’t go back to LA, I’m not leaving you guys behind.”

“You wouldn’t be abandoning us.” TK protested.

“It’s not that. You guys have become my family, an actual family.” Buck explained. “I don’t want to lose that again.”

“I think you need to talk to Eddie about it then.” TK suggested. “Because there’s nothing I can do to make these decisions easier for you.”

“Yea. I know.” Buck sighed. “And anyways, this was supposed to be a conversation about you, how are you and Carlos doing?”

TK rolled his eyes, knowing it was Buck’s defense mechanism to change the subject when he got uncomfortable. But he let it go, shrugging as he answered. “We’re doing pretty good actually. We’re meeting for lunch tomorrow, talking again about how it’s going.”

“And what do you think?” Buck asked. “I know you were scared when you two started this.”

“I think I have a chance at happiness, and I am not willing to fuck it up moving too quickly.” TK answered. “And he knows that too, so I’m just hoping everything ends up okay.”

“What’s he think about you starting work back up again next week?”

TK chuckled. “All he said when I told him was that he was the only one allowed to get shot on the job anymore because he can’t handle hearing firefighter down over the radio again.”

“I don’t think any of us can handle that.” Buck agreed.

“Hey it’s your turn next.” TK joked.

Buck rolled his eyes. “Nope, I’m not getting shot. That’s one experience I don’t need to have.”

TK laughed, leaning his shoulder against Buck’s. “How about we both just stay healthy? Does that sound like something we can manage?”

“Hmmm.” Buck hummed. “Sounds pretty difficult. Think we’re up for it?”

“I think so.” TK nodded, faking a serious face and hiding his grin.

“Then I suppose we’ll give it a good effort.” Buck declared.

“I suppose we’ll have to.” TK grinned.

***

“Alright Mr. Mopey, time for you to have a fucking life check.”

Eddie looked up at Danny’s declaration, confused. “What?”

“You heard me.” Danny said, sitting down on the couch next to Steve, who was just laughing.

“He doesn’t like to repeat himself.” Steve smirked.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Well he doesn’t like to be wrong either, but he is today because I’m not mopey.”

“You kind of are.” Eliot chimed in, taking a drink from his soda. “It’s a little horrifying.”

“I do not need you three ganging up on me in some annoying personal therapy session thank you very much.” Eddie sighed.

“You’re a bigger idiot than I thought if you think I’m going to let you continue looking like someone kicked your puppy.” Danny told him.

“It’ll be easier for everyone if you just talk about your feelings so we can get back to the game.” Steve sighed.

“You should listen to him.” Danny suggested. “He’s had to put up with me the most.”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to say that?” Eliot sighed.

“Fuck sorry.” Danny winced. “How about ‘he’s the one that I’ve forced to talk about his feelings the most’?”

“I guess that’s fine.” Eliot shrugged after a moment. “Not _as_ self-depreciating.”

“I like this more, let’s keep yelling at Danny.” Eddie tried to convince them.

“Nope.” Eliot smirked. “You need to stop being self-depreciating too, so you aren’t getting out of this.”

“I haven’t said anything self-deprecating all night!” Eddie protested.

“I have been around enough military guys at this point in my life to know what that face you’ve had on means.” Danny told him. “And it’s very distracting from the game, so what’s on your mind?”

Eddie sighed. “You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?”

“Nope.” Danny promised.

“Fine.” Eddie gave in. “I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, keep thinking of all the ways I’m going to mess this up, and I hate it all.”

“That’s a lot to unpack.” Danny blinked.

“You gotta slow and down and talk that out.” Eliot suggested. “Or it’s just going to overwhelm you.”

“I’m already overwhelmed.” Eddie sighed.

“So, let us help. Please?” Danny asked.

“Fine.” Eddie nodded. “I’ll answer questions, but only until the end of this inning.”

“Deal.” Danny said immediately. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Eddie groaned. “That’s not a damn question.”

“Alright, then what do mean when you say you don’t know what you’re doing?”

“I have no idea how to talk to Buck right now.” Eddie admitted. “When we first met, he hated me for a few days and then we became friends and jumped right to be good friends. We didn’t have this time period the first time, talking but only about the little stuff, nothing with a whole lot of meaning behind it. We just talk about work, about Christopher, sometimes about Abuela or her sister, but I don’t know how he’s actually _doing_ in Austin.”

“Why does it bother you?” Eliot asked.

“I-I want to know that I’m not fucking up.” Eddie answered after a moment. “I talked to Hen a couple days ago and she said that Buck seems happier, but it’s still stressful. Part of the deal we made though was that we’d tell each other if something upset us, but I’m still worried that he’s not going to actually tell me because he doesn’t want to make things weird.”

“You just have to trust that he’ll stick to the deal.” Danny told him with a shrug. “Lord knows it took me years to actually _know_ that Steve will tell me if something bothers him.”

The other three looked at Steve, who shrugged after a moment.

“I never had to worry about Danny, he’s pretty vocal when something I do bothers him.”

“He has a point there.” Danny agreed. “But I’m serious Eddie, you just have to trust him.”

Eddie sighed. “And then what happens if I do trust him and it all goes great?”

“Then…you…be happy?” Danny looked confused.

“How?” Eddie asked. “I’ve never been good at staying in touch with people who aren’t in the same place as me. I only talk to my parents as much as I do because my mother doesn’t trust me to raise my son correctly, so she calls every week to check on him. And I haven’t seen any of my tour buddies since we got back, and we only email when something happens, not to just keep up.”

“Love can work from a distance.” Eliot chimed in. “I can at least tell you that it’s possible.”

“How do you do it?” Eddie asked.

“Well, for one, Alec’s a stubborn bastard.” Eliot chuckled. “He’s the only reason we got together in the first place, demanding that Parker and I actually _talk_ about our emotions for once. And then he had us all sit down and make a set of rules for when we’re apart for work. We’ve gone months, without being together, and it’s worked. I was gone for almost a year and not once did I think they were pushing me out of the relationship, because Alec made it clear that there were no secrets or hidden agendas allowed in our partnership.”

“But you always came back together.” Eddie pointed out. “Buck and I don’t even live in the same state.”

“I think you’re jumping the gun on that worry.” Steve told him. “You two don’t even know if you can make this relationship work after what happened. One step at a time, and you’ll be okay. Don’t borrow trouble from the future, there’s enough going on right now.”

“And if we do end up there?” Eddie asked. “If we both end up-” Eddie’s voice broke, but he pushed on. “If we both end up in love, what do we do then?”

“You do exactly the same thing you did to get to this point.” Eliot answered calmly. “You knuckle down, admit to yourself and each other how you’re actually feeling, and figure out what the most logical course of action is.”

“Even if it hurts?” Eddie whispered.

“Especially when it hurts.” Eliot’s voice was soft, obviously knowing how important this was for Eddie. “Because when it hurts, you know that the feelings were real.”

Eddie sighed. “I don’t want to fear it.”

“Everyone fears it.” Danny told him. “It took me almost two years to admit to myself how I felt about Steve. And SuperSeal over here took even longer than that.”

“I knew you were important.” Steve pouted. “I just took a while to figure out why.”

“I know sweetheart.” Danny said, patting Steve’s knee consolingly.

“I just don’t know how much more worry I can take.” Eddie admitted. “Between Buck and Christopher and, well other stuff going on, I’m exhausted.”

“So let things happen naturally.” Danny suggested. “Talk to Buck how it feels comfortable to talk to him. Tell him about Christopher’s day, about what happened at the station, about a cute dog you saw on the drive to work. Whatever makes you happy. And trust that Buck will tell you if he needs something to change.”

“Okay.” Eddie sighed. “Can we be done talking about emotions then and watch the game?”

The other men in the room laughed, but they all agreed, letting the conversation die, turning back to the game on TV, just enjoying each other’s company.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been off my normal posting, this is why I never guarantee a schedule on my fics. I've never been very good at schedules.

TK sat in the diner, his leg bouncing under the table. He looked at his phone again, checking the time. Carlos wasn’t late, it was still ten minutes before they’d agreed to meet, but TK couldn’t stop the anxiety from ripping through him. He’d never been the first one to these not-dates of theirs and he was worried.

He was almost ready to give in and call Carlos, when the door to the diner pushed open and Carlos walked in. He looked around for a moment, spotted TK, and grinned as he walked over.

“Hey Tiger, sorry I’m late.”

TK shook his head, getting up to hug Carlos. “You’re not late.”

“I’m here after you, long enough that I can see your worry.” Carlos whispered. “That’s late.”

TK blushed, pulling back to sit down again. “You’re still not _late_ though.”

“Sorry I made you worry.” Carlos smiled, sitting down across from TK.

“I wasn’t worried.” TK lied quickly.

Carlos just looked at him, obviously calling TK out on the lie.

“Okay I was getting a little worried.” TK admitted. “You’re just usually places before me.”

“Yea unfortunately I got off duty late last night and ended up sleeping in a little too late today.” Carlos blushed. “Normally I would have texted that I was running late, but I also forgot to plug my phone in so it was completely dead when I woke up.”

Tk laughed. “And I’m the one who’s a mess?”

Carlos rolled his eyes. “Yes, you are.”

“I guess that’s fair, I did get shot.” TK shrugged.

“Are you ever going to stop bringing it up?” Carlos asked. “It’s been a month. You’re almost clear for duty again.”

TK laughed. “Who knows, maybe I’ll take a leaf out of Buck’s book and get hurt again.”

“Don’t you dare.” Carlos warned. “I’m not doing this again.”

“This?”

“Worrying all the time that I’m going to get a call from your dad or Buck that you’re in the hospital, or worse.”

“I mean, it is part of my job…”

“I understand that.” Carlos assured him. “Just like I know you understand it for my job. But that isn’t going to stop me from worrying every time I hear the 126 get called out.”

“I know the feeling.” TK smiled, blushing a little

Carlos grinned. “I’m not going to lie, that’s kind of nice to hear.”

TK laughed. “Sorry I haven’t been the best at using my words.”

“I know why you’re having trouble with it.” Carlos shrugged. “I’m not mad about it.”

“Well, you know I have been trying to get better at the whole communication part of this.” TK bit his lip.

“Yes?” Carlos said, looking confused. “Is there something you want to talk about today?”

“A little, yes.” TK admitted.

“Okay.” Carlos agreed. “Do you want to do it now or wait till we get food?”

“It might be nice to have some food…”

“That’s fine with me.” Carlos smiled.

On cue, the waitress walked over, smiling down at them. “What can I get you two today?”

“I’ll have the veggie burger with a lettuce wrap and a lemonade.” TK smiled at her.

“Everything good on that burger?”

“Yes please.” TK nodded.

“And for you?” She asked, looking at Carlos.

“I’ll take the full breakfast.” Carlos answered. “And a cup of coffee if it’s fresh.”

“It’ll be fresh for you.” The waitress winked. “I’ll get this in.”

She walked away, leaving the two of them laughing at each other.

“Does that happen a lot to you too?” TK asked.

“The flirting?” Carlos clarified.

TK nodded.

“Yea, not sure why, but I always get more ladies than men flirting with me.” Carlos chuckled, disappointed.

“I think they sense the fact that we actually respect women and just hope for the best.” TK joked.

Carlos laughed. “You might be right there.”

They sat there together, laughing and sharing stories about their jobs while they waited for their food to arrive. Once it did, they both got serious again, knowing it was time for the conversation TK wanted to have.

“Alright Tiger, what’s going on?” Carlos asked. “Are we having another crisis about the future?”

“Sorta?” TK winced.

“Okay.” Carlos nodded, immediately accepting the situation.

“I actually wanted to talk about this?” TK said, obviously nervous. His hands were sweating again, so he wiped them on his shorts quickly.

“This meaning us?” Carlos clarified, motioning between them.

TK nodded. “Don’t freak out though, because I don’t think this is a bad thing.”

“I mean we did come to your favorite diner and you ordered your favorite meal.” Carlos pointed out. “If it was a bad conversation, you wouldn’t have brought us here or ordered anything because you don’t want to ruin it all.”

TK laughed. “Sometimes I forget how observant you are.”

“It’s a talent.” Carlos shrugged. “Still not as good as Paul though.”

“No one is as good as Paul.” TK reminded him.

“So, if it’s not a bad conversation, what do you want to talk about?” Carlos asked, bringing them back to the topic at hand.

“Well James suggested to me after my last visit with him that we should talk again about how this is going.” TK explained. “I-I had a lot of worry about what you actually thought about this, and…well it wasn’t a whole lot of fun.”

“TK, I am not upset with what we have right now.” Carlos answered, smiling fondly. “And I know we have to take this slower than people normally do, but that doesn’t bother me.”

“You’re sure?” TK asked, obviously still nervous.

“I promise.” Carlos insisted. “I know this different from anything either of us have done before, and we didn’t exactly start off on the best foot.”

“And you aren’t mad at me for slamming on the brakes?” TK interrupted him.

“Of course not.” Carlos shook his head. “I went months without taking anybody to bed before we met, waiting to make sure we’re both ready for this isn’t a hardship.”

TK breathed out, an obvious sigh of relief that made Carlos worry a little.

“Did you think I would be mad about not having sex with you?” Carlos asked, not shying away from the topic.

TK bit his lip. “I- A little?”

Carlos sat back, thinking as he nodded slowly. “This has to do with Alex, doesn’t it?”

TK looked away from him, obviously not wanting to answer.

“Tyler, please.” Carlos begged.

TK blushed a little, hearing his real name from Carlos always made him blush. “I had a nightmare about a week ago. It started with you, that first time we were together, remember?”

“I remember it.” Carlos nodded.

“Well, it was different this time.” TK told him softly. “I-I wanted to stop and you got mad. And then- then you turned into him and he was yelling and…it got hard to know which of you it was.” TK’s voice trailed off, a near whisper at the end.

Carlos leaned forward, reaching a hand across the table, offering it to TK, who immediately grabbed it.

“Tyler, look at me, please?” Carlos asked.

TK bit his lip for a moment, but then looked up at him.

“I will never be mad at you for not having sex with me.” Carlos told him, voice obviously holding no insincerity. “I care about you for your mind, your heart, and your passion. Not your body. Even if we get to the end of this trial dating and decide we’re better as friends, I’m not going to be mad at you. I want you to be happy, whatever form that takes.”

TK smiled, a blush across his cheek. “You’re sure?”

“A hundred percent.” Carlos nodded.

TK let out a sigh. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Carlos smiled.

“Can I ask one more thing?” TK asked, even more nervous now.

“Of course.” Carlos nodded.

TK bit his lip, hesitating, but decided to take his brother’s lead and take a leap. “Will you go out on a real date with me on Friday?”

Carlos was visibly surprised, but he couldn’t stop the grin that split his face. “Really?”

TK nodded. “I-I can’t guarantee anything, but I want this. I want you, and if you still want me, maybe we can give this a shot again? Slower than last time?”

“That sounds great.” Carlos grinned. “I definitely still want to give us a shot, so yea, woo me Tiger.”

TK laughed, relaxed and happy with how well the conversation had gone.

“Now you should eat that burger before your lettuce gets soggy.”

TK snorted, any tension he still had bleeding out of his body. He was happy, even if he would have to deal with Buck being smug when he got home.

***

“Diaz! Get the Jaws!” Bobby ordered, assessing the car before them.

“Got it!” Eddie called, turning back to the truck. He grabbed the Jaws, and quickly hurried back, knowing how important it was to get the driver out as fast as possible.

“Alright, here’s what we’re doing.” Bobby said, getting the entire team’s attention. “Eddie and Wallace, you’re on the Jaws. Get that door out of the way. Hen, in the window, try to get her stable while they’re working. Chimney, ready the stretcher and be ready to help Hen do a grab and dash.”

There were murmurs of agreement, everyone hurrying to do their jobs. The woman was already unconscious, most likely from blood loss due to the piece of dashboard lodged dangerously close to her femoral artery.

“On your orders Hen.” Eddie said, lifting the Jaws and getting them in position. Wallace stabilized the car best he could, to try and dampen the vibrations before they got to the lady within.

Hen climbed through the busted back window, sliding into the seat behind the driver. She worked quickly, getting a collar on her before moving to try and stabilize the injured leg.

“Go.” She ordered, ready to go.

Eddie started the Jaws, slicing into the car’s damaged frame. His arms shook, exhausted after their long day. He grit his teeth, determined to do his job. The Jaws sliced through one spot, and he quickly moved to the next one.

“Diaz, you good?” Wallace asked, seeing his partner’s arms shaking now.

“I’m fine.” Eddie grunted out.

“Do not make me take care of you too!” Hen called from inside the car.

“I’m fine!” Eddie repeated. The Jaws sliced through the second section, and Eddie moved on to the third and final place they need to bust in order to pry the damaged door off. His arms were screaming now, but Eddie refused to quit. He was going to get this door off, he was going to get that woman out, and he was going to do his damn job.

Spots started appearing in the corners of his vision as the Jaws finished the last section. Eddie staggered back, dropping the Jaws to the ground.

Wallace jumped forward, pry bar in hand, to get to work on the door.

Eddie shook his head, trying to chase the spots out of his sight. He jumped back to work, helping Wallace pry the door off the frame of the car. As soon as it was done, they both scrambled aside, letting Chimney move forward to help Hen get the woman out of the car.

They watched, standing by in case their help was needed, as they got her out and onto the stretcher.

“Notify the hospital we’re on the way with critical!” Chimney called to Bobby, racing to the ambulance.

Eddie watched them load her into the back of the ambulance, his ears starting to ring as the spots in his vision only grew bigger.

“Diaz?” Wallace asked, noticing the way his partner had started to sway. “Cap!”

Bobby turned, looking back at the shout, just in time to watch Eddie fall to his knees. “Eddie!”

Eddie tried to respond, hearing his captain’s voice, but he couldn’t get his body to cooperate. The world around him was spinning, and he couldn’t tell which was up anymore as his body pitched forward.

Bobby grabbed his radio, calling for another RA unit at their location, making the firefighter down call no dispatcher likes to hear, and then trying to catch Eddie as he pitched face first towards the dirt.

“Wallace help me get this gear off of him!” Bobby ordered, turning Eddie onto his back. “Kid, don’t do this to me.” Bobby begged. “God please don’t do this to me.”

***

“Give me the damn remote!” Judd ordered, shouting over the argument Marjan and Paul were having. “If neither of you can get along, then I’ll pick the damn channel.”

“So we’re watching baseball then.” Marjan sighed, but didn’t argue as she let go of the remote so Paul could hand it over.

“Well if you don’t like it, perhaps try agreeing on something before I lose my patience next time.” Judd suggested.

Buck rolled his eyes, sitting at the counter with Owen, watching the team’s antics. His phone started ringing, so he pulled it out of his pocket, answering it without looking.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Evan Buckley?” A woman’s voice came through the line.

“This is?” Buck answered, confused. “Can I help you?”

“My name is Krista Collins, I’m a nurse at Angels Memorial in Los Angeles County.”

“Oh god, is Maddie okay?” Buck panicked.

“I- I am not sure.” The nurse replied, sounding confused. “I am calling because we have Edmundo Diaz in the emergency room and you are listed as his emergency contact.”

Buck’s breath caught in his throat. “Eddie? What happened?”

“Mr. Diaz was on a call at a car accident when he passed out.” Krista answered him, remaining calm. “They require your permission to give him an MRI and a CT scan. There were abnormalities in his blood work and they need to find the reason for it quickly.”

“And he’s not able to give permission?”

“Mr. Diaz has not woken up since he was brought in twenty minutes ago.”

“Do the scans.” Buck told her. “You have my permission.”

“Thank you Mr. Buckley.” Krista took a deep breath. “We will call you again if there are any updates.”

“Okay.” Buck whispered. “Thank you.”

He hung up the phone, looking around at the worried faces of his teammates.

“Buck?” Owen spoke up, seeing the shocked look on Buck’s face. “What happened?”

“Eddie’s in the hospital.” Buck whispered. “He- he passed out on a call. They needed my permission to do scans on him.”

“You should call Carla.” Owen suggested. “I’ll call TK and see if he can come down here, okay?”

Buck nodded slowly. “Thanks Cap.”

“You can head up to my office to call her.”

Buck smiled, grateful, and nodded, turning to leave right away. When he got to Owen’s office, he collapsed into one of the chairs, holding his phone in his hand. He pulled up Carla’s contact information, staring at it.

Eddie was in the hospital. Eddie passed out at a car accident. That means Hen and Chimney were focused on other people. And Eddie didn’t tell anyone if he was feeling bad because they were working on other people. Eddie didn’t want to feel like a burden. And then Eddie passed out. He’s in the hospital. His bloodwork wasn’t normal. Was it the bloodwork Eddie had done in Austin? Or even more bloodwork after he returned? It had been almost a month since Chris and Eddie were here. They were talking good. But Eddie never told him he was feeling bad. That he needed more bloodwork. Now Eddie’s in the hospital. Because he didn’t tell anyone something was wrong.

Buck didn’t know how long his thoughts spun, but he finally managed to click the phone on his screen, calling Carla. It only rang a few times before she answered.

“Buck?” She said. “You doing okay?”

“You heard then?” Buck asked.

“I did.” Carla sighed. “Hen called me to let me know Eddie wouldn’t be on time to relieve me tonight.”

“God Christopher.” Buck gasped.

“He’s fine.” Carla assured him. “He’s going to go have a sleepover with Harry and Denny at Hen and Karen’s house, Bobby and Athena are stay at the hospital in case anything happens, and I’m going in tomorrow morning to check on him.”

“They called me.” Buck told her. “ _Me_.”

“Buck, surely you knew you were Eddie’s medical proxy?”

“I mean I guess?” Buck answered, confused. “I signed the forms but that was almost a year ago, a couple weeks before the explosion. I-Well I didn’t think he still had me down after everything that happened.”

“No, I don’t think that ever even occurred to him.” Carla chuckled. “You never stopped mattering, even with the issues he was having after the lawsuit.”

“He wasn’t very good at showing it.” Buck muttered.

“Now, don’t go having bad thoughts when he needs your prayers.” Carla scolded him quickly. “This is a discussion you two can have _after_ this is dealt with, okay?”

Buck sighed. “Yea. Okay.”

“Good. Now, you should call Abuela and let her know what’s happening.” Carla suggested. “I think Bobby was going to call her, but I’m sure she’d like to hear from you as well. Especially seeing as she’s Eddie only family in the city so she could be his only visitor if he ends up in critical care.”

“Fuck.” Buck swore. “You’re right. Okay. Call me tomorrow?”

“Absolutely.” Carla promised.

Buck hung up, taking a deep, rattling breath. He needed to call Abuela. He needed to talk to her about what Eddie is going to need at the hospital. He needs to…he needs to…

“Buck breathe.”

The new voice startled Buck, his head snapping up to see TK rushing across Owen’s office, falling to his knees in front of Buck.

“Breathe.” TK repeated again. “Come on Buck, breathe with me.”

TK fell back on his habit with Buck, rubbing his hands up and down Buck’s arm, slowly. It gave Buck something to focus on, to match his breathing to.

Buck kept his eyes on TK, forcing air in and out of his lungs, through the knot in his throat.

“Eddie-” He gasped.

“I know.” TK nodded. “Dad filled me in on my way here. It’s going to be okay.”

Buck choked, finally realizing that he was crying, and that’s what was making it so hard to breathe. He leaned forward, TK rising to meet him, holding each other tight.

“I got you.” TK whispered. “I’ve got your back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we return to the drama! More POV from Eddie in the next chapter, which will hopefully be up on Monday!
> 
> Also, when this fic is over, would you guys want little add-ons of the scenes we've missed? If so, what scenes would you be interested in seeing? No guarantees, but I do love this AU a fair bit now:)


	30. Chapter 30

The first thing Eddie noticed was the ache. His entire body ached like fire running along his veins. He could hear the beeping of a heart monitor, distant and echoing, but that was enough to tell him where he was. In a hospital bed. Again.

He clenched his eyes tight before forcing them open, blinking rapidly at the bright lights above him. He groaned, reaching around for the remote to call the nurses. He didn’t know what time it was, but it must be night with the lights on around him.

Once he found the button, it only took a few moments before a pair of nurses rushed in.

“Mr. Diaz, it’s good to see you awake.” The older one smiled.

“What happened?” Eddie croaked at her. “How long have I been out?”

“You came in last night, around five. It’s now approximately four in the morning.” She explained. “A doctor will be here shortly to check on you and let you know what’s happened while you’ve been out, okay?”

Eddie nodded, wincing against the pain.

“Can you rate your pain from one to ten?” The second nurse asked, seeing his wince.

“Seven.” Eddie answered.

“We’ll see about getting something from the doctor to bring that down.”

With that assurance, both nurses left the room, leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts again. He remembered the call for the car accident. Two vehicles. One truck, with two passengers, and one compact car, one passenger trapped inside. The people in the truck had minor injuries, scrapes and bruises and one probable concussion. The lady in the car though, she had a piece of metal in her leg and the door was stuck.

Eddie remembered getting the Jaws, and the fatigue in his body. The Jaws felt heavier than usual, and his arms ached as he got to work. He remembered Wallace asking him if he was okay, but Eddie had said he was fine. He refused any help, thinking that it was just exhaustion, but apparently he was wrong. He hadn’t wanted to appear weak, and instead he passed out at a scene.

Vaguely he could remember hearing Bobby’s voice as he hit the ground, but the last thing he remembered was the lady being loaded into the back of the ambulance. And then…darkness.

He was lost in thought, thinking it through again and again before being startled from his mind by a trio coming through the door. Two were nurses, jumping to take his vitals again, and prepping his IV for the pain medicine the doctor had signed for him.

“Hello Mr. Diaz, good to see you awake.” The woman at the front smiled. “I’m Dr. Martinson, your current doctor on duty. You’ll meet the rest of your care team in the morning.”

“Well shit.” Eddie sighed.

“Excuse me?” Dr. Martinson asked.

“I’m bad enough that I get a care team.” Eddie explained. “That’s just great.”

Dr. Martinson laughed. “I forgot you work in the medical field.”

“I was an army medic overseas.” Eddie told her. “Anyone under the care of more than one doctor knew they were in for a rough time.”

“Well, I do have some news on that topic.” Dr. Martinson smiled. “It’s not bad news, but it’s also not good news.”

“Just tell me what’s happened Doc.”

“When you arrived last night, you were completely unconsciousness, and we couldn’t get you to revive.” The doctor started. “We were able to find a set of bloodwork done recently, after what appeared to be a similar incidence in Austin, Texas. Why were you down there?”

“My uh- my friend lives there now.” Eddie bit his lip. “My son and I went to visit over his spring break.”

“And you had a fainting incident while there?”

“Yea, they told me it was just alcohol reacting to my anti-depressants?” Eddie questioned. “They did some blood work but said it was just to be safe.”

“Well, it’s a good thing they did.” Dr. Martinson told him. “You had a few irregularities, so we did some more extensive tests when you arrived here. We also called your emergency contact for permission to perform an MRI and a CT scan.”

Eddie’s thoughts swirled, thinking of who his emergency contact is.

“Oh shit.” He sighed.

“Yes?” The doctor laughed.

“Nothing.” Eddie sighed. “I’m just never going to live that down.”

Dr. Martinson chuckled. “Well, Mr. Buckley gave us permission to perform those tests, and we did both while you were still out last night. This is where the news stagnates right now.”

Eddie nodded, knowing that he wasn’t going to be excited to hear what she has to say.

“The scans came back abnormal.” Dr. Martinson told him. “The CT scan focused on your head, and it came back clear, outside of what looked like a little bruising, possibly from your job. The MRI however, found an abnormality centered around the adrenal glands of your kidneys. Unfortunately, we were unable to determine what exactly it was, so we would like to do another CT scan, with contrast, focused on your kidney region, and send the results to a specialist for more accurate readings.”

“Okay.” Eddie nodded. “Is it cancer?”

“We aren’t sure.” Dr. Martinson sighed. “There is definitely a mass there, but there was nothing in your bloodwork that typically indicates cancer. You had elevated hormone levels, and your blood sugar is all over the place. We will hopefully know more after the second scan gets sent out.”

Eddie sighed. “Is my stuff here? My phone and things? I need to call my family.”

“Right here.” One of the nurses spoke up, handing him a bag of his personal belongings. “Although, if I may, perhaps waiting til the morning would be a good idea?”

Eddie chuckled. “Yea, I suppose you’re right. Abuela hates being woken up in the morning.”

The nurse smiled. “Your family also promised to come in as soon as visiting hours began.”

“We’ll be moving you down to inpatient soon, so anybody you put on your list will be allowed to visit, within the limit of course.” Dr. Martinson smiled.

“Thank you.” Eddie told her.

She nodded. “We’ll be moving you as soon as the room waiting for you is cleaned and prepped. Perhaps twenty to thirty minutes, and your care team will meet you there in the morning.”

“Do I have to be awake to move?” Eddie asked with a yawn.

“We can manage it without you having to get up.” The nurse assured him with a laugh.

“Okay. Goodnight then.”

The three women laughed.

“Have a goodnight Mr. Diaz.” Dr. Martinson said, leaving the room. The nurses followed her out, leaving Eddie alone again.

Eddie thought through everything, feeling the dear start to set into his bones. The fact that there was something wrong inside his body, so odd that they couldn’t identify it, was terrifying. He didn’t want to think about cancer, but that’s all his brain could focus on. That he was going to be taken from his family, without any say in the matter. He knew when he signed up with the army that he may not come home, and made the same choice when he joined the LAFD, but to be killed on duty is different from just dying. He doesn’t want to die.

***

Buck woke up, worry still settled deep in his chest from the calls last night. Abuela was going to call him this morning, as soon as she got the update at the hospital after she passed Christopher over to Carla. He’d stayed the night with her, but would be spending the day with Carla so Abuela could focus on Eddie. Because Buck wasn’t in the state, he had given permission to the hospital last night to have Abuela deal with things instead of having to call him every time something happened.

He rolled out of bed, determined to continue with his day despite all the emotions rolling in his gut. He didn’t really want to focus on what those emotions were, beyond the usual worry he felt for any friend. It wasn’t the time for realizations, and Buck was determined not to have them.

Buck stumbled through his morning routine, washing up and getting ready for the day, before he wandered out into the kitchen.

“Hey Buck.” TK smiled sleepily at the counter.

“Morning.” Buck yawned.

“Heard from Abuela yet?”

“No, but she should be calling soon.” Buck shrugged. “Time difference and all.”

“Mm that’s right, I forget about that.” TK chuckled.

As if summoned by them talking about her, Buck’s phone lit up with a call from Abuela. He held it up, showing it to TK, before heading into the living room with it.

“Hey Abuela, I hope you have good news.” Buck greeted.

“Well, I don’t have bad news.” Abuela answered.

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“I don’t either.” Abuela sighed. “Edmundo is awake and responsive, which is better than last night, but the doctors are still worried about him.”

“I’m glad he’s awake at least.” Buck felt one of the knots in his gut release with that news. “What did the doctors have to say?”

“They have found something on his kidneys from the scans last night.” Abuela told him. “However, they couldn’t see well enough with the MRI so they’re doing another CT scan this morning.”

“So they have no idea what it is?”

“Not enough that they’ll tell me anything.” Abuela sighed.

Buck groaned, rubbing a hand down his face. “Abuela, will you be honest with me?”

“Mijo, I have never lied to you.”

“Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

There was a moment of silence on the other end, and then Abuela spoke. “I have my trust in God that He will not take my grandson before his time has ended.”

“Abuela, that doesn’t mean you think he’s okay.” Buck choked out.

“We have to have hope.” Abuela answered quietly. “Without hope, we will have nothing. They are doing more scans and sending them to a specialist. Only after that we will know anything. Let’s not borrow trouble we don’t need.”

Buck took a deep breath, trying not to cry. “Abuela, I can’t…”

“I know mijo.” Abuela told him, trying to soothe him through the phone. “But we are not going to start saying goodbye until we must, and until then, we keep hope.”

“I wish I had your optimism.” Buck chuckled. Then he sighed loudly. “I feel helpless though, I’m stuck here, watching from afar not even knowing if he’s going to be okay the next time my phone rings.”

“I’m sorry mijo.” Abuela responded, sounding just as sad as Buck felt. “I will try to send updates frequently so you don’t have to panic as much.”

“Gracias.” Buck sighed again. “I’ll let you get back to him. Tell him to get better for me.”

Abuela laughed. “I will.” She promised. “And I’ll call you after he goes for his scan.”

They said their goodbyes, and Buck hung up, sighing once more.

“That doesn’t sound like a sigh of relief after good news.” TK’s voice echoed from the kitchen.

“It’s not.” Buck answered, getting up and heading back to TK. “Eddie has a mass on his kidneys. They’re sending him for another CT scan this morning and sending the results to a specialist to find out what it is.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” TK pointed out.

“Oh really?” Buck responded sarcastically. “I couldn’t guess that for myself.”

“Sorry.” TK bit his lip. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel like shit.” Buck admitted. “I’m here, trying to just keep going through my life, and Eddie’s in a fucking hospital bed in LA, possibly dying, and we never even made up.”

“Did you want to make up?” TK asked. “I thought you were still talking to figure out where it was going.”

“I-I care about him.” Buck groaned, thumping his head on the counter. “A lot.”

“You two are exceptionally loud for a morning off.” Owen sighed, making his way into the kitchen.

“Buck’s having a crisis because Eddie might not actually be okay.” TK responded.

Owen stopped, turning to look at Buck. “What’s wrong?”

Buck sighed. “They found a mass towards the top of his kidneys last night in the scans I approved. They’re sending him for another CT scan this morning, this time of his torso instead of his head. And then they’re sending it to a specialist because apparently it’s weird enough that they need someone specific for it. And instead of being there, supporting him and Christopher and Abuela and Carla, I’m here. In Austin. Living my life that I’ve made without them and I thought I’d be fine with it but _fuck_ …”

“You want to be there, don’t you?” Owen asked softly.

“ _Yes_.” Buck whispered. “I do.”

“Okay.” Owen nodded. “Let me make some calls real quick.”

“What?” Buck asked, his head whipping up to look at Owen. “Cap?”

“You don’t want to be here, you want to be there.” Owen repeated. “That means when you go on a call, you won’t be all here, part of you will always be there. We have enough alternates that we can cover your next shift. I can get you four days, and we’ll get you a flight tonight. You’ll have to be back in time for your next shift, because Johnson’s leaving and I won’t be able to find someone to cover that one. Does that sound good?”

Buck nodded rapidly. “Please.”

“Okay.” Owen smiled. “I’ll look into plane tickets, why don’t you and TK go get you packed for this trip and call someone there to meet you at the airport.”

Buck lunged forward, out of his chair, and pulled Owen into a hug. “Thank you.” He whispered.

“You’re just as much my son as TK is.” Owen whispered back. “Don’t ever doubt that.”

Buck pulled back, more tears in his eyes. “I should call James.”

“I think that would be a good idea.” Owen agreed. “He’ll want to know what’s happening and he’ll be able to help you sort through whatever’s in your head now.”

Buck nodded. “Ty?”

“I got you.” TK yawned, stepping forward. “Let’s go sit in bed and call James and then we can do some packing.”

“Thank you.” Buck said, letting TK pull him in for another hug.

“We got your back.” TK grinned. “Through thick and thin.”

***

Eddie laid in his hospital bed, listening to the TV softly playing a baseball game, and waiting for the team of doctors in charge of his care to visit him. The nurse had come to check his vitals earlier and told him that they were on the floor, with two people to see before him. It had been twenty minutes, meaning they should be coming at any moment.

“Edmundo, I can hear your brain worrying.”

Eddie looked over, laughing at Isabel. “Lo siento Abuela.”

Isabel just waved her hand, obviously brushing away his apology. “What’s on your mind, mijo?”

“I just want to know what’s happening with me.” Eddie sighed. “So I can stop worrying about everything.”

Isabel laughed. “Never thought you’d be impatient for a diagnosis.”

Eddie snorted. “Yea, times have changed though.”

“They have.” Isabel nodded. “That doesn’t mean we have to change though. Not if we don’t want to.”

“I wanted to change some things though.” Eddie pointed out.

“And you did good.” Isabel smiled. “But you will be okay, regardless of what the doctors tell you today.”

Eddie shook his head. “I hope.”

The two of them lapsed into silence, broken a moment later by a knock at the door.

“Come in.” Eddie called.

The door opened, letting in a group of doctors, a couple nurses alongside them.

“Ah good, it’s a party.” Eddie sighed, seeing how many people there were.

At the front of the group, Dr. Martinson laughed, knowing Eddie’s humor from the night before.

“Good to see you’re feeling alright this morning.” She smiled. “We have some good news and some bad news.”

“That seems to be the only kind of news you bring me.” Eddie pointed out to her with a smirk.

“It tends to be common.” Dr. Martinson smiled. “I’ll let Dr. Thomas explain the news though, as it is his specialty.”

Everyone turned to the doctor in question, who gave Eddie a small smile. Abuela leaned forward, taking Eddie’s hand in her own, holding it tight and whispering a short prayer.

“Well, the good news is that we don’t believe the masses to be cancerous.” Dr. Thomas told them.

“Gracias Dios.” Abuela whispered, her hand tightening around Eddie’s.

“What’s the bad news?” Eddie whispered.

“We believe that you have something known as Pheochromocytoma.” Dr. Thomas explained. “Have you heard of it?”

Eddie shook his head. “No, I haven’t.”

“I’m not surprised.” Dr. Thomas told him. “This is a rare disease, highly uncommon in the general population.”

“What is it?” Eddie asked. “Is it dangerous?”

“It’s a series of small tumors in the adrenal glands at the top of your kidneys.” Dr. Thomas explained. “A sudden onset like this, with your symptoms coming on so fast, is normally caused by an adrenergic crisis, which can be caused by some drugs, surgical anesthesia, and excessive emotional stress. We know you haven’t surgery recently, so does one of the other ones sound possible?”

Eddie glanced at Isabel, biting his tongue. “Um…the uh- the emotional stress one?”

“Okay.” Dr. Thomas nodded. “We don’t need to know why, but it’s good to know the possible cause. Now, the common symptoms of this include, episodic and sudden onset of severe headaches, sweating, abdominal pain, high blood pressure, rapid heart rate, and irritability and anxiety. Have you experienced any of those?”

Eddie looked at Isabel again, embarrassed.

“My grandson has been dealing with anger management issues.” Isabel told them. “And he has tried to hide it from me but I know he has had headaches and some stomach aches after his shifts, but he brushes them off if I ask.”

“But what about the fainting?” Eddie asked, trying to steer things aware from his anger. He didn’t want to think about his ‘irritability’ recently. “High blood pressure doesn’t cause that?”

“No, but we believe your fainting is tied to the rapid heartbeat.” Dr. Thomas explained. “When you were talking to Dr. Martinson last night, you said that the two incidences of fainting have occurred in moments of stress for your body. Once, the first time you were drinking after starting new medication, and the second while working at a car accident. Both of these could have easily caused a spike in your heartbeat, which in turn would lower your blood pressure and cause fainting.”

“What are you going to do?” Isabel asked him. “My grandson won’t have to quit his job, will he?”

“No, not at all.” Dr. Thomas assured her quickly. “However, the presence of fainting with this condition does cause some worry for us, so we would like to deal with them as soon as possible.”

“Deal with them?” Eddie repeated.

“We believe that the best course of action will be surgery to remove the tumors from your adrenal glands.” Dr. Thomas told him. “And we would like to do it as soon as possible to avoid any more possible deterioration within your system. These tumors can occasionally cause issues in your circulatory systems and we want to avoid any of those.”

“When?” Eddie sighed.

“Sorry?” Dr. Thomas asked.

“When are we doing the surgery?” Eddie clarified. “You said soon, so when?”

“We would like to have it done tomorrow morning.” Dr. Martinson told him. “This allows us to have a little more time to stabilize your blood sugar levels and see if we can get your body in a slightly more stable place before the surgery takes place.”

“The surgery will be difficult.” Dr. Thomas added. “Due to the fact that surgical anesthesia can cause a spike in this tumors, we will have to take precautions and possibly use different forms of general anesthesia than we normally would to prevent the removal of the tumors from causing more tumors.”

Eddie took a deep breath, squeezing Isabel’s hand. “Abuela?”

“You know I will be here for you.” Isabel whispered to him.

“Okay.” Eddie nodded. “Let’s do it.”

“We’ll make the arrangements.” Dr. Martinson smiled.

The doctors all talked to him for a moment longer, telling him different things, but Eddie let it all just wash over him. Abuela was paying attention, she would tell him anything he needed to know. All Eddie could think about was the risks. There was always a risk involved when you went under general, but the fact that getting these tumors removed could cause more was not something Eddie enjoyed knowing.

And Christopher, god he was going to have to explain to his son that he wasn’t coming home yet. He was supposed to visit this afternoon with Carla, after he got out of school, and Eddie was going to have to explain this all to him. Chris was no stranger to surgeries, having had several himself, but he wasn’t used to Eddie being the one stuck in the bed. Would he still think his dad was invincible after seeing him stuck in a hospital bed? Would he still believe his dad could do anything?

“Edmundo, look at me.”

Eddie broke out of his thoughts, realizing all the doctors had left and Isabel was talking to him. “Abuela?”

“Mijo, you will be okay.” Isabel smiled. “You are a Diaz. We are stronger than this.”

“But Abuela-”

“No.” Isabel interrupted him. “No buts here Edmundo. You will make it through this. I know you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay more drama! Let me know what you think in the comments:)
> 
> The next chapter should be up on Friday night!


	31. Chapter 31

“Morning hot stuff.”

Eddie blinked open his eyes, looking over at the door, smiling at the sight of Carla in the doorway. “Morning.”

Carla walked over, taking a look at the machines attached to Eddie, checking out his vitals no doubt.

“Do I check out good today?” Eddie chuckled.

Carla laughed. “Your vitals look a lot stronger than they did yesterday, they’re taking good care of you.”

“The nurses have been very insistent about the diet the doctors decided I had to follow. I have to eat everything they bring me and nothing more.” Eddie assured her. “It’s after the surgery that they’re going to be forceful though.”

“You are supposed to be good after surgery like this.” Carla warned.

“I will.” Eddie promised. “I just- I’m worried. I don’t want this to get any worse.”

“You’re going to be fine.” Carla smiled. “You are far stronger than you seem to think you are. And you’re going to come out the other side perfectly fine, okay?”

“Well I know better than to disobey you.” Eddie laughed.

“Besides, you’re going to have a visitor when you wake up, so you better be waking up in a decent time, okay? None of this taking a nap after surgery.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “My son will understand if I want a nap after surgery.”

“I wasn’t taking about Christopher.” Carla told him.

Eddie looked at her, visibly confused. He didn’t know who else would be visiting him outside of Chris and the 118, and the team wouldn’t care if he took a bit to wake up. But before he could demand answers, the boy in question was pushing the door open.

“Dad!” Chris grinned.

“Hey buddy.” Eddie smiled, reaching an arm out to him as Chris approached. “How was your night?”

“Good.” Chris told him, letting his dad pull him in for a hug. “Abuela and I watched _Brave_!”

“That’s the one with Merida, right?” Eddie guessed. “And the bear?”

“Yes, it’s the one with the Mom turned into a bear.” Chris laughed, rolling his eyes a little. “You should remember it Dad.”

“I’m sorry buddy.” Eddie apologized with a dramatic sigh. “It’s just so hard being an adult I can’t handle the beauty of _Brave_.”

Christopher laughed again, as well as Carla and Abuela, who was just entering the room.

“I see he has already told you about our movie.” Abuela smiled.

“Dad asked about our night.” Chris told her with a laugh. “And then he couldn’t even remember what movie _Brave_ is!”

“That is quite a disappointment.” Abuela nodded with a fond laugh. “You’ll just have to make him watch it again after he gets home.”

Chris turned to Eddie, eyes wide. “Can we do that Dad? Watch movies when you get home?”

Eddie pulled his son in for another tight hug. “Of course mijo. We can do whatever you want when we get home.”

“What if I just want you home safe?” Chris whispered.

The tone of Christopher’s voice stopped Eddie in his tracks. This is what he was afraid of. His son was terrified of losing his dad. It hadn’t even been a year since Shannon came back into their lives, and left it just as quickly. Christopher didn’t need to lose another parent so soon, and this time he’s present for it, watching Eddie in the hospital, trying to live for his son.

“I’m going to be okay.” Eddie finally whispered back to his son. “I am not going anywhere other than home for a while. Once I’m better, I’ll be going back to work, but I will always be coming home to you. Okay?”

Chris nodded against Eddie’s shoulder, sniffling a little. He pulled away a bit, looking up at Eddie. “You promise you’re going to come home?”

“I promise.” Eddie nodded. “And as soon as you get out of school Carla will bring you right back here to see me, okay?”

“Okay.” Chris nodded back, turning to look at Carla. “Can we go home first though so I can get Dad the gift I made for him yesterday?”

“I think that sounds like a great idea.” Carla smiled. “But we should be heading to school soon, we wouldn’t want to be late. What’s your first class today?”

“Science!” Christopher told her with a grin. “We’re learning about the oceans now.”

“Well then we better not miss anything, that way you can teach your dad everything you learn when we come visit.”

“I would love to learn about the ocean.” Eddie agreed. “I’ll see you later, okay buddy.”

“Bye Dad.” Chris said, hugging Eddie one last time before he let Carla guide him from the room.

“That boy looks at you like you hung the moon.” Abuela smiled, seeing the love in Eddie’s face too.

Eddie sighed. “He’s terrified that I’m going to leave him like Shannon did.”

“You will not leave him though.” Abuela reminded him. “Not like she did.”

“She didn’t mean to die.” Eddie defended.

“I was not talking about when she died.” Abuela told him. “I was referring to when she decided that she needed a ‘break’ from her _family_ and left in the night, with her guilt and the ring your money bought her.”

“Abuela…” Eddie sighed.

“I know.” Abuela threw her hands up. “I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but she doesn’t make it easy, you know that.”

“Just don’t do it around Christopher.” Eddie requested.

“I would never.” Abuela assured him. “He loves his mother, as any son should.”

“You should tell Dad that.” Eddie muttered.

“I heard that.” Abuela scolded him. “And you know your father tries.”

“Yea, tries to take my son from me right after I get home for Afghanastan.” Eddie scoffed. “Really solid parenting examples there.”

“You know I would never have allowed it.”

“But he doesn’t think so.” Eddie sighed. “You know, they still call me and only ever ask about him. Never about me.”

Abuela sighed. “Your parents took a lot longer than they should have to develop their instincts. Now it is all focused on Christopher and out of place. But if they try to do anything, we will set them in their place. Now, enough of that, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” Eddie chuckled. “They already came in and approved me for surgery. They’ll come get me in an hour.”

“Good. Plenty of time to pray.”

Eddie rolled his eyes as Abuela got comfortable, bowing her head and pulling out her rosary, but he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t as devout as his Abuela wished he was, but he knew better than to interrupt her when she was speaking with the Lord. So Eddie did the only thing he could do, he reached out a hand to her, smiling when she took it, and closed his eyes and rested his head back against the pillow. He didn’t have the desire to pray, but the comfort Abuela gave him was more than enough to bask in.

***

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with? I can still get a ticket on this flight.”

Buck laughed, turning in the passenger’s seat to look at TK in the back. “I have already told you I am not letting my life’s drama affect your chances at being happy.”

“Carlos would understand if I asked to reschedule.”

“I know you’ve already made reservations.” Buck pointed out. “I know how excited you are about this, even if you are still nervous.”

“But-” TK tried to protest.

Buck cut him off. “Do you want me to tell Nana Sue that you don’t think she’s enough to support me on this trip?”

TK made a noise, close to a squawk, making Buck and Owen laugh in the front seats.

“I’m quite excited to get to officially meet her.” Owen told them. “You two make her sound pretty amazing.”

“She is.” Buck nodded, grinning. “And I swear she has to be psychic because she called me not five minutes after I got off the phone with James.”

“She knew you needed her.” TK laughed.

“She did.” Buck shrugged. “And as soon as she heard what had happened, she basically declared that she would be the one coming along.”

“And you think you’re going to be okay?” Owen asked. “I don’t just mean with her alongside you, I mean returning in general. Are you ready for this?”

Buck took a deep breath, letting it out fast and shrugging. “Honestly, I have no idea if I’m ready. James was worried about me, and I trust him, but I need to go back. It feels…I don’t know, right? It feels like I need to go back and get closure.”

“You know you’re going to have to face Bobby, right?” TK prodded him.

Buck nodded. “I know. But I think hearing it from me is the only way it’s ever going to sink in just how much he hurt me.”

“Still upset I don’t get to yell at him.” Owen muttered.

“We are well aware of what you’d like to say to him.” Buck laughed. “But don’t think Nana will let him off the hook if she runs into him. I’ll be okay there, and if I’m not, you guys are a call away.”

“If something happens during my date, you had still better call me.” TK warned him. “If I find out something went ary and you didn’t call me I’m going to set Buttercup loose in your room.”

“Oh, what a shame more dog hair.” Buck rolled his eyes. “But fine, I’ll call you if I think it’s necessary.”

“Your scale of what’s necessary is fucked though.” TK pointed out.

Buck groaned. “Fine. I’ll use James’s scale, okay?”

“That’s better.” TK nodded, looking smug.

Buck rolled his eyes again, before looking out the window. “Oh look who brought Nana in.”

As they pulled up, Nana Sue was already there, Carlos standing at her side with her bag leaning against his leg.

“Shut up.” TK muttered, blushing a little.

Owen and Buck laughed, getting out of the now parked car.

“Morning!” Buck called over to the Reyes pair.

“Good morning mijo.” Nana Sue smiled at him. “How was your night?”

“I spent most of it worrying.” Buck admitted, going over to hug her.

“Well you will have the whole flight to talk to me about it.” Nana smiled, patting Buck on the arm. “And this must be the illusive Captain Strand.”

“It’s good to finally meet you.” Owen smiled, stepping up to shake her hand.

Nana Sue took Owen’s hand, but then used her grip to pull him in for a strong hug. “Any family of these boys is family to me.”

Owen blushed, stuttering out a thank you.

“You get used to it.” TK laughed, patting his dad on the back before letting Nana Sue pull him in for a hug as well. “Good morning Nana.”

“You look better every time I see you.” Nana smiled.

TK blushed, and blushed more when Carlos stepped up, but happily let the cop pull him in for a hug as well.

“Morning Tiger.” Carlos whispered so none of the others can hear them.

“Hi.” TK sighed, relaxing into Carlos’s grip before pulling back with a smile.

“Thanks for going with Buck.” Owen said to Nana Sue. “It’s good to know he won’t be alone out there.”

“Pish posh.” Nana said, waving a hand. “It is hardly a hardship for me to take a vacation, see my family, and yell at the people who hurt one of my boys.”

“We talked about this.” Buck sighed.

“Yes, I know, only yelling if it is deserved.” Nana laughed. “But I am sure one of them will deserve it.”

Buck just sighed, knowing it was useless to argue.

“I mean I’d yell at them if I could.” TK shrugged. “And Cap already admitted he wanted to yell at Buck’s old captain.”

“Can we stop planning to yell at people?” Buck sighed. “Isn’t it time to go check in or something?”

“He’s right, boarding will start before long.” Carlos said, looking up at a nearby TV. “We wouldn’t want you to miss the plane.”

“And Maddie will be meeting you at the other end, right?” Owen checked.

Buck nodded. “She’ll take us to the hospital to see Eddie and give us any updates she has from the surgery.”

“We will be just fine.” Nana Sue declared with a smile. “Ready mijo?”

Buck smiled, offering Nana his arm. “Let’s go back to LA.”

***

“I can carry my own bag mijo.”

“I got it.” Buck grinned. “You were good enough to come here with me, even though I know you had things going on in Austin. The least I can do is carry your bag.”

Nana Sue sighed, knowing she wasn’t going to be able to argue with him. He had the same set in his jaw that her boys always did when they had made a decision they weren’t going back on.

Buck smiled, seeing her give up. “Come on, I want you to meet my sister.”

Buck and Nana Sue head out of LAX, bags in Buck’s hands, to the arrivals car loop, looking for Maddie.

“Buck!”

They both turned, seeing Maddie waving to them from beside the car.

“Maddie!” Buck grinned. He hurried over, dropping the bags to pull his sister in for a hug. “It’s good to see you.” He whispered, holding her tight.

“You too.” Maddie whispered back, squeezing her brother.

They pulled apart, and Maddie turned her smile on Nana Sue, who was standing there watching them fondly.

“You must be Nana Sue.” Maddie greeted.

“I am.” Nana smiled, holding her arms up for a hug. “Do I get a hug from my boy’s sister?”

Maddie laughed, happily hugging Nana. “It’s so good to finally meet you.”

“And you as well.” Nana told her. “Buck has told me a lot about you.”

“Only the good things I hope.” Maddie joked.

“You two better not gang up on me.” Buck in with a sigh.

The women laughed, turning to look at him.

“You ready to go to the hospital then?” Maddie offered to him. “The rest of the family is there waiting, but the team won’t be around as they’re on duty right now.”

“Thank God for small mercies.” Buck sighed. “Let’s go, before I change my mind and get back on that plane.”

“I don’t care what you think, you are not getting back on that plane until our flight in a couple days.” Nana Sue told him. “So go ahead and get our bags in the car and you can sit in the back so I can talk to your sister.”

Buck laughed, but did as he was told. They all got in the car, settling in happily. Nana Sue asked Maddie questions for a little while, leaving Buck to just look out the window at the city he used to call home. It felt surreal to be back. He left this city feeling like a broken, empty shell of a person. Everyone he had cared about had turned their backs on him, following the lead of others, all following the lead of Bobby, keeping him from doing the job he was born to do. When he left LA, he didn’t know if he’d ever even talk to any of them again. And now, here he is, coming back because Eddie’s lying in a hospital bed, having a semi-dangerous surgery, knowing that he was going to have to face the others eventually.

“Buck?” Maddie’s voice finally cut through his thoughts.

“Sorry did you need something?” Buck startled.

Maddie chuckled. “I guess that’s my answer.”

“Huh?”

“She asked you if you wanted an update about my nephew.” Nana Sue told him. “Carla sent a text.”

“Oh.” Buck bit his lip, thinking for a moment, and then he nodded. “Sure.”

Maddie handed her phone back to him, letting him read the message himself.

“ _Hey Maddie, tell Buck that we just got an update and Eddie is doing well. No complications. Chris is here with Abuela and me. He doesn’t know Buck is coming, but Abuela does. We’re in the fourth OR waiting room, we should be easy to find._ ”

“Gracias Dios.” Nana Sue whispered.

“I’m assuming Chris wasn’t told so he didn’t tell Eddie on accident.” Buck chuckled.

Maddie nodded. “Carla was concerned he’d let it slip and Eddie would go into surgery stressed, which would be extremely unproductive.”

“So, I get to surprise both Diaz boys today.” Buck smiled. “I’m okay with that.”

“Well get your surprise face on, we’re here.” Maddie laughed, pulling into a parking garage.

Buck smiled, a little nervous but ready to do what he came here to do. The three of them got out of the car, leaving Buck and Nana’s bags in the car until later, and headed into the hospital. Maddie, used to the workings of hospitals, led the way, checking them in and leading them to the waiting room Carla had told them to find.

When they got there, they saw the trio they were looking for, Abuela and Christopher facing away from the doorway and Carla facing them. Carla spotted them, smiling slyly but not giving them away.

Buck grinned, sneaking up behind them, Maddie and Nana Sue following him. He got up right behind Christopher, and then spoke up.

“Did somebody call Superman to get you here?”

Christopher whipped around, grinning at the sight before him. “Buck!”

Buck caught Christopher as the boy lunged at him, pulling him into a tight hug. “Hey there buddy.”

“You’re really here.” Chris whispered, his voice tight through obvious tears.

“I’m right here.” Buck nodded. “I’m here.”

“You’re here to help Dad, right?” Christopher asked, leaning away.

“I’m here to support him, just like you are.” Buck smiled.

“Then he’ll be okay.” Chris smiled, looking less worried than before.

“Oh, so we tell you he’ll be fine all day and you still ask to leave school early to come be here for him, but Buck just shows up and the world is better.” Carla laughed. “I see where we stand, right Isabel?”

Abuela laughed, getting to her feet to embrace her sister. “I think Christopher knows more than any of us ever could.”

“Ah a true Delgado.” Nana Sue grinned. “I did wonder when he visited.”

“Hi Nana Sue.” Christopher greeted, moving to hug her after Abuela stepped back. “You came to see Dad too?”

“I did.” Nana Sue told him, happily hugging him. “I figured Buck could use some company on the flight, and you and your dad are family, so I came to visit.”

“Then Dad’s definitely going to be okay.” Christopher declared.

“What makes you say that?” Maddie asked, curious.

Chris looked at her, smiling. “Because there’s nothing in the world like love. And when you have people around who love you, they make you stronger. So Daddy’s going to be okay. Because we all love him. And that’s going to make him strong enough to face anything.”

The adults all looked at each other, smiling fondly. Buck’s heart raced a little, thinking of how true the first half Christopher’s words were. But they would just have to wait and see if the second part was just as right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready to see how this goes?!


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready?

Eddie blinked his eyes open, taking a moment for them to focus, before he looked around the room he found himself in. And then he had to blink them again, and again, because he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Sitting next to his bed, head propped up on his hand while he played on his phone, was Buck. Buck was here, in LA, in Eddie’s hospital room. He looked exhausted, like he hadn’t really slept in a couple days, but he was there. Eddie couldn’t believe it, feeling warmth bloom in his chest at the sight of Buck’s face.

Eddie must have made a sound, because Buck looked up, startled by something. When he saw Eddie was awake, a huge grin split his face that made Eddie warm down to the tips of his toes.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty.”

Eddie groaned a little, trying to sit up, but Buck reached out a hand, pressing lightly on his shoulder.

“Don’t try to get up yet.” Buck told him, running his hand down Eddie’s arm and back off the bed. It left a streak of warmth in its wake. “The doctors haven’t given you a lot of pain medication yet. They wanted to wait until you were awake to start with them, so they didn’t overwhelm your system yet.”

Eddie sighed, but nodded and relaxed back into the bed. “How are you here?”

“Well, I took a plane to LA.” Buck smirked. “And then drove here.”

“Buck…” Eddie groaned.

Buck laughed. “Eddie, what are you actually trying to ask me?”

Eddie thought for a moment, staring at Buck’s face, open and beautiful in front of him. “Why are you here?”

“Because I care.” Buck shrugged. “Abuela called to give me an update on what was happening with you, and I didn’t want to be in Austin. I wanted to be here, sitting at your bedside, and supporting you.” He reached his hand out again, this time brushing his fingers across Eddie’s temple and down to cup his cheek. “I wanted to be with you.”

Eddie stared, seeing the open love in Buck’s eyes. Buck’s hand on his face was warm, spreading the warmth from his cheek, across his face. Actually, he might have been blushing, but he didn’t really want to admit to that. Seeing Buck felt like a dream. He slowly moved his hand, the sedative still in his system, to wrap his fingers around Buck’s wrist. Buck let him pull his hand away, twisting around to intertwine their fingers. They sat there, staring at each other, trying to think of all the things they could say now.

“Do you mean that?” Eddie whispered. “Do you-”

“Yes.” Buck said, holding eye contact with Eddie. There was no uncertainty in his voice, and that confidence made Eddie’s heart skip a beat. “Talking with you for the last month, remembering why we were such good friends the first time around, it’s reminded me of why I cared about you too. I didn’t really realize it until I got the call from the hospital that you were here, I couldn’t breathe when I heard.” Buck stopped, blinking a couple tears out of his eyes. “I didn’t even know I was still your emergency contact.”

Eddie shrugged, definitely blushing a little now. “I- Well honestly I never even thought about it after everything that happened. I’m glad it’s you though.”

Buck smiled. “Well, it was quite the shock for me, but I can’t say I’m unhappy about it.”

“But you didn’t come right away, did you?”

Buck shook his head. “Abuela called me yesterday morning to give me an update and told me about your test results being inconclusive, that they were doing more tests and sending them to a specialist, and all I could think about was being here, with you. I was so worried that something was going to happen and I was going to be all the way down there. Owen saw that, when I got that call, and told me that because I wouldn’t be all there if I stayed, I should just get on a plane and be here. So I did.”

“You just got on a plane for me?” Eddie asked in awe.

Buck laughed. “Well yea. You and Abuela and Christopher. My family.”

“Familia. I like the sound of that.” Eddie smiled.

“We still have things we need to figure out, and we definitely have things to talk about.” Buck pointed out. “But I think for now, you need some pain meds and your family should be back soon.”

“Where’d they go?” Eddie questioned, finally noticing that Buck was alone.

“Abuela took Chris to go get some dinner from that Thai place we both like.” Buck chuckled. “They figured you’d be hungry when you woke up, but we’ll have to get you checked by the doctors first.”

Eddie groaned, but nodded and grabbed the remote. He pressed the button, getting a quick response.

 _“Hello how may I help you?”_ A nurse’s voice echoed through the tiny speaker.

“I’m awake.” Eddie spoke as loud as he could, trying to be heard.

 _“Good to hear from you Mr. Diaz.”_ The nurse replied. _“A nurse will be right in to check on you and I’ll notify the doctor that you’re awake and ready for medication.”_

“Thank you.” Eddie sighed, looking back at Buck. The other man was staring at him, a soft smile on his face, and open happiness shining in his eyes. It was a good look on Buck. “What?”

Buck smiled, not bothering to stop staring at Eddie. “It’s just good to see you.”

Eddie blushed a little, ducking his head. He wasn’t used to being the shy one in the relationship, but apparently the confidence Buck had in his life now brought that new side out of Eddie. He didn’t know how the future was going to pan out, but Buck seemed to have confidence in their possibilities.

“Thanks for coming.” Eddie told him, reaching his hand out again, silently asking for Buck’s hand back.

Buck smirked, obviously catching what Eddie wanted, as he took Eddie’s hand again. “Of course. Although I don’t think Owen would have let me stay after I admitted half my mind was already here.”

Eddie chuckled, wincing a little as it hurt his surgery site, but smiled at Buck. “You were actually worried.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Keep asking and I’ll start thinking you just want the ego boost of hearing I care about your dumb self.”

“Hey who are you calling dumb?”

“That would be you.” Buck informed him. “Seeing as you didn’t listen to your body telling you these symptoms until you started passing out from them.”

“Oh look at the pot teasing the kettle.”

Buck laughed. “Hey I’ve gotten a lot better since the embolism. The 126 doesn’t let me tell them I’m okay when I’m not.”

Eddie’s face fell, looking sad again. “Do you blame us?”

“What?” Buck asked, looking confused.

“We never took you seriously.” Eddie pointed out. “Even I saw it when I first started. You were treated like the muscle, and none of us ever listened when you spoke. Everyone always teased you about your mistakes, about your ‘Buck 1.0’ phase, and everything else and I never thought about until you were gone. Until we all let it go too far. We never gave you credit for how smart you actually are. And I’m going to regret that for the rest of my life.”

Buck smiled fondly, reaching his second hand up to brush his fingers along Eddie’s face again. “You just followed what was the norm when you arrived. I should have said something a long time ago, but I didn’t. It’s been forgiven. Stop beating yourself up about it.”

“You really mean that?”

Buck nodded. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

Eddie smiled, the grin splitting his face as happiness coursed through him. He had the person he loved in front of him, smiling and supporting and loving him back. This was all he’d ever wanted in the world. The man he loved returned his feelings, Eddie had no doubt about that even if he hadn’t said the actual words yet. They were going to be okay, he had a good feeling about this.

***

TK sighed, sitting down at the counter in the kitchen. He propped his head up on his hand, sighing again.

Owen turned around, leaning against the counter with his fresh espresso, looking at his son. “Alright, I’ll bite. What’s up?”

“Aren’t you worried about Buck?” TK asked, slapping his hand down on the counter.

“Why would I be worried?”

“Because he’s in LA, with the people who fucking destroyed him?” TK suggested. “And none of us are there for him?”

“Nana Sue is there.” Owen reminded him. “And I know I haven’t talked to her much, but she seems plenty capable of giving him any love and support he needs while he’s there.”

“But-”

“And of course then there’s the people in LA already.” Owen continued, ignoring TK’s interruption. “You know, his sister Maddie, his former teammate Hen, Athena, Carla, and then I think we can both agree that Eddie isn’t going to be doing any fighting with him. That man would rather never see Buck again than hurt him.”

“I mean I guess.” TK sighed.

“But that doesn’t make you feel any better, does it?” Owen smirked.

TK shrugged. “I guess I just wish he would have let me go with him.”

“He didn’t want this all to interfere with your chances of happiness with Carlos.” Owen reminded him.

“I’d give up all my happiness for him.” TK sighed.

Owen crossed the kitchen, reaching out a hand to cover TK’s hand. “TK, I have no doubt that you would do anything for him, he’s your brother. But this is unusual for you, so what are you actually worried about right now? Is it just Buck? Or is there something more?”

TK looked down at his dad’s hand over his, seeing the similarities in the scars and scrapes that come with their job. “I think I’m just scared about everything.” He admitted quietly. “There’s so much right now, and I’m so scared that somethings going to go wrong. Either something’s going to happen to Buck in LA, back where I can’t do anything for him but be a voice on a phone, or something’s going to happen tomorrow with Carlos and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

Owen took a deep breath, setting down his coffee and folding his hands together. “Okay. Unpack that. Start at the beginning.”

TK took a deep breath, trying to center himself. The whole team had started using James’s methods after Judd, TK, and Buck all started seeing him regularly. Everyone else saw him occasionally after bad calls, and unpacking their baggage was his favorite way to deal with overwhelming emotions.

“The last few months have been amazing.” TK whispered. “Even considering your tumor and me getting shot, both of us are happier here than we were in New York, and I don’t think either of us can deny that.”

“No, I don’t think we can.” Owen nodded. “New York was stressful for both of us, even if we didn’t want to admit it.”

“It was the best thing in the world for us to move here.” TK agreed. “Even if I didn’t think so at the time.”

Owen chuckled. “Yea. But we found something better than we could have imagined, didn’t we?”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” TK sighed. “Ever since we got here, things have been great. We’ve had rough moments, of course we have, but overall…things are _great_.”

“And you’re waiting for the other shoe to fall.” Owen guessed.

“Yea.” TK nodded. “And I don’t know if it’s going to hit me or Buck or someone else on the team but…I’m scared.”

Owen moved around the island, pulling his son in for a tight hug. TK reached up, clinging to the solid form of his father. The two of them sat there for a long moment, taking strength for the other’s presence.

When TK finally pulled back to look at his dad, he could see tears in his dad’s eyes.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry too.” TK tried to joke, but it fell a little flat.

“Tyler, I will never not want to hear what’s going on in your mind.” Owen said, holding eye contact with his son. “You are my son, and I will always be here for you.”

TK smiled. “Thanks Dad.”

“Anytime.” Owen smiled back, reaching across the island to grab his coffee before sitting down near his son. “Now, is there anything else you need to unpack?”

TK shrugged. “I mean I’m nervous about tomorrow, but I don’t know if there’s anything you can do about that. I just have to hope that I don’t freak out on him again.”

“Carlos knows what happened, right?”

“Yea.” TK assured his dad. “We talked a lot about our pasts the last two months, he knows what Alex was like, and how fucked up I am now.”

“Hey.” Owen protested, putting a hand on TK’s shoulder. “That’s my son you’re talking about and I’d thank you not to insult him.”

That got a laugh out of TK, making him less tense than when he first walked into the kitchen. “I’ll try to be nicer to him.”

“Well that’s a good start.” Owen smiled. “But don’t expect me to accept that forever.”

TK rolled his eyes. “Don’t you have something to worry about beyond my lack of self-worth.”

Owen shrugged. “Just the paperwork for Jones, and I don’t have to have that done till tomorrow.”

“So, he finally made his decision?”

Owen nodded, sighing sadly. “The Dallas FD are willing to cover all the moving expenses for him and his family and have promised to assign him to one of the best school districts so his kids are getting a great education out of it.”

“I can’t blame him for wanting the best for his kids.” TK shrugged.

“Yea, I know that feeling for sure.” Owen smiled. “And I did more than just a change of city.”

TK chuckled. “You knew what you were doing, even if we were both scared.”

“You were worth it.” Owen said, patting his son’s shoulder.

TK smiled, leaning in to hug his dad quick. “Love you dad.”

“Love you too.”

***

“Knock knock.” A voice came from the door.

Eddie and Buck sprang to attention, Eddie’s hand falling from Buck’s head as he lifted it from Eddie’s chest.

“Hey there.” Eddie smiled, seeing Abuela at the door.

“Edmundo!” She exclaimed. “It’s good to see you awake.”

“Dad!” Christopher’s voice came from the hall.

The door pushed open completely, Christopher hurrying inside.

“Hey there buddy.” Eddie sighed.

Buck moved back, effortlessly picking Chris up to sit on his lap, reaching out to pull his dad into a hug.

“You’re awake.” Chris sighed into his dad’s shoulder.

“I’m right here.” Eddie whispered back, wrapping his arms tightly around Christopher. “I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“You were supposed to wake up hours ago.” Chris reminded him.

“Well we all know your dad likes to sleep in when he gets the chance.” Buck joked.

Chris laughed, pulling back into Buck’s lap. “At least he’s always up in time for dinner.”

“You say you brought me dinner, but I don’t see anything in your hands.” Eddie teased.

“Ah good, a healthy appetite is a good sign.”

Eddie finally looked up, hearing a third new voice. “Nana Sue?”

She smiled at him from the door, a bag of takeout in each hand. “Hello there mijo.”

“I told you I didn’t come alone.” Buck smirked, seeing the slight fear in Eddie’s eyes. “You were the one who didn’t ask _who_ came with.”

“I wasn’t about to miss a chance to see my sister again.” Nana smiled, walking over. Standing next to Isabel, it was clear that they were sisters, the same small, knowing smile across both their faces. “And I was with Buck when he left this place, it seemed only right for me to be the one to bring him back.”

“She’s going to be staying with me while Buck stays with you two.” Isabel assured her grandson, seeing his minor panic. “If that’s okay with you of course.”

“Uh, yea, of course.” Eddie managed to say.

“Can we eat now?” Chris asked, ignoring whatever weird thing was going on with the adults. “I haven’t had anything since lunch and I’m hungry.”

The adults laughed, loving Christopher’s earnest.

“Well maybe if you’d let Carla pick you up after school you could have gotten a snack before you came here instead of getting here right after lunch.” Abuela reminded him.

“Did you make Carla pick you up from school early?” Eddie asked, looking at Chris in shock.

“I had science first and then I was worried about you.” Christopher whispered, pouting a little.

Eddie chuckled, reaching out to ruffle Christopher’s hair. “You knew I wasn’t going to be awake until after school regardless of things.”

Chris shrugged, ducking his head a little. “I was worried.”

“I’m okay.” Eddie reminded him. “You can see that.”

“Yea that’s why we left Buck behind.” Christopher smiled. “You’re always okay when he’s here.”

Eddie and Buck both blushed, while the two sisters watching laughed at them. Christopher was always observant, but emotions were still a mystery to him.

“Did the doctors come to check on you then?” Isabel asked, starting to unpack the takeout. “I know they needed to approve you before you could eat.”

“Yea they came in to see me.” Eddie nodded. “They gave me some pain medication and told me that I’m okay to eat, but start small so I don’t freak my system out. And they told me that they’ll be able to release me tomorrow morning if I’m good overnight.” Eddie said the last bit to Christopher, a smile on his face.

“You better behave then.” Chris told him. “I want you to be home.”

“I want to be home too.” Eddie sighed.

“Can I skip school tomorrow to be with you?” Christopher asked, looking hopeful. “I don’t have science tomorrow.”

Eddie chuckled, knowing that was the only class that would have made Chris consider going in. “I suppose that will be fine. But you’ll have to behave at home, I won’t be up for a lot of playing.”

“That’s okay.” Christopher smiled. “Buck will be there to help me with things.”

“Oh I will be?” Buck asked.

Chris nodded. “And Abuela and Nana could come over for lunch?”

“Well I think tomorrow’s been decided for us then.” Nana Sue laughed, looking at her sister.

“I suppose so.” Isabel chuckled fondly.

“I’ll bring him in with me to pick you up in the morning if he’s not going to school.” Buck offered.

Eddie smiled. “Okay, but just so you know, the 118 might be coming by when they get off shift.”

Buck stiffened a little, knowing what Eddie was warning him of. This was his chance to avoid the 118, not confront them, not have to face Bobby. But Buck didn’t know if that’s what he wanted. He was back in LA, maybe for one of the last times. This may be his only opportunity to talk to Bobby face to face, and explain why he’s still so upset about what he did.

“It’ll be good to see them.” Buck forced a smile.

“Well I think we’ll just have to come and make it a party then.” Nana Sue announced, looking at Isabel. She had a smile on her face, but Buck could hear the steel in her voice. “I’d love to meet this team of yours.”

Eddie laughed, knowing what Nana meant by ‘meet’ them. “That sounds like a great idea.”

Buck rolled his eyes, laughing into Christopher’s hair.

“What’s so funny about a party?” Chris asked.

“Nana Sue’s just been talking about meeting them for a while.” Buck explained quickly. “And now she’ll finally get the chance.”

“Well that’s good.” Chris smiled. “The whole family should meet each other.”

“Exactly mijo.” Nana Sue agreed with him. “I think it will be an excellent way to start the day.”

“And then you’ll come home for lunch with us?” Christopher asked, wanting to make sure.

“Absolutely.” Abuela nodded. “We’ll start the empanadas tonight and bring them along.”

“She knows the way to my heart.” Buck faked a swoon.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be in shape by the time I’m cleared.” Eddie joked.

“I make no promises.” Abuela shrugged.

The room laughed.

“Can we eat now then?” Chris asked, staring at the food laid out on Eddie’s table. The adults could all hear his stomach rumble.

“I suppose it’s time.” Abuela chuckled. “What would you like mijo?”

Between Abuela and Nana Sue, they had meals dished out to everyone quickly. Christopher was moved to the bed, sitting by his dad’s knees so Buck could hold his plate. As Abuela walked over to hand Buck his plate, she leaned in to whisper to him.

“Don’t think I didn’t see that when I walked in.” She whispered. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Susannah until we leave, so you’ll have until you get home before she’ll be expecting a call.”

Buck blushed, but nodded, taking his plate. Eddie gave him a curious look, noticing the interaction but unable to hear what Abuela had said. Buck just shook his head, mouthing that he’d tell Eddie later. Neither of them had felt uncomfortable for Abuela had walked in, but he didn’t think either of them was ready to talk about it with anyone else until they had talked about it first. In this moment, with their family, they were both happy, and that’s what mattered.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be up on Wednesday but Bobby Nash and I had quite the Struggle with his character moment for this chapter. And I felt angsty, which wasn't what this fic needed, so I wrote an angsty COVID fic to get past that. But now, here we are, on the road forward once again!

The next morning, Buck did as he promised, bringing Christopher back to the hospital to see the 118 and pick Eddie up after he was finally discharged. He’d already had one panicked call with TK before Christopher was up, and he knew Nana Sue would be there, ready to defend him if something happened, but Buck was still nervous. He knew how everyone would feel about seeing him except for one. Bobby. He had no idea how his former captain was going to respond to seeing Buck again, especially seeing as Buck never responded to his letter like he did the others. Hen and he texted often still, Chimney got regular updates through Maddie, and Eddie, well Eddie was Eddie. But Bobby didn’t know anything that Athena didn’t tell him, and Buck knew she hadn’t told him much. But he was going to do this, because he knew he needed to for his own sake, and then he was going to take Eddie home again.

He was a fair bit stressed, but forced himself to stay relaxed so Christopher wouldn’t notice. Chris was always really observant, more than sometimes Buck would like, but he didn’t want Chris thinking his worry was about Eddie and getting scared. It was just Buck worried about facing Bobby, Eddie was going to be fine.

“Good morning mijos.” Nana Sue greeted them in the waiting room. Each of them got a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug.

“How’s dad?” Christopher asked.

“Your papa is doing just fine.” Nana assured him. “Your Abuela is in with him if you want to go in and see him.”

“Okay!” Chris grinned. He looked up at Buck. “Are you coming with Buck?”

“I’m going to wait for the team to get here.” Buck told him. “That way we can update them and then we’ll come see your dad together, okay?”

Chris nodded in acceptance. “Okay. See you soon.”

With that, Chris headed off, finding his way easily down the short hall to Eddie’s room. Nana and Buck both watched as the door opened, Isabel stuck her head out, smiled at Chris and then down at them, and they vanished back inside.

“Now I’m sure you know this but just in case you need to hear it, I will yell at this captain of yours if he gets upset.” Nana Sue warned, turning right to Buck. “I will not allow him to put anything that happened on you.”

Buck chuckled, blushing a little. “I know, I don’t think he will though.”

“I’m still going to sit out here with you.” Nana told him. “Those others can go in and see our boy, but you two are going to have this conversation. And he doesn’t know who I am, so I’ll be right here for you.”

Buck knew there wasn’t any point in arguing, so he just nodded. “Promise to let me do it though?”

Nana Sue nodded. “I won’t intervene unless I have to.”

“Thank you.” Buck breathed out, relaxing a little.

“Are you sure you are ready for this?” Nana asked, looking Buck over. “If you aren’t you can leave and not have to face him.”

“I need to do this.” Buck nodded. “I need to have this closure so I can move forward with Eddie. It’s the last piece of the past I have to face.”

Nana Sue pulled Buck in for a hug. “Everything is going to be alright.”

“I know.” Buck smiled. “I’ve got all of you at my back.”

Nana Sue smiled, stepping back. “Now I’m going to sit down before they get here and our cover is blown.” With a wink, getting a laugh out of Buck, she headed for a nearby chair.

As she turned away, Buck’s phone buzzed.

_From: Hen_

_We’re here._

“Right on time Nana.” Buck chuckled, waving his phone at her.

She smirked, saying nothing as she got herself settled. Buck stood anxiously, rocking on his feet and playing with his phone in his hands as he waited for the team to arrive. It didn’t take long before he could hear the heavy uniform boots coming. He took a deep breathe, steadying himself, as the door to the wards opened.

“There you are.” Hen was the first through the door, crossing the room to pull Buck in for a tight hug. “Missed you Buckaroo.”

“Missed you too Hen.” Buck sighed into Hen’s shoulder, squeezing her tightly.

“He been moved?” She asked, pulling away.

Buck shook his head. “Still where I said he was.”

“Great.” Hen grinned. “Chim? You coming?”

Chimney nodded, stepping forward with a matching grin on his face. He was carrying a massive teddy bear that he shifted to one hip to pull Buck in for a quick one-armed hug. “Think Eddie’ll hate it?”

Buck smiled, nodding. “Probably. But Chris will love it.”

Chimney grinned, obviously pleased by his guess being correct. “See you in there then.”

The two paramedics left, walking down the hall, leaving the third and final member of their arrival party standing there, staring at Buck.

“Hey Buck.” Bobby whispered, staring at his former employee. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been a lot happier in Austin.” Buck told him, not beating around the bush with it. “The team there is amazing and I feel like I’m doing what I was meant to do.”

“You got my letter?” Bobby asked, moving forward.

“I did.” Buck affirmed. “I read it with my therapist that my Captain hooked me up with.” Buck knew it was a low blow, but he felt a small amount of joy at the wince Bobby gave at hearing someone else be called Buck’s Captain.

“You never responded.”

“I didn’t know how to talk to you.” Buck told him. “"A lot happened here, and I was not in a good place when I got on that plane away from here. I’ve worked hard with my therapist and my team in Austin to get to where I am now.”

“Do you blame me?” Bobby asked bluntly, looking scared of the answer.

“For some of it.” Buck answered, just as blunt and straight forward. “You never treated me with as much respect as other members of the team, and when I made a mistake you always gave me the worst punishment you could. Even before the explosion, you treated me like a kid. And afterwards…after the explosion the first time I went on a call was my first shift in Austin. I worked myself to the bone trying to get back to doing what I loved, and you were the one keeping it from me. Not the doctors. Not the Chief. It was _you_.”

Bobby bowed his head, hearing all the hurt in Buck’s voice. “I know. I apologized.”

“You apologized for making decisions for me, but you also made excuses for it.” Buck told him. “You told me how you saw me as a son, that you couldn’t stand to see me hurt and that’s why you were so overprotective.”

“It was.” Bobby agreed. “I know I told you when you started that we weren’t a family, but you had to know that I changed after that. I already lost one son to something I could have prevented, I didn’t want to lose you too.”

“Yea, but that’s what I have an issue with.” Buck informed him. “See, my captain at the 126 is the father of my best friend, who is on the same crew as me. They work together every day, and Cap _always_ trusts TK to go into a call, make the right choice, and come back out again. Even with mistakes, Cap has never kept TK back from a call without talking to him about it. IT would never even occur to him.”

“I know I should have talked to you.” Bobby sighed. “I know that. I know it was wrong to make the decision without telling you about my concerns first. I let my emotions get the best of me, and I will regret it forever.”

“You aren’t making any sense Bobby.”

Bobby made a noise of confusion, obviously a little ruffled at how calm Buck still was.

“You keep saying that you thought of me like a son, but you treated me like trash.” Buck pointed out. “After that lawsuit, a decision I admit I regret making without thinking it through more, you never treated me like a member of the team. I spent my hours cleaning up messes that normally the entire team would help with, but you had me do it all because I was nothing to the team but a janitor.”

“I know and it was wrong of me.” Bobby cut in. “And I should have stopped the team from making it worse than it was.”

“They were just following your lead.” Buck sighed, trying to get Bobby to see that he was at the core of what Buck was struggling with. “From the beginning, you treated me like a kid. And after the explosion, and the embolism, and the lawsuit, every thing I did was a mistake to you. The day that kid blew up that truck was the worst day of my life. I lost _everything_ under that truck. I lost my confidence, my job, my family, and almost lost my leg. My _life_.” Buck’s voice broke, tears appearing in his eyes now. “But when you talked in that letter about that day, you just talked about how _you_ felt, seeing me there. What am I supposed to think about that? That my entire life fell apart in one fell swoop and you just let me fall, too focused on yourself to help me.”

Bobby stood there, looking shell shocked. He didn’t realize how much pain Buck was actually holding on to until that moment. “I-I-”

Buck sighed loudly, wiping a hand down his face. “I don’t want to hurt you Bobby, I don’t. But I need you to understand that it’s going to take more than just a few words for me to forgive years of this treatment. To you I was always just the kid, the brawny but never the brains, the one who couldn’t be trusted to give an opinion on a tough call. When Eddie came in, you trusted him immediately, even on the fire science stuff that was supposed to be my specialty. How am I supposed to take that?”

Bobby bit his lip, not knowing what to say. “I understand.”

Buck nodded, breathing deeply. “I’m here because I needed to be with Eddie and Christopher, not because I wanted to fight with you.”

“I was surprised to hear you were talking to him again.” Bobby whispered. “And that you let him visit with Christopher.”

“Eddie and I had a much different relationship than you and I did.” Buck reminded him. “Don’t equate that with what’s here. Eddie and I both made a lot of mistakes, and we’re both working through them together.”

“But you think you can trust him now after the things I know he said?” Bobby questioned.

“Don’t you dare badmouth Edmundo.”

Bobby started, taking notice of the elderly woman nearby for the first time. “What? Who are you?”

“This is-” Buck tried to speak, but was cut off.

“I am more than capable of introducing myself, I’m Nana Sue.” She said, coming up beside Buck and hooking her arm through his. “Isabel is my sister, and Buck here is my adopted grandson now. I met him crying on a plane as he left behind his entire life to move to Austin.”

“Nana-” Buck tried to cut in.

“No, I have something I need to say.” Nana Sue told him. She stared Bobby down, ensuring he knew she meant business. “The only reason I will not be screaming at you today is because I know Buck here wouldn’t like it. But if you say one more thing about Edmundo, or start trying to tell either of my boys that they were at fault for things _you_ caused, I will run you out of this hospital. And I’m an old woman, they’d let me.”

Buck sighed, knowing that she was absolutely right.

“Look, I don’t want any trouble.” Buck cut back in, trying to mend this before it went any further.

“I’m sorry.” Bobby managed to get out through his surprise and shock. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Yes, you did.” Nana Sue corrected him. “However, I will let it go this once because I know he would want me to. Don’t forget that no one is blameless here, but the others have accepted their part.”

Bobby nodded, looking vaguely uncomfortable still but Buck could see the regret forming in his eyes. He knew the conversation was as far as it needed to go. Buck had gotten to say what he needed to say, and Nana Sue got to be the protective grandmother she loved to be.

“Look, I’m working through my side of things, but I think you might want to look into having somebody to talk to as well.” Buck suggested. “I’m leaving tomorrow again, once I know Eddie is home safe and healing. I don’t know if I’ll come back again, but I don’t want to force Eddie between the two of us. Or Christopher. So let’s just be nice and we’ll see what happens in the future?”

“Yea.” Bobby nodded. “Yea that sounds like a good plan. I-I got a therapist with the department too, working through my past and everything. I’ll have to tell him what you said.”

“Well then if that’s settled, I’d like to go in and see Eddie and meet the rest of your team.” Nana Sue announced. “Let’s go Buck.”

Buck smiled, letting Nana Sue tug him away. He knew Bobby would need a moment to finish processing everything that just happened. So instead he led Nana Sue back into Eddie’s room, smiling at the happiness and joy that the room was filled with.

“Ah there’s the mysterious Nana Sue!” Hen exclaimed, seeing who was on Buck’s arm. “I heard you’ve been keeping an eye on our boy in Austin?”

“As much as I can.” Nana smiled. “And my other boys keep an eye on him at work.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “More like I keep an eye on them seeing as TK is the one that got shot and all.”

“I suppose that is true.” Nana nodded with a laugh.

“Come sit by me Buck.” Chris demanded from the side of Eddie’s bed. “Uncle Chimney was about to tell us about the calls they had last night.”

“Well I do love a good story time with my favorite boy.” Buck grinned. He walked over, picking Christopher up from his chair and sitting down with the boy in his lap. “Do tell Chim.”

With the entire room’s focus on Chimney, who lived to be in the spotlight, nobody was paying attention to the people at the bed. So, Buck slid his hand behind Christopher, finding Eddie’s hand where it stuck out from the side of the bed, interlocking their fingers once again.

Eddie squeezed Buck’s fingers, obviously asking if everything was okay, and Buck squeezed back, trying to let him know that it was. There was still a lot left to deal with, but things were going to be okay.

***

TK stood anxiously outside the restaurant he and Carlos had decided on, playing with the the fabric of his shirt between his fingers. He wasn’t nervous about Carlos not showing up, the cop had been quite clear that he was excited about this date. He’d been texting TK all day about it, and the last message that he was on his way was fifteen minutes ago so he should be here any minute. But TK was nervous about his side of it. He didn’t want to mess this up again. He didn’t want to be the reason this didn’t work out.

“Hey there Tiger.”

TK swung around, startled by Carlos’s voice from behind him. “Carlos!” He shouted, gasping. “Why do you always do that?”

Carlos laughed, reaching out to pull TK against him in a tight, warm hug. “Because you always make the best face.”

TK blushed, burying his face in Carlos’s shoulder. “You’re horrible.”

“Yea but you like me.” Carlos grinned, stepping back.

TK only blushed more, ducking his head.

“Let’s go inside.” Carlos offered. “This place is supposed to have some of the best food in the city.”

“Sounds good.” TK agreed. He took the hand Carlos offered him, heading inside together.

The two of them checked in with the hostess, being seated a moment later at a table for two along the back of the restaurant, looking out the window across the city.

“I hope this is a good place.” Carlos told him, picking up his menu to start looking. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you or anything.”

“This place is perfect.” TK assured him.

“Good.” Carlos smiled, relaxing a bit.

The two of them settled into their usual routine, talking about their days. TK still wasn’t back at work, so most of his stories were things his dad told him about calls, while Carlos filled in his side of their calls. They chatted as they decided what they wanted, a waitress came and got their orders, and then all they could do was look at each other.

With Carlos’s eyes on him, TK could feel his nerves rising again. Without calls to talk about, they always inevitably started talking about themselves, their emotions, and how they were feeling. And TK was feeling nervous. The last time he sat across from someone he cared about, he ended up pouring out his heart and then having it shattered. He trusted Carlos, he truly did, but he couldn’t stop that voice in the back of his head. The voice that was telling him that he didn’t deserve this. That he didn’t deserve to be happy.

“Alright Tiger, what’s up with you?” Carlos asked plainly, seeing turmoil in TK’s face.

“What?” TK startled.

Carlos didn’t answer, just raised an eyebrow pointedly.

TK sighed. “I hate how observant your family is.”

Carlos chuckled. “Nana raised us well. So what’s going on in that mind of yours?”

TK bit his lip, trying to decide how honest to be, but he finally settled on just saying the truth. “I keep thinking that I’m going to fuck this up.”

“You’re not going to fuck this up.” Carlos responded, a fond smile on his face. “I already know your past, what more could you do to scare me off?”

“Make you realize that I’m not worth you.” TK answered plainly.

“Not worth me?” Carlos repeated. “Why in the world would you be not worth me?”

“Because I’m a broken, depressed addict that will be in recovery for the rest of my life and you’re a badass cop who saves people’s lives every day, even when you aren’t on duty.”

“Do you actually see yourself like that?” Carlos asked, looking surprised.

TK stared at him. “It’s what I am. You can’t tell me any of that is a lie.”

“Your past isn’t all that you are.” Carlos told him. “You may be those things, but that’s not who you are. You’re an amazing firefighter, a great brother, and a wonderful friend. You risk your life just as much as I do, if not more so.”

“I don’t-”

“TK, you’re forgetting that I’ve watched you run into a burning bus, without any gear on, and risk your own health days after getting _shot_ to save a woman’s life.” Carlos cut him off. “You were a hero that day, not just a former addict.”

TK ducked his head, unable to take the amount of openness in Carlos’s face. “But I couldn’t save her.”

“You kept her alive and fighting until your team could arrive with the equipment to get her out. Needing help isn’t a weakness, TK. We work in a business of teamwork, that doesn’t make you less than any of us.”

“But I almost failed her.” TK whispered.

“And I have failed dozens of people.” Carlos said, straightforward. “I have made mistakes on calls, not noticed something that could have led me to realizing someone needed my help. Everyone has moments they live to regret, that’s part of the job we chose to do. But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be happy. That we don’t deserve to find a future in each other.”

“But what happens when I mess up again? I thought I was doing better in New York and all it took was one thing and it all came crashing down around me.”

“I’m not going to leave you if you have a relapse if that’s what you’re worried about.” Carlos told him. “You aren’t going to push me away. We’ve talked about this. I’m in this for the long haul, and if you are too, then we’ll be able to get through anything life throws at us.”

TK stared at him, seeing the open love in Carlos eyes, and part of anxiety just melted away. Hearing the certainty in his voice, the pure trust in the two of them, it brought a small amount of peace to TK’s mind. The anxiety was still there, it would never go away, but if Carlos was going to keep being like this, he might one day be able to control it.

“You still with me Tiger?” Carlos asked after a moment, waiting for TK to respond.

TK nodded slowly. “I’m here.”

Carlos smiled fondly. “You don’t have to always remember how amazing you are. I’ll always be here to remind you of it.”

“Thank you.” TK whispered.

“You don’t have to thank me for being a decent boyfriend.” Carlos informed him. “I consider it quite an honor actually.”

“Boyfriend?” TK repeated.

“Well, I mean we are on a date after talking for weeks about our feelings and emotions.” Carlos pointed out. Now it was Carlos’s turn to look a little nervous, unsure if they were actually to the point of using labels to define what they had between them.“But if you don’t want to be-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” TK cut him off. “You are absolutely my boyfriend, no take backs.”

Carlos laughed. “Is that so?”

“Definitely.” TK nodded, grinning. “I don’t think Buck’s coming back to Austin single either and I can’t let his relationship be longer than mine. If you’re willing to give me a shot after everything I did, I want this. I really do. Besides, you said it yourself, no getting rid of me now.”

Carlos reached across the table, taking TK’s hand between both of his. “Tyler, I would never in a million years even have a moment of time where I would want to get rid of you.”

TK’s anxiety screamed at him that it was a lie, that Alex had always said the same kind of things, but he took the opportunity to push it away, focusing only on the man in front of him. He may still bear the scars of his past, but with Carlos in front of him with that much love clear on his face, the future didn’t seem quite so daunting anymore.

***

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Nana Sue asked, standing at the door.

“Yea, I’m good.” Buck assured her.

Looking up at him, she smiled softly. “You’re happier with him now. And don’t think my sister and I missed you two holding hands when that old team of yours was visiting at the hospital. You talked, didn’t you?”

Buck blushed, knowing he was caught. “We did.”

“Well my sister and I approve.” She informed him. “You take care of those boys tonight and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You’re sure you two don’t want to stay?”

“Oh no, Isabel and I have plenty of things to do.” Nana Sue grinned. “Goodbye mijo.”

“Bye Nana.” Buck smiled, accepting a kiss on the cheek and giving his own, before Nana Sue left. He shut the door behind her and headed back to the living room, where the Diaz boys were waiting.

“They headed out?” Eddie asked, laid out on the couch.

“Yep.” Buck smiled. “It’s just us.”

“Does that mean it’s time for a movie?” Chris asked, looking hopeful.

“Absolutely.” Eddie told him. “As soon as Buck here goes and gets some popcorn, right?”

“Yea!” Chris cheered.

“Alright.” Buck laughed. “You two pick out a movie and I’ll be right back.”

Leaving the two of them to their business, Buck headed into the kitchen. He tossed a bag of popcorn into the microwave, checking his phone while it popped.

_From TK:_

_Remind me again?_

Buck chuckled, typing out the response he knew TK was looking for.

_To TK:_

_Do not fall into bed on the first date._

_From TK:_

_Thanks. Call me later?_

_To TK:_

_Yep_

Buck laughed, shaking his head as he put his phone away. Apparently, TK’s date with Carlos was going really well. Buck knew TK had been nervous about the date, they’d talked earlier in the day when Nana Sue and Isabel were making lunch. However, apparently TK’s bigger worry now was that he was going to fall back into his usual habits and start sleeping with Carlos right away again, and he didn’t want that with Carlos. Buck didn’t have to think hard to understand, remembering how he was before he met Eddie and Abby. But he had complete faith in TK’s ability to hold out, he cared way too much about Carlos for anything like lust to ruin things now.

It didn’t take long for the popcorn to be finished, so Buck grabbed it, poured it into a bowl, and headed back into the living room.

“There he is.” Eddie grinned up at him as he walked in. He’d rotated on the couch, now reclining with his feet up on the coffee table, and Christopher was at the other end.

“You’re in the middle Buck.” Chris ordered, gesturing at the spot between them. “That way we can both cuddle you.”

“Oh is that so?” Buck teased, glancing at Eddie.

Eddie’s face was red, but he didn’t argue about it. “You heard him.”

Buck chuckled, flipping the lights off and taking his seat. He was quickly nudged around by Christopher, ending up with the popcorn in his lap, Christopher lodged under one arm, and Eddie leaning on his other shoulder.

“Comfortable?” He asked.

“Yep.” Christopher grinned.

Eddie didn’t respond, but Buck felt a gentle nod against his shoulder.

“Well then what movie are we watching?”

“I picked _Onward_!” Christopher cheered.

“It’s his current favorite.” Eddie whispered, making Buck grin.

“Sounds good to me, I haven’t gotten to see it yet.”

“Start it!” Chris cheered, excited to share his favorite movie with Buck.

As ordered, Eddie grabbed the remote, turning the movie on. Christopher wriggled under Buck’s arm, making sure he was comfortable, and they settled into the movie.

Together, the three of them watched the movie, relaxing in each other’s presence. Buck tried to pay attention to the movie, he could see why Chris loved it, but a piece of him couldn’t help but think about how nice this was. Sitting on the couch, between Eddie and Christopher, surrounded by warmth and love. While he was here, it was impossible to doubt that he was loved, by both of the people with him. He had Christopher one on side, a constant pressure, a symbol of warmth and stability. He would do anything in the world for the boy. And on the other side, was someone who had a new piece of his heart, one Buck had thought he’d lost a long time ago. They’d had a rough beginning, with Buck being jealous of the way Eddie was accepted so readily by the team, but they’d quickly become dependent on the other. And through everything, regardless of their status with the other, Buck wasn’t entirely sure he’d ever taken that first piece of his heart back from the man who had promised to have his back. And now, after recovering from all the pain they’d caused each other, Eddie was a solid, comforting weight against Buck’s side.

As the movie ended, Christopher yawned loudly, stretching with a groan.

“Time for bed, buddy.” Eddie chuckled.

“But I don’t want to go to bed.” Chris pouted. “Buck’s leaving tomorrow, I want to spend time with him.”

“You’ve already gotten to stay up past your bedtime to watch a movie with him.” Eddie reminded him. “You’ll still get to see him in the morning before we take him and Nana Sue to the airport.”

Chris kept pouting, his head down.

“How about I come put you to bed, we read a bit, and then I’ll make breakfast in the morning?” Buck offered gently.

Chris seemed to think about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Okay.”

“Alright.” Buck smiled, pushing himself up. “Then let’s get going before your dad says I have to make a healthy breakfast.”

Chris giggled, hurrying out as Eddie spluttered, obviously joking about it. It didn’t take long for Buck to get Christopher ready for bed. Once he’d read him the next chapter in the book he had currently, he slipped out of the room and went back to the living room, where Eddie was waiting.

“He out?” Eddie asked, smiling up at Buck.

“He will be.” Buck smiled, sitting back down on the couch.

Without any communication, Buck lifted his arm, letting Eddie fall against his side, an imitation of the way Christopher had laid against him during the movie. As he settled, Eddie let out a sigh, relaxing against Buck’s warmth.

“Are we actually doing this then?” Buck whispered.

“I think so.” Eddie whispered back. “I want to at least.”

“I want to try.” Buck agreed. He looked down at Eddie, seeing the other man looking back up at him. “I don’t know how though.”

Eddie smiled, soft and happy. “We’ve never known what we’re doing, did you expect that to change now?”

Buck chuckled. “I guess not.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Eddie assured him. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You didn’t lose me.”

“I almost did more than once.” Eddie reminded him. “With the firetruck, the embolism, the lawsuit, and then my jackassery unable to forgive you for something that wasn’t even your fault to begin with.”

“Eddie…” Buck whispered.

“Buck, I don’t know how long I’ve loved you, but I know I do.” Eddie said, turning a little to look Buck in the eye at a more comfortable angle. “I know that I want you in my life, in my son’s life, at my side and having my back for the rest of my life. I don’t know how we’re going to do this because I know you don’t want to leave Austin, but I am willing to work my ass off to figure this out. To keep you with me. I _love_ you.”

“I love you too.” Buck whispered, in awe of the amount of emotions in Eddie’s eyes.

The two of them sat there, staring at each other, for a long moment, processing everything that was said, and what was still unsaid.

“Hey Buck?” Eddie whispered.

“Yea?”

“Would you mind if I kissed you?”

Buck smiled, warmth spreading through his body. “No, I don’t think I would.”

With that declaration between the two of them, there wasn’t any need for more words, the two of them leaning in, pressing lips together with all the soft love they had. Neither of them knew what the future was going to hold, how they were going to make this work, but here, on the couch in a place where both of them felt safe, all that mattered was that they loved each other, and they were willing to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it was worth the wait!


	34. Chapter 34

“Do you really have to go?”

Buck smiled sadly, turning away from the stove. “I do buddy, I have to go back to Austin and save people.”

Chris sighed sadly, poking at his breakfast with his fork. “I don’t want you to go.”

Buck turned off the stove, dumping the last round of scrambled eggs out onto a plate, and then walked over, crouching down next to Chris. “You know it’s not goodbye forever Superman.” He whispered. “We’ll see each other again.”

“But when?” Christopher asked. “I have school for two more months and Daddy isn’t even allowed to leave the house for work. When are we going to be able to see you?”

“I don’t know.” Buck answered honestly. “But do you remember what I told you after the tsunami? When we had nightmares about the water coming again?”

Christopher ducked his head, nodding a little.

“I told you that it didn’t matter what happened.” Buck reminded him. “I told you that no matter what the world through at us, whether it was a tsunami, a fire, or a car accident, I wasn’t going to let it keep me from you. So long as I’m alive, I will always be there for you. That hasn’t changed just because I moved to Texas. I still answer your texts, don’t I?”

“Yea.” Chris agreed quietly.

“And I still answer when you call me, don’t I?”

Christopher nodded.

“That’s not going to change.” Buck promised. “You’re my Superman, I’m not going to leave you or your dad behind, even if we don’t live in the same place anymore.”

Christopher sniffled a little. “You promise?”

“I promise.” Buck nodded.

“Okay.” Christopher sighed. “Can I have more milk?”

Buck smiled, always having loved the way Christopher would bounce back from anything. He nodded, getting back to his feet, finally noticing Eddie, standing in the doorway, watching them. “Hey there sleepyhead.” He said softly.

Christopher’s head shot up, grinning when he saw his dad. “Dad! Buck made breakfast.”

“I see that.” Eddie chuckled, moving slowly to the table. “I bet he’s still better at it than me.”

“He is.” Christopher laughed. He looked at Buck, giggling. “Dad’s been trying to learn how to make breakfast.”

“From Bobby?” Buck asked.

Eddie nodded. “I want to be able to feed my family without having to call for takeout.”

“Admirable.” Buck grinned. “But I’m betting you still need some practice.”

“I still burn eggs sometimes.” Eddie admitted, blushing.

Buck laughed, throwing his head back. “Of course you do.”

Eddie shrugged. “I’ll get better.”

“Everyone always does.” Buck agreed. He dished up a plate of the eggs, toast, and bacon he’d made and set it on the table in front of Eddie. “For now though, get some food in you. You need the energy.”

Eddie smiled fondly, happily digging in. “They’re perfect.”

“Well of course they are.” Buck grinned. “I made them.”

“And still so humble.” Eddie chuckled.

Buck shrugged, making his own plate of food.

“When do we have to leave?” Eddie asked, glancing over at Buck.

“About an hour.” Buck answered, joining them at the table. “We have to pick Nana up on the way and you know LAX security always takes forever.”

Eddie reached out a hand under the edge of the table, nudging it against Buck’s leg. Noticing a smile on Buck’s face, he just hooked a finger in Buck’s belt loop, enjoying the fact that he was there. They wouldn’t do much in front of Christopher, not wanting the boy to get his hopes up about what was happening, but they didn’t have long with each other now and that small bit of contact was comforting.

“Buck?”

“Yea buddy?” Buck smiled over at Christopher.

“Are you and Daddy happy now?”

Buck and Eddie both blushed, knowing they’d been caught at least a little.

“We are. How’d you know?”

“You both keep smiling.” Christopher pointed out. “And Nana said yesterday that you two finally ‘got with it’ after we had lunch.”

Buck laughed, still red in the face but grinning. “Well, she wasn’t wrong. Your dad and I have talked a lot since I came to visit.”

“And you’re happy now?” Christopher asked. “You were still sad sometimes when you looked at each other when we visited.”

“Yea, we’re happy buddy.” Eddie told him softly. “We’re still working things out, but we’re going to be okay.”

“Working things out meaning because we live so far apart.” Chris sighed.

“It’s going to be okay Superman.” Buck assured him. “We’ve talked about it and we’re okay with it. Your dad and I are going to be fine.”

“Promise you won’t make each other sad again?” Christopher asked.

Both men hid a cringe in a smile. They knew he was talking about the lawsuit, and the time after when they weren’t talking.

“It’s going to be okay.” Eddie promised. “We’re going to be okay.”

“But let’s not think about the sad times after I leave.” Buck told them. “I want to spend the next hour with you guys smiling and laughing, okay? I want to be happy when I have to leave.”

“I think we can manage that, right Chris?” Eddie grinned.

Chris nodded. “I know we can.”

“Well what are we going to do then?” Buck asked.

“We’re going to finish breakfast, and then I think we should go for a walk.” Eddie told them. “It’s a beautiful day and Chris we can show Buck the new structure at the playground down the street?”

“Yes!” Chris cheered. “Buck, they got a swing I can use!”

“Well then I guess we have to go.” Buck grinned.

***

“Are you alright mijo?”

Buck sighed, looking out the window as they touched down. “It feels weird, doesn’t it?”

“What?”

“Leaving your family behind.”

Nana rubbed her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry mijo. It is never very easy to leave a piece of yourself behind you.”

“I knew it would hurt, but not this bad.”

“Is your boy back there still worth this?” Nana asked.

Buck turned to look at her, tears in his eyes. “I think I’d do it again for even just a day with him.”

Nana Sue smiled wide. “Then it’s worth it, isn’t it? You and I are the same kind of person, when it comes to the people we love. We would both do anything for them, even if they never asked for it. My sister’s grandson loves you just as much though, I hope you don’t doubt that.”

Buck nodded. “I know he does. I never thought I’d find something like this, never thought I deserved something like this actually. Although I guess I got what I thought I deserved with the distance between us.” Buck looked away, looking back out the window as they taxied into a gate. “Am I just destined to not be happy?”

“Don’t talk like that.” Nana scolded him. “You will find your happiness, trust an old woman’s intuition. The last year has been one of the worst in your life, yes? Well, this coming year will be one of the best.”

The way Nana Sue said it, it was clear she didn’t just believe what she said. She said it like she knew it was fact. Like there was no doubt at all. The plane parked, and the flight attendents started letting people off the plane. Nana Sue and Buck waited, letting the impatient people go first, before carefully making their way off the plane. They went through all the motions, disembarking, going to baggage claim, and finding their bags all without speaking. Buck’s mind was spinning with what Nana Sue had said, and she knew better than to disturb him. By the time they were ready, Buck had spun it three ways to Sunday, thinking over how the next year could go. They went out onto the arrival deck, looking for their ride.

“There they are.” Nana Sue said.

Buck turned, seeing a smiling Owen and TK waiting for them at the car. TK pushed off the side of the car, walking towards them, meeting Buck in the middle with open arms and a smile.

“Welcome home.”

Buck fell into TK’s arms, letting the shorter man wrap his arms around him. “Hey.” He sighed.

“It’s going to be okay.” TK whispered, squeezing Buck tightly before stepping back. “You’re okay.”

Buck sighed, wiping a hand down his face. It was cleared he’d cried a bit on the plane. “You know, just once I’d like to arrive in Austin without tear tracks and a headache.”

“There will be more opportunities.” Nana Sue told him gently, patting him on the arm. “I am sure this is not the last time we will be visiting our family there.”

“I’m guessing this means you and Eddie made up while you were out there?” Owen asked, smiling fondly.

Buck nodded, blushing. “We did.”

“Oh I love that look.” TK laughed. “I want to hear everything.”

“I don’t.” Owen told Buck firmly. “I want to know absolutely nothing.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Nothing happened Cap. Eddie’s recovering from surgery and I don’t think either of us are into pain.”

“Aaand that’s enough of that!” Owen declared. “Everybody in the car and you two are banned from talking about your boyfriends until we get home.”

“I assume that means there’s plenty to talk about.” Buck smirked at TK, who just answered with a blush.

“Enough boys.” Nana Sue laughed. “Listen to the nice captain, get in the car, and you can swap notes after you drop me off. There are things I don’t need to know about my grandson.”

“Your grandson was a perfect gentleman.” TK grinned. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Well of course he was, I helped raise him after all.” Nana Sue preened, getting in the car. “He better not have let you pay for dinner.”

“He paid for last night and I’m paying for the next date.” TK agreed.

“He must have been good to you if you’re already planning a second date.” Buck laughed.

“We had an amazing dinner, went stargazing outside of town, and then he dropped me off at home like a gentlemen.” TK said proudly, a blush on his cheeks anyways.

“And gave you a kiss I would hope.” Nana Sue told him.

“Yes.” TK blushed. “He did.”

“I got play protective dad and flash the porch lights at them.” Owen grinned, looking proud in the driver’s seat.

“Oh god I wish I had seen that.” Buck laughed. “You jumped, didn’t you TK?”

“You’re awful.” TK groaned. “You know how awkward that is.”

“Not with my own dad.” Buck shrugged. “I’ve only ever been in Carlos’s shoes, and honestly? Only with you, but you didn’t have a porch light so I only had to deal with knocking on the door.”

“I remember that.” Owen laughed. “My hand hurt for hours afterwards slapping the door that much.”

“I have no regrets.” Buck grinned.

“I do.” TK sighed. “So many damn regrets.”

“Hey we had a good relationship!” Buck protested.

“Up until you broke my heart and moved across the country.” TK reminded him.

“Oh yea.” Buck grimaced. “I did apologize about that though.”

TK rolled his eyes. “You’re lucky you’re pretty.”

“I’m fucking gorgeous.”

“You’re both menaces and pains in my ass.” Owen sighed.

“But we do love them.” Nana Sue smiled.

“Unfortunately.” Owen agreed.

Buck and TK grinned. They were both happy, looking forward to their futures for the first time. They knew their relationships weren’t going to be easy, with their histories, their trauma, and the distance, both physical and mental. But they were ready to face it, knowing they would have each other’s backs through it.

***

In LA, Eddie was laying on the couch, resting after Abuela forced a large lunch into him, while Christopher helped her clean up in the kitchen. The radio was on, Abuela was singing along, and Christopher was trying to sing along. There was the smell of good food in the air, lingering from their delicious lunch. Eddie knew it was Abuela’s way of keeping their spirits up with Buck leaving again, and it worked for a while, but now, laying on the couch, it wasn’t working quite as well anymore.

Eddie had never been really ‘in touch’ with his feelings, even before he moved his family to LA. In high school, he buried the feelings under a face of happiness and masculinity. His dad always told him that to be a man meant being strong, holding himself together at all times. And then he met Shannon, fell into bed with her, and then shipped himself off to basic training. He spent two months surrounded by other guys, all taught to never show emotions. Never show pain. Never show sadness. The emotions they had were boredom, anger, and horny missing the girls they’d all left behind. Missing Shannon became all Eddie was outside of training. And then he got out, had two months, and shipped out overseas. He can still remember the day he got Shannon’s letter, telling him he was going to be a father. It was the one time he cried while he was deployed, and no one in his unit could give him shit about it because most of them cried when they heard the news too.

He regretted taking his second tour after Christopher was born. He was strong enough now to admit that he was running. That he was scared. Terrified. He regretted leaving Shannon alone to deal with it, especially when it resulted in his parents feeling like they were entitled to guardianship of Eddie’s only son. But he couldn’t change the past, and when he came back from that tour, he made a promise to himself and to God that he was going to be a better man, and a better father to Christopher. Moving to LA, joining the LAFD, it was all for Christopher. He never expected to find another family when he was assigned to the 118, but he did. He found friends, ones he would give his life for, and he found Buck.

He didn’t know how important Buck would be when he started at the 118. The loud, boisterous, happy guy that quickly became one of his best friends. A part of Eddie died the day Shannon died, but a much bigger part screamed the day Buck got pinned under that firetruck. And the day of the tsunami, thinking the people he loved were safe only to see Buck at that medical tent…he didn’t know how he was going to continue if they weren’t okay. Eddie had tried hard to figure out when he fell in love with Buck, thinking back over the last two years, but he had never been able to figure it out. The love was just there. Under the surface of every moment. He made this place, this city, this house, into a home. Through everything, Buck had Eddie’s back, and even though Eddie failed him, Buck didn’t leave him in the dust. Through some miracle, he somehow loved Eddie back, and Eddie was terrified to lose that.

“You’re supposed to be resting mijo, not overthinking.”

Eddie startled out of his thoughts, seeing Abuela standing at the foot of the couch, smiling at him. “I- uhh…”

“Don’t stress yourself.” Abuela advised. “It will all be okay.”

Eddie nodded, trusting his Abuela’s wisdom. Christopher was at the coffee table now, coloring, but he didn’t seem as happy as he was earlier.

“What’s up buddy?” Eddie asked, getting Christopher’s attention.

Christopher sighed, biting his lip. “I miss Buck.”

Eddie smiled sadly. “Yea buddy, I miss him.”

“Do you think he’ll let us visit him again once school’s over? Maybe for longer this time?” Chris asked, sounding hopeful.

“I think that’s pretty likely.” Eddie nodded. “I’m sure he misses you too.”

“Both of you.” Abuela corrected. “That boy misses both of you, I know it.”

Eddie blushed a little.

“Daddy?”

“Yea buddy?”

“Why do we have to be so far away from Buck?”

“Well you know he wants to stay in Austin, helping people down there with TK and Captain Strand.”

“But why can’t we be there too?”

“We have our lives here Chris.” Eddie was surprised, he didn’t realize his son had been thinking about this. “We have the team, Abuela, Tia, we can’t just leave them. They’re our family.”

“Buck is family too.” Abuela reminded him. “And don’t include me in your reasons to stay. I’m sure my sister would be quite happy for me to be the one flying for our visits instead of her.”

Eddie stared, his thoughts spinning. Was Abuela actually suggesting what it sounded like?

“Edmundo.” She spoke again, getting Eddie’s attention back on her. She sat down on the couch beside Eddie, speaking low enough that Christopher couldn’t hear them anymore. “Why did you move to LA?”

“For Christopher.” Eddie whispered. “To give him the best life I could.”

“What do you want for him?”

“What?” Eddie was confused.

“What do you want for Christopher?” Abuela repeated. “What kind of life do you want him to have?”

“A happy one.” Eddie told her. “In a place he feels safe. And loved. With his family. I want him to have the loving childhood I didn’t get. I want him to believe he can do anything he sets his mind to, because he believes that he can. I want him to be happy.”

“And your Buck makes him pretty happy, doesn’t he?”

“But Buck isn’t here Abuela. And he doesn’t ever want to come back to this city. He’s so happy in Austin, you didn’t see the way he smiled there. I don’t know if he was ever that happy here.”

“Edmundo, this may be rude, but I am your Abuela so I can say it, but why are you still here then?”

“What?”

“That boy is happy in Austin, you are sad in LA. Christopher misses Buck, I am more than willing to visit Austin. So, why are you still here? LA doesn’t make you happy anymore.”

“Are you saying-?”

“I’m saying do what makes you happy mijo.” Abuela ordered. “The rest will fall into line.”

***

“Hello?”

“Is this Captain Strand?”

“This is.” Owen nodded, confused. “Can I help you?”

“It’s Eddie Diaz, Buck’s friend from LA.”

“Well hello Eddie. What can I do for you?”

“Before I ask my question, I need to ask for a favor. I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell Buck, at least not right away, about me calling you. I understand how close you two are, and understand I am asking a lot of you to hide this from him, but I don’t want him to get his hopes up.”

“Then I hope you understand when I say I will only keep him out of the loop until I deem it necessary that he know.”

“I understand.”

“Then what can I do for you son?”

“I need a job.”

Owen was startled, but willing to see where this was going to go. “Eddie?”

“When Buck left yesterday, my son and I were both sad, missing him even though he had only just left. Abuela pointed out to me that while Buck was happy in Austin now, my son and I were only sad in LA. We have family here, but Buck deserves to be the most important person in our lives, and our hearts, and we don’t want to spend the next year missing him. I’m still recovering from surgery, and have tests that have to get done after that, but I know this is what my future holds. I want to be with Buck, even if that means uprooting my life again. I love him. He’s worth it. So I’m asking for your help. I know it’s asking a lot, and I don’t care if it’s not a job at your station, I just need something to get me to Austin, so I can be with him. He deserves everything I can give him, and this isn’t as much of a hardship to give as he will probably think.”

Owen smiled. “Well son, I think I have just the thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone didn't notice, this work has a series now! Once the final chapter of this is up, wrapping up this arc, I will be posting one shots within the universe in the series, most likely fluffy little things about these guys actually being happy together. So if you want to keep with that, go subscribe to the series as well!


	35. Chapter 35

“So did you actually invite us over for drinks or just to do your packing for you?”

Eddie laughed, looking over at Danny. “I mean, you were willing.”

“He’s got you there, you did offer to help.” Steve chuckled.

“I offered to help pick things up, not pack up his entire living room _Steven_.” Danny rolled his eyes.

“Does he ever stop?” Eddie asked Steve.

“Usually only if I’m good enough in bed.” Steve shrugged. “Or if I do something exceptionally dangerous.”

Eddie snorted.

“Alec’s the same way.” Eliot laughed. “Drives Parker nuts sometimes.”

“At least you have someone else to take the conversation when you need to walk out.” Steve pointed out. “I know Parker puts up with some of Alec’s rants better than you.”

Eliot shrugged. “There’s only so much I can listen to about video game code, but Parker finds it fascinating.”

“I still can’t believe you’re doing this brah.” Steve said, looking around the room. The house was on it’s way to being completely packed up, the only thing left by the end of the weekend will be the essentials for Eddie and Christopher’s last few days in LA.

“By this I hope you don’t mean uprooting your entire life for the guy you love because I don’t know if you realize this Steve but you should know exactly what’s going on in Eddie’s head right now.” Danny pointed out.

Steve cocked his head, thinking about it for a moment. “Oh yea.”

The men all laughed, watching Steve realize he moved his entire life from Hawaii to LA just so Danny could be near Grace and Charlie.

“I mean we’ve always planned to go back when we retire.” Steve reminded Danny. “That’s not Eddie’s plan.”

“We’re happy in Hawaii, as much as I hate to admit it.” Danny sighed. “Eddie’s happy with Buck, and Buck isn’t happy here. I get it.”

“How’d he take it when you told him you were moving?” Eliot asked. “You never did tell us.”

Eddie laughed, rolling another picture frame in bubble wrap. “I made him video call me so we could see each other when I told him. He didn’t believe me at first. But when I started texting him listings of houses for sale, he seemed to realize I was serious. And as soon as that happened, he cried.”

“And here you are two and a half months later, packing everything up and moving.” Eliot smiled. He was proud of the difference in this Eddie versus the one he met so many months ago in the lobby of the VA. This Eddie was relaxed, happy, and most importantly, at ease with himself.

“Chris wanted to move as soon as we could and this way he has the whole summer to settle in, meet friends, and get ready for the new school year.”

“I still can’t believe you bought a house you’ve never even seen.” Danny laughed, shaking his head.

“Buck and TK went to the places and sent back their feelings.” Eddie shrugged. “I trusted him to pick a place that felt right, and Christopher loves the look of one he liked and that was good enough for me.”

“They’re excited about it then?” Eliot asked. “Buck and Christopher?”

“Oh yea.” Eddie chuckled. “He and Christopher have been talking non-stop for the last two weeks about the house, painting it and buying furniture and everything. They’ve already decided we have to expand the front porch enough so that a porch swing fits for them.”

“The giant back porch isn’t good enough for them?” Danny laughed. They’d all seen the pictures of the house they chose, bigger and newer than the house in LA, easy to afford due to the difference in the housing market and Buck’s contributions.

“They want a swing on both.” Eddie grinned. “And I’m pretty sure they’re well aware of the fact that I can’t say no to either one of them. But that’s my point, he’s just as all-in on this as I am. He even insisted on pitching in to buy the house so it’s in both of our names now.”

“I thought he wasn’t moving in right away?” Eliot asked, wanting to make sure Eddie wasn’t making bad decisions already.

“He’s not.” Eddie assured him. “We both acknowledge that it would be moving way to fast for him to move in right away, so he’s staying at the Strands’ house for a little while longer. But we both agreed that despite wanting to go slow, we’re in this for the long haul. Buying it in both of our names now means we won’t have to pay later to add him to the deed.”

“You two really have thought through everything.” Eliot nodded approvingly.

“Is that a note of pride I hear in that voice?” Eddie teased.

Eliot rolled his eyes. “You know I’m proud of the progress you’ve made.”

“Aw such a moment.” Danny laughed.

“You’re a dick Williams.” Eddie shot back at him.

“Hey watch you who you’re calling a dick while he’s got your family pictures in his hands.” Danny reminded him, gesturing with the picture frames he’d just taken off the mantle.

“You wouldn’t dare do anything to family pictures.” Steve teased him. “You’re too soft for that.”

“Watch who you’re calling soft.” Danny warned. “I won’t hesitate to punish you.”

“I look forward to it.” Steve grinned.

“And that’s more than enough information for me.” Eddie declared. “Let’s get this done and then I’ll pay you with beers and pizza.”

“Now that’s a payment I’m okay with.” Eliot announced.

“So long as this monster doesn’t convince you to put pineapple on the pizza.” Danny warned. “And he will try.”

“I’ll try to resist his charms.” Eddie joked. “Meat lovers good for everyone?”

There were murmurs of assent, so Eddie made the call, ordering two pizzas and going to throw a twelve pack in the fridge for them. Eddie was grateful for them coming over to help, he didn’t feel right asking the team to help because he knew they were sad about another team member leaving, but he knew this was the right choice. He was excited for the future, and all that it would bring.

***

“I cannot believe you’re going to be the first one of us to own a house.”

“What? You jealous?”

“Honestly?” Marjan asked. “Definitely. This place is beautiful.”

Buck grinned, looking around the main room of the empty house. There were huge windows, a wide open floor plan, a fancy kitchen, and massive first floor bedrooms for Eddie and Christopher. It was a perfect house for them, and more than Buck ever thought he was going to get. This house was the representation of the family Buck had always dreamed of but never thought he was going to find. Eddie and Christopher loved him, wanted him around, and he wanted to be with them. This was a place he could finally be free of his past and be happy.

“I mean look at that smile.” Paul laughed. “I’d be jealous of that too.”

“Am I not allowed to be happy?” Buck asked.

“Oh no, don’t you start with that.” TK warned, wandering over from the kitchen. “You are allowed to be happy, we all agree on that, and I don’t want to deal with your fake moping today.”

Buck smirked, blowing a kiss to TK. “Jealous is a good look on you.”

TK rolled his eyes. “You know I could get Carlos to take me out on Saturday instead of helping you and your new man move in.”

“We both know Carlos wouldn’t let you back out of helping.” Buck pointed out. “Nana Sue would be disappointed in him.”

“Ah yea fuck I forgot she was coming over as ‘supervision’ for us.” TK groaned.

“Yea supervision and breaking in the new kitchen.” Buck grinned. “She promised empanadas.”

“I’ll be here then.” Paul declared. “I’ve heard too much about those empanadas not to take advantage of that.”

“I second that.” Marjan agreed.

“Third.” Judd declared, paying the bare minimum of attention to them as he checked out the structure of the place for Buck’s peace of mind.

“Well there will be plenty of stuff to move in.” Buck assured them. “Eddie’s sending most of the house in LA down to us so we don’t have to buy new again so soon after he bought all of it for the old house.”

“You say that like it’s going to make us happy to hear.” TK scoffed.

“It makes Nana Sue happy.” Buck grinned.

“You being happy makes her happy.” TK pointed out. “Us being sore is just the price she’s willing to pay.”

“I mean I’m willing to pay it too.” Buck joked.

“It won’t be that bad with all of us.” Mateo declared, grinning.

“You have too much hope.” TK sighed.

“Leave the kid be.” Judd scolded. “Hope is meant to be held with the probie.”

“Well then he’d better enjoy it while he can before his times up.” TK grinned.

The team laughed, cheering and patting Mateo on the shoulders and back.

“That’s right, our kid is growing up.” Paul chuckled. “Not going to be a probie much longer!”

“Thanks guys.” Mateo blushed. “It means a lot to have gotten this far, especially considering I never thought I’d even pass the written exam.”

“Hey, we got your back.” Marjan smiled, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

“We’ve all got each other’s back.” Buck corrected.

“I’ll drink to that.” TK said, lifting his water bottle in a toast.

The team laughed, raising their own water bottles up to knock them against TK’s.

“So what needs to get done today boss?” Marjan asked, pushing up the sleeves on her shirt.

“We need to prime the main bedroom to cover that putrid green, and Christopher decided he wanted to paint his room as well, so we need to get the primer up on the wall in there with that weird purple.” Buck told them. “And if we have time we can work on the porch once it cools off out there to get it cleaned up before Chris is here. Eddie and I are mostly worried about those stairs out there with the wobbly railing.”

“Have you thought about turning it into a ramp?” Mateo asked.

“We might do that eventually but for now Christopher can easily do those three steps without an issue.” Buck shrugged. “So long as the railing is structural he’ll be okay.”

“Well then we best get it done before they get here.” TK declared. “There’s no way that little man isn’t going to have anything he needs once he’s here.”

Buck grinned, knowing that TK wasn’t joking about it. TK had already told Buck late one night on shift that he was going to be the best uncle Christopher could ask for, and give him all the love he could because one day he wanted to have kids but he was terrified of messing it up.

“Damn right.” Paul agreed. “That kid won’t want for anything.”

“I’m sure his dad will appreciate you all spoiling his kid to death.” Buck laughed.

“Hey we know boundaries.” Marjan protested. “But yea, we’re going to be the best aunt and uncles that boy could want.”

“And Judd will learn about kids so he doesn’t mess up with the new one.” TK smirked.

“Wait I thought you didn’t have confirmation yet?” Marjan demanded.

“We don’t.” Judd sighed. “We still have another week before a blood test will be accurate, but she’s sure.”

“Once you get confirmation Cap wants to throw a party.” Buck told him. “The first baby of the new 126 and all.”

Judd blushed a little, ducking his head. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It is to Dad.” TK nodded. “It’s the moment of renewal, of new life after the tragedy.”

Judd shrugged, obviously hiding his emotions, but choking up thinking about it.

“Alright leave Judd alone.” Paul rolled his eyes. “Let’s get to work or we’re never going to get this place ready for the kid.”

“Good point.” Buck nodded. “TK, get the primer. Paul, Marjan, get the rollers. Mateo, get the plastic. Let’s do this.”

***

“Buck!” Chris screamed, climbing out of the car Eddie had rented at the airport for them and their luggage.

“Superman.” Buck grinned, jogging down the path to pick Christopher up, hugging him tightly. “It’s good to see you buddy.”

“Good to know who your favorite is.”

Buck moved Christopher to his hip, turning to grin at Eddie. “I think we both already knew that, babe.”

Eddie smiled, reaching out, meeting Buck halfway as they wrapped each other up in a hug. The three of them stood there for a long moment, taking in each other’s happiness and warmth, before Chris started to wiggle.

“I want to see the house!” He exclaimed.

Both men laughed, pulling apart so Buck could set Christopher back down.

“Are you ready?” Buck asked, smiling.

“Yes!” Chris exclaimed. He hurried towards the front door, leaving the two men to look at each other.

“Hi Buck.” Eddie smiled.

“Don’t think I’ve forgiven you for not letting me pick you up at the airport.” Buck informed him.

Eddie just smiled, rolling his eyes. “I wanted to see you for the first time again here, at our home, not at the airport.”

“Whatever you sap.” Buck smirked. He reached out, pulling Eddie in for another hug, landing a gentle kiss on his lips as he went.

“I’m still not used to getting to do that.” Eddie sighed.

“Me neither.” Buck admitted.

“Dad! Buck! Come on!” Chris shouted from the porch.

“You heard him.” Buck laughed. “Can’t keep the little man waiting.”

“You got me there.” Eddie nodded. He grabbed Buck’s hand, not wanting to miss out on contact with Buck now that it was possible. They joined Chris on the porch, standing behind him as he pushed open the front door.

“Wow.” Chris gasped, walking inside. “It’s even better than the pictures.”

Buck grinned, taking in the awe on Chris and Eddie’s faces. The windows flooded the room with light, filling the house with the feeling of hope and love.

“Can I see my room?” Chris asked, looking excited.

“Of course buddy.” Buck grinned. “It’s the second door on the right down that hall.”

Christopher headed off, ready to investigate the newly primed room that would be his for the far foreseeable future.

“When is your team coming?” Eddie whispered, pulling Buck close.

“In about fifteen minutes.” Buck answered. “The truck should be here with your things soon after that.”

“So we don’t have long for just us.” Eddie sighed, a little disappointed.

“Babe, we have the rest of our lives so long as neither of us fucks this up.” Buck smiled, winding his arms around Eddie’s waist. “A couple days with my team around, helping us turn this house into a home for you and Christopher, that isn’t going to be the end of us.”

“I would hope not.” Eddie smiled, wrapping his own arms around Buck’s waist. “But I will miss getting this.”

Buck smirked, leaning in to steal a quick kiss. “Well then you’ll love the surprise I have for you.”

“A surprise?” Eddie raised an eyebrow.

“Mhmm.” Buck grinned. “TK offered to hang out with Christopher for a night next week so we can go out on a real date.”

“You were right. I do love that surprise.” Eddie chuckled. “I presume you’ll be picking the place?”

“Well you don’t know much about the area yet.” Buck reminded him.

“No, I don’t.” Eddie conceded. “But I have all the time in the world to learn.”

Buck grinned, loving that he has a future now, one he’s looking forward to now more than ever. Almost a year ago, he was pinned under a fire truck in the beginning of one of the worst years of his life. He lived through three near-death experiences, uprooted his entire life and left behind everyone to move to a new place, and he found not only a new future, but a new family. Some of it was old friends, like TK, and many of them were new, but they helped him find himself, and his future. With them at his side, he found the confidence to hold his old team to their mistakes, to know his own value in the world. And Eddie…well Buck would be lying if he said he wasn’t grateful that he didn’t have to leave Eddie and Christopher behind with LA. He’d cared more about Eddie than he wanted to admit, even before the explosion. And when the tsunami hit, and he thought he’d lost Christopher, his entire life flashed before his eyes. After everything that happened, he never thought he would get everything he’d ever wished for, just in a new city and a new place. He found the peace he’d always wanted, and he couldn’t be happier.

“Buck?” Eddie asked, seeing Buck’s eyes daze over in thought. “You okay?”

“Eddie…” Buck sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.”

Eddie grinned. “I agree. I love you.”

Buck leaned in, stealing another kiss, this one longer, slow and gentle. When they finally parted, Buck pressed his forehead against Eddie’s, breathing in the peace and love surrounding him. “I love you too.” He whispered. “More than I can ever tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, we did it everybody, we made it to the end. This story grew so much larger than I thought it would when I started, but I couldn't be happier. I don't normally get sappy when I finish a long fic, but this one feels so different, so much more than ones I've done in the past. All of you have made this experience amazing. Those of you that were here from the beginning, thank you for your constant support and amazing comments, you made it so much fun to post chapters every week waiting for your responses. Those of you who found us near the end, I appreciate you just as much, for giving this massive fic a chance, I know the dedication it takes to get through a long fic like this one. All of your love and support made this fic amazing to write, and I hope you find the peace Buck has.  
> I hope to post one shots continuing this story soon, so if you have something you want to see, please let me know. And if there's any "deleted scenes" for this story, interactions you wish you got to see, or moments you want to see from someone else's point of view, let me know that as well because I might do some of those if that's something people are interested in.  
> Aloha kākou and thank you ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Predictions? Concerns? Questions about life?  
> You can find me on [tumblr](https://angelwithwingsoffire.tumblr.com/) as well! I post mostly 911 stuff on there currently but as fandoms change it might as well. I also try to post updates there on when you can expect a new chapter if something's changing from the norm!
> 
> Also! I do read every comment you guys post, but I'm actually super awkward and bad at replying to real people.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Never give up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24144007) by [FoxAlica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxAlica/pseuds/FoxAlica)
  * [Reunion](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24575965) by [FoxAlica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxAlica/pseuds/FoxAlica)




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